Vicki's Journey Continues...

[Magdlyn]

I don't know if Kevin is happy. He actually suffers from long term depression/anxiety and is on a bunch of medication.

I believe life is really hard! We all have our ups and downs. I'm quite happy with Pixi though. We get along great. And she's happy with her bf.

It's men, for me, that are difficult. I find them often frustrating. Fun, but difficult. I'm happy however, presently, with BigGuy. So far, so good. Fingers crossed. I just wish he had more time for me, but I respect the care he lavishes on his new wife and their kids, and his dedication to his job.

 

[JaneQSmythe]

Out of curiosity, sometimes I wonder what kind of bias posting here is self selecting for. Do happy poly people ... post here, or do they just go on with their lives? Are the majority of people here having some sort of issues?

This comes up rather regularly here. People tend to turn to internet forums when they are looking for advice because they are having a problem. For poly folks where things are going well, it's just life - once you've told your story there isn't much to say unless something is going wrong! Life is...just life.

 

[WhatHappened]

Out of curiosity, sometimes I wonder what kind of bias posting here is self selecting for. Do happy poly people (other than Kevin!) post here, or do they just go on with their lives? Are the majority of people here having some sort of issues? There seems to be a lot of sadness even here in the blogs.

My BF insisted this was the case, that happy people aren't posting on forums, and that every poly family he knows in real life is perfectly happy.

The upshot, however, is:

On further questions, he admitted he only knew two others and one of them was on the brink of divorce.

In his honest moments he said more than once that his wife has no respect for him, even as he kept insisting they were quite happy and in love

His current GF has been very public, since moving in with them, about how unhappy she is.

My experience is that there are plenty of non-posting poly people who aren't happy. And given what I've seen, when I hear from one person among the three that everyone is happy(as we often do on the forum here), I'm often curious what the other two would say if they were here. For the record, I do know one person who posted in one place how happy she and her boyfriend and her husband were--while her husband was posting elsewhere that he was staying for the kids and planned on filing for divorce as soon as the youngest turned 18.

Just My Experience.

 

[Vicki82]

My BF insisted this was the case, that happy people aren't posting on forums, and that every poly family he knows in real life is perfectly happy.

The upshot, however, is:

On further questions, he admitted he only knew two others and one of them was on the brink of divorce.

In his honest moments he said more than once that his wife has no respect for him, even as he kept insisting they were quite happy and in love

His current GF has been very public, since moving in with them, about how unhappy she is.

My experience is that there are plenty of non-posting poly people who aren't happy. And given what I've seen, when I hear from one person among the three that everyone is happy(as we often do on the forum here), I'm often curious what the other two would say if they were here. For the record, I do know one person who posted in one place how happy she and her boyfriend and her husband were--while her husband was posting elsewhere that he was staying for the kids and planned on filing for divorce as soon as the youngest turned 18.

Just My Experience.

Sometimes I wonder about that. Certainly both poly families that I thought of as role models, had unhappy endings. Well, one is still together but it's not in a shape I would consider happy even if they are content with it.

But then again, I wonder how many monogamous relationships I know as a percentage that are happy. I suspect a lot of people keep things to themselves. Also, people don't automatically assume monogamy is the problem when a mono relationship ends.

But I don't know. I love the lack of universality in alternative relationships, but I also feel that I definitely would not like some of the relationship styles I read about here.

This comes up rather regularly here. People tend to turn to internet forums when they are looking for advice because they are having a problem. For poly folks where things are going well, it's just life - once you've told your story there isn't much to say unless something is going wrong! Life is...just life.

Perhaps you're right, Jane. Although I wonder if the issue also is that different things make each of us happy? I don't know the answer. I'm also feeling rather philosophical today and wondering how many people in general are happy in their relationships, whatever form that takes.

For now- I am happy. I am confident in saying WE are happy. But it's not like this is a long runner, here. My marriage is only four years and counting, and my new relationship is barely 6 months in. I'm trying to enjoy it while it is, because who knows how long it will be. At least these parts, I want to remember.

