What to do
- Thread starter DemetreeDot1030
- Start date
DemetreeDot1030
New member
Yeah i agree Kevin...I'm never saying certain aspects of what she wants with this ,or what she wishes i would do aren't going to ever happen. Somethings may happen ,and others may not ever although the thing is its at the very least its a "not right now maybe later". Even DOOD & I discussed that when him & i had a discussion when she was pushing the sex alone aspect. He told me the best way to handle is to not to tell her Never as you don't want to close that door for her just tell her not right now maybe later ,and that seemed to help her understand that alot and it seems to be working.
I honestly think they are letting themselves get swept up in this NRE ,and getting carried away especially for the timeframe here which i expressed to her.
She asked me today when i came home with our oldest son from preschool if i would be interested in having sex with her today ,and i was like why would you ask that ,and she told me she didn't feel like i was very interested lately. Although i very much have been ,but theres some issues....
When she told me they made it official that they were a couple ,and she began refering to him more often as her boyfriend ive been having this feeling like i dont want to be physical with her as it makes me feel like i'm touching someone else's woman ,and it turns me off. i don't want to be turned off to her ,but its hard to get there for her when she keeps mentioning him as her boyfriend.
I explained it to her she's tells me thats not true ,and i shouldn't look at that way as she's mine ,and i'm just sharing her. Also with the whole "accept this ,or loose me" thing has made me feel like i want to distance myself from her physically although sometimes it is very difficult to do so considering i'm so very attracted to her.
The thing with me with her is doesn't have to be showing me much of anything as far as her body is concerned ,or even be doing anything in particular it could just be the way her hair lays that day, the way her nails look, or the way an article of clothing maybe worn ,and i get very sexually attracted to her. It's always been that way for me with her for years.
Another thing that got under my skin was last night DOOD called me when he found out our truck broke down to see if i was okay ,and home safe. Him & i talked for a bit then we talked as a group. Later on we got close to one another on the couch ,and played a game together which was great. She was being very sexual with me ,and i liked it. I told her i needed to get a shower because i smelled like smoke from my dad being over earlier (heavy smoker) ,and she mentioned she was going to go up in our room & call DOOD while i got a shower because she didnt talk to him much yesterday which i admit she didnt for once.
My goal though was to get a shower so i smelled better (i didn't feel attractive smelling like i just walked out of a smoke filled bar) then i figured we would have sex when i came up since she seemed to be hinting towards it all night. So when she told me she was going to talk to DOOD while i was getting a shower then she asked me if i could stay downstairs for a bit while she talked on to him. I was like fine ill just sleep on the couch then she goes well then ill just stay down here & ill be up later i wont be long with him.
First of all i was annoyed because she led me on think she wanted to do something then suddenly basically tells me hey i rather talk to my boyfriend instead. Secondly she always gets annoyed if i leave the room to have a private phone convo so i generally try to stay in the same room ,or the next room over when im on the phone ( i pace alot on the phone) so it came off to me like she had things she couldnt say to him with me there which annoyed me a bit.
Needless to say the not too long on the phone with him turned out to be 2 hours ,and i couldn't sleep because i could hear her talking (was real quiet in the house aside from the furnace) ,and i was annoyed as well as missing her close to me in bed for that time being.
Although to her credit she did end up discussing everything they discuss with me for the most part when she came upstairs..which extended my time up lol
I honestly think they are letting themselves get swept up in this NRE ,and getting carried away especially for the timeframe here which i expressed to her.
She asked me today when i came home with our oldest son from preschool if i would be interested in having sex with her today ,and i was like why would you ask that ,and she told me she didn't feel like i was very interested lately. Although i very much have been ,but theres some issues....
When she told me they made it official that they were a couple ,and she began refering to him more often as her boyfriend ive been having this feeling like i dont want to be physical with her as it makes me feel like i'm touching someone else's woman ,and it turns me off. i don't want to be turned off to her ,but its hard to get there for her when she keeps mentioning him as her boyfriend.
