What about the Kids?

[Spork]

Frankly every parent I know is just doing the best they know how with the tools in their toolbox.

And I tell ya...I have never in my life seen such a judgmental and vicious place, as a forum about parenting. It's the helicopters versus the free range kid parents in a no-holds-barred jungle gym battle to the DEATH out there. Express any opinion at all about...let's see...

-Childbirth planning choices
-Circumcision
-Breastfeeding
-Spanking
-Screen time & other entertainment
-Pick up baby versus let them cry
-Co-sleeping versus crib sleeping
-Nutrition
-Fashion
-Bullying
-Sex Ed
-Vaccines
-Public/private schools
-College planning (or not)
-Traditional nuclear family or nontraditional family, parental relationships, etc

and on and on and on...

And prepare to be CRUCIFIED. Because no matter how loving and dedicated you may be, someone thinks you're doing it completely wrong.

It's sad, you know, because you'd think that the joy of being a parent would bring us together and people would be more supportive.

But, also, I do think that internet trolls have realized that the "am I raising my kid right?" is a sensitive spot for most of us...we're trying our best, but most of us worry about something...and there is nothing a troll loves better than poking a stranger's emotional vulnerabilities until they get genuinely upset. I honestly cannot comprehend the mindset of these people. It disgusts me.

But seriously, asking questions about whether (a) polyamorous parent(s) is/are good for the healthy raising of children is as ridiculous as asking whether polyamory even "works." Just like monogamy, completely depends on the human beings involved.

 

[kdt26417]

Well, I take your point ...

 

[Norwegianpoly]

I think expecting people to naturally bond over doing something most people on the planet do - being parent - is as bad a plan as expecting people to bond over any other activety that most people engage in and like. People are diverse...and pregnant people are nausious, new parents are sleep deprived and everyone is paranoid and master in their own mind People are bad online, but they are almost as bad in real life. Nothing in life beats the sweet joy of watching your friend or relative becoming a parent and trigger all their insecurities and their perfectionism. I only talk about kids with especially chosen people... It is not a topic that most people seem to debate easily. I lo e online Forums, but the fact is parental forums are not made from people who have much in common, unless they are made so that people share a bit more.

And yes, some poly people are crap parents for various reasons. Some are fairly good, some are exellent. Having a poly network is great, especially if there are some other families there, too. It is important for the kids to see that others can live similar lives. But any network that is supportive of the family is useful.

I think that poly families face some of the same challenges that gay families used to face, of societal judgements and lack of support. As a family you have to be able to face things as they are, and also let the kids be kids, not poly ambassadors.

 

[icesong]

I think expecting people to naturally bond over doing something most people on the planet do - being parent - is as bad a plan as expecting people to bond over any other activety that most people engage in and like.

Worse, really - many other activities people at least have SOMETHING in common. Weirdly enough that was my experience going to swinger things too - "the only thing I have in common with these people is liking sex" - though poly and kink circles have been more geek friendly.

Though the converse of that is that I assumed I wouldn't have anything in common with people just because we all had kids when I became a parent, and avoided a lot of the "new mom" meetings and such, and I wish I hadn't - my other social circles didn't really have kids, which made things a bit isolated (something I'm still fixing now.)

 

[kdt26417]

Can we think of some do's and don'ts that apply specifically to poly parents?

 

[AlwaysGrowing]

Can we think of some do's and don'ts that apply specifically to poly parents?

Do - Make kid-free time for your co-parenting partner (if applicable). It's much easier to get a date night with someone you don't have a kid or kids with, but it's necessary to still get that time away from the littles. I say this as someone who has yet to have a date night with Hubby since our baby was born, buuuut he doesn't even know that it's already in the works. I'm in the process of grooming Boy to be an acceptable babysitter AND his roommate is eager to help out when possible, too (feeds her baby fever without her actually having to reproduce). Unfortunately, her schedule is crazy.

That's all I have at the moment.

 

[AlwaysGrowing]

Do - Make kid-free time for your co-parenting partner (if applicable). It's much easier to get a date night with someone you don't have a kid or kids with, but it's necessary to still get that time away from the littles. I say this as someone who has yet to have a date night with Hubby since our baby was born, buuuut he doesn't even know that it's already in the works. I'm in the process of grooming Boy to be an acceptable babysitter AND his roommate is eager to help out when possible, too (feeds her baby fever without her actually having to reproduce). Unfortunately, her schedule is crazy.

That's all I have at the moment.