 

[JaneQSmythe]

...
But then again, I wonder how many monogamous relationships I know as a percentage that are happy. I suspect a lot of people keep things to themselves. Also, people don't automatically assume monogamy is the problem when a mono relationship ends.

This. (Is the other thought that I had after my last post.)

In my work I see that many, many mono relationships that "look" ok from the outside, are NOT healthy on the inside. Perhaps this is selection bias as well but MOST of my friends have marriages/relationships that I would find onerous to participate in - yet they feel that they are "fine" (until they get divorced ) I think having kids also complicates the picture - adding stress to a relationship but also, then, increasing the stakes when contemplating dissolving the relationship. (We don't have kids.)

 

[WhatHappened]

Sometimes I wonder about that. Certainly both poly families that I thought of as role models, had unhappy endings. Well, one is still together but it's not in a shape I would consider happy even if they are content with it.

But then again, I wonder how many monogamous relationships I know as a percentage that are happy. I suspect a lot of people keep things to themselves. Also, people don't automatically assume monogamy is the problem when a mono relationship ends.

But I don't know. I love the lack of universality in alternative relationships, but I also feel that I definitely would not like some of the relationship styles I read about here.

There are certainly many unhappy monogamous marriages. I know people who have been monogamously married for over 50 years and I wouldn't want what they have.

The difference for me is in the percentage. Ratio wise, I see far, far more happy, thriving and lasting monogamous marriages than happy, thriving and lasting poly groups.

And I agree people keep a lot of things hidden and put on a happy face but it's going to happen as much, if not more, in a poly group as in a monogamous marriage.

Again...just my experience and what I've seen.

 

[Vicki82]

And I agree people keep a lot of things hidden and put on a happy face but it's going to happen as much, if not more, in a poly group as in a monogamous marriage.

Again...just my experience and what I've seen.

Well, I think that only makes sense. Poly people are not going to want to trumpet their failures because it's an alternative lifestyle and they don't want mono people saying that means polyamory itself is the failure and not the specific relationships. I see that in the BDSM community, too.

I also think it makes sense because a poly relationship has more moving parts, that it's more likely that there are problems than in a mono relationship by definition. Even a V has three relationships, four if you count metamours. So would you expect 3-4x the issues of a mono relationship? I don't know.

I find myself naturally inclined along the life partners paradigm. I wouldn't ever want to be solo poly. I like living with a partner and sharing responsibilities and goals. But I also don't ever want to actually be monogamous. I like being able to interact and connect with people in whatever way feels good to us. And I love sex, both casual and otherwise. I'm okay to things evolving within that paradigm, but I want it to be with the plan that my husband stays my primary, because he's my life partner. We made a conscious choice for that to occur. No other exclusions, really.

Polyamory lets me do that. Is the juice worth the squeeze? So far, I think so. But who knows, really?

 

[WhatHappened]

Well, I think that only makes sense. Poly people are not going to want to trumpet their failures because it's an alternative lifestyle and they don't want mono people saying that means polyamory itself is the failure and not the specific relationships. I see that in the BDSM community, too.

This is it exactly, and I agree, it's also happening in the BDSM community.

And I love sex, both casual and otherwise. I'm okay to things evolving within that paradigm, but I want it to be with the plan that my husband stays my primary, because he's my life partner. We made a conscious choice for that to occur. No other exclusions, really.

Polyamory lets me do that. Is the juice worth the squeeze? So far, I think so. But who knows, really?

I think the answer to that question depends on who you are.

I read a book some time ago by a poly couple telling about their 20 years of experience. They seemed a little unsure why, in 20 years, they hadn't found 'the one.' (Or in this case, I guess, the OTHER one....) But in reading their descriptions of various women they'd been with for up to a couple of years, it jumped out at me that these most or all of these women left the situation very unhappy.

Was it worth it to the couple? Yes, I think so. Was it worth it to the women they pulled into it? I doubt it. They ended up feeling they'd been treated like second class girlfriends who were ultimately disposable.

