What to do

Ive also noticed how much shes been trying to go out of the way to make things special between him & her yet she doesn't do these things with me ,and i feel like i'm missing out something. She was telling me how she wrote him a poem...she wanted to make him a picture of her that said i love you...she wanted to make him a gift out of clay ,and put a note inside of it that said i love you. She tells me all these ways she goes out of her way to do special things yet she doesn't do it now for me nor did she ever when we first got together. I feel like in someways she doesn't always treat our relationship as special as her relationship with dood. i explained it to her ,and she said she was sorry ,and didn't realize she was doing so ,or that i even felt that way.

Just lately ive been really struggling with the feeling of her not being mine ,and feeling dirty that im messing with someone else's woman.

Also i noticed the other night we went to bed ,and told him goodnight the he started texting me back & forth while her ,and i laid in bed together bsing about things that had been going on. Then he started texting her after i basically told him we were both still awake so she decided to call him so we could all talk. She was then told him since he was on the phone with us ,and her/i both were cuddling together she felt like we were all in bed together ,and she wished he really was there with us.

After this statement i noticed she started getting like she did when we first had a 3some together. The conversation got kind of sexual ,and he finally told us he was going to let us go so we could get it on. As soon as we got off the phone she covered her chest (we were talking about how much her boobs turn her on) ,and was like i'm tired i wanna go to sleep. It was like while she was talking to him she felt turned on then as soon as he wasn't on the phone she wasn't turned on anymore. This kind of thing doesn't help my feelings from before. She tried telling me last night there's no connection there ,but i can't help to think otherwise.








We were doing good for awhile as we were having sex everyday to every other day. Then the other day she started shutting me down again then she gave me a quickie ,but ive been wanting something more passionate. Ive been trying up until last night when she shut me down again which turned into an argument. I know i have a really strong sex drive ,and i know she does too ,but hers is alot more difficult to get to indulge it. Although alot of times when she does she pushes for hard ,and fast which i don't mind except i dont find it as fulfilling as longer more passionate sessions. Hence why it comes off that i want it more to her.

She tells me she wants me to be aggressive ,and just take it sometimes although when i try she shuts me down ,and i ended up having to wait for her to tell me when she wants it. Which makes me feel like why even bother trying anymore when im still forced to wait for her cue.

We haven't talked much about it since last night as this also triggered a conversation about the change to poly, dood ,and etc. which didnt end too well i basically told her she's not going to understand because she's so focused on wanting what she wants she doesn't really hear what i say even though she does listen.

Today has been crazy as its her birthday ,and i wanted to make her breakfast in bed ,but we woke up at 7am to our 3 yr old vomiting so ive been up dealing with him being sick while she's still in bed.

I see alot of things improving with us & us as a whole with dood ,but somedays certain things happen that set me back ,and makes me depressed. Today is another one of those days.:(
 
It seems that sometimes you have to take two steps back in order to take three steps forward. That must be frustrating. Just communicate with her (and with Dood) as much as you can and let your feelings be known. You have to be able to talk about your feelings.

I think it's good that you're posting here because that is another outlet for expressing your feelings. If I may suggest something, try not to think of her as some other man's woman, because no one is anyone else's property and she isn't any man's woman per se; she is her own person and she wants to share her life with two particular guys. There's no ownership going on here, it's just her wanting a poly life which isn't considered "normal" in today's world.

The one other thing is, be careful not to go overboard in comparing the you/her dyad with the her/Dood dyad. If you do too much comparing, you start looking for things that Dood's getting that you're not. The thing to do here is to focus on your own needs, whatever they are, without adding what he's getting to the calculation. If there's something you need more of -- e.g. more slow/passionate sex -- come to her directly with that need and discuss it with her. Don't let yourself get caught up in a contest to see which guy is getting "the most."