I explained it to her she's tells me thats not true ,and i shouldn't look at that way as she's mine ,and i'm just sharing her. Also with the whole "accept this ,or loose me" thing has made me feel like i want to distance myself from her physically although sometimes it is very difficult to do so considering i'm so very attracted to her.
The thing with me with her is doesn't have to be showing me much of anything as far as her body is concerned ,or even be doing anything in particular it could just be the way her hair lays that day, the way her nails look, or the way an article of clothing maybe worn ,and i get very sexually attracted to her. It's always been that way for me with her for years.
Another thing that got under my skin was last night DOOD called me when he found out our truck broke down to see if i was okay ,and home safe. Him & i talked for a bit then we talked as a group. Later on we got close to one another on the couch ,and played a game together which was great. She was being very sexual with me ,and i liked it. I told her i needed to get a shower because i smelled like smoke from my dad being over earlier (heavy smoker) ,and she mentioned she was going to go up in our room & call DOOD while i got a shower because she didnt talk to him much yesterday which i admit she didnt for once.
My goal though was to get a shower so i smelled better (i didn't feel attractive smelling like i just walked out of a smoke filled bar) then i figured we would have sex when i came up since she seemed to be hinting towards it all night. So when she told me she was going to talk to DOOD while i was getting a shower then she asked me if i could stay downstairs for a bit while she talked on to him. I was like fine ill just sleep on the couch then she goes well then ill just stay down here & ill be up later i wont be long with him.
First of all i was annoyed because she led me on think she wanted to do something then suddenly basically tells me hey i rather talk to my boyfriend instead. Secondly she always gets annoyed if i leave the room to have a private phone convo so i generally try to stay in the same room ,or the next room over when im on the phone ( i pace alot on the phone) so it came off to me like she had things she couldnt say to him with me there which annoyed me a bit.
Needless to say the not too long on the phone with him turned out to be 2 hours ,and i couldn't sleep because i could hear her talking (was real quiet in the house aside from the furnace) ,and i was annoyed as well as missing her close to me in bed for that time being.
Although to her credit she did end up discussing everything they discuss with me for the most part when she came upstairs..which extended my time up lol
Inyourendo
New member
if neither one of them work why doesn't she talk to him on the phone while you're at work and then when your home focus that time on you?
DemetreeDot1030
New member
I've told her already so far how ive been feeling about their status ,and how it makes me feel like i'm touching someone elses woman to which she replies not to feel that way as thats not how it is. And, i told her last night i felt like she had something hide from me with him because she was so concerned with having this private convo with him. If we're suppose to be all together there shouldn't be anything she would say to him on the phone in a "private convo" that she couldn't say in the same room with me.
Alot of times when they talk she puts him on speaker ,and we talk together. Although i think she feels obligated to put him on speaker for us all to talk when im around ,but that doesnt have to be the case ive tried to tell her that. Ive even told her just for them to talk while i played a game ,or played on the laptop. If she's going to tell me anyway what they talk about then i dont see whats wrong with me sitting there.
I read her some stuff on here from time to time ,and it seems to help. On an upside we actually ended up having sex today after awhile when the kids were up for a nap she said to me do you wanna "go upstairs with me" i was like yeah sure ,and then afterwards we cuddled together ,and took a nap. it was very nice...we use to do that kind of stuff all the time ,and i miss it.
I've been telling her tonight i'm missing some stuff with her i think we'll have a good healthy talk tonight.
Alot of times when they talk she puts him on speaker ,and we talk together. Although i think she feels obligated to put him on speaker for us all to talk when im around ,but that doesnt have to be the case ive tried to tell her that. Ive even told her just for them to talk while i played a game ,or played on the laptop. If she's going to tell me anyway what they talk about then i dont see whats wrong with me sitting there.
I read her some stuff on here from time to time ,and it seems to help. On an upside we actually ended up having sex today after awhile when the kids were up for a nap she said to me do you wanna "go upstairs with me" i was like yeah sure ,and then afterwards we cuddled together ,and took a nap. it was very nice...we use to do that kind of stuff all the time ,and i miss it.