 

[Vicki82]

Was it worth it to the couple? Yes, I think so. Was it worth it to the women they pulled into it? I doubt it. They ended up feeling they'd been treated like second class girlfriends who were ultimately disposable.

See, I’d like to think that’s not me. Henry used to be a secondary partner when I was married to my ex, and that relationship didn’t even consider shifting focus until my ex and I split up. I’m also still close friends with my last two ex partners. There is no chaos or devastation in my wake, at least so far.

I don’t “pull people into this”. I know there are unethical people, especially those who practice hierarchy, but not all relationships are like that.

 

[icesong]

Henry and I are joking that we're training for the Sex Olympics though, after that joke came up in an old Futurama episode. When both partners are overweight, a lot of sexual things become more difficult.

I joke that sex is the only thing that can possibly make exercise worth doing, so you're not alone on this one!

 

[Magdlyn]

I don't think happiness merely depends on whether or not you have long term lasting romantic relationships. Does anyone here really believe that?

Whether you're mono or poly, a swinger, single or partnered, straight or queer, "happiness" depends on many factors. In my experience, mental and physical health or illness is a huge factor in whether one is "happy," enjoying life. If you've got cancer, or a bad back, or lupus, you're not going to be blissfully happy.

Another factor is the health and well being of your kids and any elders you are responsible for. If one of your kids is ill, very ill, it can consume your life. If you have an elder living with you, cranky or demented or unable to walk, how happy can you be? If you have a child or teen in trouble, or even a young adult, who is foundering, in danger of harming themselves or being harmed, how happy can you be?

A long term lasting relationship is great, wonderful. Asking for more than one is a lot to ask from the universe. I know a few people have 2 long term lasting relationships. My gf Pixi, for example, is happy with me (10 years this month) and has a bf she sees 2 or 3 nights a week, having built up to that relationship over the last 5 years.

I had a 30 year mono marriage. I had plenty, plenty! of happy moments, days, weeks, even years. We had 3 kids, we traveled, we made music and art, and enjoyed others' talents at shows and museums and libraries, we hiked, we swam, we fished, we gardened, we ate well, we owned 2 homes, we educated ourselves and our kids, we launched our kids. We have 3 grandchildren.

There is happiness in family life, but also many many challenges, and tears, and sleepless nights, and worries.

Hey, life is hard. Live and let live, I say! Don't be overly judgmental of anyone's lifestyle or life choices. Everyone has a story. Everyone has their weaknesses. We are all doing the best we can. Life is hard. That's why (almost) every religion has an afterlife idea where there are no problems or worries, just everlasting bliss. Because there is NO everlasting bliss in this life. Just gather all the pleasure you can, to balance the pain. Don't beat yourself up. If you fall, get up and face the next day. If you make a mistake, learn from it and move on. That's my philosophy.

 

[Vicki82]

You're absolutely right, Magdlyn, and perhaps I misphrased. But I guess I meant happy in their relationships, although of course there's always spillover from other areas of your life.

I've likely been feeling more like this since I'm coming off four years of situational depression and the NRE and my new secondary relationship is definitely contributing to my current happiness.

I don't really believe in the afterlife, so I figure I've got to grab whatever bliss I can while I'm here. Probably why I throw myself headfirst into things; I definitely consider myself to be a hedonist.

I wouldn't say that I'm judging other people's relationships... more that I feel like some styles/choices are not for me. I think that it can be just as valuable to figure out what you don't want as to learn what you do, don't you think? But we're all different, and that means different choices work for us. I hope I'm not coming across as saying that other people are doing things wrongly, because if so that's my bad and not my intention at all. Just that I wouldn't want to make those particular choices for myself.

icesong, I'm not a big fan of exercise myself! But I lost a lot of weight after I had kiddo, and I would like not to be as overweight as I am now. While my other health issues aren't caused by obesity, I know that it's not particularly helping, either.

 

[Vicki82]

Nothing is "wrong" exactly, but my emotions aren't doing so well. On the weekend, my crazy came back pretty hard. I don't really know how to describe it well except that my brain starts thinking things that I know not to be true, or painting catastrophic situations, or kicking my insecurities and anxiety back into gear.

