A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")

opalescent

Active member
I might steal your 'Seven Things' list YAH. Got some things rattling around it would be nice to put on paper (so to speak).
 

YouAreHere

Active member
It's an interesting exercise, that's for sure! I'll probably post again about it, since I'm one month in and already needing to rewicker things that just won't work. Better than abandoning a list of resolutions altogether. :)

Quick update: I met with the doctor and got put on an anti-inflammatory (that has been WONDERFUL), and I started PT today. I've got some stuff to try, although we didn't get through everything he would have liked to have gotten through on the first day. All good though... he explains everything to death, which I LOVE, and I've already got homework. No running for a while. No putting stress on the nerve pathway that goes down my neck, past the hip, and down the leg (so, no hamstring stretches, for example). I can bike as long as I watch my positioning. I also get to do some traction exercises (taking the weight off my lower back for 10 reps of 10 seconds each, once per hour). That works for me. We'll start doing more muscle strengthening on Thursday.

Otherwise, it was DanceGirl's birthday this past weekend (updated the .sig and everything), so the diet didn't start until Monday. ;) There's still cake in the house, and I'm making the chilluns take a LARGE chunk back to their dad's tonight.

In other news, I'm finding that my vet is exorbitantly priced (I need to make a dental appointment for one of my cats, and with some extractions, I'm getting an estimate of $1000 or more). I think I'm going to call my local Banfield and see what their estimate would be. I looked into pet insurance earlier in the year, but they don't cover routine visits (including dental). Just the out of the blue stuff. I'm getting hit with all the routine stuff, and the pricing is crazy. I love the staff, but bleeding me dry won't get me to come back. :( (How do people with a shit-ton of cats afford it?! Jeez!)

(Edited to add that the local Banfield isn't really any different if I'm not one of their "Wellness" members... ah well. These little buggers are expensive!)

Oh well. I love these little dorks, and this is what I signed up for. All I know is, Bubba's going to hate me for this later.
 
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Magdlyn

Well-known member
YaH, I hope PT works for you. Can you also get osteo or chiro adjustments? I've just quit PT! I posted why on my blog. Basically, my therapist (the rapist) worked me way too hard for my condition and I reinjured my back. It's about as bad now as it was back last July when I fell and sprained it! I reckon it's sprained again, which means inflamed, on top of the inflammation from the arthritis, and what my chiro will probably say is subluxation of my spine.

Luckily I suddenly found out my insurance coverage added chiropractic in! It worked so well for me years ago. I only get 12 visits per year, but it's better than nothing. So my new plan is to get started with chiro, and join the nearby racquet and swim club for their water fitness classes. All my PT was trying to do was strengthen my lower core, and I can do that (plus get a whole body workout) in the pool, and I can regulate my effort to protect myself from injuring my back. Plus, there's no gravity, and it's way way way more fun.
 

YouAreHere

Active member
Thanks, Mags! I can get chiro treatments, but I was less than enamored with my chiro's ability to do anything about my back pain when I originally wrecked it, so I'll try PT and see how that goes. I will say that the stuff he's got me doing is certainly making me more conscious of how I'm holding my body, which is something. I'm sorry your Physical The Rapist made things even worse for you. :(

And why on Earth did I go into work today? I'm now in that waiting game of "leave late enough so that the roads are good, but early enough so I can still get in my driveway." Methinks I'll be abandoning the car in the road to get the snowblower when I get home. Wheeeeeeeee! :p
 
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Magdlyn

Well-known member
Don't hurt yourself! This snow is so wet. I hired a guy last winter, and so last night I called him to make sure he is still doing it. He is, so I booked him for 5ish. Whew!

I'm sorry chiro didn't help you before. It sure works for me, but we are all different. Be careful at the PT, don't let them encourage you to overdo it.
 

YouAreHere

Active member
If the snowblower doesn't work, I'm abandoning the vehicle at the 7-11 at the bottom of the hill and waiting inside until Chops gets home! :D I've already decided that I'm not touching a shovel, except to move it out of the way.

Oh well, I have a test to witness at work, and then I think I'll bail. Gotta love New England weather: 60 degrees and rain yesterday, multiple inches of snow today. :cool:
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
We had 10." Glad Chops is going to do your shoveling.
 

YouAreHere

Active member
Good Lordy... Three months since I've posted. I'm not dead, I swear!

