Poly-Dating: How to meet like-minded people
- Thread starter LookingforThird
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phantazmagoria
New member
We are interested in finding a girl to join us. There are tons of pretty girls to look at.
I just don't know how to assume a girl is bisexual or interest. I don't know how to broach that subject when meeting a stranger like that.
There is this cute red-head at the mall I've talked to a couple times. I have no idea to ask her out!!!
hahaha.
I just don't know how to assume a girl is bisexual or interest. I don't know how to broach that subject when meeting a stranger like that.
There is this cute red-head at the mall I've talked to a couple times. I have no idea to ask her out!!!
hahaha.
LovingRadiance
Active member
"Hi! I love your hair! I don't usually do this, but I just wondered if you'd like to get a coffee sometime after work at (name place in or near mall)?"
TL4everu2
New member
I love coffee, and it has provided me with more than one opportunity to meet and greet.
phantazmagoria
New member
Does that work? Thanks! You make it sound easy! haha
MindfulAgony
New member
It is easy! That is, if you don't mind being turned down and don't take it personally. If you do mind being turned down and/or take it personally, it's not so easy at that point. But you can get over that fear through practice and keeping your perspective when you are inevitably turned down.
phantazmagoria
New member
Okay... I am going to work up the nerve to ask out the cute redhead at the mall.
In the meantime, I am sort of interested in OkCupid, but scared of my Dad finding my profile, since he has one! Are there any other sites that are good? Thanks.
In the meantime, I am sort of interested in OkCupid, but scared of my Dad finding my profile, since he has one! Are there any other sites that are good? Thanks.
Andy4700
New member
I have trouble with the idea of just asking any woman I meet and think is attractive out on a date when I am already committed to someone else... It could be sort of cruel unless you're totally honest from the first conversation, and in that case she's going to say no, unless she happens to already have explored this idea and is looking too. Not even remotely likely, in my opinion. If there was a way to try and just befriend her and feel her out on the concept, maybe it could work... but man, I dunno. Seems like a lot of effort to just get rejected and maybe angerly too if she got strung along in the process. Also sorta depends on if you want/could have a friendship with her if she doesn't seem like she would take well to the idea. Tricky situation. I am looking for a woman too, not even a bisexual one, and pretty much have gotten rejected even while targeting open-minded women best I can.
As far as other dating sites... I just asked that here and the general consensus was OKC is about the best. I checked out plentyoffish and datehookup and they both suck. OKC has not yielded me anything poly. Met an awesome chick there as a friend though. So not all was a waste. Try a well-written ad on Craigslist personal section. Sleezy as it sounds, I have had the best luck with that.
As far as other dating sites... I just asked that here and the general consensus was OKC is about the best. I checked out plentyoffish and datehookup and they both suck. OKC has not yielded me anything poly. Met an awesome chick there as a friend though. So not all was a waste. Try a well-written ad on Craigslist personal section. Sleezy as it sounds, I have had the best luck with that.
MindfulAgony
New member
If I'm having an interesting conversation with someone that I think I want to ask out, I'd share that I'm separated and that I'm polyamorous. I would do that in the context of a conversation where she is clearly interested in knowing more about me. This is pertinent info in that context.
You'll get questions like "Wow, how does that work?" which gives you and opening to share more. Expose your ethics; some about why it works for you; some of what makes it challenging. Her reaction to the entire discussion will speak volumes before you ever get to the question of "How about dinner next Friday?"
You also run the risk of being branded a heretic and fornicator. But, since my reply to that is typically "Guilty as charged. Care to join me?" I don't worry too much about that. Don't need any more judgmental people in my life.
Basic advice is to share your relationship style before you ask for her to join in. In many cases, I never get to the point of asking someone out. When I do, I am most often turned down very politely. Occasionally, but not quite infrequently, I get someone interested in exploring and we'll talk further and might even actually make that first date. After that, the natural (low) odds of finding compatibility kick in.
I do live in Seattle though. Odds are slightly more favorable in this particular milieu.
