BDSM discussion

korindino said:
Anyone with a bigger dominant streak have anything I can share with Alex, just to see if I *can* teach him?
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A lot of times (dare I say, most times?) the person needs to be Dominant in their personal life as well, not just bedroom or kink.

You've heard the term 'true submissive?" (HUGE squick factor here, btw. I HATE that term!) Some people claim that you can only be submissive if it is in your blood, who you were born to be. BULL!!! I do believe, though, that there is a Dominant or submissive trait in all of us. Some have one or the other and some have a little bit of both. Some things you can teach: properly wielding a flogger or cane, for example. Some things can't be taught: how to Dominate someone. (There can be a fine line between domineering and Dominating, though.)

He just may not be able to Dominate the two of you. The chemistry may not be right for that to happen. There are some people who can only submit to a certain type of person, to a certain gender, etc.

I can only submit for certain things. I will gladly submit my body for a flogging, as long as the person I'm submitting to has my trust. Getting to me to submit as, say, a house maid? Forget it! Ain't gonna happen!

Maybe he's a Top, as opposed to Dominant. He can play with someone till the cows come home, but is just totally unable to Dominate someone, for whatever reason.
 
Breathesgirl said:
A lot of times the person needs to be Dominant in their personal life as well, not just bedroom or kink.

You've heard the term 'true submissive?" Some people claim that you can only be submissive if you it is in your blood, who you were born to be. BULL!

I do believe, though, that there is a Dominant or submissive trait in all of us. Some have one or the other and some have a little bit of both. Some things you can teach: properly wielding a flogger or cane, for example. Some things can't be taught: how to Dominate someone. (There can be a fine line between domineering and Dominating though)

He just may not be able to Dominate the two of you. The chemistry may not be right for that to happen. There are some people who can only submit to a certain type of person, to a certain gender, etc.

I can only submit for certain things...I will gladly submit my body for a flogging as long as the person I'm submitting to has my trust. Getting to me to submit as, say, a house maid? Forget it! Ain't gonna happen!

Maybe he's a Top, as opposed to Dominant. He can play with someone till the cows come home but is just totally unable to Dominate someone for what ever reason.
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Thank you for saying this. I think sometimes the terms get lost and aren't given room to grow into and out of. It seems that quite often domineering is what is thought of as dominant by some doms. I see that quite often. It's really a fine art to dominate. I am really not a top in my relationships, but do dominate, I think. Interesting to look at the difference.

I agree also that trying each role out is important to find the right fit. Its also important to be open to that changing. Having a hard and fast "rule" around ones role could possibly be damaging to oneself and others.
 
I really have only begun exploring this role in LR and mines relationship. Im not really educated on the terminalogy. But I can say that being a Dom is not ( over all ) easy. Working on living a 24/7 D/s life with LR has many great rewards, but along with the rewards come responsibilites.

I began writting the collaring ceremony today , funny thing, the words and actions came to me while at church this morning. The sermon was about Love , Marriage and Covenants. If you take out the Kink , then IMHO a D/s relationship is the same as what the preacher was talking about this morning at church.

It strikes me as" sad" that people can put on blinders and only see things that they are told is the " only right way"......... So much LIFE that they miss out on.


Peace and Love
Maca
 
I found this on a kink site in a poly group. Just wanted to see what everyone thought about it. This was posted by a female: "Do you think that OPP, unicorn hunting, closed triads, relationships with endless rules, and other such phenomena are signs of healthy relationships or a combination of male insecurity and misogyny?"

I figured it was a interesting viewpoint. I do not agree, since my wife has made most of the rules in our poly relationship.
 
hehe

I am actually taking part in the initial discussion that spurred the one you are referencing. Very interesting and odd read.

Do I agree that happens? Hells yes. Do I think it happens with all of them? Hells no. By saying it does, that post is removing a lot of power from the women who enjoy being in a triad/D/s/BDSM family. The choice to be a sub contains more power than the dom. It always will.