Actually, that made me think of another one!

Don't - be afraid to use your support structure! One of the best things about poly, IMO, is that I meet and befriend people I probably wouldn't have otherwise. It's fantastic that I can call on them for babysitting, help moving, random game nights, etc. and that my kid will be exposed to so many different people because of it. Variety is good, seeing friendly people that are different from us is good.

 

[Spork]

I think expecting people to naturally bond over doing something most people on the planet do - being parent - is as bad a plan as expecting people to bond over any other activety that most people engage in and like. People are diverse...and pregnant people are nausious, new parents are sleep deprived and everyone is paranoid and master in their own mind People are bad online, but they are almost as bad in real life. Nothing in life beats the sweet joy of watching your friend or relative becoming a parent and trigger all their insecurities and their perfectionism. I only talk about kids with especially chosen people... It is not a topic that most people seem to debate easily. I lo e online Forums, but the fact is parental forums are not made from people who have much in common, unless they are made so that people share a bit more.

And yes, some poly people are crap parents for various reasons. Some are fairly good, some are exellent. Having a poly network is great, especially if there are some other families there, too. It is important for the kids to see that others can live similar lives. But any network that is supportive of the family is useful.

I think that poly families face some of the same challenges that gay families used to face, of societal judgements and lack of support. As a family you have to be able to face things as they are, and also let the kids be kids, not poly ambassadors.

The bold part is what I don't understand. I've never taken deliberate joy in triggering another person's insecurities. Ever.

And while I don't necessarily expect that parents would bond exactly over the commonality of parenting, I'd expect they could at least have a civil and decent conversation. It's not a topic I expect people to become combative over. Yet they do.

Oh well.

It's been amply demonstrated to me that many people do not think the way that I think...and I've got to accept that fact.

OK...so...do's and don'ts...

DO - Attempt to maintain some stability in the lives of the children.

The examples I use generally pertain to the dating phase...

I believe that one should try and wait until someone really is fairly solid as a relationship that is intended to last a while, until you've got a decent idea of where they stand, before introducing them as a huge new part of your child(ren)'s world. I have known loads of newly single parents (usually Moms) who jump out into the land of dating, and they are bringing new love interests to meet the kids within the first couple of dates. I also see loads of dating profiles online that include photos of kids and/or "my kids and I are a package deal" language. I have a discomfort with that. While it is not a problem to disclose upfront that you HAVE kids, sharing the details (and photos) seems dangerous to me. Bringing strangers into your home and/or the presence of the kids seems dangerous to me. Declaring such high levels of trust right off the bat seems dangerous and unwise. And having a new date meet the kiddos immediately seems like a ton of pressure on a new love interest.

But more to the point, having people appear, linger just long enough for a kid to get interested and attached to them, and then maybe vanish... I think it can be avoided by giving new partnerings a bit of time to grow, first.

 

[kdt26417]

Yeah, I was thinking it might be bad to expose a child to a revolving door of new lovers coming and going.

Thanks for the new input here Spork, AlwaysGrowing, and the others earlier.

 

[MissKya]

mom, dad, and ...

I don't known if this was already brought up, there are a lot of pages here already. Maybe I should start another thread, but I was wondering:

What are some ideas for what the kids can call the extra parents, as far as mom, and dad goes?

We are a MFM V, and our children are still small enough that they don't understand the social implications of having 3 parents. For now, that means our little family is safe and happy, but we are well aware that that will probably change once they reach school age and have to explain things, like why they need 2 father's day projects and such.

Lately, the children have started calling my OSO "dad" by accident, but they mostly call him by his name, since that's what we introduced him as. While we are all elated that the kids are comfortable enough to consider him a father figure, it is a bit of a problem that they call him "dad" specifically, since that is their biological father's name. Plus, it gets really confusing when they are trying to figure out who they want.

We've discussed some other terms we could use, but nothing really seems to roll off the tongue in a way we are comfortable with. He's not really a Pops kind of guy, and the kids already have a granfather they lovingly call Pappy.

What are some ways you guys have tackled this? Are there any terms you use that we could adopt?

 

[kdt26417]

Not sure what to suggest. Uncle? Uncle-Dad? They could still use Dad "for short" anytime the context makes it obvious whom they're referring to.

It seems to me that this is a decision for the kids to make, as it has to do with their impression of the man in question. And their freedom to choose the extent to which they'll adopt him. But if they're willing to follow your suggestion, I guess that's okay.