No big update right now (since I'm at work - bad YAH! GBTW!), but a synopsis:

  • Both sisters are getting married in the next few months, so this year will be busy busy!
  • Relationship-wise, things are mostly good. Got a few things to blog about, some minor annoyances, but nothing too major
  • Just finished a cruise vacation to Bermuda (yay!)
  • Just getting over the 'Creeping Cruise Crud' that I managed to catch on the ship (despite being assaulted with hand sanitizer wherever you went). Boo!
  • Another trip coming up in the Fall with Chops to Poland (yay!)
  • Lots of house projects to prepare for (2016 will be the Year of the New Deck)

Hopefully, I'll be around a bit more now that I'm back and on the mend (and not in a tizzy at work trying to meet deadlines). I've been reading the site here and there, but not a whole heck of a lot. Guess I have a lot to catch up on. :)
 
You've been missed. :cool:
 

YouAreHere

Active member
Aw... thanks. :eek:

Three months is a lot of time to cover, so I guess I'll just go over some of the high- and low-lights.

The "Choplet" issue (where YAH felt ignored by Chops' son in favor of Xena):
Well, this was interesting. I had a really good conversation with Chops where he basically affirmed my observation and then some: Choplet didn't really approve of his dad's decision to have multiple partners, he focuses pretty much entirely on Xena, and Chops *continually* reminds him that I exist too. Ouch. Quote from Chops: "My son is a meatball." I had to laugh at that, and oddly enough, I felt more validated than hurt. It's nice to have some sort of validation that you're not making shit up in your own head.

It's improved somewhat, I guess. I get tagged on FB in baby photos. However, Choplet now seems to only text his grandmother, his aunt, and Xena with baby photos 95% of the time. Chops doesn't even get them that often. If I were the type to use "SMH" in a conversation, I'd use it here. I've sort of given up with this one (although I did manage to give Choplet a small ration of shit when I was at a family get-together and I was the only one who didn't receive baby pix... "Hey, you forgot me!" "You have my number, right?"... I hate confrontation, but enough is enough.)

At any rate, I've got some gifts for Baby Grand-Choplet, and I will continue to remind Choplet of my existence, try to be a good Grammy to the little one, and all that jazz.

The Facebook Thing, with a twist!
I've always had an issue with Facebook where I tend to feel like the "smaller, more invisible" partner. Xena tends to be very prolific on FB, Choplet and she converse a lot there via posts and comments, and it triggers the competitive side of me: I want to be seen, therefore I should post a lot too! However, doing that would feel extremely fake to me, because I'm posting for entirely the wrong reasons, and it leads to this weird conflicted feeling. That's not new. I manage that by basically putting down FB, or unfollowing Xena's feed for a while if I need to. Ignore until ready to deal with it. Not that big a deal anymore, usually.

This time, it was Xena who called the powwow together to talk about FB and attention. She felt as though Chops was being more lovey-dovey with me on FB and more "Friend-y" with her. She asked how I manage my issues with FB, and after discussing that, we got into a good followup discussion re. perspective.

I mentioned my concern that my perspective is already that I'm the more "silent, less public" partner on FB, and any change would exacerbate that. Not to limit what they do, but just to mention it so if I act squirrely or hide her feed, or whatever, that this may be the reason. It also led to a discussion of the Choplet thing, which, again, at least helped me feel a bit more validated there, since I felt like Xena had no idea it was happening and Chops backed me up on it.

It was a good discussion. I still get irritable with FB from time to time, but I don't think it's any more often than before, so there ya go. Mostly, it's when Xena tags me in stuff that makes people in my family question her relationship to me. I'd be more out to some of my family about Chops' relationships, but I know there are members of my family who wouldn't take it well, and I don't feel the need to justify or defend it. Just thinking about it makes me weary. It'll probably pop out sometime, but I'd rather it not be because she's careless.

However, there are things that irritate me far more about FB than that (dear God, I love some of my friends, but I can't for the life of me understand their love for Trump... GAH!), and every election year, I come THIS close to pitching it altogether. I'm becoming cranky in my old age. :p

Random Goings-On:
My "Seven Things" list going kind of "meh"...

Getting counseling is taking a back seat to completing PT (finances can only spread so thin, after all), but at least PT is going well (yay!). The hip pain is reducing, the back pain is reducing (as long as I do what I'm supposed to), and I'm hoping I can try running soon. Fingers crossed!

