What polyamory skills are great relationship skills in general?
- Thread starter Emmerik
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LeilaniAileen
New member
Being 100% okay with being alone. Recognizing jealousy as YOUR emotion, nothing more - and handling your emotion in a healthy way. Sharing tactfully - knowing that more sharing and honesty are good things AND navigating these in sensitive, empathetic, and peaceful ways.
Agree totally. Effective, honest communication is the number one skill. Nothing happens without that.
jerseygirl41
New member
Communication and setting rules have been incredibly important for my husband and me. We found out early on that he tends to not love hearing the intimate details about my other partner (size-related tinges of jealousy), so we made the rule that we would not ask questions to which we might not like the answer. This has been incredibly important for us.
But as so many said, open communication, trust, kindness, and respect are absolutely paramount.
Best of luck on your journey!
But as so many said, open communication, trust, kindness, and respect are absolutely paramount.
Best of luck on your journey!
AngelDuncan
New member
I am new here, so I can only share the “rules” that worked with my long-term partner of 30 years. (He passed in 2017.) We both had other relationships over that time. All I can say is that these worked for us, also noting we were more “parallel poly,” as it was called in my day:
Never ask a question you don’t want to know the answer to.
If you ask me a question, I will answer it truthfully and offer a safe place to communicate.
Respect the other’s time and privacy.
What happens between us stays between us.
Don’t blow up the other's world with intent, i.e., interfere with other relationships, etc.
When we are physically together, we are together, for that timeframe, exclusively (meaning we didn’t flirt with others when physically together).
If we ever choose to part, promise to do it in person.
Never ask a question you don’t want to know the answer to.
If you ask me a question, I will answer it truthfully and offer a safe place to communicate.
Respect the other’s time and privacy.
What happens between us stays between us.
Don’t blow up the other's world with intent, i.e., interfere with other relationships, etc.
When we are physically together, we are together, for that timeframe, exclusively (meaning we didn’t flirt with others when physically together).
If we ever choose to part, promise to do it in person.
Angel Duncan, we still call it parallel poly (where metamours never or rarely meet).
I find it interesting that you used the word codependence when listing relationship skills.
It might be worthwhile looking it from another angle.
Instead of "disentangle from co-dependence", consider focusing on mutual support - interdependence.
That's the foundation of any functioning societal structure.
Both monogamous and polyamorous relationship structures benefit from that skill.
dependence < independence < interdependence
It might be worthwhile looking it from another angle.
Instead of "disentangle from co-dependence", consider focusing on mutual support - interdependence.
That's the foundation of any functioning societal structure.
Both monogamous and polyamorous relationship structures benefit from that skill.
dependence < independence < interdependence
Disentangling was the keyword there (as the relationship skill), and the OP was specifically mentioning the article linked (The Most Skipped Step...).
But I do agree in your progression from dependence (childhood) to independence (in later youth/young adulthood) to interdependence (in a healthy relationship) is a healthy progression. I think the people who do have the hardest time opening up are the ones who basically went straight from dependence to interdependence ("high school sweethearts") that became a co-dependence because they never learned how to be independent. I believe that's largely the target audience of the Most Skipped Step article.
But I do agree in your progression from dependence (childhood) to independence (in later youth/young adulthood) to interdependence (in a healthy relationship) is a healthy progression. I think the people who do have the hardest time opening up are the ones who basically went straight from dependence to interdependence ("high school sweethearts") that became a co-dependence because they never learned how to be independent. I believe that's largely the target audience of the Most Skipped Step article.
That's a good observation.
What's more interesting to me is that all these qualities are not inherently poly at all. People try to give cool names for things that excite them.
These skills could all be labeled under emotional maturity, emotional intelligence, being observant, understanding, compassionate, being good at communicating, which are all essential skills in every type of relationship, not just romantic ones ... (business, friendship, romance, ...)
What's more interesting to me is that all these qualities are not inherently poly at all. People try to give cool names for things that excite them.