She is in a big-time state of NRE, so she is going to goof up and obsess too much about Dood at times. You're well within your rights to remind her when she's doing that, and I think she'd agree. I'm thinking it would be helpful if she would just tell you the essential information about Dood, and not carry on and on about how great Dood is and how excited she is about him. I doubt she even realizes she's doing that.

They say NRE usually lasts between six and 24 months. Once it dies down, I'm betting you'll find that she gives you and Dood about equal attention (both quantity and quality); moreover you probably won't even be making the comparison by then. The "new normal" becomes "just normal" for everyone after awhile; everyone settles into a state of relative calm.

These things may or may not be helpful at this time, but I thought I'd put them out there anyway. Keep us updated from time to time.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Kevin I really appreciate your input as well as some others that have contributed prior. Using this as a place to vent frustrations, fears, triumphs ,and such while getting feedback on it has helped immensely with this process. Dot has even told me that since i've came on here she has noticed a change in the way i've been handling this. I use this as well as sometimes my journal to get out how i feel.

I know she is her own person ,and there's no real ownership although for years you go on feeling like you are everything ,and the only thing to someone as well as you feel like she is everything ,and the only one for you. Then suddenly boom you aren't the only one.

I like how she opens up to me about her & him ,and such. It's just when we originally said okay we're going to go from focusing on looking for a woman to be involved we were opening up to other men we originally chose what my level of comfort would be with it ,and we agreed on it. We drew the line in the sand on the beach i turned around to build a sandcastle then i turned back to discover her on the other side of the beach with a new line drawn. In other words she took this to levels i was never completely okay with nor was given a chance to be okay with.

I understood that we were trying to include a male friend in this that we would both be close with ,and trust to the point we would be okay with sharing our relationship with ,and share in experiences with. I excepted a level of love in it ,but not as extreme as she's been showing.

Communication is getting better whether its between her & i ,or the 3 of us. He's been just as big on all of us talking together as i have been which is good. I've been betrayed alot in the past by friends, bandmates ,and partners so its hard for me to believe what someone tells me at face value without looking into it deeper.

Ive been opening up to her & them ,and voicing things im feeling. I just still have alot of trouble shaking the idea of looking at her ,or touching her and the imagery pops in my head of him touching her ,or him doing what im doing at that time to her. I could be really into the passion between her & i then suddenly that pops in there ,and im suddenly completely turned off. This has been a source of alot of depression ive been going through lately. I'm a musician ,and indie video game designer so as a result of my depression i can't find the strength within myself to do these things. This is on top of dealing with an autistic 3 year old ,and 1 year old as well as driving around all the time in an merchandising job.

I just wish i could shake this.

On a side note...today is her birthday ,and because our truck broke down we are financially busted right now so i couldnt do shit for her bday for her. Then i planned to make her breakfast in bed when i remembered i had to take our 3 yr old to preschool. Went to get him ,and he was sick so i spent all morning dealing with him. So later on i waited on her hand & foot when she got up made her coffee, took care of the kids ,and everything. Even at the stroke of midnight last night i lunged at her & gave her a very passionate kiss then told her i loved her then wished her a happy birthday.

Dood keeps a really odd sleeping schedule basically up all night sleep all day literally. So she didn't hear from him until this evening. We were watching a movie together then i had to take of the kids so we paused the movie. During the course of the movie she called him after he had texted her happy birthday. He barely talked to her. She asked him what he was doing ,and he said he was playing Skyrim. So she asked him if he wanted to talk later he said no he was fine then suddenly his phone was dying ,and they got off the phone.

I felt bad for her ,and i could tell she was upset. Its not like he just found out it was her birthday he knew this whole time. He could of made an effort to meet us half way here to be here ,or at the very least took time out of his goofy sleep schedule to give her sometime ,and attention on her special day.

I feel like we put our relationship through hell not only to give polyamory a chance but him in this relationship with us a chance ,and he couldn't even alter one day to give her some sort of special attention. I guess i just don't roll that way ,and shouldn't expect someone to do the same but hell....