Blogging has taken a hit... I've been working on a fairly difficult piece, and I haven't posted anything else because of it. I think I need to put it aside for a while, post some other things, and then come back to it.

The spending stuff is going well, however: less $$ on alcohol means less drinking overall. A dedicated category for myself means that I actually need to do something nice for myself once in a while. The social stuff is going fairly well, too. I'm spending some more time with a new friend from work, and another older friend from work who's retired and will be moving to Maine soon. I've been having dinner with my cousin on about a monthly basis, and trying to fit in other get-togethers when I can (Mags!).

Reading actual BOOKS? Better than it used to be. I've discovered "Kindle First," which, if you're a Prime member, lets you pick a free book from a set of new authors each month. I've found some duds, and I've found some good reads, so it's a mix, but it's a nice perk. Also read "Ready Player One," which was a FANTASTIC read for this '80s nerd child. :cool:

So, it's not a failure... just needs some work to pull up my grade a bit. No biggie.

Work is work. I've been busy, I'm still busy, but I'm trying to find better balance. That comes and goes.

Last week was the kids' April vacation, so we took a cruise down to Bermuda. LOVE Bermuda, kinda "meh" on cruising as a vacation. I'm more of a "doer" and "explorer" and less of a "let's sit by the pool and get drunk" kind of vacationer. Plus, the shipboard activities kind of reminded me of contrived summer camp fare. That's not to say I didn't enjoy it; it was relaxing and some of the activities were really fun (Rock of Ages musical, Burn the Floor dance show, trivia). However, after a while, the only variety is "which watch are they giving a discount on at the shop today?" and that really doesn't appeal to me. I don't "get" cruise shopping... "Name brands," my ass. It's $10 junk "marked down" to $20 that sparks a feeding frenzy. No thanks.

But yes, Mizz Crankenpants still had a good time. :D
And I do highly recommend Bermuda... Gorgeous scenery, fabulous people. FABOO rum cakes.

And now, I've come home with some sort of Cruise Crud that I need to shake. Bleargh.

I'm still playing games with my gaming group when I get a chance (although the social thing is messing with that a bit), I'm getting some spring cleaning done, and got some more projects lined up (some small bathroom stuff in the main bath upstairs, and getting the deck replaced). Chops and I are planning to head to Poland later in the year, and my two sisters are BOTH getting married this year. This means I get to drive to Oklahoma next month so I can bring MiddleSis's stuff (that's been in my garage) to her new apartment. Yes, this is the same MiddleSis who had me worried that she wouldn't make 30. Well, she did. She's held a job for a while now, and an apartment to boot! Soooo so happy for her. Whee! :D

So... that's the last three months (and the projected future) in a (large) nutshell. Busy busy busy, but I'm baaaa-aaaack! Lucky you. ;)
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
So glad to get an update from one of my favorite people! The board isnt the same without ya, hon!

Sorry about the Choplet issues though!
 

YouAreHere

Active member
Aw, thanks Mags! :)

Just a quick pop-in to say that the one positive thing about the Choplet issue is that it's adorably sweet how obvious Chops is being about making sure I'm acknowledged on FB. Today, Choplet is at the DMV finally getting his registration block lifted, so he can actually drive (WOOT!). In his FB post, he talked about how excited he was to finally be able to visit his grandmother, his dad, and Xena on his own... to which Chops replied, "And come up to NH, too!" (Chops has done this before, tagging me in comments where I've been left out of posts that have every other family member tagged, etc.).

While I'm not thrilled about the Choplet thing, it's basically become "eyeroll" territory now ("Oh, let's see if I'm tagged in this post!" "Nope!" <laugh> - if I even think to do that at this point), but it's sweet to see Chops sticking up for me and my existence (and kinda laughable at how obvious it is). :)
 

YouAreHere

Active member
Holy crap... where do I even begin? This "post an update every three months" thing is *so* not what I had in mind when I said I should write more. D'oh. :p

An update on the stuff from last time:

The Choplet Saga Continues, Sorta...
I've pretty much thrown in the towel on this one. In fact, it looks like Choplet is pretty much now not talking to Chops unless he needs something. Barely any baby pics, no texts, nothing. I'd been holding on to the baby gifts for a while and finally asked for an address I could send them to, since we clearly weren't going to get together any time soon (and I wanted the baby to be able to use the stuff while it still fit!). Nothing. Repeat request. Nothing. Choplet moves. I request on FB. Choplet's GF says they'll be getting together with family soon, so I can see them then. They meet with Chops' mom without telling ANYONE else. Just... wtf, you know? I'm not going to keep trying with a brick wall. I'll be happy to see them when I see them, but I'm done trying so hard. If the stuff sits until baby is two years old, it's not for lack of trying.