You have accidently removed some context from another thread where a woman is asking about finding herself a partner for herself and her hubby. That series of posts is quite long. Its content is also D/s-centric, which throws a whole other loop into the conversation.

I 100% understand where the OP in that thread is coming from. However, she is mistakenly insulting a lot of women, especially on a site like that, for giving up control of their rights and believing they are NOT choosing to be that way.

I find the original thread kind of ironic, considering more than enough people are involved in the master/slave dynamic and can be 24/7. But she doesn't have a problem with that.
 
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If I could PM you I would send you the link. I assume the site wasn't mentioned in the original post for some anonymity, or just forgotten. Either way, I don't want to post it, just in case it was left out on purpose.
 
Interesting. I don't understand the question. But from Ariakas's reply I'm curious as all hell.

Maca and I are working on the details of a 24/7 D/s relationship.

There is NO DOUBT at all that choosing to be the sub is actually GIVING me the power. Now, that may or may not be true for everyone. I'm not everyone and I'm not in anyone else's relationship. BUT for us, it's sure as hell true, and no, I'm not talking about "topping from the bottom." As my Dom, he is EVEN MORE responsible to ensure that he is not only meeting my needs, but helping me to be the best person I can be, instead of getting to run around and selfishly do whatever he pleases. (Sometimes this detail kicks his ass. giggle)

But before you ever get to "24/7 D/s," you have this little thing called a "D/s agreement" which the SUB fills out. Hard limits, soft limits blah blah blah. I get to write MY limits on there. He agrees, or he cannot be my Dom. So... yeah. The sub is ACTUALLY the one holding the power.

Anyway, please return to the regularly scheduled program. I'm curious to hear more!
 
The gist of it: a woman on this site saw a post about another woman looking for a third for herself and her husband. While not specifically looking for a threesome, she was in a OPP situation, I suppose, but by her choice. She doesn't want another penis, but likes women. There is a D/s situation in there too, but let's keep the explanation simple.

This person took severe offence and started spewing a lot of hate towards the situation. Fast forward to a new thread and she posted the above question. Most people, men and women, have taken offence at her belief, regardless of what the other women are saying, that ANY woman involved in a one man/multiple women situation is obviously degrading to women. As some of you know, in a D/s situation this can complicate things further.

Ok. The irony of the situation is her absolute reversal of the situation. At least, according to the abundance of posts, she doesn't believe in simply evening the playing field, she believes it should be reversed.

Lastly, the funniest irony, on a site filled with slaves, masters, dominants, subs, people into watersports, bondage, cutting, etc., THIS is the most unhealthy "fetish" there. At least that's my feeling. Of all the things to truly debate as "healthy," a male in charge of women is seemingly more offensive than a guy who likes to be crapped and peed on while being hung upside down and sensory deprived. (My example, BTW, not from the site, not that there is anything wrong with that; just using an extreme as an example.)

I might have bits and pieces wrong, and I might be interpreting incorrectly, but that's how the OP in the thread comes across and has been interpreted by many people on the site. So I am just filling in partially what is missing from the top of this thread.
 
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LovingRadiance said:
Maca and I are working on the details of a 24/7 D/s relationship.
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[[cough]] ummmm...[[/cough]]

In a poly relationship, a 24/7 D/s is all but impossible, unless the other metamours are involved also. At least, that would be my take. (I wish I could remember what a BDSM family is called.)

In the end, labels don't matter, just thinking. :)
 
Yes Ariakas, I'm aware. :) But negotiating something like this isn't a quick, simple, easy process. HOWEVER, this little piece of trivia should make the other thread, and why I am SO adamant that they need to be friends, make more sense. Hmmm...? ;)
 
It's really not that Impossible. In LR's and my D/s relationship we have boundaries and one of those is that I do not and will not ask of her anything that would take away from her relationship or her ability to have her relationship with GG.

Besides the boundary list, there is the fact that I, as her Dom, will not and cannot take advantage of the control over her that she has given to me. I love her, and in order for her to trust me and I her, then I can't break that boundary.

