Watching the world go by

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Warmknights

Member
Hi everyone,
Joined this to explore the idea of "multiple love". May I say it is by far the most thoughtful and respectful site I have come across. Look forward to chatting to folk across the world.
As the saying goes, " change the things you can, leave alone what you can't and be wise to the difference"
🙂
 
Greetings Warmknights,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You've come to the right place for exploring multiple love -- there is so much to learn about open and poly and ENM in general. Just keep on posting and asking questions, we'll be happy to answer!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Warmknights said:
I'd like to edit my original opening introduction, if any mods could help pls...:)
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As far as I know, you have 24 hours to edit a post. If your post no longer has the edit button, it cannot be edited.
feel free to just add onto this thread. Whatever it is, you wanted to clarify.😀
 
I believe I am beginning to have finally found an identity I am comfortable with. For years I would be in relationships, but would still be seeking more than platonic contact with others. Conventional conditioning says such behaviour is wrong. Then, since pretty much the turn of the millennium, I have kept myself single, so as not to cause hurt to my would-be partner, whoever that person may be. Now there is no longer that person, but the idea of those persons and myself being with someone who has others is possible, allowable and acceptable. Finding people who are happy and able to share has allowed an objective I'd previously seen as obtuse.

Even the idea of sharing and being shared adds a lightness I am not sure I have felt before. It is not something I would choose to wear as a badge, although the possibility of developing ties with those who are like-minded sure feels good!

Say hi. :)
 
Warmknights said:
I believe I am beginning to have finally found an identity I am comfortable with. For years I would be in relationships, but would still be seeking more than platonic contact with others. Conventional conditioning says such behaviour is wrong. Then, since pretty much the turn of the millennium, I have kept myself single, so as not to cause hurt to my would-be partner, whoever that person may be. Now there is no longer that person, but the idea of those persons and myself being with someone who has others is possible, allowable and acceptable. Finding people who are happy and able to share has allowed an objective I'd previously seen as obtuse.

Even the idea of sharing and being shared adds a lightness I am not sure I have felt before. It is not something I would choose to wear as a badge, although the possibility of developing ties with those who are like-minded sure feels good!

Say hi. :)
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You remained single for 24 years because you didn't feel you could date more than one person at a time? The book The Ethical Slut came out in 1999. Since then, the internet has exploded with content about polyamory. I am sorry it took so long for you to discover poly, or ENM, as a valid dating choice/love style.
 
I identify as poly for a similar reason. I like having close relationships, whether sexual or platonic, but felt limited with what's okay with a platonic friend. Limited as to how close or intimate (non-sexual) we could be without others judging me or telling me it wasn't okay. Being poly allows me to have any type of relationship I want without guilt or shame, whether it's sexual or not. Just complete freedom to build whatever comes naturally.

Welcome!
 
Erm, sort of. After a one-night stand with an ex partner a termination ensued. Then, to cut a long story short, it led to lots of dodgy sexual experiences, I decided to spend seven years single. Having spent this time, bar one year, I had a bizarre experience, so figured I'd reset the clock. Since then, I have had some close friendships but nothing physical. In 2020/1/2 I had a few one night stands, then decided to stay single. Only through considering the idea of not being entwined with another person has allowed me to feel free enough to consider a relationship. Effed up, I know, but that is how it is. 😱😿
 
Warmknights said:
…considering the idea of not being entwined with another person allows me to feel free enough to consider a relationship…
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Interesting comment. At one end of the seesaw there are feelings like ‘entwined’, ‘engulfed’, ‘smothered’, ‘trapped’ and on the other side you move towards ‘committed’, ‘loyal’, ‘faithful’. As with everything there are two opposing aspects. Being in a polyamorous relationship doesn’t imply less commitment - especially to communication and showing up emotionally - it’s often more, but that same commitment to the principles of polyamory should mean less smothering (ideally!). Having multiple partners but no commitment at all to them isn’t what I would describe as polyamory but just f#%^ng about. Not suggesting this is how you’re thinking, just musing!
 
Warmknights said:
Erm, sort of. After a one-night stand with an ex partner a termination ensued. Then, to cut a long story short, it led to lots of dodgy sexual experiences, I decided to spend seven years single. Having spent this time, bar one year, I had a bizarre experience, so figured I'd reset the clock. Since then, I have had some close friendships but nothing physical. In 2020/1/2 I had a few one night stands, then decided to stay single. Only through considering the idea of not being entwined with another person has allowed me to feel free enough to consider a relationship. Effed up, I know, but that is how it is. 😱😿
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There's nothing wrong with being single, if that's your conscious choice! Some people have had a bad childhood, or bad toxic relationships, and taking a break from trying to date is entirely healthy. You can't truly love someone else unless you love yourself. And you can't love yourself unless you know yourself. Otherwise you just end up hurting yourself and hurting others.
 
MoPoly said:
just f#%^ng about. Not suggesting this is how you’re thinking, just musing!
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Oh, totally see what you mean, but it's not really what I'm getting at. Mono is an either/or situation, then there is all the mess surrounding the aftermath. It would appear, + I mention appear with caution, that sharing yourself allows for less... not sure how to put it, intensity/reliance/enclosure... Get what I mean?
 
Bobbi said:
Just complete freedom to build whatever comes naturally.

Welcome!
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Sounds just the ticket! And thanks for having me.🍨
(I couldn't find a "somebody bowing" emoji, then thought, a nice milkshake, but still no, so went for an ice-cream. It was that or smiley frog, bunny or one of the cat ones.)
 
A quick vent: I get fed up with gender inequality regarding perceived intention. Why is it Penis = Penis ( if you have = you have got to be a)??? I have usually had a more or less equal mix of male and female friends since nursery. I have always cherished my friends equally, but it seems, as time goes by, opening a chat is equated with pulling back the sheets. Does anyone else find this? 🧐
 
You didn't have widespread social media in nursery. Your fellow gents have (mis)used DMs enough that depending on the platform, us women are exhausted by the clumsy, gross or outright scary "pick up" messages.
 
Totally get that. The grossest of humanity has become faceless and powerful. Equally, I guess a few idiots can generate huge amounts of the nastiness you've been subjected to. The internet has essentially become a tool, and probably propagater for the depths of such behaviour. I doubt a real life place that allowed such behaviour would last long.
On the plus side, I T does facilitate such conversations as this to take place, equally I imagine far scarier ones too.
Equally, it still grates to be tarred with the same brush.
 
I've used equally three times in that post. Terrible. It's been a hard day. Let's remove the first one, and the last one. There. Much better 😁
 
It sounds like you might be interested in being "solo poly"? Maybe that would be a useful term for you to research?
 
Humm, yeah, had a quick glance around Google. Sounds interesting. Please excuse the term, but I have always found 'love em n leave em' ideology thoroughly disrespectful, whereas living toe to toe with partners of either gender may prove interesting, I have spent a good deal of my life single, although have done a number of flatshares. There is the social me and the me me, how the two would be could be, well, stressfull, perhaps?

I have long term friends but I guess I'd want to see how the wind blew, so to speak. Good suggestion, though, well worth researching. A question though, would it seem like you was having your cake and eating it, or giving something a try? I would happily date a woman who herself had multiple partners, in fact such a situation is definitely more appealing than a mono relationship. I would consider dating others too, were my then partner to approve.
Thanks, Meera, for the suggestion:)
 
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