It hit really hard on Friday, which sucked since Henry and I were going to have a date night. We had sex, but it really wasn't all that fulfilling for either of us since I was having a hard time getting my head into things. But I really wanted to since he hadn't had energy/desire for a while... but it just didn't go well. Then Saturday I was still not feeling great and neither was he, so even though we had a babysitter overnight we didn't do much other than stay in bed and watch TV together.

I spent Sunday afternoon with Henry, just hanging out and watching movies together, and Sunday evening he dropped me off for date night with Charles. It was nice to get down time with both of them (separately).

I'm finding my insecurity is kicking back in with Charles, though. We had great sex and intimacy, but I find myself feeling somewhat disconnected today. I'm seeing him again tomorrow for our regular date night so I don't have to sit with it for too long, but I'm just feeling a bit anxious. I don't know how much of that is me, and how much might be picking stuff up. I tend to be pretty empathic and soak up other people's emotions, but when I get like this I don't always know if it's internal or external.

I've been feeling very mushy/romantic with Henry, though. That's also been kind of in and out because we haven't had really good connective sex in a while, and I start to feel disconnected without sex. I've actually been having far more sex with Charles than with Henry, and given that I live with Henry, that bugs me quite a bit. I'm trying to increase my connection to Henry as much as possible, though- going in rather than drawing away.

So nothing is really wrong... but I just don't feel quite right, either.

 

[Vicki82]

I'm feeling distressed today, and I'm unable to parse how much is the crap in my head, and how much is actually a thing.

Kiddo was having a rough day and behaving really badly in ways that are going to seriously affect his resilience in life in the future if he doesn't shape up, and dealing with it was really taxing for both me and Henry. Doesn't help that we were both feeling low energy and out of sorts today already. So I know that has a big impact on how I feel about things.

But I don't think it's everything. I'm feeling disconnected and insecure in my relationship with Charles, and that's hard to deal with. I think a big part of it is just that he is different from me, and handles things differently, and I don't know if it's something I am happy with long term. He's even been texting me but they don't feel like connective kind of texts (I don't really actually know how to explain that) but they feel like something he's crossing off his to do list to say that he's done it. I don't feel as emotionally close to him as I have been. Nothing's gone wrong, so I don't know what the issue really is.

And some of the stuff I'm feeling, I know is illogical and whiny. Like he told me we couldn't get together this weekend because yesterday was his grandfather's milestone birthday party, so of course he was busy with that. Then he usually spends the other day doing stuff he needs to do, although Sundays he also beta tests a game that a friend of his is producing so that eats up half the day anyway. Then he told me he found out that his roommate invited their regular Sunday night gaming group over to their shared place so he was doing some cleaning he hadn't planned to do. The sulky part of me is kinda like, if they're coming over to play games, how come he didn't want to invite me to join them like I have in the past? Rational brain is telling me that he probably wasn't planning to play tonight anyway since he's had such a full social weekend and is only doing so since they're going to be physically at his house, and maybe he didn't want to interact on anything but a really light level. I can get that. But it's what my brain latched onto as, maybe he doesn't actually want to see me. And we didn't even have sex on Tuesday because he said he was tired. I was already starting to feel like this before then, though.

And I still have all these logical things telling me otherwise, like all the work he's putting into our kink agreements and stuff (although my brain tells me that he'd likely do that for himself anyway), that he comes over every Tuesday at least, that he cooks for me and hangs out with my family. That he's told me that he loves me, even if he isn't as verbally demonstrative as Henry is.

The logical part of my brain is telling me that I keep stacking him up against Henry and of course he can't compete. Henry knows me so well and how to meet my needs. That I have that easy conversation and connection with Henry. That I feel secure in my relationship with Henry and not with Charles. That logically, Charles just behaves differently in a relationship and I'm not quite sure whether or not it meets what I need. I'm actually not quite sure how to describe the thing I feel like I'm not getting and I don't know if it's real or if it's something in my head. And the worst part is, I feel like if I tried to explain it to him that he would misunderstand and think it's because we didn't get together on the weekend or something. I think maybe he feels my style of connection is just as different as his does to me.