I've been telling her tonight i'm missing some stuff with her i think we'll have a good healthy talk tonight.
Emm
Stealth Mod
There's a difference between "private" and "secret". Unless you'd be comfortable having her share your private moments with all and sundry don't insist on her doing the same to others (and if you happen to be the type who wouldn't have a problem with her doing just that, try to remember that not everyone is comfortable having their pillow talk broadcast).
DemetreeDot1030
New member
Since we are all close i dont care what she tells him about what we do. i know she tells him about what we do in bed & shit. We've all been in bed together via his last visit so theres no secrets there. Plus Dot & I are both very open about expressing our love/sex with others as we are proud of what we have. We have always been very open with each other in telling each other everything about anything.
Which is what makes it a little uncomfortable that she was trying to be so private. I got out of the shower ,and she didn't call him until she knew i went upstairs. I expressed my irritation with it ,and she told me she wasnt trying to hide anything ,and she said she figured id hear her anyway then she discussed with me what they talked about.
I just feel if we are all going to be together in this & trust one another then shouldn't be walls put up. I talked to her about it tonight ,and i think she understands how i feel. I even told DOOD tonight even if im in the room i don't need to be directly involved with their convo so we dont always have to have group talks. I'm more than fine with playing a game while she sits in her chair ,and BS's with him.
She pointed out to me tonight that for the last 4 days ive been very sweet to her ,and i said is it a problem is it too much ,and she said no i'm loving it. I told her its because i realized over the past year ,or so we got lost from each other because of the kids ,and this whole poly change made it even worse ,and i wanted to get back to being a happier couple together. These close calls of losing her has really opened my eyes into things with our relationship.
I just want us to be back on track even if it means with addition of dood...as long as we're all together ,and we're happy altogether then that works for me.
Which is what makes it a little uncomfortable that she was trying to be so private. I got out of the shower ,and she didn't call him until she knew i went upstairs. I expressed my irritation with it ,and she told me she wasnt trying to hide anything ,and she said she figured id hear her anyway then she discussed with me what they talked about.
I just feel if we are all going to be together in this & trust one another then shouldn't be walls put up. I talked to her about it tonight ,and i think she understands how i feel. I even told DOOD tonight even if im in the room i don't need to be directly involved with their convo so we dont always have to have group talks. I'm more than fine with playing a game while she sits in her chair ,and BS's with him.
She pointed out to me tonight that for the last 4 days ive been very sweet to her ,and i said is it a problem is it too much ,and she said no i'm loving it. I told her its because i realized over the past year ,or so we got lost from each other because of the kids ,and this whole poly change made it even worse ,and i wanted to get back to being a happier couple together. These close calls of losing her has really opened my eyes into things with our relationship.
I just want us to be back on track even if it means with addition of dood...as long as we're all together ,and we're happy altogether then that works for me.
Emm
Stealth Mod
Great, but how much of a history do you have built up with him? Do you have any reason to believe that he even wants to build up that level of being in each others' business with you? The fact that you're comfortable with something in no way obliges a third party to put up with it.
JaneQSmythe
Well-known member
I'm in agreement with Emm here - different people have different ideas of "privacy". Dude and Lotus are "share everything" type people. MrS and I are more"need to know" types. We all agree "no secrets" - but what particular sweet nothings were said, which exact sexual positions were employed or sex acts engaged in? TMI for me. I don't need to know what faces she makes when she orgasms and I don't, necessarily, want that information shared about me with someone who is not in a position to learn that first-hand.
DemetreeDot1030
New member
Well Jane & Emm to each's own..everyone works differently ,and this still all very new to us ,and still a learning experience. I discussed my concerns with DOOD last night ,and then we all discussed them together.
