Sailing Solo

Magdlyn

Well-known member
I have a reasonable sex drive...want it most days with the occasional day off, and the occasional day of more than once. Blue has a higher drive...and more available time than me. That isn't why we're open, but being open does help. Like Magdyln said...it takes the pressure off me :) Plus, variety helps, too :)

Sex drive is so subjective! All I want is one sex session a day. Hell, I'd be thrilled to get it 3 times a week (especially if they were good solid sessions with many orgasms for this multi orgasmic girl, and not 10 minute quickies)! And my gf (in times past) once accused me of being a sex addict. You call wanting sex every day "reasonable." And your bf wants it what? 2-3 times a day? Wow, sure puts things in perspective.

I get it, on average, once or twice a week from my gf/partner. I've been working and working (see my blog) to get a bit more sex from various men I've been dating. Finally getting something regular going with one guy, Punk, (knock wood) who I hopefully will continue to see once a week and get 2 solid sex/kink sessions on our hours-long date. Dear Aphrodite, is that so much to ask out of life? lol
 

Atlantis

Active member
1420

It seems you're always getting dressed up, made up, and doing your hair to tempt Prof, but it does nothing for him. Probably not worth the bother. I am sure he desires you somewhat. I am sure you are very pretty and sexy. He just doesn't need or want sex from you that often.
You speak the truth.
I was naughty sexting and sending pics to Mr Dom last night, then Jay sent a text so I joined in sexting too. I sent Prof the best pic and got a few responses, then his phone was dying, then it was charging but he didn't reply at all to the other 2 pics. He was busy. He launched another huge project yesterday, major work on one of his properties. He is always going to be busy.
It was very interesting when Jay joined in. He likes a sweet girly kind of vibe.


He has other things to do that take precedence over satisfying you sexually. You must make it quite clear to him that you will continue to be poly for at least this one reason alone.

Yes. time for some plain speaking.

And whilst writing this, I have been thinking maybe not going for the entire split but a major scaling back. I have been kind of doing that anyway. We do have fun, the travelling and activities are great. Wednesdays are mostly good and I like the break. I have nearly 2 week blocks with no break, and will go nuts if I only get to let my hair down a couple of times a month on weekends. NUTS I tell you! Wage slave :(
Speaking of which...
 

PinkPig

Member
Sex drive is so subjective!

Lol. It is subjective...and dependent on circumstance! With my ex, at our best, I might get it 3-4 times/week...at our worst, we'd go months between :/ I was happy with the 3-4 times but not the weeks or months between! For me, it really is a case of 'the more I get it, the more I want it', lol. Unfortunately, my body doesn't always cooperate...I get chafed, even with lube and HRT :/

I read your blog, too, and am happy that it's working out with Punk :)
 
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Yes. time for some plain speaking.

And whilst writing this, I have been thinking maybe not going for the entire split but a major scaling back. I have been kind of doing that anyway. We do have fun, the travelling and activities are great. Wednesdays are mostly good and I like the break. I have nearly 2 week blocks with no break, and will go nuts if I only get to let my hair down a couple of times a month on weekends. NUTS I tell you! Wage slave :(
Speaking of which...

I would suggest that if you're already doing some plain speaking and you're planning a scaling back, tell him that you're scaling things back instead of just doing it on your own. He needs to be told and get that due to his choices and your wants/needs not aligning, you're making the decision to scale back and he can either accept it calmly and respect your choices and not give you shit or undermine you, or he can GTFO. I can understand not wanting to cut all ties since you do have fun with him on many occasions, but it sounds like you need to have the availability maybe allow someone else to be your priority from a sexual standpoint if he can't give you what you're looking for. Good luck!
 

Atlantis

Active member
I am crap at the multiquote:
Pink Pig: Does Prof perform better when not pressured? I don't know/ don't think so. The ED was in place long before I met him and he uses the ED drugs. There more I think the more I remember. He did tell me once that I he liked me because I was patient with him ( when the ED occurs ), more than the other GFs.
Let's be honest. He has been saying the odd thing here and there since I have known him. But the portrayal of wild sex with the hot, out there GFs makes me think I am missing that special certain something.
He knew about Kip, Jay and Joe and I don"t think things were much better.

I am not bothered about a lack of sex if I am single. Lose interest and focus on other things. But I find him really attractive and we have had some really awesome sex. It has been months since we had a really fun extended session. It is mostly 10-15 minutes.