And, I'm rambling. Really feeling out of sorts today. I don't really know what to do or how I should be feeling. My modus operandi here would be to withdraw emotionally until my partner notices and wants to talk about it but I recognize what a manipulative pattern that is and I've been working on it, hard as it is on my end. To me it just feels like self protection to withdraw but I know that isn't the effect it actually has.

Sigh. I don't have enough stuff going on in my life that I need to build my own mountains out of molehills, right?

 

[Vicki82]

It's funny. I have been trying to avoid talking with Henry about Charles too much, because I don't want it to feel awkward or uncomfortable or whatnot. But it gets tough sometimes because Henry is my best friend, and the one person I don't censor myself with (for clarity's sake, I did discuss with Charles in advance what kind of privacy he wanted in our relationship, so I'm not violating consent).

But I told him about how I've been feeling out of sorts, and how sometimes I think that Charles just doesn't "get" me the way that Henry does. And then Henry blew my mind by saying that he didn't know how much he got me back when we first started dating, either. I know that the NRE between the two of us was extremely intense because we jumped into the BDSM pretty hard and both of us experience Domspace/subspace (from our respective sides of the slash of course). It made our connection almost overwhelming at times.

So I jokingly asked Henry, so when I feel out of sorts, I should just fuck him or play with him? And he was 100% serious when he said yes. He said that it will hopefully carry us through the stage where the anxiety and insecurity is higher and into a more relaxed and comfortable spot. That kinda makes sense although I think I'm expressing it clumsily.

I thought it was hilarious when Henry said that he thinks that he and Charles are a lot alike. The two of them would definitely be friends even if it wasn't for me. It was funny when we were talking about concerts; I've been going to a bunch with a longtime friend of mine and he wants to go to one that interests Henry but not me. When I mentioned it to Charles, he was interested to. And suddenly there's this fun situation where my very best non-relationship guy friend and my husband and my boyfriend might be going out together and leaving me at home! It just sparked my funny bone.

I find myself thinking that my previous aversion to kitchen table poly might have a lot to do with my ex husband. Because now it feels like the most wonderful thing in the world to be hanging out or to go to a party with my two favourite men. I thought it was so wonderful on NYE to get two kisses at midnight, and that I can show affection to both of them at the same time and have them be silly and loving with me together (like when they make a Vicki sandwich and tickle me like kids used to do in school). I still definitely want my alone time with both of them but it's nice when we can do an activity together too.

Yesterday's date night with Charles was really good. It's funny how vulnerability can bring us closer together. He texted me yesterday and let me know that he was having a bit of a mental health day and he wasn't feeling great. I got to be supportive for him and he told me how much it meant to him, to know I'd be there if he needed me. And that in turn made me feel more secure in our relationship, that he really does love me and care about me even if he doesn't show it quite the same way that I do.

We had dinner together, played a fun game, then we cuddled and talked and had sex and cuddled some more until he fell asleep in my arms. He texted me today and told me that it was such good sleep because I was there, and that he felt so comfortable with me next to him.

I like that we can be silly with each other and tease and play. I really needed this. I feel so happy and in love again.

 

[Vicki82]

Today we told Kiddo that we are poly. It actually went really well. Kiddo is 9, and we figured that he was either wondering or going to figure things out soon. Charles is over at least once a week before Kiddo goes to bed, and I go over there at least once a week. Kiddo really likes him so that's a plus.

Basically, we started with a chat about privacy. We told him that it's personal stuff for our family not because we're embarrassed but just because it's our own business. We drew a parallel between that and him not telling the universe he has his own housekey, for example.

Then Henry told him that we are very happy together and that we're glad we committed to each other. We wanted to reassure him in advance that this didn't mean we were splitting up or anything like that. And then Henry just kinda came out with it; that I'm dating Charles. Kiddo's only real question was, does that mean Charles is going to be coming to hang out more? Like I said, he really likes him!

