Sailing Solo

I think I have a first meet coming up. Working on the details. A Dom.
We just started chatting tonight but I prefer a quick meet.
The last guy never suggested a meet in 3 weeks of email and text. I am afraid sitting back and waiting like that is not really my character. I could have suggested a meet but wanted to see how long it would take if I let the man lead. I won't be trying that again any time soon.:p I love me an alpha male :D
 
Weds night? No sex despite the lingerie and heels and effort with hair and make-up. He was tired. A quickie on Thursday morning. Where is the yawning bored emoji?
He was with me this morning when I took the kids to school. Someone asked me if he was the kids' Dad. I said replied "Family friend." I asked him if he was my boyfriend and he said "If you would like that." I am taking that as a no. It has come up a few times recently and I don't understand why it is sometimes yes and sometimes no.
He treats me very well in so many way, went to the thing at the kids school this morning etc but I am over this whole "Single on OKC, but want boyfriend type rights to tell you what to do." And you he called himself my boyfriend to my parents. Make your mind up. It's like the recent, "Let's assume you are collared to me." How about, "Let's not assume anything because that is when things go really wrong."
I am not closing my end of the relationship if he is going to be that wishy washy.

I have a date tonight with Mr Dom. Aha, the nickname just popped into my head and it is only 3 letters long. I am paying for a sitter too. Shows how fed up with Prof I am.

I need some structure and clear expectations. Boyfriend = thoughtful consideration of your input. Not boyfriend=I do whatever the fuck I like and quit asking me questions about it. Very simple :)
 
Atlantis said:
Weds night? No sex despite the lingerie and heels and effort with hair and make-up. He was tired. A quickie on Thursday morning. Where is the yawning bored emoji?
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Oh, too bad. Was he even the least apologetic?

Atlantis said:
. . . I am not closing my end of the relationship if he is going to be that wishy washy.
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Why close your end at all? He's never going to be monogamous, why should you! Especially when sex is so hit-or-miss with Prof, you'll be antsy and prowling in no time!

Atlantis said:
I have a date tonight with Mr Dom. Aha, the nickname just popped into my head and it is only 3 letters long. I am paying for a sitter too. Shows how fed up with Prof I am.

I need some structure and clear expectations. Boyfriend = thoughtful consideration of your input. Not boyfriend=I do whatever the fuck I like and quit asking me questions about it. Very simple :)
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Haha, I think the latter could work for boyfriend as well! It's all about respect and consideration on a MUTUAL basis.
 
I am really leaning towards going back to a monogamous type relationship. I am tired of hearing about Gf issues and wondering if they are getting all the good sex. No apology, I knew it was a busy week for him so it was not a huge surprise. We haven't had a decent session since October. Wow. Sad :( So no sex or quick sex is becoming the norm. I looked good :(

I don't think I have the time at this point in my life to have 2 meaningful relationships and the FB thing isn't my cup of tea. I have been jokingly referring to it as my 1950s lifestyle dream, and I even told Prof I thinking of going Mono.

I totally would go close my end of the relationship if it meant tons of wild crazy sex. But that is not going to happen, is it? I have been jokingly putting the Mono idea out there to gently lay the seed that I want something different. It all comes down to time. I would stay with Prof if I had the time for a second relationship which was highly sexual in nature. But I don't. Maybe I am living in dream land with unreasonable expectations of what the age group is capable of physically, but I won't know if I don't do some data sampling.

I am aware I am not spring chicken, I don't have inbox full of mail from online admirers, but I am not prepared to roll over and give up a kinky wild and physical sex life just yet.
 
Atlantis said:
I totally would go close my end of the relationship if it meant tons of wild crazy sex. But that is not going to happen, is it? I have been jokingly putting the Mono idea out there to gently lay the seed that I want something different. It all comes down to time. I would stay with Prof if I had the time for a second relationship which was highly sexual in nature. But I don't. Maybe I am living in dream land with unreasonable expectations of what the age group is capable of physically, but I won't know if I don't do some data sampling.

I am aware I am not spring chicken, I don't have inbox full of mail from online admirers, but I am not prepared to roll over and give up a kinky wild and physical sex life just yet.
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Oh, there are middle-aged guys out there with high sex drives, stamina, and staying power, even in their 50s and 60s, but it just takes dating a lot to find them!