BreatheMusic: I do intend to tell him. It came up in the last sit down discussion that I wanted more sex. We did agree to have yet another talk/ongoing talks after my folks left and tonight is the first real opportunity to do that. ugh, more talking. Time for me to accept that I am not going to get the type of sex that I want from him. I accept it for a week and then start complaining again. I need to really accept it.

NYC "Ahem, isn't that what you've been doing for a very long, long time now? Trying? Hence, the deadline."
Yes. But what I do is fix things. try this, try that. I did it with my ex-H. Held on long past the point of sanity but when I did let go, I didn't look back. I felt I tried everything and was satisfied that there wasn't anything else. It is like that with Prof.
Scaling way back is all that is left. I would love to keep seeing him but he can't have all my free nights anymore.

It will probably be easier to have " non-exclusive dating" or monogamy in my schedule than "multiple loving relationships."

Mr Dom is busy and lives miles away but I need to give it a fair shot. He is offering what I currently want.

Jay is a complete no go on the relationship front. He has depression of some sort and I simply don't want to deal with that in my free time. I might gently hint that he should see a professional next time I see him. I don't know him well enough to know if what I see is his standard behavior but I suspect it is not. But if he wants fun fucking everyone once in a while then I can work with that.

Mags: Multiorgasmic, YES!!!!! Why have one if you can have a few hours!

It is my free time. I can watch tv, read, take up a craft, but I don't want to. I want sex if it is an option.

I am all feisty now.
 

Atlantis

Active member
I don't remember much of the conversation from last night. I had a little toke for Dutch courage and then of course short term memory is blown.
I told him I was dating. He asked if it was because I felt our sex life was lacking. I said yes.
I said a little about feeling like I was the one initiating and he had tons of wild sex with the GFs but not me. I don't even have a feeling of what his answer was to that, he went out to check on dinner, so maybe didn't even answer. He said he didn't think I tried to initiate all that much and had times when I wasn't interested. True, but I think pretty rare.
He asked a second time if I was dating because the sex was lacking. I said yes and I already answered that question. Drugs are bad ;)
He said he wanted me to schedule a holiday for next year, schedule some camping and that I am happier when I have a schedule. There is nothing planned apart from the concert and those are my tickets.
I haven't scheduled because I had court this morning and have been waiting for some kind of resolution. After 2 hours of negotiating the ex threw in a BTW and then refused to sign. Same as always happens but the stress does bleed over. My life/work boxes melded a little yesterday and I never let that happen. I was in tears at 4 points throughout the day.
So still no vacation scheduling possible.
Prof says do I see that he checks in with me often about scheduling. Yes I do. He does try.
He initiated some BD play. I did not go for it. I felt it was a set-up as we had not discussed any future play rules. He got annoyed when I declined, said he felt nervous about pushing sex since we hadn't discussed the slap or BD play since then. That conversation thread didn't go any further.
We had some fun kinky sex, but the P did not want to participate in the PIV. It is now clear to me that there are limits, he has physical limits even with the ED drugs. It was quite a revealing moment. I think the extended sex sessions will mostly be a thing of the past.
We had quickie sex this morning, it is always easier for him in the morning.
He did bring up that my perception of the situation is often not the same as his. It makes me think about Bluebird and Warman having 2 very different takes on the same situation. He said I am extremely stubborn and any decision that I agree to change I then have to be in control of how the decision is undone. That is very true and very astute, I was already aware; it is not an absolute but it is frequent.
He did ask a couple of times if this was a kid free weekend appears that the penny dropped that I only offered one night.
Jay sent me a couple of naughty messages yesterday, he seems to have a lot more to say if it involves sex.
Mr Dom has been texting, calling and sending pics. He is still waiting to hear if he can change his plans to accommodate Friday night. I feel a little guilty about him doing that but at the same time I really don't want to wait till January to get naked with him. :D
 
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Atlantis

Active member
I tried to use color to denotes speakers. It looked like a rainbow exploded. I deleted it.
 

dreaming

New member
Hi Atlantis,
I've been following your thread and enjoy your writings, you give me hope and inspiration. I'm always looking forward to see what you're up to.
If you are familiar with "fishermen stories" then you don't have any worries with the professor about his "wild sex" with his other GFs.
"I said a little about feeling like I was the one initiating and he had tons of wild sex with the GFs but not me."
"But the portrayal of wild sex with the hot, out there GFs makes me think I am missing that special certain something. "
That's his ego talking, you've got him in the bag. Don't you worry about a thing.
Try feeding his ego sometime and see if he gets more excited, then maybe he'll try to outdo himself and show you the time of your life. (LOL) good luck with that.
 