We explained a little bit more but left it pretty much at that since it didn't seem to be a big deal to Kiddo, and we didn't want to make it a bigger deal. But it feels good not to have to keep something important to us a secret, and now we don't have to worry about him accidentally seeing us share affection or wondering why he saw Charles quite so much. He told us he was wondering about that already. Either way, it was good.

Tonight I'm at home by myself while Henry and Charles are out at a BDSM discussion group for submissives together. It's so nice that they can hang out together, even if that means I'm home by myself. It might be nice to have a quiet evening to myself, and I'll see Charles tomorrow anyway.

 

[Vicki82]

Yeah, I'm writing a lot lately. But things have been so good... I want to remember the good moments as much as the times when I write just to sort out the messed up thoughts in my head.

Honestly... my memory is borked pretty hard because of my health issues. I just don't remember things well if I don't write them down, which is one reason why journalling is so important to me. It's not that I don't care, but there isn't much else I can do if I don't make notes.

I had an amazing date day with Henry today. I'm on cloud 9. It's been a pretty fantastic week.

We won some gift certificates to a casino so we spent the day having fun on house money and actually won a few dollars, went out for dinner, and came home for the most incredible sex.

I don't think I've ever had someone fuck me PIV continually for over 40 minutes before! And Henry stayed hard the whole time. It isn't something I'd want to do often I think or I'd wear out... but it was a pretty amazing experience.

And the other day, Charles slept over. it is really so nice to have the evening together without keeping an eye on the time. I'm not really used to dating someone without overnights- I used to stay over nearly every time I visited a partner. I like the big blocks of time so we can do everything. Cuddles, kinky play, sex, whatever other activities we enjoy... no pressure on time or someone having to leave tired. It's actually been an adjustment to go back to dating someone without sleepovers. And no complaints, Charles does still make big blocks of time available for me as he can- we usually spend 5-6 hours together each time. I just happen to like it so much better when neither of us has to watch the clock.

While we were cuddling before sleep last night, he told me how relaxed and comfortable and happy he was to be with me. It just melted me. I am so in love. He had to leave super early in the morning so he was gone before I was awake, but he sent me a text that he slept so wonderfully and wished we'd had some time together in the morning.

I am just so happy and in love. I want to remember how I feel right now in this moment and box it up and save it for when I feel anxious or uncertain.

 

[Vicki82]

This past weekend there was a Valentine's Day BDSM party, and Henry and Charles and I all went together and we had a lovely time. I had plans to play with an awesome person who very much enjoys the combination of pain and electricity. It was seriously awesome and I had a wonderful time.

I got to wear this amazing pink Steampunk corset that has a short skirt attached. It looked awesome- I got so many compliments on it! It's kinda sad and kinda happy though. I bought it a year ago and never really got around to wearing it because I felt so fat, and then I tried it on before the party and Henry told me he could barely lace it on because the back met almost fully. I'm down nearly 25# and I guess more inches than I would have thought, but I'll really miss the corset! It's not worth staying fat for, though.

I love going to parties with both my partners, and walking around with one arm around each of them. I just feel so loved when I can be out with both of them together.

After my scene, we went and snuggled on one of the couches together, and I sprawled across the two of them- my upper body in Charles' lap, and my legs across Henry's. It was so wonderful being with the two men I love like that! Leaning up to kiss Charles while holding Henry's hand, and getting my feet rubbed by Henry while Charles was stroking my arms.

And then Henry decided to get a little familiar. No oral or genital penetration at this party, but toys and fingers were just fine! So here we were in a social area with three couches facing each other and a whole room full of people with several play stations going, and he slid his fingers up my skirt while I was kissing Charles. Charles told me how sexy it was to hear me gasping. My pussy was already drenched from my play scene earlier and I could feel how wet I was with his fingers drumming on my clit and then thrusting inside me. Henry knows exactly how I like to be touched and it was amazing. It wasn't long before I was orgasming quietly... I didn't want to make a big production out of things but just to focus on the sensations. Charles was kissing me and stroking my arms and throat while Henry was making me feel so good.