He even said there isn't anything thats really been said that she should be deleting ,or hiding from you. He told me "dude if there's anything you ever want to know about something all you got to do is ask me ,and i will tell you"
In the conversation between the 3 of us last night Dot admitted that she tries to "take the bad out of the apple before she gives it to me" ,and she wants to make sure everything is okay ,and safe for everyone as well as everyone is happy.
I told them to let me chose for myself if something is okay with me ,or not...if it's not then ill bring it to their attention ,and we will discuss it at that time ,and work with it. I told her i understand its her instinct to try to make to "fix" everything for all of us ,but she has let us all decide things together.
I made the analogy last night that we're kind of like a 3 piece band together. Dot is the drummer because she is the backbone of all this, DOOD is the bassist ,and i'm the guitarist. It's fine for any 2 of us to off alone together at times to write music ,but we ultimately all have to come together to make that piece of music work. They all seemed to like that analogy when i brought it up last night ,and being a musician that makes sense to me.
I sometimes get stuck in a low spot with this ,and get depressed ,but more often than not lately ive been okay. So things are looking up so far
He even said there isn't anything thats really been said that she should be deleting ,or hiding from you. He told me "dude if there's anything you ever want to know about something all you got to do is ask me ,and i will tell you"
In the conversation between the 3 of us last night Dot admitted that she tries to "take the bad out of the apple before she gives it to me" ,and she wants to make sure everything is okay ,and safe for everyone as well as everyone is happy.
I told them to let me chose for myself if something is okay with me ,or not...if it's not then ill bring it to their attention ,and we will discuss it at that time ,and work with it. I told her i understand its her instinct to try to make to "fix" everything for all of us ,but she has let us all decide things together.
I made the analogy last night that we're kind of like a 3 piece band together. Dot is the drummer because she is the backbone of all this, DOOD is the bassist ,and i'm the guitarist. It's fine for any 2 of us to off alone together at times to write music ,but we ultimately all have to come together to make that piece of music work. They all seemed to like that analogy when i brought it up last night ,and being a musician that makes sense to me.
I sometimes get stuck in a low spot with this ,and get depressed ,but more often than not lately ive been okay. So things are looking up so far
DemetreeDot1030
New member
Yeah Dot decided we should all have a talk last night to get everyone on the same page so it was actually nice to have the back and forth between him, her ,and i.
She was texting him today ,and i told her to just call him then she mentioned me talking to him as well i told her to just talk to him herself because i know she hadn't talked to him really all day. Then she came by ,and put him in my ear to say hi to him then i did so ,and told her to take it back to talk. Then she sat on the couch ,and our youngest was crying at her so i told her to change him ,and ill take him up for bed for her so he wouldnt distract her ,and she could talk.
Somehow she took that as me being condescending ,and started yelling at me. I think the whole problem was my parents were over ALL DAY because my dad was helping me repair our truck. He had some major complications with the repairs ,and we can only take my folks in small doses.
So having them here all day with my dad acting like a prick most of the day got each other's anxiety up so im not surprised at the blow up from her ,but still.
I think she came down from her issue though because she invited me to sit on the couch with her while they talk.
She was texting him today ,and i told her to just call him then she mentioned me talking to him as well i told her to just talk to him herself because i know she hadn't talked to him really all day. Then she came by ,and put him in my ear to say hi to him then i did so ,and told her to take it back to talk. Then she sat on the couch ,and our youngest was crying at her so i told her to change him ,and ill take him up for bed for her so he wouldnt distract her ,and she could talk.
Somehow she took that as me being condescending ,and started yelling at me. I think the whole problem was my parents were over ALL DAY because my dad was helping me repair our truck. He had some major complications with the repairs ,and we can only take my folks in small doses.
So having them here all day with my dad acting like a prick most of the day got each other's anxiety up so im not surprised at the blow up from her ,but still.
I think she came down from her issue though because she invited me to sit on the couch with her while they talk.
DemetreeDot1030
New member
Yeah it is thank the god/goddess. Dot has a therapy appointment tomorrow ,but im going to drive her there because this will be the first long trip since the repair ,and i want to make sure she'll be safe.