I mean im still pretty depressed about last night ,and what was said yet i put everything aside inside myself to make sure i gave her as special of a day as i could because despite everything thats how much i love her no matter what
 
I think the efforts you're making to treat her right are exemplary. What you want to keep in mind here is that people can be surprisingly different from each other, and birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries is an area where that's especially true. To many people, those special occasions are very important, while to other people, those occasions aren't important at all. I stopped celebrating holidays and stuff about 14 years ago, and I don't miss the celebrating at all. My own poly companions know not to make any kind of production out of my own birthdays because it would make me uncomfortable. Ironically, the other guy in my V loves birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries, and loves to celebrate them. Which is probably the only reason we even go out for dinner on my birthdays, is to please him. [shrug] We figure out what compromises we can live with as the years go by, I guess.
 
Thanks Kevin. After all the talks about separation and divorce when this started i had a wake up call. Ive always treated Dot special ,but over the past few years we've gotten very relaxed in how we dealt with each other because i was always so busy with work ,and her with the boys. When i would come home i would plop myself down behind a controller ,and play a game. Seeing how close i came to losing someone i love ,and care so deeply for as well as being my best friend and childrens' mother i realized i needed to step up.

So now i go to bed when she goes to bed instead of sitting up playing games. I try to sit with her on the couch as much as possible whether its watching a movie, playing a game ,or whatever. When i do play video games i try to play stuff that i knew she likes so she is more involved. So she'll point out stuff that i don't see ,or we'll crack jokes about the characters or something. I've made it my mission to better how i handle our relationship ,and spend time with her. I told her my mission in life is to make you happy without also making myself miserable ,and if you aren't happy ive failed.

Now i get what you mean about to some people birthdays ,and such aren't special anymore or even at all. Although my thought is this is a new relationship for him. I didn't think he would find a way down here, or send her something (he has a more limited income than we do) ,but i figured he could make an enough to give her at least an hour to talk to her and make her feel special on her bday.

I look at it like this when you get into a relationship its like being in a band ,and special events like birthdays, holidays, and what have you are big concerts (ie playing Hard Rock Cafe ,or Stage AE ...pittsburgh venues). These big shows only come up once a year ,and you want to show everyone what you got. You can play dive bars all year round ,but what you really practice hard for is those big gigs.

This is even more critical when you are a new band (new in a relationship with someone) because this your opportunity to shine ,and impress. So with the way he handled it last night i felt like he stepped up on stage smacked his head off the mic, sang out of key, and plug his guitar in squealing feedback.

I watched the way she looked while being on ,and getting off the phone with him. I watched her face while she texted him after. I've been with my wife for 6 years i can pretty much read her mannerisms like a book so i knew she was upset ,and disappointed. I even asked her earlier in the day did Dood text you yet to wish you happy birthday...shes like no.....but....you know how he sleeps.

I see some pros with this guy ,and i see a good bit of cons too. I told her that last night ,but i told her im not going to discuss those with you. You need to find them yourself. I've been trying very hard to remain objective about things that go on with them ,and not throw him under the bus because of how uncomfortable this situation makes me at times.

Realistically i don't want to see this guy fail with her if this is the path she wants to stick with because i wouldn't be thrilled on the idea of her seeing let alone sleeping with numerous other men after this just to find the next one. Not only that ,but not alot of people who claim to be poly especially men are going to be as open/understanding about everyone involved as he is or at least seems to be. So in otherwords i don't want to have to train another fool.

Although the thing is when we had our girlfriend together i stepped in alot. My wife would be angry with our gf about something ,and i would constantly try to find the good in her then spin things a different way to make my wife look at it from our gf's perspective. I didn't do this because i wanted another woman being a selfish pig. I did it because i seen how much my wife loved having a female companion let alone the fact of getting love from both sides. I seen a change in us we were more passionate with each other we had sex more she was happier. I loved what our girlfriend brought to the relationship so much i had a hard time wanting to see the true faults she herself had.
So i keep being such advocate that i basically encouraged my wife to stay involved with someone longer than it should of continued.

