Wife's Date

Magdlyn said:
I would think some metamours would dislike sharing the same bed. 1) The bed might be too small 2) People might have different sleep habits, snoring, too hot, too cold, bed too hard or soft 3) Some straight people might not like to share a bed with their metamour just because they both love the hinge 4) The original lover might have gotten used to sleeping with the hinge
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Agreed.

I'll add that I am bi and I still can't fanthom sharing the same bed with Taylor and Roger. I would absolutely take sleeping in a separate room by myself than joining them. They can go have their relationship without me needing to intrude on it.

Magdlyn said:
There are no "shoulds" about it, Wind. And there IS a problem here, despite your saying their isn't. It's not polite to deny people their feelings!
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Well said.
 
Magdlyn, absolutely no one should deny their feelings. We have tried to keep everything on the table. Hidden feelings can cause problems. My wife did state, I have to treat any gf as I treat her.
Reflections, we have shared our bed overnight with two separate women. One was bi and the two of them shared some one on one time, the second was more mine and not really bi. Both times when they stayed with us, we slept in the same bed, I was the middle. With the GF that was not having bi sex with my wife, we would occasionally leave the bedroom for sex so as not to disturb my wife. We did have sex together with them alternating who got fucked. With our Bi GF, it was always the three of us. I do miss her. But wasn't in the cards, she went the mono route to an unhappy marriage.
 
TheWind said:
Reflections, we have shared our bed overnight with two separate women...
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And my point was what works for you would never work for me and my partners. As Mags said, there are no "shoulds" - it's about what works best for each person/relationship/network. No "One True Way" to be polyamorous.
 
I am the hinge in a Vee relationship. Both my husbands are straight and monogamous.

There is no way I would want to share a bed with both of them.

Honestly I prefer to sleep with Murf when I have both guys under the same roof. I sleep better with him.
 
Each of us are different, My wife hates sleeping without me, I feel the same. But then when our daughter hit about 5 the sleep overs went on hold. There was no one that we wanted to spend the night.
I guess it would be harder because I am very dominant and so is her one lover, but he and I get along really well. She did have a fantasy to pretend she was cheating and seduce a guy. I was fine with that, but as soon as she told him we were poly and it was OK, he broke it off. Still friends but no sex. Different flavors?
 
Re:
"I was fine with that, but as soon as she told him we were poly and it was okay, he broke it off."
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Wow! I guess not everyone wants it to be okay? It spoils the fun?
 
I thank all of you guys so much for your advice and insight. Your responses are thoughtful and have been very valuable to me. I decided to take NYCindie's advice and did the thing that was initially hardest but ultimately easiest. We talked. I told her what I wanted and needed and why. She was super cool about as was her boyfriend. Now when he stays over, usually because he's had a couple of drinks and shouldn't drive, he sleeps in the guest room. I get my wife and bed to myself when we're in my house. When she wants to spend some alone time with him, she goes to his house. It is a bit of a drive and she ends up staying there the night, but at least I get to stay in my bed!

So it works out for everyone. Thanks for the support.

Now if I could just find someone to spend time with when she was at his place...
 
She called him to help her with something at work, if he had joined us, he would have gotten at lest a complimentary BJ. I think he wants no strings attached sex, his wife is hot, a little above him I suspect. We have met so many poly guys in a mono relationship,they get all kind of stressed
 
Yup, would have been fun and could have stayed mf, we have to hide our play from the dog..... the fucker has one keen sense of smell
 
kdt26417 said:
Re:
"I was fine with that, but as soon as she told him we were poly and it was okay, he broke it off."
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Wow! I guess not everyone wants it to be okay? It spoils the fun?
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I find this to be true for many people: the lure of the forbidden, the frisson that comes with the risk of being caught. I would guess that for many people the attraction of a lot of porno is that it depicts acts that the viewer would never try out.

And that's one of the reasons why polyamory is so bloody BORING!!! :p
 
MrFarFromRight said:
I would guess that for many people the attraction of a lot of porno is that it depicts acts that the viewer would never try out.

And that's one of the reasons why polyamory is so bloody BORING!!! :p
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I imagine that for most people drawn to poly, variation in personal connections is the main interest, not the novelty of "acts." Therefore, not boring.
 