 

[kdt26417]

A brief list of which onsite threads on poly and kids I know of:

• Children and Polyamory: Merged Threads, General Discussion (General Poly Discussions, 398 posts, 2009-2015)
• What about the Kids? (General Poly Discussions, 172 posts, 2014-2016)
• Question about parenting a poly partner's child. (Poly Relationships Corner, 9 posts, 2014)
• Poly and kids (General Poly Discussions, 10 posts, 2014)
• Polyamory with children (Poly Relationships Corner, 14 posts, 2016)

FWIW.

 

[JaneQSmythe]

As a non-parent AND a medical professional, I was curious as to my response to your list.

Frankly every parent I know is just doing the best they know how with the tools in their toolbox.

Frankly, NOT every parent I know is doing anything even close to "their best". Really. Should I have to tell people that putting Mountain Dew or Sweet Tea in a baby bottle is a BAD IDEA? No. But they do because "they like it". The parents that relate that their 18 month old will "only eat" McD's french fries and McNuggets...(when the parents themselves haven't eaten a vegetable in years because they are "gross")

-Childbirth planning choices

Mixed feelings on this. I think it is fine and good to think about options and have preferences. BUT, realize that circumstances change quickly. The NUMBER ONE goal is a healthy/live mom with a healthy/live baby. A mother is not a "failure" because the "birth plan" went awry!

-Circumcision

This is a personal choice with heavy cultural overtones. All things being equal I would decide AGAINST - an unnecessary cosmetic procedure that carries the risk of complication and decreases glans sensitivity. But I don't have a penis and maybe "looking like everyone else" matters more to others (in which case I should have gotten breast implants at puberty!)

-Breastfeeding

YES! This seems like a "no-brainer" to me. BUT, some women have such negative reactions that it inhibits their bonding with their baby - which is WAY worse than the minimal deficits of formula-feeding. Actually, I have a LOT of respect for women who recognize this and choose to pump and bottlefeed as an alternative.

-Spanking

SO subjective. I got spanked a LOT as a kid. I don't think it did me any harm and I was stubborn enough that a lesser punishment would have had little effect. BUT, I feel, I never got spanked out of frustration or anger. I never got spanked after I was old enough to know better.

My sisters got spanked a LOT less than I did. The middlest sister was good - she never really needed spanking. The littlest sister could have don't with a bit more...but it was the 80s and mom felt guilty by then (she NEVER, ever saved punishment until "your father gets home").

So, like jail, I think that "spanking" has it's time and place. Run into the street and risk getting hit by a car? A swat on your ass hard enough to remind you that that was the LESSER punishment for that stupid-ass thoughlessnesss = fair enough. Beating your kid to a pulp because they asked an honest question = abuse.

-Screen time & other entertainment

The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) recommends no more than 2 hours of "screen time" per day. (and also recommends at least 60 minutes of "activity" per day). I think it is the ratio that is important. During the school year - this seems reasonable. But in the summer? If you play outside for 10 hours, then watching a movie for 2 hours and surfing the internet for another 2 doesn't seem out of the range of healthy. Using videos, video games, etc. as a de facto babysitter so you don't have to interact with your kid...lame.

-Pick up baby versus let them cry

So, I can see both sides here, and think that they both have their benefits (if I were a parent I think that I would be in the "let them cry" camp). One of the things that I love in my family is that we all respect the parents' choices on this one. I have one sister in the "pick them up" camp and one in the "let them cry" camp (even though she can't STAND to hear other peoples' babies cry and wants to cuddle them). My mother, a "let them cry" type TOTALLY abides by the parents' preference when she has the kids in her care.

So this also points to another point - unconditional love. All of the kids know, AT ALL TIMES, that the adults have their best interests at heart. Always. They may not understand it - but their parents would never let anyone who didn't place their safety first take care of them. The rules may be different at different houses - kids adapt, they can deal with this.

-Co-sleeping versus crib sleeping

This is one that I wish I felt differently about. BUT co-sleeping is a warm/fuzzy concept that kills babies. Not all. Not most. But some. And SOME is TOO MANY. And no, I DON'T trust the exhausted, sleep-deprived new parent to notice in their deep-sleep that they are smothering their kid. Because I have seen that fail. And ONCE is too many times.

My personal preference? A bed-height bassinet nudged up to the bed-edge. You can sleep touching your baby, you can put the side down and nurse on demand, and NOT smother your baby in your sleep.