DemetreeDot1030
New member
So i took Dot to her therapy yesterday. I originally planned to just hang out in the waiting room while playing a game but she offered almost insisted I sit in on the session.
So I did...although it was kind of an unproductive session for her because they went through more paperwork updating than talking what was talked about did give me some good insight about my wife and how she's feeling about us..dood...dood & us..our kids and so on.
Her therapist looked at me a few times to verify how I felt about something but I told her I was there to listen rather then be involved. Although her therapist and I did talk and I feel like the woman gets what I'm saying with stuff so I think once I get my insurance squared away I might try using her.
After the appointment I took Dot out on a mini date for dinner. We sat discussed our hopes, fears and feelings about each other and dood as well as just bsed about our friends and family.
The ride home was fun too we drove to her appointment and back singing songs together that we liked while glancing into each others eyes...had to keep my eyes on the highway lol..it was very nice felt like the early days as again.
I'm glad now we can openly discuss this poly stuff without getting into each others proverbial faces the talks have been very calm. She's been very respectful of my feelings and talking more objectively and focused. Im seeing some parts of her NRE cooling down. She seems to be able to better articulate her thoughts and feelings about dood better good or bad without putting him on such a pedestal like she was.
So I did...although it was kind of an unproductive session for her because they went through more paperwork updating than talking what was talked about did give me some good insight about my wife and how she's feeling about us..dood...dood & us..our kids and so on.
Her therapist looked at me a few times to verify how I felt about something but I told her I was there to listen rather then be involved. Although her therapist and I did talk and I feel like the woman gets what I'm saying with stuff so I think once I get my insurance squared away I might try using her.
After the appointment I took Dot out on a mini date for dinner. We sat discussed our hopes, fears and feelings about each other and dood as well as just bsed about our friends and family.
The ride home was fun too we drove to her appointment and back singing songs together that we liked while glancing into each others eyes...had to keep my eyes on the highway lol..it was very nice felt like the early days as again.
I'm glad now we can openly discuss this poly stuff without getting into each others proverbial faces the talks have been very calm. She's been very respectful of my feelings and talking more objectively and focused. Im seeing some parts of her NRE cooling down. She seems to be able to better articulate her thoughts and feelings about dood better good or bad without putting him on such a pedestal like she was.
DemetreeDot1030
New member
Update 2
So here is what has been going on as of late...
Things for a good bit were going great. She hadn't been talking to Dood as religiously throughout the day as she was. He's also been helping with that by letting her go to do other things (i never said anything to him about their time on the phone either i guess he just felt it was getting much too). My wife is a chatter ,and it you let her she'll talk your ear off all day so i think he just finally learned that.
She stopped hiding things became a bit more open with me ,and he even promoted the idea. We all talk together on the phone at least once a day ,and we have a good time talking laughing our asses off ,and even get your riled up sometimes by him & i talking about stuff we'd like to do with her together.
As usual though everytime i think im starting to find my groove in all this she changes something ,or they change something that pushes me out of my groove. This came in the way of her telling me she is in fact in love with him.
First of all she told me earlier this month that she thought she was falling for him ,and that they made it official being boyfriend/girlfriend because when they began discussing the idea of all us being together being considered a Vee he basically asked if that makes him the boyfriend ,and then he asked her to be his girlfriend. That was the first time i got knocked off my groove.
When she revealed that to me the idea of her being in love with him period was something she claimed would take longer to completely develop. Yet only a few weeks later ,and now she is in love with him?!?
I kind of knew based on something she posted on facebook with 2 people kissing saying our hearts have been best friends for a long time. Her & him believe in past lives ,and she's already told me they knew each other in a past life yet she doesn't believe she's ever met me in one. So i knew from that post she was talking about Dood then i noticed she was constantly complaining of being sick to her stomach although she was barely eating she would keep blaming it on the food she ate. I kept asking her if there was something she was nervous about ,and she denied it.
