If you decide to continue on in a V with Wolf (which I know you were unsure on), consider:
A. Does he have the character traits to be a strong hinge and treat you as an equal primary partner? He will need them to stand his ground with Lioness. So far, he hasn't exhibited them.
Wolf himself expressed concerns that he won't be able to be a good hinge, "I am afraid I will fail you both." And the more I think about it, the more I think he's right. He hasn't yet really stood up to Lioness on our behalf... what makes me think it would be different in a V? I don't think it will be any different, and I don't think it's going to work after all.
B. If he doesn't have those traits, would you be doing yourself a disservice to just use him as a sperm donar? (Or was this question purely hypothetical to Lioness, to illustrate her possessiveness over Wolf's DNA, but you'd actually not go down that path?)
I was entertaining the thought, but
mostly it was an exercise in getting Lioness to examine her true motivations. As for me, I'm thinking, no, even if he were willing to be just a donor, I don't think I'm really interested in that now, if I ever was.
C. Even if Wolf wanted to, and was able to be a strong hinge, and did have a baby with you and live part time with you and part time with Lioness - would you even want Lioness in your life as a metamor?
This is where it gets really "fun." The more I think about it, the more I think that Lioness is just not a person
I want to be any kind of life partner with. At least not with some huge changes on her part-- and we all know how likely that is.
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I suspect that Lioness has already decided she's 100% against you and Wolf having a child, but she still wants your babysitting services, so she keeps thinking of excuses to kick the can down the road; that is, she doesn't want to admit to having a firm position because if she did (and she were honest), she would lose your services. Perhaps somewhere in her mind she even thinks she can keep you around indefinitely... It is another excuse to kick the can down the road, whatever was easiest and most effective at the time.
That's what I'm thinking too. Lioness is set against us, but wants to get as much out of me as possible. She wants her cake and wants to eat it too. She might not even be consciously doing it... but I
do know that she "doesn't want to be the bad guy," so I can easily see where she's taking a passive aggressive stance so that
I'm the one that ends it, absolving her of any responsibility in that regard.
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This is my worry as well. I think she has likely written a script in her mind that her way is best...but that she isn't being empathetic to LSB's needs and that she isn't recognizing that it's manipulative. Also, perhaps she has let "What is Best for My Kids" become the prime directive to the point of shut-down on what is important to the other adults in the household.
I definitely think that might be part of the problem-- but as someone else on the thread here said, Lioness just isn't doing the math well. Three adults and four kids seems much better odds than two adults, three kids, at least in my book.
But maybe she won't ever see that until she's had the latter herself.
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I agree with Infinity. Wolf doesn't seem cut out to be a good hinge between you and Lioness. And, no matter the configuration, unless it's the one she's chosen, I don't see Lioness making life easy or happy for you, Wolf, or your child...Both you and your future child deserve better.
Thank you, and I think I agree. The question is whether or not it's worth it to me to
try a V, or if that's just setting myself up for further heartbreak.
I agree with Kevin and the others, Lioness's lack of empathy is concerning. She seems most interested in getting what she can from you, as long as you'll allow it and least interested in working on a compromise. In your position, I think I'd be looking for my own place, preferably closer to my job (and further from Lioness & Wolf to discourage contact.)
Yes. It's... unnerving.
Last night she tried to be sweet, and the worst part is that I can no longer be certain whether it's genuine affection, or just a tactic for keeping me on the hook a little longer. That's no good place to be.
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It seems a bit unkind to keep talking about the trip in front of LSB after she has repeatedly expressed unhappiness that she will be staying home. Lioness' reaction seems so strange to me that I think there must be some emotional communication problem. Expressions that LSB sees as merely affectionate comments on how she will miss them, Lioness seems to hear as more serious complaints. They may interpret these things differently and that might need discussion if they do continue in a relationship. Since LSB does indeed feel left out, I wonder if that is coming through and Lioness feels whined at.
I really wouldn't mind talking about the trip if I had a little empathy-- in fact, I am almost certain I could get excited for them. I'm just struggling to feel compersion like I usually do because I've been met with a wall.
Good lord, I hope I didn't come across as whining. Now I'm playing the conversations over in my head again : /
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I came home from work yesterday, fed myself (Lioness offered to buy me dinner, but I didn't feel right accepting), and went to bed.
Wolf and Lioness were both sweet about it, and they asked if they could help at all, but I had no answer for them. I told them I appreciated the effort, though.
Lioness asked if we should talk-- she said she wasn't quite ready, but if it would help, she'd rather talk than see me so down. Wolf, however, was ill yesterday and had said earlier that he didn't want to talk, so I didn't want to pull him into a conversation he didn't want. Plus, I have learned better than to force an emotionally-charged conversation with Lioness.
So I told them, "no, thank you," and then I slept-- all the way to morning.
I guess I'm still trying to process things too.