Sigh.

FB got a bit weird as well, when Choplet posted something so offensive, Chops actually reported it and got it taken down (whoa...). THAT has since cooled down and he's back to posting a bajillion pictures of trucks again, but I'm sure that isn't helping the whole "no contact with dad" thing at the moment.

The FB Thing (not with Choplet, but with Xena)
Meh, my worries with this one from the last go-around were kind of a non-starter. I haven't noticed any difference in the way Chops interacts with me on FB, and I still try to ignore how he and Xena interact on FB, so there ya go.

That said, I really do try to avoid their profiles on FB when they're off on, say, an anniversary trip together. I feel like I'm far too close to *their* relationship, and it really unnerves me. It also tends to flare up that FOMO (fear of missing out) or competitive side of me when I start comparing what they're doing with what we've done... case in point, the last couple times we've been in Boston, we haven't been able to do the Harpoon tour like we usually do. On their anniversary trip to Boston, they went. Not only did I see the check-in on FB, but I got a text with a picture, and it really got the emotions unraveled a bit.

Why?
Comparison/envy: *We* haven't been able to go twice now, but *they're* there, and I'm envious.

TMI: I appreciate Chops trying to "keep me with him" and help me feel like I'm on his mind (which I like), but I don't need (nor want) to know where they are, what beer they're having... I don't want the play-by-play. It's enough to know they're enjoying their weekend. The play-by-play just encourages the comparison/envy.

So I had to ask him to dial it back and maintain radio silence about the details of their trip. He was confused, and it led to some good talks afterward about "trying to keep in touch with me" vs. "how much is too much". I feel for him, because I know that's not an easy line to balance. And when emotions rule (as they do in this case), it's not a rational line to pick out, either.

My "Seven Things"
Good lord, I've fallen off the wagon HARD on this. Not much reading, not much creative stuff, not much writing... sigh.

Still, to give credit where credit's due, I *have* read more books this year than I'd read in 2015. I *am* working more on treating myself. I have not really felt a need to go back to counseling once I started focusing more on myself (yay!), although I still occasionally get into funks where I don't really want to do much of anything. 2016 is an improvement, even if I'm not hitting the bar I set for myself.

Other Stuff...

The Poly Party
My .sig needs an overhaul.
The updated Dramatis Personae is as follows:

Me
Chops
Xena

Okay, duh.

Chops is in relationships with:
Me (nesting partner)
Xena (nesting partner)
Noa (together a couple years now - not quite "partner" but more than "GF", I think)
City (on-again-off-again, mostly just platonic get-togethers)
CheeseGirl (not sure where this is going)
Curls (newest relationship, dating somewhat regularly)

Looks like a lot, but from what I've seen, his time priorities are such that he'll try to squeeze in time with Noa when their schedules allow, and then time with the others is all based on what's left over. He's pretty good about squeezing in a couple hours here or there for lunch, but he's always been pretty clear (from what he says) that he really doesn't have much availability. City and CheeseGirl don't really ask for much time. I think Curls is still figuring where she fits in, and is trying to not rock the boat. She's SUPER grateful for the time she does get with Chops (and I'm almost uncomfortable when she thanks me as effusively as she does when she gets time with him on one of "our" nights, but it's sweet, and she's a nice person).

Xena is now dating Shaggy, and he has another GF, Bunny.

Phew.

So... summer is a time for cookouts, correct? Xena wanted to hold a party so the entire polycule could get together, hang out, and meet. And we did.

City and CheeseGirl were not on the list (they weren't really all that interested in meeting the group, since they're kind of outside it all anyway), but everyone else was. And what a friggin' party.

Nerd Girl over here took some time to sit back and marvel at how different (and how similar) everyone was. Noa and I have a quick rapport, and are very similar in ways. Curls and Xena seemed very similar in ways (and different in others). Shaggy and Bunny were pretty laid-back and quiet. And Bunny made the best damned bacon guacamole... like, ever. It was a group of people who probably wouldn't have had a lot in common (as a group) outside of the various relationships, and it made for a really interesting party, and a lot of great discussions (although Curls totally took me to task for my love of Crunch Berries over PB Crunch... lol :D ).