I told her already i knew that i did that ,and im not going to make the same mistake with Dood. Ill listen to what she has to say about things with them, give an honest opinion thats as objective as possible ,but the ultimate choice is hers.

We're suppose to go out on a date tonight if the weather holds up. She mentioned the other date as she was listing off dates to me & Dood on places/things she'd like to do with me, dood, or all 3 of us together. Which was funny was because alot of the stuff Dood & I both agreed we wanted to do with her even things she thought one wouldnt enjoy and the other would turned out to be we both liked the idea.

But ice skating was on that list ,and that was one date Dood said he wasn't into. So i'm planning on taking her ice skating tonight (i think it'll be romantic to skate around holding hands) then go to dinner somewhere.
 
Sounds like a good plan.

As far as birthdays are concerned, I think communication is the solution. Dood probably doesn't realize birthdays are important to you, so call him up (or meet him in person), and say, "Dood, birthdays are a really big deal to us and we need your help in making them special." Keep it positive, and keep the focus on the future. Any mistakes he's made in the past are made and can't be unmade. Your concert analogy was good and you could share that with him.

I'll be pulling for you guys, in any case.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
if it were me I would just stay out of it be there and support her when she needs you to listen and then let her deal with her boyfriend as she sees fit. I think if you try to act the go between you're just going to get stressed out if she needs to communicate her needs to her boyfriend she needs to do it herself
 
Inyourendo...i understand what you are saying ,but i believe you misunderstood what i was saying.

I haven't been trying to be the go between my wife & dood. Ill listen to her concerns ,and what not ill give her my advice ,and how i look at the situation although ive made it clear to her that the end result is her choice not mine.

The only way ill step in is if i see it hurting her ,or if it affects our relationship in a bad way. She's asked me a few times to talk to him about this & that although i told her no. To me if i tell him different things he would be acting on behalf of the suggestions/thoughts rather than on his own motivation.

I feel when you tell someone about how you would like things to be ,or not to be they change them just to make the situation for you better rather than doing something because they honestly want to ,and its not something they discovered on their own. if that makes any sense. i know im weird lol

Now i did alot of go between work when my wife was dating her girlfriend this past summer. I realized though it only enabled something that didn't work just go on longer than it should of. Hence why i won't do it now.

BTW on a side note...i noticed how much she's been missing him so ive worked with her & him to come up with a better visit schedule so she's going to go get him on the 5th spend the weekend with us then get him again 2 weeks after. They both seem very happy..

Im still having my issues ,and very concerned about their date alone together. Although im hoping that the rest of our time together during the course of the visit will make things easier for me as i'm going to try to focus on having fun with all of us together rather than other shit.
 
After recent visit

Ok gang so i'm back with a new update.

A few days before Dot went to go get Dood we had another discussion on how everyone was feeling about everything. During the conversation Dood asked if i wanted to go with Dot to pick up him ,and we all have a family outing (our kids had to come along). I told them no that it wasn't fair to them they kept insisting they wanted me there because they didnt want me to feel left out ,and be left alone too long to end up in my own head.

Dot later told me her mom suggested the same thing a week ago. I kept insisting that i didnt want to go because to me it wasn't something they really wanted they were just trying to make me happy. She kept insisting otherwise ,and even got to the point of doing what i felt was making excuses. She started telling me she didn't want to drive that far alone. She told me she needed me to drive because she doesn't know the way there very well.

So after some back & forth i reluctantly gave in ,and we all went together. It was nice we had fun. Dood was kind of distant from her so she said maybe he's waiting on your permission to get closer to me. So while my oldest son was getting a hair cut Dood & I went into the store next door ,and BS'd. I told him i didn't care he got close to her as thats what i expected ,and asked him if he was okay. He said he was fine ,and he knew that he wasn't worried about me in that way.