Atlantis

Active member
"But the portrayal of wild sex with the hot, out there GFs makes me think I am missing that special certain something. "
That's his ego talking, you've got him in the bag. Don't you worry about a thing.
Try feeding his ego sometime and see if he gets more excited, then maybe he'll try to outdo himself and show you the time of your life. (LOL) good luck with that.
The part that I wrote and deleted last night was about me telling him I had a date tonight. He expressed a lack of belief in "my date" showing up if he hadn't already confirmed, I said "my date" had pre-existing plans that he may or may not be able to change. Prof then said he would be willing to spend the night with me if "my date" did not show. He is showing more excitement and interest but that is not the purpose of me dating, at the most basic level I want a more active sex life.
I have suspected for a while that he is telling me a few fisherman tales, maybe he is hoping that I will try to outdo myself. And then sometimes he admits that he is lonely and he dates for the company. I don't know, it is a mix of many things.
Prof had apparently been stewing on the "kid free"weekend and that I only I suggested we meet up on Saturday night. We scheduled a little on Monday and agreed to Saturday so :p
Jay came round last night. He enjoys giving and receiving and has blended in a few little kinky things that I said I liked. It was a long and pretty hot session. The P in was certainly PIV for an extended period of time. It was great.
I touched gently on the topic of depression and he said he generally wasn't a upbeat happy kind of person. He is looking at places and planning to move out of the family home if they can swing a second rent. He will be looking at $5k for the house and a studio or one bed. Rent around here is nuts. He said he was thinking about moving closer to work but said he would be too far from the kids, bike trails and yo... stuff.
I am working on accepting him as he is. He is a smart man with some interesting views on things and I enjoy his company and I am ignoring the Eeyore complaints.
The big excitement of the day is will Mr Dom change, or be able to change his plans and be around for this evening. He was texting and sending pics yesterday, saying he was fairly sure it would work but didn't want to commit until he knew for certain. I feel teeny weeny bit bad for encouraging the flaking on plans but he has been building the anticipation all week so it is hard not to hope he does.
I just cancelled my motorbike class. I am not going to ask Prof to help with the kids and I can't ask anyone else to have to deal with the ex, they have all said previously that they don't want to deal with him unless it a dire emergency. I will have to wait until the ex has the kids over summer, bit of a bummer but I will get it done eventually.
 
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dreaming

New member
Yea, Prof. is definitely on the competitive edge, he doesn't want to loose you.
More power to you, you handle everything so well.
 

Atlantis

Active member
No Mr Dom tonight. Anytime after he gets back into town on Saturday. The anticipation is intense :D

Edited to Add:
Tomorrow afternoon and possibly Sunday.
We spoke on the phone and he said he would explain why he couldn't come back tonight. I told him that was not necessary, but he seems keen to share. How strange. It felt weird. There are big chunks of time that Prof and I don't explain to each other.
I hope the sex goes well. I am enjoying the enthusiasm, the texting and the sexy voice. I like to speak to him on the phone so I can listen to him. It is quite strange because I am very used to a planet's worth of accents and I get endless comments on mine. So why his voice sends shivers up and down my spine I don't know. He gave me some scheduling talk and I had to tell him that I don't know what you said because I was only listening to your voice and not what you are saying. I am often aware of people doing it to me. They are not actually listening to my words just how I am speaking and it I find it quite irritating but yet I am being sucked into it myself. It is an aural orgasm.
 