It was nice to put faces with names, and to interact with everyone in person, rather than just seeing comments on FB, or hearing about things second- or third-hand.

Overall, a success (despite the small hangover the next day)!

I'm a Hinge! (Of Sorts)
Not sure how much room I'll have for this post, but I'll see... I may need a part two, and that may have to wait until Chops and I talk tomorrow night a bit more.

I know I've talked about this a bit before, but as it stands, I have come to realize (I mean REALLY realize) that I am pretty much doing my own balancing act as a hinge between relationships: my relationship with my kids, and my relationship with Chops. And those two worlds do NOT always overlap very well.

I know Chops tends to get irritated by the way the kids act, or how I parent at times. I know that I tend to drop things in favor of the kids (I *do* prioritize that relationship, since I know the kids will be up and out in a few years... plus it's my job as parent to be there as such). It makes things difficult emotionally when Chops is here on a weekend, and my time with him and my time with the kids overlaps. He will tend to distance himself, which gets me wound up and stressed out, and we end up feeling all wonky until we talk about it.

I suppose I can relate to how difficult it must be for Chops to have the desire for "kitchen table poly" and for it not to work out in practice at all. That's effectively what I'm dealing with here, except you can substitute "blended family" for "kitchen table poly". Despite my hopes, I don't think that's ever going to happen... there will always be that separation there, and it does lead to some significant stress on my part as I try to engage everyone (and get all wound up when Chops distances himself).

Chops is much more "this is what's going to happen, and as kids you can just deal with it", and I'm more "let's see what we can all agree upon". It drives Chops crazy, but he doesn't want me to change how I act, or change who I am... it just causes him to distance himself until the kids go back to their dad's.

Meanwhile, I get no feedback as to what set him off in the first place, and have no idea how to recover, other than waiting (maybe days) until we can have some alone time to discuss it. Having that feeling hanging over your head sucks.

So... we talked a bit the other night. It's not my job to try to keep everyone happy, but as things are now, I try to figure out what's wrong (and what I can change) if he just stays silent. I said that if it's not entirely my burden to bear, then he needs to step up and tell me what's wrong when something could still be done about it, or just accept that things *aren't* going to get better if nobody does anything, and I need to try to just drop that desire to keep everyone happy (because it ain't working). At this point, his distancing of himself only makes me focus on the kids more (and distance myself from him while he's grumpy) - may as well go have fun with the kids if I'm getting the sour face and monosyllabic answers from Chops. I guess we'll have another talk tomorrow night, so hopefully we can get out of this weird hole. It's honestly one of the few real compatibility issues we seem to have, and I do hate feeling like I have to choose between the kids and him when their time overlaps.

I suggested maybe, if this isn't going to work, we limit the amount of weekends he's here with me. I don't know if he's thought about that or not. I'll find out tomorrow.

(Over the character limit, so off to part 2)
 
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YouAreHere

Active member
Part Two...

(Part Two...)

Random Crap
Okay... so I think that covered the last three months. :)
I did get another external blog post in (see the link in the .sig), and I have another one in the works that'll probably be posted within a week or two.

I did listen to the recent "Poly in the Cities" podcast that talked about Mono/Poly relationships with Franklin Veaux, and despite it being a decent episode (although if you've read "More than Two," you didn't get much new information out of it), I did start getting a bit apoplectic when the hosts asked Franklin how Mono people think/feel about Mono/Poly relationships. I'm like, "Helllooooooo...? Ask a MONO PERSON!"

But then, I think Minx and Lusty Guy fall into that trap on their podcast (Polyamory Weekly) as well, from time to time. It just bugs.

Then again, Minx's podcast also bugs me for production reasons... I think I may need to send an email and be that crankypants who says, "PLEASE fix your audio levels or get multiple mics when you have guests, so I'm not constantly adjusting the radio volume in my car!" I feel cantankerous in my old age. Bah. Damn kids. Get off my lawn.

Middle Sis dumped the abusive BF/Fiance a few weeks before their wedding. And then she woke up to his hands around her neck. Asshole. :mad:
The good news is that she's really done this time - I can hear it in her voice - and she's moved on. (Phew) However, since he's used to being able to manipulate her to come back, and it's not working this time, he kind of went off the deep end, barricaded himself in the apartment (she wasn't there, thank God), and threatened suicide. Cops broke in, took him in, found the two warrants out for him (from two different counties), and she got to serve him the restraining order while he was in jail. He then thought it'd be a bright idea to mouth off to the judge, so the restraining order got lengthened to five years. Dumbass.