You'll get questions like "Wow, how does that work?" which gives you and opening to share more. Expose your ethics; some about why it works for you; some of what makes it challenging. Her reaction to the entire discussion will speak volumes before you ever get to the question of "How about dinner next Friday?"
You also run the risk of being branded a heretic and fornicator. But, since my reply to that is typically "Guilty as charged. Care to join me?" I don't worry too much about that. Don't need any more judgmental people in my life.
Basic advice is to share your relationship style before you ask for her to join in. In many cases, I never get to the point of asking someone out. When I do, I am most often turned down very politely. Occasionally, but not quite infrequently, I get someone interested in exploring and we'll talk further and might even actually make that first date. After that, the natural (low) odds of finding compatibility kick in.
I do live in Seattle though. Odds are slightly more favorable in this particular milieu.
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TL4everu2
New member
I have to wholeheartedly agree with this part. We moved from Seattle about 5 yrs ago, and even back then, it was a great and friendly place to meet people.
Polymonial
New member
Local groups
www.meetup.com seems to list a number of live poly groups in many/most major cities. Just do a search for "Polyamory" under your zip code.
www.meetup.com seems to list a number of live poly groups in many/most major cities. Just do a search for "Polyamory" under your zip code.
X-User2455
Inactive
How to meet people?
Hi there,
My husband and I are both poly. We have different desires. He prefers to stay mostly emotionally monogamous, whereas I do not. We found a single woman last year who was our "unicorn" and my gf. It was really WONDERFUL. We would like to find another woman, first for myself. Hubby prefers for me to meet with her, since both physical and emotional chemistry are of equal importance to me, rather then mostly sexual, as with him.
I have tried dating sites, Craigslist (which is how I met my prior gf, and it was actually by accident, I will elaborate below) and some other sites. I am thinking of possibly going to some meetups nearby us (we're in NY/tri-state; it seems there are meetups) but am not sure if we will find what we are looking for there. We have done the swinging thing (actually how we were introduced to the concept of being more "open") which we enjoy, but for me (female half) i am truly bisexual and have no desire of being with a man besides my H, just a woman. We know a few single women with whom we can play, but it's almost purely sexual. We want someone single (preferably) or in a open RL without a man, someone we can travel with, have occasional sleepovers (or even just the girls), that sort of thing. Its not just about sex here.
So, to elaborate about how I met my prior gf, my hubby was OK with me exploring on my own for a bit. He gave the thumbs up to go and find a woman all for myself. I placed an ad looking for a woman/bi friend on CL, and found a person. In a short time, my H started feeling left out and didn't like it. He told me that he wanted to exercise his veto power (which we both have) and that I needed to end things. I offered to him that she seemed very open, and perhaps I could propose the idea of adding him into things for some "group fun" on occasion. I figured I had nothing to lose. I offered and she was all for it. So it all worked out with her.
Now, she has left the country (as I had anticipated). While I found her rather quickly, this time around I have been searching for like 3 months, and have made some friends, but mostly women who have some serious drama/baggage going on in their lives.
I'm getting so frustrated, as is my H. It's straining our relationship. We both have decided, however, to relax, and start enjoying one another. (We have been getting really wrapped up in our search and perhaps neglecting one another.) I am going to keep placing ads, and keep looking, but just in a more chill fashion, and wait for the right person to come along.
Anyhow, sorry for the part vent/part cry out for help or suggestions. How have you all met your special person?
I was thinking of changing things up for our ads, and trying to place some from the male perspective. I have never done that before, and wonder if that might reach a different type of woman?
Hi there,
My husband and I are both poly. We have different desires. He prefers to stay mostly emotionally monogamous, whereas I do not. We found a single woman last year who was our "unicorn" and my gf. It was really WONDERFUL. We would like to find another woman, first for myself. Hubby prefers for me to meet with her, since both physical and emotional chemistry are of equal importance to me, rather then mostly sexual, as with him.
