When to bring up polyamory with new romantic interests
- Thread starter Blue8
- Start date
Hello Blue8,
I generally advise bringing up polyamory fairly early with new romantic interests, as in, no later than the third date. However, with a hookup or one-night stand, you're not planning on getting to know each other all that well anyway, so I make an exception in that case.
Regards,
Kevin T.
I generally advise bringing up polyamory fairly early with new romantic interests, as in, no later than the third date. However, with a hookup or one-night stand, you're not planning on getting to know each other all that well anyway, so I make an exception in that case.
Regards,
Kevin T.
As a Nb/woman I'm a little more cautious when it comes to a hook-up, I don't do the bar scene, so it would all be via online until the hookup. So far, not a soul has reacted in a negative way, if anything I've been asked for threesomes 100000 times by straight men
Could tell them honest and up front.
"I'm poly, partnered, and also enjoy casual sex. I'm not looking for serious at this time. I'd be up for a hook up/on night thing. Are you up for that?"
If yes? You negotiate safer sex practices and location. If no, you say a polite thank you and move on.
From your other thread, you are in a monogamous relationship.
I hope you are just thinking to future and how you would deal with being single poly or partnered poly seeking hookups.
And not thinking about having hookups on the side and cheating on your monogamous agreements. And worrying about the hook up partner telling your established partner and you being found out.
Some people don't care if the hook up partner is actually cheating on someone. They figure it's a one time hook up, they aren't responsible for the health of that other relationship, they aren't the one cheating on agreements because it isn't their agreements, etc.
Other people do care. They want a "clean" hook up. And don't want to be deceived into being some sort of "cheating affair accomplice."
The people potentially hooking up have to sort out all their negotiations themselves according to what they care about and value.
In the end? When developing your own personal standards that reflect what you care about and value? YOU have to decide when you tell, how you tell, when it "counts" etc. That's why it is YOUR personal standards. They don't have to be like other people's.
Galagirl
"I'm poly, partnered, and also enjoy casual sex. I'm not looking for serious at this time. I'd be up for a hook up/on night thing. Are you up for that?"
If yes? You negotiate safer sex practices and location. If no, you say a polite thank you and move on.
From your other thread, you are in a monogamous relationship.
I hope you are just thinking to future and how you would deal with being single poly or partnered poly seeking hookups.
And not thinking about having hookups on the side and cheating on your monogamous agreements. And worrying about the hook up partner telling your established partner and you being found out.
Some people don't care if the hook up partner is actually cheating on someone. They figure it's a one time hook up, they aren't responsible for the health of that other relationship, they aren't the one cheating on agreements because it isn't their agreements, etc.
Other people do care. They want a "clean" hook up. And don't want to be deceived into being some sort of "cheating affair accomplice."
The people potentially hooking up have to sort out all their negotiations themselves according to what they care about and value.
In the end? When developing your own personal standards that reflect what you care about and value? YOU have to decide when you tell, how you tell, when it "counts" etc. That's why it is YOUR personal standards. They don't have to be like other people's.
Galagirl
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vinsanity0
Active member
I'm a guy so I've been accused of being a cheater. Some people can be into casual sex but not want to be part of cheating and assume someone is lying if they say they are in an open relationship.
Of course, some people get off on having sex with married people.
And some people understand non- monogamy.
Personally, I wouldn't make it a point to tell a hookup or ons much of anything about myself...lol. I don't really do that sort of casual though.
I tell anyone I'm going to have sex with that I'm in relationship(s) already. Just because you think it's only going to be a one time thing doesn't mean that it will in fact be a one time thing. People change, feelings change, etc. So how comfortable would you be explaining afterwards that you are already dating if someone was like hey this was fun, let's do it again afterwards- with the expectation that you are mono?
JaneQSmythe
Well-known member
I think that it would be different if I were solo poly or, even, didn't cohabitate with both (or even one) of my partners. I wear a wedding band on my left hand - traditional) (I also wear my husbands wedding ring and a ring from Dude on my left hand (non-traditional ). But being with and living with my boys for so long, it's hard to tell stories about myself withOUT including .them as significant players in my life. (At work it is often hard to remember to fudge, as I am not officially OUT - but everyone is polite enough to honor my cover story, at least to my face ).
If I am ever meeting someone online, it is right there in my profile before we ever talk to each other. If I am talking to someone at a party or club then it usually comes up in the "hey, how did you hear about the band/ meet the host/ etc." ("Oh my boyfriend introduced me and my husband to x, speaking of, they are probably wondering where I wandered off to - come on, let me introduce you to them and buy you a drink!")
If I lived by myself I don't know that it would be so effortless when meeting people first IRL. Probably would tell a story like "This one guy I am dating doesnt like sour cream, can you imagine, WHO doesn't like sour cream?" "Wait, you are dating someone?" "Actually, I am dating a few "someones", I don't buy into monopolizing one person for myself..."
). But being with and living with my boys for so long, it's hard to tell stories about myself withOUT including .them as significant players in my life. (At work it is often hard to remember to fudge, as I am not officially OUT - but everyone is polite enough to honor my cover story, at least to my face ).If I am ever meeting someone online, it is right there in my profile before we ever talk to each other. If I am talking to someone at a party or club then it usually comes up in the "hey, how did you hear about the band/ meet the host/ etc." ("Oh my boyfriend introduced me and my husband to x, speaking of, they are probably wondering where I wandered off to - come on, let me introduce you to them and buy you a drink!")
If I lived by myself I don't know that it would be so effortless when meeting people first IRL. Probably would tell a story like "This one guy I am dating doesnt like sour cream, can you imagine, WHO doesn't like sour cream?" "Wait, you are dating someone?" "Actually, I am dating a few "someones", I don't buy into monopolizing one person for myself..."