-Nutrition

Really? this is still a question. Here, I'll simplify it - breastmilk or formula for 4-6 months. Then introduce other foods gradually until 12 months. If you are a vegetarian make sure that your kids is getting adequate nutrients, especially vitamin B12. And no, for whatever organic non-breastfeeders are out there: raw goat milk + carrot juice is NOT FUCKING the SAME as breastmilk!

-Fashion

Really? Don't care, at all, except for sexuallizing pre-pubertal females - which is WRONG.

-Bullying

Bad. Actually, this is one of the reasons why I am glad that I am not a parent. What if my kid was bully? (I am smart and uninhibited and REALLY good at making cutting and biting comments when appropriate - maybe a bit of Napoleon complex at play as a I am a small, cute, female - what if a kid of mine used that skill to be a dick?)

-Sex Ed

Tell the truth. All of it it. Without judgement. I don't think that you can. So they need info from many different sources.

-Vaccines

Yes. Just yes. And if you disagree with me, feel free to PM me and you better have FUCKING SCIENCE to back you up. A lot! Because I think that vaccines are the best thing that has ever happened in the history of science EVER. Better than transplant science. Better than antibiotics. Almost as good as WASHING your fucking HANDS!

-Public/private schools

Don't care. At all. What about homeschooling?

-College planning (or not)

I'm a bit of a Nazi about this and our sibs know it. My youngest Nephew was born in Novemeber and Sis had his 529 plan set up before Christmas - because that is important to me, even if no-one else contributes.

-Traditional nuclear family or nontraditional family, parental relationships, etc

and on and on and on...

And prepare to be CRUCIFIED. Because no matter how loving and dedicated you may be, someone thinks you're doing it completely wrong.

It's sad, you know, because you'd think that the joy of being a parent would bring us together and people would be more supportive.

Again. NOT a parent but the only thing on this list that gives me a rise (other than the Mountain Dew in the baby bottle thing that I mentioned) is really the anti-vaxxer stance.

 

[kdt26417]

I didn't have any strong reaction to anything on Spork's list. I could imagine arguments that went either way. Which is one reason I'm relieved that I never had any kids. I think I would suck as a parent.

 

[Spork]

*sigh*

I guess the main concept I would put forward to...people in general. Especially those with strong opinions and especially those who have both strong opinions and no kids...is that being a parent is HARD. You're still human. So you might likely start out with all of these really strong stances about stuff. And begin this crusade to parent with rock solid ethics and choices, be The Best Parent. And your life becomes a neverending series of battles fought, and it's all too damn easy to get completely lost in it. Especially if your partner is nowhere near the crusader you are. Oh, and you had better hope your partner understands when suddenly the kids are this huge #1 priority and they aren't anymore, too.

The only people I've ever known who put soda in baby bottles were really ignorant people. Ignorant like..."I live in a trailer in tornado country and wear tube tops and think Trump would make a good President" level, not to put too fine a point on it.

I vaxxed my kids. I know people who don't believe in it. I'm not going to convince them otherwise. I don't want to have an argument with anyone who is anti-vax. However...I hope that if their child develops a symptom of anything, they'd keep them at home. I personally think that when you look at the history of epidemic level disease...read up on Waverly Hills Sanitorium, I've been there, for instance. Vaccines changed that. I can tinfoil hat with the best of 'em, but this is one argument I can't flex much on.

I have to argue with anyone who says that picky eating in children is a result of picky eating in parents. I'm a VERY picky eater. I will defend myself on this score. No one who had part in the raising of me was a picky eater, yet I became one. My parents offered a variety of foods, which they were happy to eat, and I would sit for up to four or five hours, often crying, and refuse to eat. I'd starve rather than eat something I didn't like, and I still would. Yet one of my sons is very openminded about food and not picky at all, and the other is extremely picky but still eats some things I don't. ??? The picky one is generally more neurotic however, and has anxiety and other issues (for which we are doing counseling.) I feel that the onset of my picky eating may have been linked to the death of a primary caregiver. I wonder now if picky eating is something that presents with other stress or anxiety in children?

WHY IS EVERYONE SO FREAKING OBSESSED WITH VEGETABLES???
It's OK to cut meat, dairy, salt, sugar, fat, gluten, wheat, etc etc out of diet and supplement for any lost nutrients or dietary needs. But if you tell someone you don't eat veggies much, all of a sudden everyone needs to stage an intervention. Even if you have medical proof on paper that you are healthy! Even if you supplement with vitamins and manage your fiber intake and are a very healthy weight. Just eating salad a lot doesn't actually make you healthy, but for crying out loud people act like it does.