So, you're saying that if you meet someone who has the sexual chemistry you're looking for, among the other things you want in a relationship, you'd dump Prof and go mono? But until you do, you're sticking with him but looking for someone else? Sounds reasonable. You certainly would be disappointed if you were monogamous with Prof, it seems.
 
nycindie said:
So, you're saying that if you meet someone who has the sexual chemistry you're looking for, among the other things you want in a relationship, you'd dump Prof and go mono? But until you do, you're sticking with him but looking for someone else?
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I keep hoping for things to change, sex, communication, space to do my own thing. I am not quite ready to throw in the towel just yet. I find him so attractive and sexy and want to him fuck long and hard and on a regular basis. He says he feels that was about me but ...the spirit is willing and all that.
He told me yesterday that he has his next trip booked. I replied that gives me time to do some dating. He said "We will discuss that later." To me that was the opportunity for him to say, "Have fun." And not in the brittle, insincere way that he has said it in the past. I think I wrote before that he was disappointed I was online again.
Jay popped back up again, from what he wrote it seems like he was keeping out of the way while the parents were here. He flirted a little. That door is apparently not closed for sex.
The date went very well despite the restaurant closing for the evening when we got there. Sexy, attractive, smart man. The distance is a problem. I knew it even as we were planning things. He lives near where Joe lives. The drive was a pain even when I lived about 20 minutes closer and worked in that direction. Google says an hour with no traffic.
We didn't talk about BDSM very much, skimmed lightly around the edges. We didn't talk relationships either, a few dating stories. It was mostly travel, work, kids etc, feeling out the if there was an attraction. He walked me back to my car and we had a little kiss followed by a bit of a smooch. Very nice and I wanted more.
nycindie said:
Oh, there are middle-aged guys out there with high sex drives, stamina, and staying power, even in their 50s and 60s, but it just takes dating a lot to find them!
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That is the most depressing thing I have ever read ;) I swear ED has been the best kept secret for millenia.
 
Atlantis said:
I keep hoping for things to change, sex, communication, space to do my own thing. I am not quite ready to throw in the towel just yet. I find him so attractive and sexy and want to him fuck long and hard and on a regular basis. He says he feels that was about me but ...the spirit is willing and all that.
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Well, I guess keep seeing him for other things, but get sex elsewhere. One benefit of poly.

Atlantis said:
He told me yesterday that he has his next trip booked. I replied that gives me time to do some dating. He said "We will discuss that later." To me that was the opportunity for him to say, "Have fun." And not in the brittle, insincere way that he has said it in the past. I think I wrote before that he was disappointed I was online again.
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Whoa. What a self-centered, self-serving response. That was rather prick-ish of him. When will he get it into his head that you are your own woman? That kind of reply would really rub me the wrong way and definitely NOT have me wanting to discuss it later, except to tell him that the right response would have been to wish me a good time.

Atlantis said:
Jay popped back up again, from what he wrote it seems like he was keeping out of the way while the parents were here. He flirted a little. That door is apparently not closed for sex.
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Interesting!

Atlantis said:
The date went very well despite the restaurant closing for the evening when we got there. Sexy, attractive, smart man. The distance is a problem. I knew it even as we were planning things. He lives near where Joe lives. The drive was a pain even when I lived about 20 minutes closer and worked in that direction. Google says an hour with no traffic.
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Well, if he wants to see you, he can make the effort and do the driving.

Atlantis said:
He walked me back to my car and we had a little kiss followed by a bit of a smooch. Very nice and I wanted more.
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Sounds promising!!! Hope something nice (and hot) develops for you.
 
I blame circumcision, at least in the US! We have the highest worldwide use of Viagra and Cialis. The only comparable country is Israel, and well... it's a religious imperative to circ your sons there.
 
Magdlyn said:
I blame circumcision, at least in the US! We have the highest worldwide use of Viagra and Cialis.
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I left my kids intact. Their wives can thank me later :)

Mr Dom naughty texted for over an hour. It was a very hot and sexy scene.
We are still texting now. My eyes are going funny.
 
Atlantis said:
Mr Dom naughty texted for over an hour. It was a very hot and sexy scene.
We are still texting now. My eyes are going funny.
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crazy-tongue-hanging-out-smiley-emoticon.gif


Ooh-la-la!
 
