About to marry into a throuple

Bsweet2Bev said:
I was in a V type relationship for over 20 years with us all living together most of the time. Try to prepare as much as you can legally and financially beforehand. You always find hiccups along the way. We all kept separate finances, which was mainly my requirement because of a disastrous first marriage. We split the bills based on income. For example, Comte pays cable and cell bills, BSweet pays mortgage, Bear pays electric and sanitation, etc.

We discovered that jealousy jumps out when you least expect it (walking outside and seeing the other couple in the pool or hot tub, hearing amorous sounds while you’re watching TV). Communication is key when it comes to jealousy, or it becomes a festering wound. You may want a poly-friendly counselor, to try a regular “family meeting” or both. Comte (husband) and Bear (boyfriend) had their own bedrooms, and I inhabited both spaces. More closet space for me lol. There was no sexual contact between the guys.

I agree with almost of Galagirl’s comments, so I don’t need to add more. Feel free to message me anytime. You’re in for an adventure.
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Thanks so much. We do, in fact, have a counselor we meet with (at moment) monthly. And we might up that at your advice!

I totally agreed that things will get trickier as we go.

We do have a prenup and other legal contracts set up ahead of time. As for expenses, we are doing a hybrid. Everyone keeps 30% of their take-home pay to do whatever they want with. (I might actually be able to save most of mine cause going from 1–>3 income household will have a dramatic boost to my financial quality of life, at least at first.) Then we pool the other 70% for expenses/travel/mortgage/group date nights, etc.

Thanks again for everything. I’m sure I’ll ask you questions sometime soon!
 
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Kaitlinga, I noticed upthread that you said your group had pretty much decided on Spain for your honeymoon. I couldn't help but think of a movie with a polyamory theme that came out around 2008 called Vicky Cristina Barcelona! Have you ever seen it? It won Oscars. It involves a whole poly network that develops over a summer in Spain (Barcelona and surrounding towns) when two American female friends (Vicky and Cristina) go there to work and play. I actually think it would be a great conversation starter if you and your partners watched it together.

It depicts the conflicts between traditional and more open/alternative ways of loving, interpersonal disagreements, the definition(s) of love, being thoughtful and sensible, or more in the moment, affairs, commitment, changes in needs, etc.

Aries and I watched it last night (his first viewing, my second in a while) and it was very thought-provoking. And it will get you even more excited about your trip!
 
Magdlyn said:
Kaitlinga, I noticed upthread that you said your group had pretty much decided on Spain for your honeymoon. I couldn't help but think of a movie with a polyamory theme that came out around 2008 called Vicky Cristina Barcelona! Have you ever seen it? It won Oscars. It involves a whole poly network that develops over a summer in Spain (Barcelona and surrounding towns) when two American female friends (Vicky and Cristina) go there to work and play. I actually think it would be a great conversation starter if you and your partners watched it together.

It depicts the conflicts between traditional and more open/alternative ways of loving, interpersonal disagreements, the definition(s) of love, being thoughtful and sensible, or more in the moment, affairs, commitment, changes in needs, etc.

Aries and I watched it last night (his first viewing, my second in a while) and it was very thought-provoking. And it will get you even more excited about your trip!
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Great advice. I’ve seen it because I’m a film nut, and I lived in Spain as a kid, so it stood out to me. Taylor and Sam have not seen it. I'm pushing this for movie night tonight. Thank you!
 
Welp, Samantha and I just flew to the city we'll all be moving to after the wedding and Taylor's job transfer goes through. We are working daylight (we both work remote), and spending evenings starting to unpack the first of the two moving trucks (one for stuff we could send ahead, the other for stuff that comes after), and assembling the new furniture we bought (e.g. the king bed and the shelf im going to install over the middle).

Did someone say this was supposed to be exciting? Feels more like WORK lol hahaha
 
Magdlyn said:
Kaitlinga, I noticed upthread that you said your group had pretty much decided on Spain for your honeymoon. I couldn't help but think of a movie with a polyamory theme that came out around 2008 called Vicky Cristina Barcelona! Have you ever seen it? It won Oscars. It involves a whole poly network that develops over a summer in Spain (Barcelona and surrounding towns) when two American female friends (Vicky and Cristina) go there to work and play. I actually think it would be a great conversation starter if you and your partners watched it together.

It depicts the conflicts between traditional and more open/alternative ways of loving, interpersonal disagreements, the definition(s) of love, being thoughtful and sensible, or more in the moment, affairs, commitment, changes in needs, etc.

Aries and I watched it last night (his first viewing, my second in a while) and it was very thought-provoking. And it will get you even more excited about your trip!
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We all watched it last night before S and I flew this morning to our new city to work on the house. I loved it (again) and so did they, especially Samantha. And I agree it's already starting fruitful conversations. Thanks again!!!
 
It's a great movie. Congrats on your move, and I know moving is always a lot of work.
 
kaitlinga said:
We all watched it last night before S and I flew this morning to our new city to work on the house. I loved it (again) and so did they, especially Samantha. And I agree it's already starting fruitful conversations. Thanks again!!!
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So much to say about the complicated interactions in that movie, but this is not the thread for that lol
 
About to fly back to the town we are moving from to finish prepping for the wedding. It's surreal to see our future apartment mostly put together, mostly furnished, looking like an empty shell of what soon will be our lives. Scary but exciting!
 