He blocked her on FB, then played the "unblock and piss and moan about how she is moving on without him" game. So she blocked him. End of story. I kept him on my friends list, but put him on my "restricted" list (so he can't see my posts), so I can see if he does something asinine again that may be violating the RO. He's been quiet lately, so fingers crossed.

Still, it's a good ending for a turbulent relationship, IMO. Middle Sis is taking care of HERSELF, which really hasn't been something she's done. I'm proud of her. :)

Oh... and because there always has to be SOME level of excitement, she's got a new BF and he's talking about "getting a third for a poly relationship". Oy. <facepalm>

At least when she asked me about my relationship, I got to tell her that NO, Xena and I do not have a relationship with each other. Not every relationship has to look like that, triads are hard, bla bla bla bla. We'll see what comes out of that. ;)

Okay... I think that's it for "Updates in the life of YAH". Maybe posting more often would be a bit better, given all the text. :eek:
 

PinkPig

Active member
Oh, YAH, I can so relate on the kid thing. I hadn't thought of it in those terms, but yes, it is a bit like being a hinge. I have similar issues with Blue and my kids. Some of it is my parenting style, some of it is my kids being, well kids (and occasionally brats), and some of it is Blue (has no children & no real experience parenting.)

We tried to merge households...it didn't work out so well so we backed off. Now he'll visit my house on occasion or we'll all go out together on occasion, but the majority of our interactions are me + Blue OR me + kids. He doesn't stay over at my house at all any more, and I only stay at his when the kids are gone over night. So approximately twice/week. It was rough at first, but we've both adjusted to having more free time. And, I really like not feeling like I have to play peacekeeper. It helps that my kids are all high school/college age. A few more weeks and I'll be down to one at home. A few short years and they'll all be gone.

I hope you get it figured out. It's really not fun feeling like the rope in a game of tug of war :/
 

Atlantis

Active member
I am way behind you both in parenting years but hear you on the dividing time between partners and parenting duties.

Prof has said on occasion that he is second to the kids, but he is pretty good about us spending time together. He offered to host #2 kid's birthday party this year.
Mr Dom is very kid friendly. He has 3 grandkids but is a very young grandpa.

They are both are reliable for emergency kid pick-ups.

I don't know that I would date someone with at-home younger kids. A couple of past BFs had kids and I found that I wanted the break when mine weren't around.

It is definitely hinging of a sort.
 

YouAreHere

Active member
Thanks, Atlantis and PinkPig. :)

It's funny, Chops and I had quite the conversation about it last week, which basically ended at a bit of a stalemate. We understand what the issues are, but we can't really do anything about them. We're just prepared to deal with it as it pops up.

That said, Chops was here Saturday/Sunday, and we had a FABULOUS weekend with the kids this time around. We each had enough separate time (Chops and I went out shopping without the kids, and had something to attend for a couple hours on Sunday), and the kids and I spent time watching the Olympics. We had game time together, along with meals, walking down the street for ice cream. It was just a really nice weekend. So, while we have our issues, it's not all bad. It was nice to have that reminder. :)

The baby stuff got delivered to Choplet yesterday (he needed help on his car and asked Chops to help out). I don't expect a thank you, or even an acknowledgment at this point (although I guess we'll see him at dinner tomorrow at Chops' mom's house, so we'll see). Chops got brushed off with, "I'll call YAH to thank her", and then when Chops tried to acknowledge me on Choplet's "I love my family!" post, we got the "oh, I tried to call but it didn't go through for some reason."

:rolleyes:

It still hurts my feelings, and I'm trying to just detach and accept it for what it is. But damn. It sucks seeing Xena be the only partner publicly acknowledged by Choplet, and watching Chops bend over backwards to make sure I'm represented as well. It's at the point now where Choplet posted something Lovecraft-related (which is something Chops is HUGELY into), and ONLY tagged Xena in it. Totally blew off his dad too. It's just weird.

One side of me says it's just stupid FB drama and to ignore it, but the rest of me says it's a message that's being stated in a very passive-aggressive way, and being the better person and pretending to not get the hint is just going to keep propagating the BS. Sigh.