It's is NRE. The excitement of meeting someone new that you find attractive. The texting was intense and for hours.
I sent Prof some warm-up pics of flashes of lingerie on Weds. No response. I ask him to Skype when he is away, he does rarely, too busy. This is a complaint and request that I have had for a while. I am the one who is doing the majority of the sexual pursuing. It was so fun to feel desired yesterday.
I feel I am trying very hard not to let my relationship with Prof slide into boring oblivion. I try to keep things fresh and flirty. He probably says I am the boring one. He asked to come round tonight to catch up on tv. I thought Netflix and Chill meant watch tv and go to bed and have no sex, because that is what it means to me or it means watch tv then Prof says he is tired and goes home. It means SEX! I want to Netflix and Chill. Well not Chill but I would love to stay in and have hours of steamy sex. The last time was with Jay!
What goes through my head is Prof's other GFs having all the fun sex. I want to be a GF who has fun sex.
I got all excited about Jay and it fizzled so I should temper my excitement a little about Mr Dom. The distance is not good. Jay lives less than 2 miles away and it seemed impossible for him to make an effort. I may have over done it with Mr Dom yesterday too. I asked what he was looking for. I meant in the sense of a pure D/S relationship or something different. He said we should do dinner first. I suppose that did answer the question but I think it came across a little " I am looking for LTR and then marriage." as opposed to " I have been doing open relationship for the past few years, have a current not-boyfriend, would fuck the guy who lives close by cause he is good in bed but is crap at communication and am wondering how you see yourself fitting into that type of arrangement." A little too much to share by text.:D
Over thinking tra la la la. Over thinking tra la la la la.
And avoiding rewriting my classwork that apparently got eaten and I have to redo. Type into form boxes and submit, so no saved copy. Took me a couple of hours the first time.
 
Mr Dom is now busy between now and the end of time. Oh well. Back to the drawing board.

Edited: Mr Dom is not fluent in Atlantis schedule speak so we cleared up that misunderstanding up and have a few possibles meetings scheduled for January. Also had the discussion about open relationships and he said he is fine with it for now. He hasn't really done that before but me being busy with another relationship, kids, etc works with him travelling a lot.
He likes to talk on the phone, likes to text, and is happy to communicate while travelling. It seems fine for now.
 
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Mr Dom has been texting naughty things all day. We are going to try a simple task tomorrow. It's fun and very distracting. My work output was less than impressive today.:eek:
He said he may move one a his trips to come back early. The sexual tension is palpable.:D

Prof was too tired for sex last night. :rolleyes: I am being flippant but it hurts. The frequent rejection.

Jay is coming round for a booty call on Thursday. :p

I might actually have sex this week. Wouldn't that be fun! :rolleyes:
 
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Shame Prof is so often tired. It seem really odd that he thinks it would be better if the relationship was closed at your end. I'd think that given he is the one who's struggling to keep up, it would be better closed at his end so he has more energy for you.

But - it sounds as if you are making progress in figuring out what you want at this stage in your life. :D
 
InfinitePossibility said:
Shame Prof is so often tired. It seem really odd that he thinks it would be better if the relationship was closed at your end. I'd think that given he is the one who's struggling to keep up, it would be better closed at his end so he has more energy for you.
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Ha
! The irony!

But - it sounds as if you are making progress in figuring out what you want at this stage in your life. :D
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Best of luck with Mr Dom, Atlantis! Sounds like you've got a hot one!
 
Thanks Mags,
It's NRE craziness!!! :D I stayed up a whole hour :eek: past bedtime last night so he whisper some very naughty things in my ear. He has a particularly sweet and innocent sounding ( to me ) accent, and it adds a whole other layer to the naughty.
I also did a Sub task today. It is great fun.

HI IP. He has a lot more time and in many ways more energy than I do for multiple partners. He stays up night after night, works 7 days a week, travels all over the planet. But maybe he is happy with sex only a few times a week, maybe he is bored with me, all kinds of maybes. He presents as Mr Fabulous and having the most wild and sexy lifestyle. I don't see it. Maybe he does it all when I am not around!

