Wow!! What a weekend!!
So Friday the guy that was training me did a not so sneaky breast grab, I then found out that my position isn't classified as cashier, it's a "hidden" position so they can save on numbers and put me whereever they want, then found out that there are no full time positions, yet plenty of people working full time-their way of not paying benefits- and was told to get used to it, come holiday season I'd be on 40 hrs too, was then told that for my 9 hr day on sat I would be out in the 80 degree heat setting people up for oil changes and tires, when told that won't happen, due to my meds I can't be in the heat like that- was once again told to suck it up.
Came home, went to bed.
Called off Saturday. Mix of fibro attack, panic attack and just exhaustion.
Karma spent a few hours with me then off he went to see G/F. Fine whatever, I told them they could have work hours, so why should be calling off change that? Called Karma around midnight to tell I took and anxiety med. Didn't do so well with communicating that I needed him.
He FINALY came home around 3 am, read my post, got mad and then we got to talking. By 7 he had drug everything out of me and we decided I was done, I quit, and would deal with it Monday. Sunday he was going to Darkon then we were going to Faire to see friends and have a good time.
Woke up today and had a pretty good time at Ren faire. there was some Drama but whatever.
Came home and decided we were both in too much pain to cook, went to a diner for their $6 meals. After ordering, realized he left the debit card in his wallet, in his garb, at home. He left to go get it. Comes back all weird.
Girlfriend had e-mailed me earlier in the day to say she had read my blog, had some questions, all seemed cool and calm, I messaged back that when I got home and could think, I'd respond.
Well apparently while driving home to get the card they talked, and she was PISSED, at what she had read.
He comes back and fills me in, and wow did that place get some entertainment. I went OFF!!!!! I was being accused of purposely pushing buttons, being catty, being a bitch, and the constant I;ve made my mind up about her and won't give her a chance thing. Oh and my favorite, I'm playing games. I wish I had known it was going on, I'd have sold tickets to the customers to witness my rant, and poor Karma being stuck in the middle.
Got home, she IM's him that she's sorry if she pissed him off but she's sick of my games, he tells her she can tell me that and hands me the computer. We then yelled a bit back and forth and 2 hrs later if not more, were discussing making plans to hang out and her first post on here and what to say.
Basicaly we have different context for the same words, lots of miscommunication, playing telephone through Karma, her fearing confrontation and me apparently coming off as a condescending bitch. I think we worked through most of it. Part of it was Karma encouraging her to stand up to me and fight back. I didn't want a fight, I just wanted SOMETHING other than blank stares. She took a lot of what I say personaly, when in fact much of it was generalizations. She felt I didn't find her worthy of being with Karma when I asked what he saw in her, when in fact I was asking because I wanted to know. I wanted to know what was inside the shell of a person I saw. It had nothing to do with being worthy, and everything to do with wanting to understand her.
She doesn't know me, to trust that coming to me with an issue, won't result in me saying they can't be together anymore. I tried to emphasize that had I wanted to break them up/ veto their relationship, that wold have happened long before now. Now I see that she does care about him and isn't out to hurt him. All 3 rules (happy, healthy, sane) are being met, so I have no need to veto.
I dunno if I made my point or not. I guess time will tell.
I do look forward to having her posting on here. I hope she gets the same awesome feedback I get. I know the friends I've made on here have been really helpful in putting things in perspective.
And we promised no more telephone through Karma. We promised to talk things out, or IM things out as the case may be.
So tomorrow, Karma and I are going to call the state prosecuter to see if I have any grounds to file a complaint on any of the issues at work. We are then job hunting. But given the pain I am in right now, the job hunting may not happen til tuesday, we shall see.
And thanks to Living My Best Life- I now have better mid panic attack communication. Karma and I are going to discuss a set of code words. So If I can't really spell out everything, but need him home, I can tell him that, and he'll know he needs to come home, like NOW.
Still have some residual anxiety and panic, and some nervousness over tomorrow. I hate that I shut down instead of standing up for myself. that is so NOT me and I don't know why it happened. But I am doing something now, so hopefuly it does some good.
Once again, I don't know that g/f and I will be the best of friends, but at least the line of communication is open. We had our first real conversation since this whole thing started. So even though it started out shitty, it ended on a good note.
So now I am going to snuggle with my boy. Apologize again for making him look like the bad guy last night. (yes 3 am was a little much, but I didn't exactly tell him I needed him, I had shut so far down, apparently long before this weekend, that he had no idea where I was mentaly.) And hopefully get a good nights sleep.
I think that sums up my weekend. It's all kind of blur now.
