Went to a monogamous wedding and it sucked

Hey all:)
I was in my really good friend from high school's wedding this past week. She is really happy which was awesome and it was great to see her; covid kept us from making plans for the last couple years.

I'm writing about it here because it made me feel lots of feelings. There was a girl there I used to be friends with, who didn't respect my relationship with both my husband and boyfriend once I came out to her. I thought I was over it, but listening to her talk about my friend and her fiance and how great they were for each other made me sick inside. I realized she would have been a good friend to me, too, if she respected either of my partners or myself.

My husband also did not receive an invite to the wedding which sucked. My friend kept it to only people in committed relationships (I would think 3 years and a marriage would constitute as that?), but I saw so many people there with partners they were not married to. I have learned at this point to just chock behavior like this up to me and my husbands relationship not being taken seriously.

The ceremony was awesome, they were both surrounded by their family members and close friends. I would love to be able to do something like that with our families... but I'm pretty certain that will never be possible. I have accepted a lot about polyamory: being secretive about my relationships, not being as close with my boyfriend's family as I would like, at times lying to my family when they ask pointed questions. It just weighed on me a lot this past week. Saying things are unfair is probably the most childish thing to do, but sometimes it feels that way. The price of having this much love in my life + living it the way I want is losing people, I guess. I am thankful for that; at least it has forced me to give less of a shit what other people think. There are times when it feels lonely, and I'm thankful to have two people in my life who understand, + this forum helps a lot :)
 

Inaniel

Active member
This in reality is probably why many poly people basically live as mono couples with side pieces.

There is a line one crosses in degree of entanglement and cohabitation with more than one person where life becomes significantly more complicated.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
That wedding sounds really disheartening, I'm glad you can come here and vent. I keep hoping we'll see a bigger shift in acceptance my lifetime. I hope you find people who fully accept your relationships.
 
That wedding sounds really disheartening, I'm glad you can come here and vent. I keep hoping we'll see a bigger shift in acceptance my lifetime. I hope you find people who fully accept your relationships.
Thanks Evie :) I hope so too.
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
Sounds like the wedding was a lot of mixed feelings -- some good parts, some ugh parts. I can understand feeling all...blargh?... about that.

I'm glad you have some people who understand IRL and that the forum helps some too.

Hopefully over time, people in general will grow to be more tolerant/accepting.

Hang in there.

Galagirl
 

SlowPoly

Member
I feel so hopeful when I see so many young people embracing and celebrating (for themselves and others) lots of different identities and orientations. I think they will drag the world forward regarding relationships.

But what a huge bummer for you, to be so supportive of friends’ “normal” relationship, and joyful for them in their big moment, only to see the contrast in how you are treated in most quarters.

Keep lifting up people in whatever relationships help them thrive. I think more and more will come around to celebrating what works for you. In time.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hi mountaingirl,

There is nothing wrong with a lovely monogamous wedding per se ... but there is something wrong with the fact that you can't have a polyamorous wedding (much less people who would attend and support it). You can have a commitment ceremony, but let's face it in many cases that's only done because it's what's available. And like I said, who would be there in support of said ceremony?

So sorry you had to go through that.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
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