Finally the other morning (after she apparently told him the night before she loves him ,and shes in love with him) she wakes up looking at me very oddly. I can sense she has something to say to me ,but was scared to by the look in her eyes. She started to briefly mention about feelings for him ,and stopped. I told her i knew she had something to tell me just to tell me. She started crying exclaiming she couldn't because i would be upset i wouldn't understand ,and it would hurt me. I told her i had a good idea what it was already just to tell me so i could quit guessing it in my head. After some coaxing she finally told me ,and she was really upset.
She revealed to me that was why she was so sick because she wanted to tell him in person but it was eating her up inside so much not telling him so against her original plan she just told him the night before. To which he replied he had similar feelings.
There was nothing i could do about this but accept it although i wasnt pleased in the least. Considering they only physically been together for 1 week ,and only talked on the phone for 2 months. Her & I spent at least a month ,or 2 together constantly physically (her circumstances at the time kind of put her in a position for us to live together very early on) before we utter the words i love you to each other because we both agreed we wanted to be sure those feelings were real ,and not just fleeting puppy love before we said it to each other. I use to tell her so much i felt weird having sex with her ,and being able to tell her i loved her afterwards or even during.
So knowing what i had to go through to get that from her ,and how quick they are going kind of makes me feel like its cheaping what we have/had now as well as back then. He told her he wont say it back to her yet until they are in person.
The day she told me we had a bit of a blow out about it especially because this made me feel like she wasn't mine anymore again. I could barely kiss her again tell her i loved her ,or touched her in anyway because i felt like i was touching someone else's woman again.
So while i was helping my dad doing something at his place she called Dood to tell him what happened ,and how i reacted. She exclaimed to him that she was afraid i was going to leave her. So he told her we needed to talk as a group so he canceled his plans for that day ,and stayed on the phone with her till i got home to have a group talk with me. I walked in ,and he's like dude whats going on tell me how you feel. I felt bombarded considering i just walked in.
After some coaxing i finally let everything out. I told them that i thought they were going way too damn fast for the time frame. I told him about how i felt that i felt like i wanted to distance myself from her because i thought it would make this hurt less ,and i felt like i was messing with his woman not mine ,and it felt wrong. He told me that she was mine ,and he was only adding to the experience and without me what they have wouldn't be possible. He told me that he cares about me ,and my feelings as well as that he loves me in a brotherly way.
She kept exclaiming she loves both of us ,but she loves both us very differently because we are different people. I got it easily when she was with our last girlfriend but it being another man i couldnt wrap my head around it.
So Dood put into a video game reference ,and said that you can love 2 differents styles of video games and it doesnt mean you love one more ,or less than the other they are just different. That seemed to help a bit
Then we talked about the idea of them & sex alone. They both really pushed the idea that although that would be nice wasnt a deal breaker for them. He told me dude if it gets to that point ill call you. They both said they are stubborn ,and they respect my feelings too much to put themselves into that kind of position. She told me that if i'm not okay with it then if they get to that point they will stop ,and hold off till they are with me so we can do it together. They said in time i may ,or may not be more comfortable with it. He said until then he's perfectly okay with how it is.
She asked him later if he really could do all that stuff he told me when it comes to them ,and sex alone. She told him she could because she cares about me too much to do something like that if im not okay with it. He told her its going to be hard ,but he could do it.
I want to believe them ,but i don't. I feel that they will eventually get fed up ,and just give in to their desires ,but the issue is they wont tell me when it happens. I especially worry about this because Dot has a very bad habit of omitting things when she tells me things because she is afraid of hurting me.
Then she made an analogy the other day about it that when she was prego with our first son she wasn't fond of the idea of him coming out her vaginia ,but she knew he would have to (although they ended up doing a C section) ,and during those 9 months she came to accept it. So she basically told me sooner ,or later you are going to have to do something you dont like ,but time will make it easier to accept. She was like you still won't like it ,but you'll just have to accept it.
