What polyamory skills are great relationship skills in general?

[kdt26417]

Processing is an important skill, both in and out of poly.

 

[LeilaniAileen]

Although some polyamory theory, rules, skills and experiences exclusively apply to non-monagamous relationships, a lot is good advice for monogamous relationships as well.

What are things you learned from polyamory that would help monagamous relationships as well?

Here are some examples I find inspiring:
- Disentangle yourself from co-dependence (The most skipped step before opening a relationship).
- You are responsible for your own wellbeing.
- Clearly ask for what you need.
- Avoid controlling your partner - your partner is not a possession!
- Know your boundaries, but focus on what you need instead of what the other is forbidden to do.
- Don't make things personal; the feelings your partner has for other people (intimate, romantic, friendly) does not reflect your relationship. At the same time, those relationships might have an impact on you which you're allowed to share and discuss.
- It's not a competition.

I could go on, but what rules, skills and experiences do you have?

Being 100% okay with being alone. Recognizing jealousy as YOUR emotion, nothing more - and handling your emotion in a healthy way. Sharing tactfully - knowing that more sharing and honesty are good things AND navigating these in sensitive, empathetic, and peaceful ways.

 

[Maple]

Hello Emmerik,

The #1 polyamory skill that is a great relationship skill in general, is, communication. Honest, kind, respectful, transparent, thorough communication. One can hardly survive polyamory without it, but one also needs it in a monogamous relationship.

Regards,
Kevin T.

Agree totally. Effective, honest communication is the number one skill. Nothing happens without that.

 

[jerseygirl41]

Communication and setting rules for my husband and I have been incredibly important. We found out early on that he tends to not love hearing the intimate details about my other partner (size-related tinges of jealousy), so we made the rule that we would not ask questions to which we might not like the answer. This has been incredibly important for us.

But as so many said, open communication, trust, kindness, and respect are absolutely paramount.

Best of luck on your journey!

~ Michelle

 

[AngelDuncan]

I am new here, so I can only share the “rules” that worked with my long-term partner of 30 years. (He passed in 2017.) We both had other relationships over that time. All I can say is that these worked for us, also noting we were more “parallel poly,” as it was called in my day:

Never ask a question you don’t want to know the answer to.

If you ask me a question, I will answer it truthfully and offer a safe place to communicate.

Respect the other’s time and privacy.

What happens between us stays between us.

Don’t blow up the other's world with intent, i.e., interfere with other relationships, etc.

When we are physically together, we are together, for that timeframe, exclusively (meaning we didn’t flirt with others when physically together).

If we ever choose to part, promise to do it in person.

 

[Magdlyn]

I am new here, so I can only share the “rules” that worked with my long-term partner of 30 years. (He passed in 2017.) We both had other relationships over that time. All I can say is that these worked for us, also noting we were more “parallel poly,” as it was called in my day:

Angel Duncan, we still call it parallel poly (where metamours never or rarely meet).

Never ask a question you don’t want to know the answer to.

If you ask me a question, I will answer it truthfully and offer a safe place to communicate.

Respect the other’s time and privacy.

What happens between us stays between us.

Don’t blow up the other's world with intent, i.e., interfere with other relationships, etc.

When we are physically together, we are together, for that timeframe, exclusively (meaning we didn’t flirt with others when physically together).

If we ever choose to part, promise to do it in person.