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Atlantis

Active member
What a fun and jam packed weekend.
I will probably split things into 2.
Let's start with Prof. Dinner, sexy fun on Friday and a bit of an announcement. He is currently monogamous, with me :eek: Ms Barbra and then Ms Adele broke up with him. I said it is not actually monogamous just because you have no one else on your list right now. He said he still has the less frequent Gfs but no one left on the regular list and he has no immediate plans to change that until at least after his next long trip. To top it off he is also going to reassess the whole monogamy/non-monogamy question.
We talked boyfriend and girlfriend labels. I said I had been feeling single for a while, he said he had noticed me backing off. He said we were using the labels for a while but I stopped. I replied that I didn't really think he was my boyfriend and he proclaimed his singlehood at every opportunity, so I have backed way off. He said my perception of things is not the same as his and I should stop interpreting things without asking first.
And I am not way off. He said he keeps asking me what model I want for our relationship and I refuse to talk about it. He wants to build our own model through discussion and conversation. So he wasn't really comfortable with the labels because they hadn't been defined.
Being a GF has privileges, priority for scheduling, long vacations, key and one other thing, I forget. I said that I didn't want priority, or to have things at the expense of someone else. Common courtesy is good. I"ll admit to not wanting to share Weds.
We went to an event on Saturday night. He introduced me as his GF, made things a lot easier for sure. It made me happy for sure. He did say it was better than my current use of "Family Friend" "Friend" or "Person" to identify him. He asked me why it needs a label, I said that is because it is how you introduce people, ""this is Joe, my work colleague." "This Betty, my neighour. "This is Prof, my ummmm, oh look is that a squirrel?"
The sex was pretty good, he is trying, there are limitations.
Mr Dom was fabulously good fun.
 

Atlantis

Active member
Mr Dom :D
His out-of-town trip was to see, and break up with, his GF. He said it was a long time coming but he realized he wanted to explore his Dom side more and didn't want to cheat on his current relationship. I did not find this out till Sunday.

He drove to my house on Saturday and we had some very hot and sexy first time sex. Some BD elements and some kink, but very exploratory. We had discussed limits during the week and things went really well. The energy of domination was there but I felt I could have called stop at any moment and we would have stopped. I did not want to him to stop though.:D

He texted when he got home that he needed some time to process and wasn't sure about Sunday. I thought he meant I did something weird but it was the GF break up situation he needed to process.

The processing went well because he texted me this morning and said he would like to meet for brunch and more dom/sub fun. We split some breakfast, he lost a lot of weight recently and watches his food intake and I am stress-not-eating so it worked out well. It is kind of funny to move into GF/BF like behavior on the second date. We said that you should be able to share an egg if you did what we did the day before.

We spent about 4 hours in bed this afternoon. Lots of talking, he really likes to talk, but pushing the exploration a little further too. Some sexy dress up, some very loose restraints.

We talked about what we were looking for on POF, I said a 50s style monogamous relationship, I was looking for a whole new direction and relationship model but then I saw his profile and got distracted. Oh look squirrel! ( or sexy in-
shape Dom )

He said he is all about exploring non-monogamy, does not want a primary GF, does not want to do hierarchy ( I explained a few terms and some models ). Not surprising since he broke up with his long term partner a whole 24 hours previously:rolleyes: I told him to try OKC if he was looking for something a little more outside the box.

He is so happy to chat away about all sorts of stuff, he is also happy to let me not talk. He is surprisingly keen to talk about "our" relationship. He understands the scheduling, is remodeling his house so is happy to travel up to see me, gets that I have a person I am seeing, I said I could offer 2 kid free nights a month and then add in some babysitter nights so we could see each other more often. We scheduled some dates in January. Clouds of NRE!
He thinks I am analytical and concrete, I said I prefer the word "quirky." He said he might need little blue pills to keep up, I told him Cialis seems to be the more popular choice.

It is so fun to feel desired, the excitement of discovery.

I did see Jay this week too, so I am feeling quite content when it comes to the amount of sex. I hope next week will be similar.
 
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Atlantis

Active member
I sound all calm and in control, but I am not.
I was ready to pull with the trigger with Prof last night. I gave him a heads up that I was ready to talk turkey and gave him the option of doing it last night or give him some time first. He chose the time option.
I wrote and sent and email outline of options and in the end, for him and me, it comes down to three things; either monogamy, 100% open or break up. I am not doing hierarchical poly, for so many reasons I can not and will not.
I don't know what I am hoping for. Maybe he will break up with me. I am fed up of being the dumper.
 
If you don't mind me asking, why do you consider monogamy with Prof to be an option? You seem to be unsatisfied sexually with just him already due to certain incompatibilities, ED, etc. So if that is the case, wouldn't you be left feeling fairly regularly sexually frustrated? Is that just something that you've decided that you're willing to sacrifice?
 

Atlantis

Active member
He won't choose it. I am giving him a reason to break up with me. I know it is cowardly. I don't want to pull the trigger. I want to him to break up with me.
 