Good luck, have fun and enjoy the journey. It sounds like your future life is very close and getting closer.
 
So the wedding is just a little over a week away. It's a very small affair because of money/budget, lack of interest in spending a fortune, and limited people who would be accepting enough to make it a joyous occasion. We are blessed, inasmuch as 2 of us are from very small families, and the third is from a larger family, that happens to be extremely progressive. Out of the 3 of us, there are only 4 surviving parents, 3 of whom are supportive, and the fourth not openly hostile. I think that's better than most throuples can hope for. Because of small families (except for the family that trends super progressive) we've had the luxury of being out with all of our families, and I'd say we have about a 70% acceptance rate, or higher, again helped by the factors I mentioned.

So we are (1) inviting all the family members who feel comfortable being supportive, (2) making it clear if you don't, we don't take offense and won't cut you out... simply don't come, because we only want people there who will help make it joyous, and (3) inviting a few close friends we trust and want to party with.

The ceremony and reception are both at the same venue in the city we are all moving to, and we scouted out the location to find an owner who we felt comfortable with, and she's been very supportive.

The only big decision left is the wedding night. We are flying out for our honeymoon (Spain) the next evening, and we aren't sure if we want a nice hotel near the venue (more traditional hotel, luxurious, but also hard to show up discreetly as a threesome immediately after a wedding), or else spend our first night in our new apartment.

Also, some final decisions about where exactly to stay on the honeymoon, but that's mostly falling in place.

Exciting times and lots of changes. I'm nervous, but in a good way.
 
I'd just chill at home on the wedding night, if it were me. You'll be tired, so won't need the extra stress of being given the side-eye at the hotel. And your apartment is all new and fresh, so it will still feel special. You'll be going to be spending nights at hotels in Spain, after all (hopefully with no side-eye).:cautious:

Otherwise, I am glad your families are small and supportive. :)
 
Magdlyn said:
I'd just chill at home on the wedding night, if it were me. You'll be tired, so won't need the extra stress of being given the side-eye at the hotel. And your apartment is all new and fresh, so it will still feel special. You'll be going to be spending nights at hotels in Spain, after all (hopefully with no side-eye).:cautious:Otherwise, I am glad your families are small and supportive. :)
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We have one hotel in spain where we'll try to checkin discreetly (a lot easier when two arent wearing wedding dresses) but where it'd be awkward to be known, and then a rural Airbnb that is wonderful, and the host knows we are a triad and is supportive. We haven't yet decided how to break down how many days in each place because of conflicting positives (rural one is cheaper, larger, beautiful, supportive host, but not much to do, city one is loads to do, but all the other problems).

For the wedding night I'll tip my hand and say I'm leaning toward your advice and was ahead of time, but others in the group really think our first night in our apartment will be more special when it isnt a one-night before leaving, and want to save it to return to. So that's where the debate lays.

Thanks for your input!
 
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Ah, trying to make decisions in a group of alternative freethinkers is like herding cats! Good luck with the minor and major decisions amongst three.

Now I am thinking of Taylor carrying you across the threshold, sitting you down in a chair, giving you a kiss. Going back out into the hallway, picking up Kait, carrying her in. Then you girls go out and take turns carrying each other in.

Maybe finally you lift Taylor between the two of you and lug him in too. lol :ROFLMAO:
 
Magdlyn said:
Ah, trying to make decisions in a group of alternative freethinkers is like herding cats! Good luck with the minor and major decisions amongst three.

Now I am thinking of Taylor carrying you across the threshold, sitting you down in a chair, giving you a kiss. Going back out into the hallway, picking up Kait, carrying her in. Then you girls go out and take turns carrying each other in.

Maybe finally you lift Taylor between the two of you and lug him in too. lol :ROFLMAO:
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I love this image lol
 
SamanthaTX said:
For the wedding night I'll tip my hand and say I'm leaning toward your advice and was ahead of time, but others in the group really think our first night in our apartment will be more special when it isnt a one-night before leaving, and want to save it to return to. So that's where the debate lays.
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I mean, the apartment will still be there to return to, and it will still be "special". Staying in it for one night before leaving on your honeymoon won't spoil the apartment for your return. You presumably have your whole lives ahead of you to look forward to and create much "specialness". I recommend appreciating what you have for what it really is, not for the inanimate objects that happen to be in your space, like when someone loses their wedding ring and thinks it means the marriage is in trouble.
 
ref2018 said:
I mean, the apartment will still be there to return to, and it will still be "special". Staying in it for one night before leaving on your honeymoon won't spoil the apartment for your return. You presumably have your whole lives ahead of you to look forward to and create much "specialness". I recommend appreciating what you have for what it really is, not for the inanimate objects that happen to be in your space, like when someone loses their wedding ring and thinks it means the marriage is in trouble.
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BINGO.

Thank you all for giving me winning arguments (including one person in private messages) I just convinced the other two to spend the night in the apartment :)
 
Congrats and good luck. You may notice in Europe the answer to your ‘bed dilemma’ - just have your super wide king but with 3 single duvets. Cheaper and easier to launder. Personalised temperature control.
 
MoPoly said:
Congrats and good luck. You may notice in Europe the answer to your ‘bed dilemma’ - just have your super wide king but with 3 single duvets. Cheaper and easier to launder. Personalised temperature control.
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We managed to get places with king sized beds! A miracle!
 
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