Later that night we all went upstairs for some activities. The last time we had a 3 some he couldn't perform because of his medication. So this time that didn't seem to be an issue. He had sex with her first ,and it turned out to not be as much as a turn on for me as i thought it might be to watch my wife have sex with another man.

I love watching her play with toys...i loved watching her have sex with another woman hell half the reason i even ever wanted a 3some with her & another woman was just to watch her do stuff to another woman & vice versa while i was doing stuff to my wife. I really never had a huge intention on fucking the other woman myself.

Anyway back on track here....One of the big problems were when i tried to do things to her while he was fucking her there was too much movement ,and when i tried to get her to do things to me during such she pretty much half assed it. Yet after he was done i got behind her she goes down on him & she goes to town on him while im behind her.

The next morning we discuss the whole thing. We expressed all concerns ,and my wife even told me in private that she had a hard time doing things to me while he was doing her because his performance was lacking ,and distracting.

So the following couple of sessions he had med issues so it pretty much left me to get her "there" which i didnt mind. The next session he was able to perform things went down a similar way again. She pulled him close to her ,and it kind of blocked me out from doing anything with her. So i kept feeling the urge just to leave the room ,and let them go at it. But as soon as i tried to leave she reached for me ,and i didn't want to start up a fight during his time here for her.

After that session she told me after he left the room that she could barely feel him ,and i said you were moaning alot she's didn't you notice the difference when i moaned for you compared to him i said were you faking ,and she nodded. (Something similar happened with our girlfriend...she couldn't get Dot off so she'd fake it to not hurt the other person ,and the only way it worked for my wife was if i was there to help.)

She told she pulled him was she was trying to feel him better but she couldn't. I told her i felt like i should of just left the room ,and she was like no i want you to be apart of this i want you here in this. I asked her if it would be better for her if i left them to have sex alone for now on ,and she told me no she didnt want that. She asked me how to get him to try something different with her without telling him i said just implement what you want.

It was a few more sessions before he didn't have another med issue (he was here for 5 days ,and we about 7-8 sessions i never ever seen Dot so sexually driven usually my sex drive outs hers i never ever seen her match mine before)

In this 3rd time having sex with her she started going down on me first ,and forced him to get behind her. I watched him struggle to get inside her (she has a big butt :D) After he gets going on her she pretty much stops what she's doing to me just resting her head on my leg holding my parts. Then she starts exclaiming how good it felt. After he finished she climbed on top of me ,and i could feel certain things leaking which extremely turned me off. She ended up climbing off cleaning herself then got back on although at that point it killed it for me although i worked through it ,and got her & i off.

She kept telling me she wanted me to get off shortly after she got on top ,and i asked if she got off yet she said no ,and i told her then thats my goal before anything else was to get her off.

It seems now though im finding myself not wanting her sexually much at all right now. I gave her a passionate kiss last night to show her i still loved her (this was after we took him home) ,and she said to me you just got it 5 days in a row. I told her i wasn't asking for sex ,and quiet frankly i was very hyped up on the idea of doing anything with her currently anyhow. She looked at me ,and was like why? i told her it was because she had sex with another man. It bothered me ,and felt more awkward than anything. She then said you dont want sex with me ever? i said i dunno just at least not right now.

So now today she went out ,and she called me asking me if she could spend some money to get her hair redyed ,and done. She told me she wants to do it because she wants to look beautiful for me. i told her she didn't need a 70 dollar dye job to be beautiful to me as she already is. I told her to do whatever makes her happy. Then she said you make me happy can i do you then said she missed me being inside her. I didn't indulge her comments ,and changed the subject.