This made me feel worse instead of helping. So i told her you know as much as i dont like the idea but just have sex with him alone because sooner ,or later i'm going to have to deal with it. To which she responded we dont really want that right now anyway ,and that they werent stupid they both still know im not okay with it. Like he said the day before even if they were going to do it knowing that i wasn't okay with it they wouldn't be able to enjoy it knowing that. And, he would rather have us all together so we could all enjoy the experience.
After that talk i felt better ,and her/i even had our own discussion on how their love was different than ours ,and we came to a really good result. It amounted to her & i being the king/queen of the castle ,and her love was the feast in the castle ,and that Dood was basically like a visiting Duke that we were close enough with to share the feast with unlike others who visited our castle. The way we discussed it made it click with me ,and she seemed to glow on the idea that i finally got how she felt.
She dampens this sometimes though by bringing up things that make me rethink things ,and sends me back into this wanting to disconnect mode ,and start looking at her like shes no longer mine.
Honestly sometimes i have a hard time being affectionate with her (especially when she does ,or says something that throws me backwards) because ill touch her ,and my mind triggers an image of her & him touching in the same way. Also she's always going on & on about how much she misses him how much she wishes she could do this & that to him. So sometimes i feel like she only does things she does with me because i'm whats available.
So here is what has been going on as of late...
Things for a good bit were going great. She hadn't been talking to Dood as religiously throughout the day as she was. He's also been helping with that by letting her go to do other things (i never said anything to him about their time on the phone either i guess he just felt it was getting much too). My wife is a chatter ,and it you let her she'll talk your ear off all day so i think he just finally learned that.
She stopped hiding things became a bit more open with me ,and he even promoted the idea. We all talk together on the phone at least once a day ,and we have a good time talking laughing our asses off ,and even get your riled up sometimes by him & i talking about stuff we'd like to do with her together.
As usual though everytime i think im starting to find my groove in all this she changes something ,or they change something that pushes me out of my groove. This came in the way of her telling me she is in fact in love with him.
First of all she told me earlier this month that she thought she was falling for him ,and that they made it official being boyfriend/girlfriend because when they began discussing the idea of all us being together being considered a Vee he basically asked if that makes him the boyfriend ,and then he asked her to be his girlfriend. That was the first time i got knocked off my groove.
When she revealed that to me the idea of her being in love with him period was something she claimed would take longer to completely develop. Yet only a few weeks later ,and now she is in love with him?!?
I kind of knew based on something she posted on facebook with 2 people kissing saying our hearts have been best friends for a long time. Her & him believe in past lives ,and she's already told me they knew each other in a past life yet she doesn't believe she's ever met me in one. So i knew from that post she was talking about Dood then i noticed she was constantly complaining of being sick to her stomach although she was barely eating she would keep blaming it on the food she ate. I kept asking her if there was something she was nervous about ,and she denied it.
Finally the other morning (after she apparently told him the night before she loves him ,and shes in love with him) she wakes up looking at me very oddly. I can sense she has something to say to me ,but was scared to by the look in her eyes. She started to briefly mention about feelings for him ,and stopped. I told her i knew she had something to tell me just to tell me. She started crying exclaiming she couldn't because i would be upset i wouldn't understand ,and it would hurt me. I told her i had a good idea what it was already just to tell me so i could quit guessing it in my head. After some coaxing she finally told me ,and she was really upset.
She revealed to me that was why she was so sick because she wanted to tell him in person but it was eating her up inside so much not telling him so against her original plan she just told him the night before. To which he replied he had similar feelings.
There was nothing i could do about this but accept it although i wasnt pleased in the least. Considering they only physically been together for 1 week ,and only talked on the phone for 2 months. Her & I spent at least a month ,or 2 together constantly physically (her circumstances at the time kind of put her in a position for us to live together very early on) before we utter the words i love you to each other because we both agreed we wanted to be sure those feelings were real ,and not just fleeting puppy love before we said it to each other. I use to tell her so much i felt weird having sex with her ,and being able to tell her i loved her afterwards or even during.