Anyway... I dunno. I don't want to try to push a relationship that really isn't wanted. I don't like it when it's done to me, and I don't want to be doing it to anyone else. I'm just not sure if I should just detach a bit and float around figuring out where I *do* fit, or if I should try to pull Choplet aside and chat with him a bit.

Oh well. In other news...
Chops has given his two weeks notice (last week, so he's got one left now!) at his job, and he's got a new one lined up. This job was sucking the life out of him, and I'm glad he's reached escape velocity.

I'm spending the day with Noa on Friday, and we plan to do some gaming. The kids will now be with me all day (their dad is going to the Boston Comic Con and kinda sprung the, "You'll be home Friday, right?" on me), so hopefully, we'll get a couple games in with the kids and then they'll get tired of people and go do their thing up in their rooms while Noa and I shoot the shit. :)

Some more stuff I'm chewing on, but that'll wait until I have more time, or until it settles out and becomes a half-sentence in my next update. Like THAT never happens... ;)
 

YouAreHere

Active member
Holy crap, I'm writing something for my external blog (that I'm hoping to post later tonight)! And I've posted a guest post, AND only a couple months after my last post! Hopefully I can keep this rhythm up (and maybe increase it a bit).

More to come later, but just wanted to squee a bit about actually writing! :D

Oh, and I ate far too many cookies today. That is all. For now.
 

YouAreHere

Active member
Okay, so... I got a post out the door, and got a guest post that fell into my lap as well. The cosmic nudge to go blog already has been noted. :)

Updates:
The Kid Stuff is chugging along at status quo. We've had good weekends with them, and we've had our "apart time." I'm trying to be a bit better about going out for a bit when they're here, but the "divorced parent guilt" (they're only here for a weekend - I want to be there EVERY SINGLE MINUTE!) settles in a bit as well. Same old same old, I guess.

The stuff with Choplet is going ok now, I guess. I gave the gifts to Chops and wasn't expecting to hear back, and while I was okay-ish with it, it still kinda bugged. When we were at the Boston ComicCon, the kids wanted to get something there for the baby, so I bought it, but the tweaked part in me told Chops that I would really like it if Choplet would acknowledge the kids, even if he won't acknowledge me. Especially since they saw it and thought of it on their own. I would have asked Choplet to do the same, once I gave it to him, but I didn't really have the chance to...

I guess Chops went back to Choplet and said something, because Choplet called me the next week to thank me for the gifts. We had a nice chat, I mentioned that the girls picked something out for the baby, and we'll have to see them sometime so we can give it to them, and just shot the shit for a bit. Since then, he's posted a bunch of baby pics and tagged me in them. I dunno... it's nice to just be acknowledged now, at least, even if it doesn't last. We shall see. It's been pleasant, though.

Chops is LOVING his new job, and realizing how underpaid and overworked he was at his old one. He has what he considers a 90% reduction in responsibility, but he probably has about 95% of his original pay (and more than 100% if he works overtime). We're getting used to his new early morning routine now, so we'll see how that goes. ZZzzzz...

Game day with Noa didn't work out, but it gave me the chance to bring the kids to the con on the cheap "family day". We had a great time, and I got to bring them to my favorite seafood place in the Seaport District: Yankee Lobster Co. The area's building up quite a bit, but this place is just past all that new construction - it's like a little island of good, fresh seafood, away from all the tourist traps. Plus, they're next to the Harpoon brewery, so they have some yummy stuff on tap. :)

In other news, our big customer demo at work went off without a hitch. Phew! The work doesn't end, of course, but the craziness does for a little while.

I started attempting to run again, and it's clear that the running itself is what's aggravating the hip. Problem is, I signed up for a 10k in February, so I'm hoping that backing off a bit and training far more slowly can help me get back into it. Fingers crossed. I'll give my hip a break today and then do a walk/jog routine tomorrow, to see if that helps.

With respect to my hip, I've noticed that I "sit like a man" more often now, with the leg spread. I'm wondering if my back/hip muscles and lack of other muscle tone is to blame. I'm trying to strengthen my adductors/abductors a bit by forcing that nice, demure, ladylike (soooo like me) seated posture. Sad thing is, it's work, so I know I have some work to do there. Not sure if it'll help, but I don't think it can hurt. It may also just be related to the fact that I'm using the resistance band my PT guy gave me to work on the outer hip, when there's no similar exercise for the inner thigh muscles, so maybe I'm getting a bit out of whack. :)

Oh well... maybe I was never "in whack" much anyway. :D
 
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