Yes, I'm a smidge defensive about that...I'll admit it. But my goal isn't to make my kid eat a whole lot of everything and anything. My goal is to teach my kid how to be healthy and polite even if he is picky. It's possible.

I do not possess the tool in my toolbox to change my diet in order to be a better parent. I DO possess the tool to teach my son to try a little of this or that new thing when given an opportunity, and to be mindful of his health and his social behavior as related to food, though. And with that I do my best.

 

[JaneQSmythe]

I guess the main concept I would put forward to...people in general. Especially those with strong opinions and especially those who have both strong opinions and no kids...is that being a parent is HARD. You're still human. So you might likely start out with all of these really strong stances about stuff. And begin this crusade to parent with rock solid ethics and choices, be The Best Parent. And your life becomes a neverending series of battles fought, and it's all too damn easy to get completely lost in it. Especially if your partner is nowhere near the crusader you are. Oh, and you had better hope your partner understands when suddenly the kids are this huge #1 priority and they aren't anymore, too.

Honestly, Spork, most of the truly "bad" parents that I see in practice, never wanted to be, and never should have been, parents in the first place. Yes, I have strong opinions, and yes, I have no kids (not for lack of desire) BUT unfortunately, I am in the position to see the "worst case" scenarios. And these DO jade you - because they end in abused, and sometimes DEAD, children.

The only people I've ever known who put soda in baby bottles were really ignorant people. Ignorant like..."I live in a trailer in tornado country and wear tube tops and think Trump would make a good President" level, not to put too fine a point on it.

Yes. And, again unfortunately, this is NOT a rare demographic. (As evidenced by the Trump candidacy!)

I vaxxed my kids. I know people who don't believe in it. I'm not going to convince them otherwise. I don't want to have an argument with anyone who is anti-vax. However...I hope that if their child develops a symptom of anything, they'd keep them at home. I personally think that when you look at the history of epidemic level disease...read up on Waverly Hills Sanitorium, I've been there, for instance. Vaccines changed that. I can tinfoil hat with the best of 'em, but this is one argument I can't flex much on.

Thank you for vaccinating your children! I don't want to have arguments either, but it is kind of my job. I would also hope that they would keep them at home if their child developed symptoms...but they don't - the benign explanation is that all of these fatal diseases present, initially, like the "usual suspects".

I have to argue with anyone who says that picky eating in children is a result of picky eating in parents. I'm a VERY picky eater. I will defend myself on this score. No one who had part in the raising of me was a picky eater, yet I became one. My parents offered a variety of foods, which they were happy to eat, and I would sit for up to four or five hours, often crying, and refuse to eat. I'd starve rather than eat something I didn't like, and I still would. Yet one of my sons is very openminded about food and not picky at all, and the other is extremely picky but still eats some things I don't. ??? The picky one is generally more neurotic however, and has anxiety and other issues (for which we are doing counseling.) I feel that the onset of my picky eating may have been linked to the death of a primary caregiver. I wonder now if picky eating is something that presents with other stress or anxiety in children?

I wouldn't say that picky eating in kids is ALWAYS associated with picky eating in their parents. I have a SIL and a friend's wife that are really picky eaters and their kids do NOT have a problem. My parents are not picky eaters, but I have a sister who was (at least by the metric of my family...she is actually not all that picky when judged against the "picky eaters club").

BUT, I do think that people who have their own food aversions are more likely to attribute a toddler/kid's "normal" objection to trying something new to a an actual "aversion" as opposed to a developmental stage that every kid on the planet experiences.

I have a friend who requires their kids take a "No, Thank you." bite of every (new) dish offered at dinner. The punishment is NOT starvation (they can eat the other dishes), it is that they don't get a "special treat" for dessert. So, the kid has an option - try something they think they don't like, or don't get dessert (which they won't die of). She pays attention to the things that they feel are worth forgoing dessert for and makes sure that there are enough other options available for their health.

WHY IS EVERYONE SO FREAKING OBSESSED WITH VEGETABLES???

Umm, 'cuz they are the literal source of all of the vitamins that are in the "supplements" that you have to take if you don't eat them? And your body absorbs them better from food than from pills?