I have tried dating sites, Craigslist (which is how I met my prior gf, and it was actually by accident, I will elaborate below) and some other sites. I am thinking of possibly going to some meetups nearby us (we're in NY/tri-state; it seems there are meetups) but am not sure if we will find what we are looking for there. We have done the swinging thing (actually how we were introduced to the concept of being more "open") which we enjoy, but for me (female half) i am truly bisexual and have no desire of being with a man besides my H, just a woman. We know a few single women with whom we can play, but it's almost purely sexual. We want someone single (preferably) or in a open RL without a man, someone we can travel with, have occasional sleepovers (or even just the girls), that sort of thing. Its not just about sex here.
So, to elaborate about how I met my prior gf, my hubby was OK with me exploring on my own for a bit. He gave the thumbs up to go and find a woman all for myself. I placed an ad looking for a woman/bi friend on CL, and found a person. In a short time, my H started feeling left out and didn't like it. He told me that he wanted to exercise his veto power (which we both have) and that I needed to end things. I offered to him that she seemed very open, and perhaps I could propose the idea of adding him into things for some "group fun" on occasion. I figured I had nothing to lose. I offered and she was all for it. So it all worked out with her.
Now, she has left the country (as I had anticipated). While I found her rather quickly, this time around I have been searching for like 3 months, and have made some friends, but mostly women who have some serious drama/baggage going on in their lives.
I'm getting so frustrated, as is my H. It's straining our relationship. We both have decided, however, to relax, and start enjoying one another. (We have been getting really wrapped up in our search and perhaps neglecting one another.) I am going to keep placing ads, and keep looking, but just in a more chill fashion, and wait for the right person to come along.
Anyhow, sorry for the part vent/part cry out for help or suggestions. How have you all met your special person?
I was thinking of changing things up for our ads, and trying to place some from the male perspective. I have never done that before, and wonder if that might reach a different type of woman?
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IndieSolo
Active member
Have you searched the forum for ideas? Here's a big thread that discusses this:
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2835
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2835
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This has been merged with that.
BlackUnicorn
New member
You could ask what kind of woman would be interested in being the unicorn in the first place. There are good threads about that in other places (What's in it for a unicorn? for example).
But chances are that if your hubby has his own jealousy to deal with, and isn't interested in getting to know the woman on any other than a sexual level, you'd be happier (and more successful) to pursue a vee and work with hubby on the jealousy.
Loveisshadesofgrey
New member
Where to look?
I'm new to poly, and through research and self discovery, I know this is something I'd like to try. It just feels like it's the right direction to go. But my problem is that everything I find when it comes to advice for where to look for lover(s), it's for a couple seeking a third or another couple. I have yet to really find anything to help singles seek out a couple. I've tried looking around the internet, dating sites, and even posted on Craigslist to see what I'd get (though it got flagged and taken down, despite being well written and unoffensive).
I'm only 20 so I can't just go out to a bar and try and pick up a couple, and I've moved to a new city only a couple of months ago, so I have no family or friends here. No familiarity with the city, so I don't even know where to start.
I think it'd be easier if there was some semblance of a kink community here, but there isn't even that.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I'm new to poly, and through research and self discovery, I know this is something I'd like to try. It just feels like it's the right direction to go. But my problem is that everything I find when it comes to advice for where to look for lover(s), it's for a couple seeking a third or another couple. I have yet to really find anything to help singles seek out a couple. I've tried looking around the internet, dating sites, and even posted on Craigslist to see what I'd get (though it got flagged and taken down, despite being well written and unoffensive).
I'm only 20 so I can't just go out to a bar and try and pick up a couple, and I've moved to a new city only a couple of months ago, so I have no family or friends here. No familiarity with the city, so I don't even know where to start.
I think it'd be easier if there was some semblance of a kink community here, but there isn't even that.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Take a road-trip to Canada and that won't be a problem anymore.
On a more serious note, rather than starting off at looking for a couple, perhaps start with finding like minded individuals who might also be interested in poly...
Collages and Universities should be full of young open minded co-eds....I hope anyways. Can't speak to your actual location, perhaps someone more familiar with the local politics could, but I know that's where'd I'd be looking ...when I was 20.
Welcome to the Forum.