I wanted so badly for them both to come home so that I could have their cocks, too, but it was really late and we were all tired and had early mornings. So hopefully a rain check.

Does that count as a threesome? LOL. I've never had one with two male identified people before, and Charles has never had one at all. Either way, it was a lot of fun.

 

[Vicki82]

I guess my life is pretty amazing right now! I am so lucky. I know I've been saying that a lot lately too but sometimes I feel like I need to give myself a pinch, that this is too good to be true.

Charles came over for our standing date night and the three of us had a lovely dinner together. We hung out for a while and socialized; my men are becoming good friends and that's awesome. They've both told me that they think they are a lot alike, which is a good thing. I'm glad they get along so well. I didn't think kitchen table polyamory was for me, but when everyone clicks like this it's pretty wonderful.

After dinner, I was craving something sweet and my wonderful husband Henry said "Give me fifteen minutes." I made some after dinner cocktails for the three of us while Henry baked his famous coconut chocolate chip cookies from scratch. OMG. I need a thesaurus to keep coming up with these superlative adjectives because things are making me so happy that I'm getting repetitive!

When we were hanging out in the kitchen, Charles put his arms around me and kissed my neck and told me that I make him so happy. It sparked this lovely golden feeling inside me. I am so in love with him.

The weather was terrible again, so Henry suggested that Charles spend the night. No complaints from us! We went upstairs and spent the next two hours having the most amazing sex. I brought out the Motorbunny and we had such a good time with it. It was awesome seeing how much he was enjoying it, too.

We cuddled and talked late into the night... he had an early morning but we didn't want to stop and go to sleep. It was just too good to be together. He even sent me a text that I didn't see until the morning that said he was sending love to me via text even though I was right here beside him. It was adorable.

It made me really think about some parallels, though, with my relationship with Henry. I started dating both of them in August, but Henry and I had a big blow to our NRE when my ex husband walked out in December and then Henry was in the hospital in February. We pretty much had to adapt to life necessities rather than enjoying things together slowly.

I wonder if we would have that the golden bubble this long if life hadn't happened? Really gave me a bit of a reality check. I talked about it with Henry and he feels that we got robbed of some of it, but at least we get the spillover now and the lovely established relationship intimacy. I feel so safe and comfortable and secure with him, and I don't have that with Charles yet. Hopefully one day! Henry joked they were going to morph into one person and then I said oh no, that would mean he's moving in with us in May then and I think that would be a bit much! I remember crying because I was so nervous- that was a big step and it felt too soon for me, but it had to be done that way because of life factors or else we would have had to break up because distance, health, and finances. And it worked out and I'm so glad we did... but man, that was a big roll of the dice.

I'm so glad to have Henry in my life. He is an amazing husband and partner, and I'm glad to be parenting with him and building a life with him.

 

[Vicki82]

Things are continuing to go well. I've had some quality time with Henry, and that makes me happy. We had a lovely little quickie today that made me feel pretty good, and some hot and heavy sex sessions. I've missed that with him but because his health has been spotty our sex hasn't been as frequent as either of us would like. My sex drive is higher than just about everyone's though so it's never enough But I'm much happier when we are connecting well sexually. Sex is a big part of romantic connection for me; even if everything else is going well I start to feel disconnected without it.

Last night Charles called me to let me know there was a work emergency and he was going to have to cancel our dinner plans. No worries, it happens, right? I was bummed because we hadn't been able to get together on the weekend and I was missing him, but it was it was. I knew he was tired because he hadn't slept well the past few days and so figured we'd have to reschedule. I was delighted when he showed up at my door four hours later with a slice of my favourite cheesecake. It really made me feel like he makes me a priority even when things go awry and that helped a lot.

He had to be back at work early today so I thought he was only going to be here for a couple of hours but Henry suggested that he stay over so that we'd get some time together. My husband is such a sweetie.

Charles and I stayed up way too late, talking and kissing and cuddling and having sex. It was just good times He was gone when I woke up this morning but sent me sweet texts from work which made me smile.