Is it normal for me to feel this way. It's not even an issue of him doing her better than me because she made it very clear on the way home last night as well as over the course of his time here that my performance overall was much better than his. She even told me that if it would of been one on one with him she would of likely just dropped him because he currently doesn't cut it for her.

She told me he's mainly best at oral where as i'm great all the way around. I felt like it was just ego fluffing but she said it wasn't. I said to her if it wasnt that great then what about the whole it feels so good talk when he was behind this morning shes like i was faking again couldn't you tell the difference. She's like i still could barely feel him.

Another few things that bothered me was the first session he had sex with her first had her in two different positions then she came to me she got on top of me for like 5 mins but the whole time she wasn't paying attention to me she kept trying to go over to him until eventually she just got off me ,and went to him. It was a WTF moment for me because i barely even got in her & she was going back to him. Then i noticed she was kissing him much more passionately than me. She would give me small kisses but she'd get to the point of grabbing his face ,and just passionately kissing him. I told her ,and him about both things. She apologized and worked to fix it as she said she didnt realize she was doing it. Then he gave me some pointers on how he got her to kiss him so passionately which ended up working.

She said she noticed a big difference with him this time. She said she thought it would be a good cop bad cop deal with him & i yet this time she noticed i evolved alot sexually ,and it seemed like he kind of took a backseat ,and was just giving me tools to work with.

So all in all she's made it clear that he was any better than me during the activities but just the thought that he was in her & everything has blocked somethings for me with her sexually.

I dont love her any less ,and in some ways ive already started to see some distinct differents between their relationship and ours...

Ill continue this later on as my youngest son has an appointment here shortly.

To be continued....
 
I don't have any experience with threesomes, so I can't give any advice in that area. As for the blockage you feel in your sexual interest toward Dot, I think you just need some time to work through that. I know it is not easy to think of her being with another man.

Will hold off adding more for the moment as I know you were intending to post a continuation.
 
You have a lot going on there. I am sorry you struggle. :(

In case it helps you any, some of the things that stick out for me...

i basically told her she's not going to understand because she's so focused on wanting what she wants she doesn't really hear what i say even though she does listen.
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Could you ask her to repeat back what you just said in her own words so you can be assured that she got it like you meant it?

we originally chose what my level of comfort would be with it ,and we agreed on it. We drew the line in the sand on the beach i turned around to build a sandcastle then i turned back to discover her on the other side of the beach with a new line drawn. In other words she took this to levels i was never completely okay with nor was given a chance to be okay with.
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So ... are you saying you cannot trust her to keep agreements? You can expect her to run roughshod over you?

After that session she told me after he left the room that she could barely feel him ,and i said you were moaning alot she's didn't you notice the difference when i moaned for you compared to him i said were you faking ,and she nodded. (Something similar happened with our girlfriend...she couldn't get Dot off so she'd fake it to not hurt the other person ,and the only way it worked for my wife was if i was there to help.)
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So you are long aware she fakes orgasms and lies to lovers?

She also expects you to mind reader her? (And unspokenly expects you to help her keep the lie from Dood?)

How does that make you feel about her agreements with you when you observe her doing these behaviors? Do you find her trustworthy?

She told she pulled him was she was trying to feel him better but she couldn't. I told her i felt like i should of just left the room ,and she was like no i want you to be apart of this i want you here in this.
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So you do not do what is best for YOU -- leaving the room. Why not? Do you expect her want to trump your need?

I asked her if it would be better for her if i left them to have sex alone for now on ,and she told me no she didnt want that. She asked me how to get him to try something different with her without telling him i said just implement what you want.
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Is it better for YOU to leave them to have sex on their own so you do not witness her faking or doing whatever else that bothers you or leads to you feeling weird or unsafe?

It's all about what is best for her? Including how to get other people to do what she wants?