Hi Guys,

It is amazing. I have been on this site for a while now. My wife and I never thought we would be able to form a stable, long term, poly relationship. It just did not seem realistic. It seemed like something that other people did but that we could not do given our lifestyle. But my wife found a boyfriend almost a year ago and she has been with him since. I think can now classify ourselves as a solid MFM V. So now after all the experience of this year, I feel like I really belong here and have learned so much and may now hopefully have something to contribute as well.

I am certainly biased but I think the best relationship strategy out there is one woman, two men. It amazes me that more woman don't pursue this option. It is wonderful for the woman and great for the guys too.

Why don't more woman find two men in their lives for romantic partners?

Thoughts?..
 
Your question is extremely heterocentric. That is, you're presuming that every woman in existence would *want* two men. Some only want one man. Some don't want any.

So the short answer to your question of why all women don't find two men is THEY DON'T WANT TO.
 
threesnocrowd said:
....I think the best relationship strategy out there is one woman, two men. It amazes me that more woman don't pursue this option. It is wonderful for the woman and great for the guys too.
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Well, it's wonderful for you and that's a beautiful thing. The world is built upon variety and the key to happiness is finding what works for you no matter the choices of others. Love offers and endless variety and no one "relationship strategy" is best. Didn't we all already go through the diversity training seminar?? ;)
 
threesnocrowd said:
Hi Guys,

It is amazing. I have been on this site for a while now. My wife and I never thought we would be able to form a stable, long term, poly relationship. It just did not seem realistic. It seemed like something that other people did but that we could not do given our lifestyle. But my wife found a boyfriend almost a year ago and she has been with him since. I think can now classify ourselves as a solid MFM V. So now after all the experience of this year, I feel like I really belong here and have learned so much and may now hopefully have something to contribute as well.
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Congrats! I am glad you're happy.
I am certainly biased but I think the best relationship strategy out there is one woman, two men. It amazes me that more woman don't pursue this option. It is wonderful for the woman and great for the guys too.

Why don't more women find two men in their lives for romantic partners?

Thoughts?..
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LOL. I am pansexual, so I seek women, men, transgender or genderfluid people. And it's not so easy to find 1 good man (who is good with polyamory), much less 2! I've been in a serious relationship with my gf for almost 7 years, and we have had so few problems, even after moving in together 2 1/2 years ago. But men? In 7 years, I've had two 2 year relationships, others of 2-7 months. Probably 3 dozen first dates that went nowhere. They just don't have it in them for the long haul for some reason.

If I could find the "perfect" man, I would be content with one male and one female partner. I was, for 2 years, content that way. But then my male partner's true nature came out... sigh...
 
Why don't more women find 2 men? Ha! Why not 3? ;)
 
(Kinda have to agree with Bluebird on that one, at least for myself... LOL)

Seriously, though... Yes, when I'm in another relationship besides my marriage, it's with a man. I'm straight, so that's how it works for me. In the two years since my poly journey began, I've had two or, occasionally, three men in my life.

But obviously things don't last with the guys. My first boyfriend lasted a year and a half, counting the time that we were FWB (he was officially my boyfriend for about a year, after I realized I was poly). My second lasted 13 months (he and the first overlapped by a bit over two months). The FWB I had after my second boyfriend broke up with me only lasted about 3 weeks! There were issues in all cases, involving jealousy, or differing ideas of where the connection was and would go, or an inability to handle dating a married poly woman, among other things. The issues weren't only with the guys; I admit I have my share. But *their* issues were the primary factors in those connections ending.

Right now, in addition to Hubby, I have a boyfriend and an FWB. Because of what I say above, and my dating history before meeting Hubby, I'm not inclined to believe either Woody or Bouncer will be in my life by this time next year. Something will go wrong the way it always does, plus Bouncer has said he'll be selling his house next spring and hasn't decided whether to stay in this state or move to a different part of the country, so he might not even be around to be in my life by next fall. So having more than one man in my life really is irrelevant given that they don't *stay* in my life.

Arguably, I'm not the type of person who should be doing poly anyway, but I'm also not the type of person who can be something I'm not, and I am *not* monogamous.
 
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KC, you and bird are my new heroes! Love! Love! Love!

I'm gonna talk to the wife and see if she wants to date someone else too. She was telling me about this guy she met at the gym so you never know...

Maybe I need to be more open minded an less interested in numbers and rigid ideas and more open to fluidity and relationships...

Thank you!!
 
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