GG has expressed his disinterest in D/s, but I can tell you that he does benefit from the D/s relationship that LR and I have. Maybe not as much as LR or I do, but it's interesting to see the effects on LR ( with GG ) when she is feeling safe in our D/s relationship.
 
:eek: Did you say that out loud????!!!???? Spilling my secrets already!!??!! And we haven't even consummated the relationship yet, Maca! :eek:


;)
 
PittDruid said:
I found this on a kink site in a poly group. Just wanted to see what everyone thought about it. This was posted by a female: "Do you think that OPP, unicorn hunting, closed triads, relationships with endless rules, and other such phenomena are signs of healthy relationships, or a combination of male insecurity and misogyny?" I figured it was a interesting viewpoint. I do not agree since my wife has made most of the rules in our poly relationship.
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Wow, this was even a question? I see it more of a statement on her part. If she thinks this, she should've said why she does, and then asked what others thought. Perhaps that would've elevated the insult?
 
Ariakas said:
In a poly relationship, a 24/7 D/s is all but impossible unless the other metamours are involved also. At least that would be my take.

In the end labels don't matter, just thinking.
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I don't think it's impossible at all. Besides LR, I know of another Domme who lives a 24/7 D/s lifestyle with one submissive and has a second partner with whom she does not live.

24/7 isn't the same as TPE (total power exchange). 24/7 means the D/s extends beyond the scenes into everyday life. TPE means the Dom has the right to control each and every aspect of the submissive's life, should They choose to do so. Within 24/7, there is still room to negotiate which aspects of the sub's life the Dom will be permitted to control. This does not preclude negotiating the right to have a romantic relationship with someone else, which will not be controlled by the Dom. A loving Dom would not want to stand in the way of their sub's full happiness and living up to their full potential.
 
Maca, LR and Schro, my mistake. Thanks for explaining. I guess when I read/hear 24/7, I don't separate that from TPE.

RP, yes, that is a word-for-word copy of the thread question.

LR, I don't know why I haven't. I check randomly, but nothing has come up to pique a response.
 
Breathesgirl said:
A lot of times the person needs to be Dominant in their personal life as well, not just bedroom or kink.

You've heard the term 'true submissive?" Some people claim that you can only be submissive if you it is in your blood, who you were born to be....BULL!
Click to expand...

It could be a matter of semantics, but could "true" be interchanged with "natural"? I am a natural top/dom. I have 0 submissive tendencies. However, I do have fantasies of submitting. Finding that right person, with the correct chemistry that might be able to do it. I usually say it would take a person built like Chyna (female wrestler), but I am just simplifying it for the masses.

Those same people saying that about submissives also probably don't like switches. I betcha a poly bi switch just fugs them right up. Holy crap, choices. There are no choices. hahaha

I do believe, though, that there is a Dominant or submissive trait in all of us. Some have one or the other, and some have a little bit of both.

Some things you can teach: properly wielding a flogger or cane, for example. Some things can't be taught: how to Dominate someone. (There can be a fine line between domineering and Dominating, though.)
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I would agree, although I still remember my first time with a crop, actually. The striking came naturally to me. However, Pengrah, well, let's just say her first attempt at domination was not good. She really wants to dominate a woman. However, she is going to have to find the right chemistry as she sways to the submissive side a little more.
 
I got started with bondage and fetish at 22 or 23. I had broken up with my first common-law wife. A girl from work and I got together and started playing around. It was supposed to be a purely 4-month long sexual relationship. We were both discovering things about ourselves and we experimented with everything. She was bi, leaning towards lesbian, and I was straight and as vanilla as you could get, just waiting to have fun.

It was at that time I discovered I liked bondage, specifically bondage when combined with toy play. Throw a little sadism in there with the usual hot wax, cropping, flogging, etc., and it pretty much describes what I like.

I would call myself more of a topping fetishist than anything. I will try pretty much anything once, and tend to sway towards doing what the person I am topping wants. Definitely not a 24/7, but who knows? As I go to more munches and meet more people, things might slide that way, especially if Pengrah can find someone she is compatible with to Top/Dominate.
 
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