True, if you can't/won't/don't get them from food then it is better to get them from pills than from nowhere. And that is "good enough". The thing that I don't get is when a kid will "only eat" certain fruits and vegetables and then the parent doesn't have those fruits and vegetables available...why the fuck not? OK, your kid eats bananas, apples, peas and carrots. GREAT! They won't eat brussel sprouts? NO big deal! Feed them bananas, apples, peas and carrots and give them a fucking multivitamin.

It's OK to cut meat, dairy, salt, sugar, fat, gluten, wheat, etc etc out of diet and supplement for any lost nutrients or dietary needs.

I see this as a education/ignorance issue actually. If someone "decides" to cut meat out of their (and their children's) diet for ethical reasons, then the assumption might be that they are also aware enough to realize that they need to replace those amino acids with comparable proteins and supplement with vitamin B12. If someone needs to cut gluten/wheat out of their diet for medical reasons (such as celiac disease) one would assume that they are in touch with a nutritionist to counsel them regarding alternatives, same with someone with a significant lactose intolerance that needed alternative sources of calcium. Salt restriction is mainly for hypertensives and would not really apply to kids. Sugar is really only an issue for diabetics, who should have a "diabetes educator/nutritionist" guiding them. Kids under 5-years-old should NOT have a "fat" restriction unless they are already obese - they need fat for brain-development/myelin formation.

But if you tell someone you don't eat veggies much, all of a sudden everyone needs to stage an intervention. Even if you have medical proof on paper that you are healthy! Even if you supplement with vitamins and manage your fiber intake and are a very healthy weight. Just eating salad a lot doesn't actually make you healthy, but for crying out loud people act like it does.

Yes, I'm a smidge defensive about that...I'll admit it. But my goal isn't to make my kid eat a whole lot of everything and anything. My goal is to teach my kid how to be healthy and polite even if he is picky. It's possible.

I do not possess the tool in my toolbox to change my diet in order to be a better parent. I DO possess the tool to teach my son to try a little of this or that new thing when given an opportunity, and to be mindful of his health and his social behavior as related to food, though. And with that I do my best.

I will totally agree with you that our (i.e. America's) relationship with food is messed up - I have clients that eat 5,000 calories a day and wonder why they have diabetes/hypertension/high cholesterol - because they "eat healthy". 5,000 calories is 5,000 calories - whether it is broccoli or chocolate cake it is TOO MUCH - unless you are a Sherpa on Mount Everest!

I understand your defensiveness. But you should realize that you are within the minority that understands that you have to compensate - if you are not getting something from your food, then you have to get it elsewhere to be healthy. I think that you would agree that McD 3 x / day is not ideal? But some absurd percentage of children eat "fast food" on daily basis...the fact that you are caught up in this "health craze" net does not, in my mind, negate the fact that MANY kids are suffering nutritionally from the ignorance of their caregivers...

 

[1234567]

I have kids, and it has been mixed.

Mostly good.

I am very careful not to let things get too close. I minimize exposure. And have about a 6-month waiting period before introduction.

The biggest variable has been how my partners relate to my kids. I've had the gamut- from overly involved to wanting kids to adjust them, to pretty good relationships.. I think this is a dating problem, not a poly problem.

 

[kdt26417]

Re:

"I think this is a dating problem, not a poly problem."

I suppose I can see how that could be true.

 

[Phy]

Re:


I suppose I can see how that could be true.

Yes, from my point of view that is the main point. In our case it's 'full exposure' to poly as we are a three-parent-family. But this does not mean arbitrary rules, changing persons to whom the kids relate to or other stuff associated with changing partners. Poly in our case is just like mono-parenting could be: A fixed set of adults as caregivers for the children in agreement about the way they should be brought up.

 

[Spork]

I would like it actually if my sons had a lot more time with my polycule. They are all pretty stable in my life now, and they're all really smart, healthy, positive people who bring good things to the table. Not that I want them to have parenting roles exactly, but like Fire could talk health and nutrition with my picky younger son, and Hefe could help him learn to play his guitar. Analyst could geek out with him about computer stuff. Zen could talk about cartoons, comics, sci fi, gaming, or just basic self improvement philosophical wisdoms.

I'd like it if they were more on the lines of close family friends that wind up being kind of mentors or role models in certain aspects, just good positive human mojo. I'd also like for us to do vacations together someday.

The few guys who are flirting with me lately that I might sleep with once or twice or rarely but won't relationship with...they will generally not meet my kids, especially if we don't have a preexisting friendship thing that supercedes any sex romps in the definition of our interactions.