Atlantis

Active member
Work has been and will continue to be insane, enough said on that subject.
For someone who wants to try the monogamous life I am not doing so well.
Things are stable with Prof, there are a number of holiday things planned and we will see each other a lot before he flies out. It is weird. We are both nervous of impinging on each other's time. I don't message him much. We are pretty separate in most ways. The sex has improved a bit though. He knows I am dating and is picking up his game as much as he can.

Jay. Spiritual, calm, much happier than he has been. He said he was glad I had changed my mind about dumping him. I said he is still dumped in my mind. we meet, talk and fuck. He is not scheduled per se, although Thursdays does seem to be becoming regular. I asked him to shift to Friday this week as I was so exhausted, he actually left a party of smug marrieds ( his words ) to come fuck me :) The sex is really good. He is fit and in-shape and likes to make me cum.:D But there are no activities and little communication outside of scheduling.

Mr Dom! Such NRE fun. Texting and phonecalls throughout the day. He rented a hotel room last night. I must admit I have been spoiled by Prof with the boutique, eye-wateringly expensive hotels, but we only had 4 hours and made the most out of it. Fuck, serve, talk, fuck, serve, talk, lots of laughing.
He has met a few other potential subs but did send a jealousy tinged text today. I told him that he has only been single for a week and already has one willing sub plus a couple of potentials.

We talked about me and my monogamy dream. He suggested breaking up with everyone and starting with a clean slate (but not to really break up with him, haha ) He asked how I thought I was going to work with the restrictions of monogamy, both the being told how to behave and telling someone else how to behave.

All three of these men were madly in love when they got married. They had a number of great/good years before the decline set in. My ex married me because he saw a sucker with a pay check. I want someone to think I am awesomesauce. I don't want to deal with jealousy and oh dear. Those things don't necessarily go away because you are one-to-one.
It's like scuba diving. I really want to try, tropical ocean, fish, great. It won't ever take it up as a hobby though. but I do want to experience a few times in my life. I want the relationship model where people are madly in love and only have sex with each other. No other people in the picture flinging drama around.

Deep down though, it has the same appeal as scuba diving. Give it a go but I don't think it is really something I want long term. I am enjoying the relationships that I am in. Prof is smart, attractive and very into doing silly stuff with me, great with the kids. the rest is "whatever" for now. Jay is very different, smart, attractive but slower paced, less intense, he slows me down and then fucks me hard. Mr Dom, is smart, attractive and meets my need for communication, he loves to talk and the power exchange is going well and also enjoy kinky sex and BD play.
 

Atlantis

Active member
I wrote and deleted a large entry. I feel like I overshare and need to pull back a little. So brief updates for now.

I am giving Prof all the open and honest communication that he asks for. Things are changing in very good ways.
I told him about Mr. Dom and that is bringing out his competitive edge for sure.

Jay cancelled at the last minute last night, after only replying to my suggestion of spending Saturday night together 6 days later. Luckily, I broke up with him months ago because now I don't have to put in the effort.
I spent the night sexting with Mr. Dom instead.

Mr. Dom! I can't believe it is only 3 weeks since we met. Crazy mad NRE. Finding time to meet is so hard. We talk on the phone most days and text incessantly. Of course the level of communication is unsustainable, we are on very different relationship paths, but we are both enjoying the moments for what we can get out of them.
 

Atlantis

Active member
Prof is due back soon after being away for nearly 2 weeks. I have missed him and look forward to breathing in some sexy smell. All the talk got put on hold while he was away which is good because I need a break. I am hoping he has come up with all the answers because I am stuck between wanting a monogamous relationship and enjoying 3 lovers.

Jay pops up and disappears as per usual. I did him a disservice in my last post, he did attempt to reschedule Saturday evening for the afternoon but I was up to my ears in packing up Xmas and cleaning, so in no way was I walking away from the mess. We have seen each other once since then. He said he is trying to make proper dates and communicate better, I said it doesn't really matter because we broke up months ago ;)

The Mr Dom NRE madness continues. We text, we talk, and we squeeze in time where we can, a whole 4 hours in the past 2 weeks, but he is willing to drive up here to maximize available upcoming free time. We will see each a few hours on Saturday and a few on Sunday.
He is on a date tonight. He has taken to OLD like a duck to water and thinks non-monogamy is the best thing ever.
 
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Magdlyn

Well-known member
I didn't feel you were oversharing and I miss your more frequent and descriptive posts!

Glad things are going well with Mr Dom and I hope you two can increase the time you get to spend together. What is "OLD?"

I don't know what to say about Prof, because you have seemed to be on the fence about him for so long!
 
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