I sent him a few texts last night referring to the perceived lack of desire from his end. He said he does love fucking me and that the current stress should end last night. It won't. He sent a text today outlining his day, there is nothing less full on and intense than last week. He works like crazy for a few weeks and then takes 10+ days off to recover. I don't work like that, my life is the marathon not the sprint. I don't think he came back from the last trip much hornier.

Then the self-doubt starts and I think it is me, getting older, familiar, boring, out of shape. And then Mr Dom asks for a few pics and I feel fun, sexy, desirable and in pretty good shape. I am enjoying with the step counter app on my new phone and trying to squeeze in a little more walking here and there to see how high I can make the counter go on an average work day.

Yes, NRE with Mr Dom, but I also think I haven't stopped putting in the effort for Prof. I sent Prof sexy pic last week even before chatting to Mr Dom and got no response. Got all dressed up and was turned down.

I am anticipating a bit of a relationship chat tomorrow with Prof, or I could be chicken and try to ignore the various elephants in the room. This weekend is my dumping deadline but I am not prepared to give up quite yet. I feel like there has to be some kind of fix if I keep trying. This is nothing new, and Prof did admit that my sex drive was higher was than his. So I let it go for a few days and then I get my hopes up and then get let down. I have been backing off a little since last Weds, the ol' give 'em space and they will cum. Sadly, I think I tried that before to little or no effect. What I did do was not offer Friday and Saturday this weekend, only Saturday. I am sure there will be questions about it tomorrow. Prof did write himself onto my calendar for the next 3 Weds. That stood out as being a little strange because he did it without asking.

Mr Dom won't know about Friday night until Friday morning. That is really tough for me to be patient about. I want to know NOW!
 
It seems you're always getting dressed up, made up, and doing your hair to tempt Prof, but it does nothing for him. Probably not worth the bother. I am sure he desires you somewhat. I am sure you are very pretty and sexy. He just doesn't need or want sex from you that often.

My gf has a lower sex drive than me, but unlike Prof, she actually encourages me when I have lovers or prospects. She doesn't like to feel pressured to completely satisfy me. She's actually hornier for me when I have a lover or two shagging me rotten, since she feels it takes pressure off of her to "perform" when she isn't in the mood.

Just thought I'd mention how we handle unmatched libidos. It seems Prof just doesn't get it. And at this point, it seems he never will. He has other things to do that take precedence over satisfying you sexually. You must make it quite clear to him that you will continue to be poly for at least this one reason alone.
 
Atlantis said:
This weekend is my dumping deadline but I am not prepared to give up quite yet. I feel like there has to be some kind of fix if I keep trying.
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Ahem, isn't that what you've been doing for a very long, long time now? Trying? Hence, the deadline.

But he's not trying, and never will. He wants the option to stick his dick anywhere he wants, yet can't get it up with you, doesn't respond to your advances, and makes comments designed to make you feel like you want sex too much, as if you're the problem. He fucks up in major ways, and always tries to turn it around to being your fault. He wants authority ove your love life and expects you to not see anyone else while he can do whatever he (or whom) he wants. WTF?

Sure, he shows up and buys you stuff or treats you to things, so that you can feel guilty for wanting more than he can give sexually. Repeatedly, you come back here all guilted out saying "Oh but he treats me so well." But does he, really? Um, no, he constantly tries to get you to lower your boundaries, quizzes you and makes comments about your dating others, expects to be top priority in your schedule, and just does whatever he wants. Doesn't look like he treats you all that well if you look at it that way.
 
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Just out of curiosity, Atlantis, does Prof perform better when he perceives that you aren't 'pressuring him' for sex (like when you have other partners)? I, too, think it's unreasonable for him to ask you not to have other partners when he has other partners and has a lower sex drive than you. Also, on the performance thing, I seriously doubt that he doesn't have issues with his other gfs. He probably lets them believe the same thing....that his other gfs keep him busy and he needs an occasional night off.

I have a reasonable sex drive...want it most days with the occasional day off, and the occasional day of more than once. Blue has a higher drive...and more available time than me. That isn't why we're open, but being open does help. Like Magdyln said...it takes the pressure off me :) Plus, variety helps, too :)

I hope Mr Sexy Dom works out :) He sounds like a good fit! JMHO but I think you should be the one with 4 or 5 partners and Prof should be the closed one ;)
 
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