So knowing what i had to go through to get that from her ,and how quick they are going kind of makes me feel like its cheaping what we have/had now as well as back then. He told her he wont say it back to her yet until they are in person.
The day she told me we had a bit of a blow out about it especially because this made me feel like she wasn't mine anymore again. I could barely kiss her again tell her i loved her ,or touched her in anyway because i felt like i was touching someone else's woman again.
So while i was helping my dad doing something at his place she called Dood to tell him what happened ,and how i reacted. She exclaimed to him that she was afraid i was going to leave her. So he told her we needed to talk as a group so he canceled his plans for that day ,and stayed on the phone with her till i got home to have a group talk with me. I walked in ,and he's like dude whats going on tell me how you feel. I felt bombarded considering i just walked in.
After some coaxing i finally let everything out. I told them that i thought they were going way too damn fast for the time frame. I told him about how i felt that i felt like i wanted to distance myself from her because i thought it would make this hurt less ,and i felt like i was messing with his woman not mine ,and it felt wrong. He told me that she was mine ,and he was only adding to the experience and without me what they have wouldn't be possible. He told me that he cares about me ,and my feelings as well as that he loves me in a brotherly way.
She kept exclaiming she loves both of us ,but she loves both us very differently because we are different people. I got it easily when she was with our last girlfriend but it being another man i couldnt wrap my head around it.
So Dood put into a video game reference ,and said that you can love 2 differents styles of video games and it doesnt mean you love one more ,or less than the other they are just different. That seemed to help a bit
Then we talked about the idea of them & sex alone. They both really pushed the idea that although that would be nice wasnt a deal breaker for them. He told me dude if it gets to that point ill call you. They both said they are stubborn ,and they respect my feelings too much to put themselves into that kind of position. She told me that if i'm not okay with it then if they get to that point they will stop ,and hold off till they are with me so we can do it together. They said in time i may ,or may not be more comfortable with it. He said until then he's perfectly okay with how it is.
She asked him later if he really could do all that stuff he told me when it comes to them ,and sex alone. She told him she could because she cares about me too much to do something like that if im not okay with it. He told her its going to be hard ,but he could do it.
I want to believe them ,but i don't. I feel that they will eventually get fed up ,and just give in to their desires ,but the issue is they wont tell me when it happens. I especially worry about this because Dot has a very bad habit of omitting things when she tells me things because she is afraid of hurting me.
Then she made an analogy the other day about it that when she was prego with our first son she wasn't fond of the idea of him coming out her vaginia ,but she knew he would have to (although they ended up doing a C section) ,and during those 9 months she came to accept it. So she basically told me sooner ,or later you are going to have to do something you dont like ,but time will make it easier to accept. She was like you still won't like it ,but you'll just have to accept it.
This made me feel worse instead of helping. So i told her you know as much as i dont like the idea but just have sex with him alone because sooner ,or later i'm going to have to deal with it. To which she responded we dont really want that right now anyway ,and that they werent stupid they both still know im not okay with it. Like he said the day before even if they were going to do it knowing that i wasn't okay with it they wouldn't be able to enjoy it knowing that. And, he would rather have us all together so we could all enjoy the experience.
After that talk i felt better ,and her/i even had our own discussion on how their love was different than ours ,and we came to a really good result. It amounted to her & i being the king/queen of the castle ,and her love was the feast in the castle ,and that Dood was basically like a visiting Duke that we were close enough with to share the feast with unlike others who visited our castle. The way we discussed it made it click with me ,and she seemed to glow on the idea that i finally got how she felt.
She dampens this sometimes though by bringing up things that make me rethink things ,and sends me back into this wanting to disconnect mode ,and start looking at her like shes no longer mine.
Honestly sometimes i have a hard time being affectionate with her (especially when she does ,or says something that throws me backwards) because ill touch her ,and my mind triggers an image of her & him touching in the same way. Also she's always going on & on about how much she misses him how much she wishes she could do this & that to him. So sometimes i feel like she only does things she does with me because i'm whats available.