These skills could all be labeled under emotional maturity, emotional intelligence, being observant, understanding, compassionate, being good at communicating, which are all essential skills in every type of relationship, not just romantic ones ... (business, friendship, romance, ...)
FeralGeek
Active member
I didn’t revive this thread, no one can blame me for being here now!
- All relationships are interpersonal, so all interpersonal skills will translate into your relationships. If you struggle with your current relationship, adding another will never improve the situation.
- Go to therapy. It’s literally designed to help you navigate complicated situations in your life. If you’re on here asking for advice and aren’t already in therapy, you’re doing it wrong.
- Almost all frustration stems from mismanaged expectations. If you expect the outcome you see, you will never be disappointed, however unreasonable expectations will leave you forever dissatisfied.
- None of this will ever be rocket surgery. If you’re still in the dark about why things aren’t going the way you want them to, see above.
EDIT: for clarity, I don’t think there are any polyamory-specific skills that don’t already exist as interpersonal relationship skills in general
- All relationships are interpersonal, so all interpersonal skills will translate into your relationships. If you struggle with your current relationship, adding another will never improve the situation.
- Go to therapy. It’s literally designed to help you navigate complicated situations in your life. If you’re on here asking for advice and aren’t already in therapy, you’re doing it wrong.
- Almost all frustration stems from mismanaged expectations. If you expect the outcome you see, you will never be disappointed, however unreasonable expectations will leave you forever dissatisfied.
- None of this will ever be rocket surgery. If you’re still in the dark about why things aren’t going the way you want them to, see above.
EDIT: for clarity, I don’t think there are any polyamory-specific skills that don’t already exist as interpersonal relationship skills in general
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I just wanted to lift the above quote up again. I agree with it sooo much, especially the alone part, because in healthy interdependence, this shouldn't be an issue. Poly or mono.
I used to work in a job which meant long evenings with a lot of men. I met a few of the wives over the years and they often joked about being "industry widows" - so home alone a lot at times. And the ones who were good with that had better relationships.
tooschoolforcool
Member
The biggest for me has been in developing a strong sense of self awareness and problem solving in areas where I needed to grow in order to stay healthy for myself and others.
XTremeMeow
Member
For me personally, polyamory has been such a powerful teacher, even beyond non-monogamous relationships, and I’ve found that many of the skills I’ve learned apply beautifully to monogamous relationships as well. One of the things I’m most proud of is my communication. Being in polyamorous dynamics has taught me how to express my feelings, needs, and boundaries clearly and honestly, and how to listen deeply to someone else without judgment or defensiveness. That skill alone can transform any relationship, allowing both partners to feel truly heard and understood.
I’ve also developed strong time management skills. In poly relationships, balancing multiple connections requires careful attention to scheduling and prioritizing, and that awareness naturally translates to monogamous relationships. It teaches you to be present with your partner, to really dedicate time and energy without distraction, and to recognize the value of quality moments together.
Another key skill I’ve cultivated is the ability to genuinely care for someone. Polyamory has challenged me to think beyond my own desires and to be mindful of what truly matters to my partners. That empathy and intentional care, the ability to show up fully for someone else, is something that strengthens any relationship. It has taught me that love isn’t a finite resource,it grows when nurtured and shared, and when I invest in someone’s wellbeing, I also enrich the connection I have with them.
I’ve also learned the importance of self-responsibility. I know that I am responsible for my own emotions, my own fulfillment, and my own boundaries, and I bring that mindset to all relationships. I don’t rely on my partner to manage my happiness, which makes the connection healthier and more sustainable.
Finally, polyamory has reinforced the value of trust, patience, and respect. I’ve learned to respect both my own needs and the needs of others, and that relationships thrive when trust is actively maintained and nurtured. These lesson,communication, time management, empathy, self-responsibility, and respect, are universal and can enrich any romantic connection, whether polyamorous or monogamous.
Being part of poly dynamics has given me tools and perspectives that allow me to build relationships that are not only more resilient but also more joyful and deeply connected. I feel incredibly fortunate for the growth it has inspired in me and the ways it has helped me show up as a better partner in every kind of relationship I have.