Why does it always have to be at my house?

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
OK, so gf is a very young woman who lives with her mom, and she's afraid it wouldn't be cool to bring home an "older!" bf to spend the night. Is it his age, or just that Mom doesn't want any of her (adult) children bringing home partners to spend the night together, unmarried and all? That is entirely the gf's issue to address. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your privacy and serenity just because the gf is young and scared of her mom's disapproval.

And maybe "mi casa su casa" was fine with you years ago, but now you seem to want: "My house is yours for X amount of time, and to make X amount of mess, but no more."

It sounds like you are facing your former tendency to bottle things up to avoid conflict, only to explode like a volcano when the pressure gets to be too much. That should help.
 
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abigail

New member
Lol. I believe you are spot on. I was allowing it. I hold a lot of power in this relationship. My husband will bend over backwards for me. At the same time I have no desire for that power and sure as hell don't want to abuse it. I want to be reasonable about it my requests. Some times I tend to be hyper sensitive, even to my detriment. Other times I can be down right nasty. Being able to hear others thoughts on it and get validation (or invalidation) is very helpful.
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
So I am reasonably okay with people leaving stuff and making themselves at home. But damn; there are blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, sex toys cosmetics, food, cookware, you name it. It's crazy. {smh}. Clutter is one of my anxiety points too. It gets worse as I get older, fun stuff.

Leaving a toothbrush and having your fav cereal or snacks around because a regular overnight guest? That is one thing.

Bulky bedding, stuffed animals, sex toys, COOKWARE? That's moving in part time. That's not overnight bag kinda guest to me.

BTW, I am not sure I mentioned this and not even sure if it makes a difference, but one of her roommates is her mother that lives in a different part of the house. So, maybe I can see why it would probably be awkward for her to bring home an older man. Still, it should not be a burden for me to carry.

Not your problem to solve or burden to carry. She's an adult. She can work all that roomie stuff out with her mom, or not live with the mom any more. The mom herself may want to have overnight guests if mom is dating.
 

dingedheart

Well-known member
Abigail are you familiar with the concept and article on PolyHell ? It centers on demotion, displacement and intrusion. If you are unfamiliar with the concept maybe you should read up and look at your territorial issues through the poly hell lens. To me you got intrusion part coming out the butt plug part. I think the frequency and some of the disrespect could lend itself to feeling displaced or demoted.

 
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