This dynamic seems weird to me. :(

Honestly sometimes i have a hard time being affectionate with her (especially when she does ,or says something that throws me backwards) because ill touch her ,and my mind triggers an image of her & him touching in the same way. Also she's always going on & on about how much she misses him how much she wishes she could do this & that to him. So sometimes i feel like she only does things she does with me because i'm whats available.
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So you think she just uses you because you are handy. I could see why you think that.

How much do you believe her words when you know of her other behaviors that are less than honest? When her "walk and talk" do not match? Could believe the "walk" -- her actions. "Talk" is sometimes just hot air.

I could be wrong. But I wonder if there is an HONESTY thing at the bottom of it? Even though it most often comes out during sex so you think it is a sex thing?

Like you don't believe she is honest. You wonder if she "fakes things" with you -- during sex and outside of sex.

And you can be enjoying sex with her when you think of him enjoying sex with her (where he is unaware that she fakes it/lies with him). And then you don't want to be like him? Being lied to?

So the whole idea of sex with her is just... meh right now?

Because you don't know that it is honest sex. Enjoying being with you for the pleasure of being with you sexually.

Or if it is more like using sex as a tool -- servicing you sexually as convenient means to an end? Like "I give you sex so I can get what I want."

Is that where some of this is?

Galagirl
 
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hopeful

You seem like a very deeply considerate man. I just hope it works out for you and you set appropriate boundaries for yourself to feel safe and loved. Perhaps thinking about what is ideal for you , and if you want to share it , would be a good idea.
 
Ummm...wait, what?

Listen you seem like a very nice guy, a bit naive but a good guy. You wont like it but I feel I should tell you two things first. First and foremost I really don't want to add to your pain but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to. Second, I joined this site specifically to give you my two cents worth, I have never done that before. At first I thought you were messing around and I was waiting for you to tell everyone "Hahhh!!! I'm just f*****g with ya", but I realized you were serious and then I had to read the rest and I just couldn't believe what i was reading. So here goes : YOU HAVE BEEN PLAYED FROM DAY ONE MY FRIEND and even though you wont like what I'm about to say, you have to own up to the facts that you are on a slow burning bridge and you're the engineer who designed it. Now I wasn't born yesterday and for years I've been researching ethical and unethical polyamory, open relationships, hotwife lifestyle, multi level swinging you name it. I have many friends who are in these lifestyles and they would all tell you the same thing. You have been redirected and manipulated into slowly accepting what she wanted to do by being all nice and caring, giving you the "you know you're the one I love baby...etc" speech and him being the nice guy wanting to include you almost religiously, giving you the game analogies (which I think is sub moronic) and basically the both of them being really careful not to upset you. Think about it, of course they don't want you to go, between your wife in therapy and the other award winner without a job, you're the safety net (physical, emotional, financial, all of them or others, that I cannot answer). Everything you were against they got you to accept even if you never wanted it. Have you ever noticed that she has given you the "You're more important and if you don't like it we wont go any further" speech after she was sure you would not ask her to break it off??? And by the way please stop with the "no, no, no I don't want you to stop talking to him or seeing him" when you know full well that it's "yes, yes, yes". It's obvious you're not okay with this and they both know it. Have you noticed also that everything they said would not happen, happened??? It's because deep relationships of that level are more unpredictable than a blind man walking on a mine field from WWII, he may or may not step on one and it may or may not explode. When it comes to love and feelings and deep bonding and jealousy, feelings of neglect and so on and so forth nothing is predictable. They've been playing you like a violin man, you don't have to agree with me just think about all of that for a while and for god's sake sound off like you got a pair. Good luck man (I really mean that).
 
DemetreeDot1030 said:
How fair is it to be at home with our children while she spends time on a date with another man when we barely are able to have time alone ourselves
Click to expand...

1. You MUST make time for each other. This it's not a poly think, it's a relationship thing.
2. I used to take care of the house when my ex GF (we lived together) went out on dates. When she came home she would tell me every detail of the date while we humped like wild beasts.

You need to be confident in yourself and your relationship. Anything less spells disaster.
 
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