Vicki - I am sorry that you are hurting. It sounds like what Mags is saying is helping a bit, so I would just like to add a few comments, in case it helps. (Feel free to disregard!)
It sounds like you don't understand how Charles could be so different from you.
Would it be possible to accept it without understanding it? Can you try not to take it personally and just respect his wishes for now?
My Dude does NOT understand why MrS and I are together (and have been for 27 years)...because we don't have sex very often. For Dude, sex is an integral part of a romantic relationship, for MrS it is not. (For me, it doesn't have to be, if I have other outlets - so poly helps.) The concept of "Love Languages" is useful for me in this regard - but Dude (who, I believe, is on the spectrum) cannot fathom this. I have to ask him to "accept it without understanding it".
That's what I am doing. I'm not going to text or call. But I still have to sort through my feelings about it and when something doesn't make sense, it feels normal to me to try and put it into the best context I have. So to me, it means there is something wrong with ME that he doesn't want to spend time with me. How am I supposed to understand it otherwise?
It is natural to try to understand things in context of what we already (think we) know. But sometimes, we have to acknowledge that we don't know everything. So you are doing the actions requested (not texting or calling) but to you they mean something entirely different than what they mean to him. I, myself, am an articulate introvert. I interact with people all day long, I can explain complex concepts in ways people can understand, I am a charismatic public speaker - yet, I find interactions with people exhausting (even though I am good at it). When I am emotionally vulnerable, I do not want to interact with
anyone - even (or especially) the people I care about the most - I am using all of my energy to keep myself together and any interaction with people I care about draws away from that reserve.
... I want the opportunity to even try to help because that's what partners do. They support each other and they're there for each other. They don't shut each other out of their lives.
...
This reflects what helps YOU...what supports YOU...which is not, necessarily what other people (like me and maybe Charles) define as being "what partners do". Which is (in my case) actually listening to me and believing me when I say - "I need to go away now, I need to recharge and reclaim myself, I love you and I need you...to not demand my presence right now." That's not shutting you out (in my world) - that is revealing my deepest vulnerabilities and needs to someone I trust.
I try to be a good partner. I want to be that person and I try to be that for him and I want to be that for Charles, too. I don't know what I did wrong. He isn't entirely holed up, he does have two roommates that he's living with and obviously sharing a lot of space since no one is going out much except for the one who is working weekends
There may not be any more ways to say it - YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG!!! It is entirely possible to hole up while sharing space with other people - physical space is rarely the problem, it is
emotional space that the introvert requires (in my experience as an introvert).
...Charles didn't break up with you because of something "wrong" that you did. He just doesn't want or need your "comfort" in the way you need comfort from Henry. As I said previously, he isn't you. He doesn't need or want what you need or want in a time of ill health, emotional upset, or whatever.
He didn't break up with you at all. He just doesn't desire to be around you right now in his time of "weakness."
Listen to what Mags is saying here.
If you "need" a partner who comes to you when they are ill or weak, he might not be the right partner for you.
This whole conversation brings to mind a song by Amanda Palmer (who I am a little bit, a LOT, in love with):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=df37unclIKs
Relevant lyrics:
I want you and I want you to want me to want you
But I don't need you
Don't need you to need me to need you
Thats just me
So take me or leave me
Please don't need me
Don't need me to need you to need me
...
So love me and leave me
But try not to need me
Enough said
I want you but I don't need you
I don't really think he's gone either. He was clear that he loves me. But I feel all fucked up. He really did wind up abandoning me when I was having a mental health crisis since apparently mine triggered his. And I get that he couldn't really help it since that is how stuff like that works, but did it ever hurt. He was saying all the things I needed to hear- and then he disappeared because he got so sick apparently that he gave himself an ulcer. But I definitely can't rely on him when he says stuff because if shit happens, he might not be able to be there for me when I need him.
He probably isn't gone. It's clear to you that he loves you. BUT, he may not be able to give you what you "need" when you are in crisis. (Because he doesn't understand what you "need" because it is so different from what he "needs"?)
I'm just not used to people who withdraw. I've always been attracted to articulate people, and Charles can be very articulate- but not in this realm.... There are times he needs to retreat but he's much more like me where it's generally just for a couple of hours max. It's never ever been multiple days...
I just want to feel loved and needed and wanted. It's hard not to feel rejected here.
You may have to decide whether feeling loved and wanted...and not "needed" is enough. I'm sorry you struggle.