I like your cute drawing!
Thank you! I thought it would be nice to have something silly on my profile and a think that the fact that I am not a skilled artist adds a wonderful derpy-ness it.
As for your libido differential, I am going to assume your drive is higher than your partner's because you are taking testosterone? Prior to taking this supplement, were your libidos more evenly matched?
There are a few factors there. On my side, I've always had a bit higher libido than herself (generally, 3-5/week for myself vs 1-2/week for her) but, due to mental, emotional, and physical health issues, along with hormonal birth-control, her libido dropped through the floor (0-1/month).
Is your partner female? I am not going to assume they are. Men can definitely have unequal libidos as well. Maybe you had ED and now you're in a place where your drive has become excessive instead of "just right."
You've actually rather hit the nail on the head. Thank you for not assuming but, yes, I am in a hetero relationship with a cis/bi woman. The ED was what spurned getting a medical opinion, which led to me finding out that I have a hereditary hormonal imbalance (would have been nice to have that info previously). While my bloodwork looks much better, I do spend much of the time with a higher libido than I had as a hormonally confused teen because of the TRT. And it also turned out to have a psychological component that I hadn't expected.
Statistically men have stronger sex drives than women because they have more testosterone. Also, culturally, women are taught to suppress their sexualities. Men get socially rewarded for being horny (called "studs" admiringly), and women get punished (called "sluts" disrespectfully). This is changing, as "slut shaming" women is now seen as rude, and conversely, sometimes men can be "slut shamed" if they aggressively pursue sex with unwilling dating partners.
I am extremely happy with the cultural trends there. For many years, I've intentionally used the term "slut" as a gender-neutral term with neutral to positive meaning effectively attempting to redefine it as someone who is sexually open and likely with higher libido/drive (I have called myself "a bit of a slut" for a while, despite not historically having THAT high of a libido). The "stud"/"slut" double standard always rubbed me the wrong way and is something that I refuse to accept.
So, if you confirm that your sex drive is now higher, and your partner's (whether male or female) has remained the same, and that is the disparity, we can go from there.
You're correct.
Of course, there's always masturbation.
Sex, to me, is more than just orgasms, so, masturbation never really fulfilled that need. That's largely how I handled it for about six years, while unhealthily bottling up my frustration, so as to try to not make my wife feel bad for things that she doesn't have any control over, and feeling guilty about feeling frustrated. Fortunately, I'm not doing that anymore and even more fortunately, I got a new therapist right as the emotional dam holding that in broke open, which helped to alleviate the tension that neither of us fully realized was there (and helped a lot with the libido discrepancy).
And since you came to a board geared to polyamory, maybe you are poly and can seek more partners for more intimacy/sex.
At this time, I am explicitly NOT seeking more partners but, rather to learn and see if there is a consensual non-monogamy structure that would be right for us, or at the very least figure out more about ourselves and ways that we relate to other people or wish to.
My wife and I have talked at length over the last few months (as well as in the past but we were both much younger and less emotionally mature) and have found that both of us have some degree of interest in non-monogamy. She comes from a rural, socially-conservative (Catholic) area, so, had some misconceptions about how non-monogamous relationships look. Her recently watching the YouTube channel "Soft White Underbelly" with its interviews of loving poly, swinger, and kink couples shattered a lot of those misconceptions. Still, I'm searching about for resources that are more to her speed (she's found some books like "The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-monogamy" to be too academic/clinical for her).
I hope that I don't come across as pressuring her into anything (being AuADHD can lead to some unfortunate miscommunication). I just have considered myself to be ambiamourous for a good while, leaning towards poly, and have known a number of people in poly and open relationships so, a lot of the concepts are not as novel to me (and I love learning about the ones that are).
I hope you find what you're looking for!
