I'm 27F, and created this account because I have some questions for people with more experience as I approach my wedding day. I created this account for privacy and this is my first post in the community. I posted something similar on Reddit, but then I found this board and it feels a better, more private communirty.
Background, because mine isn't the typical throuple story (I don't think). Before this I've only ever been in relationships with boys, though I have always also had an attraction to women. I'm not poly in the broader sense of the word (though I don't judge). I do, for me, believe in monogamy (or at least within a throuple now), and (the most odd of all) am a virgin, because for me, personally, I didn't want to have sex till marriage.
I was raised in Spain (French Dad, Irish mom, dad worked in Spain) but we moved to the US when I was 13. I am an only child.
A little over a year and a half ago I met a couple Taylor (33M) and Sam/Samantha (34f) who had been dating for about four years, and were, at the time, engaged. I met both of them at the same time and we started hanging out. Sam had always been bi, and one of the concerns of their relationship was only being with a man OR a woman for the rest of her life. They weren't actively looking for a throuple, but had discussed how in a perfect world it could work for them. Then, all of a sudden... we all were hanging out all the time.
I was actually the one who broached the topic, about a month in, after seeing an episode of Househunters with a throuple (cliche, I know lol). We started going out on more romantic dates, they postponed their wedding date, etc. Things progressed. Eventually we decided we wanted to commit to this. We are all now collectively engaged. I'll be marrying Sam legally in a ceremony, with Taylor included with vows of commitment. We'll be taking a honeymoon, and then moving into a house together in the city to which we are moving. (Taylor is getting a new job and both Sam and I work remotely.) We've been spending loads of time together the last 18 months, almost every day, at least briefly, plus several dates a week, but none of us live together yet (waiting for the wedding and the move).
I'm nervous, as any bride-to-be would be, but feel really good about the throuple aspect. But it also has me worried about decisions we are currently making. Obviously, we are talking about these decisions together, first and foremost, but none of us have been in a throuple before, and I'd like some advice to figure out how I feel about these things from my own perspective, so I can have my own input. I'd also, just generically, like any advice I could get for a newbie entering a throuple relationship.
We are buying in a city, and we collectively have a budget. The place wont be TINY, but don't picture a spacious suburban house with tons of bedrooms and bathrooms (that impacts some of the questions below).
The things we are discussing:
~ Should we all share a bedroom, or have our own? I think I lean toward all three of us sharing a bed. I always imagined sharing a bed with my partner, and don't want that to change with two. But I know a lot on here don't like the realities of that for sleeping. My thought is getting a king-sized bed. But I do want input. My main reason (as I said) is simply the general intimacy of sharing a bed, but I also like this for sex reasons. Obviously there's no problem with any two of us having relations. It doesn't always have to be a threesome, but I worry with separate rooms it could lead to more jealousy, like, why are those two picking each other more often, etc., and having to discuss/plan if we want to be all active together (which I anticipate being the most common sexual act anyway!). Whereas, sharing a bed, I feel that would mean everyone knows what's going on, has the choice/ability to join in, and can help with jealousy. Sharing a bedroom would also mean Sam and I could have our own separate offices, since we work remotely.
~ We want to largely share finances, with each person getting a certain percentage of their own earnings to go to them to either save or spend, and the rest being collective. Anyone see real problems with this?
~ Are we better to have a BIG master bathroom suite we can share, or a house with more bathrooms? I like the idea of not having one or two of us have to go to the other end of the house to "our" bathroom, but three in the space of one bathroom seems like a lot. Thoughts on how people approach this? We have some budget for remodeling. I suppose we could put in multiple shower heads, or a second toilet or second or third sink? Or is that not really necessary? Thoughts?
~ We plan to use the term wife and husband, and while we won't advertise we are a threesome out and about, we aren't going to go to great lengths to hide our identity either. Two of us working from home should help. But we currently live in a SUPER liberal neighborhood in a SUPER liberal city. We are moving somewhere that leans left, but is a bit more normie America. Separately, most family is either being moderately supportive OR distancing themselves from us. We don't have many people in between. Do other people run into a lot of problems out and about, if people can't figure out who the "couple" is?
~ We do think we want to have a child or two someday. How do people handle that? Thoughts?
It's all obviously very complicated, and I've done a fair bit of research (and thinking) on all of this, but I'd love to hear any and all things from people with experience.
Please don't try to make it into a debate about me being religious/a virgin, or about us not being poly. We (truly) aren't judging y'all, so I'd appreciate it if you don't judge us for being a slightly different brand of poly.
I'm an only child. My dad has passed, and my mom is supportive. The first thing she said after hugging me when I told her was a joke-- "It's a three-salary economy these days." lol
Background, because mine isn't the typical throuple story (I don't think). Before this I've only ever been in relationships with boys, though I have always also had an attraction to women. I'm not poly in the broader sense of the word (though I don't judge). I do, for me, believe in monogamy (or at least within a throuple now), and (the most odd of all) am a virgin, because for me, personally, I didn't want to have sex till marriage.
I was raised in Spain (French Dad, Irish mom, dad worked in Spain) but we moved to the US when I was 13. I am an only child.
A little over a year and a half ago I met a couple Taylor (33M) and Sam/Samantha (34f) who had been dating for about four years, and were, at the time, engaged. I met both of them at the same time and we started hanging out. Sam had always been bi, and one of the concerns of their relationship was only being with a man OR a woman for the rest of her life. They weren't actively looking for a throuple, but had discussed how in a perfect world it could work for them. Then, all of a sudden... we all were hanging out all the time.
I was actually the one who broached the topic, about a month in, after seeing an episode of Househunters with a throuple (cliche, I know lol). We started going out on more romantic dates, they postponed their wedding date, etc. Things progressed. Eventually we decided we wanted to commit to this. We are all now collectively engaged. I'll be marrying Sam legally in a ceremony, with Taylor included with vows of commitment. We'll be taking a honeymoon, and then moving into a house together in the city to which we are moving. (Taylor is getting a new job and both Sam and I work remotely.) We've been spending loads of time together the last 18 months, almost every day, at least briefly, plus several dates a week, but none of us live together yet (waiting for the wedding and the move).
I'm nervous, as any bride-to-be would be, but feel really good about the throuple aspect. But it also has me worried about decisions we are currently making. Obviously, we are talking about these decisions together, first and foremost, but none of us have been in a throuple before, and I'd like some advice to figure out how I feel about these things from my own perspective, so I can have my own input. I'd also, just generically, like any advice I could get for a newbie entering a throuple relationship.
We are buying in a city, and we collectively have a budget. The place wont be TINY, but don't picture a spacious suburban house with tons of bedrooms and bathrooms (that impacts some of the questions below).
The things we are discussing:
~ Should we all share a bedroom, or have our own? I think I lean toward all three of us sharing a bed. I always imagined sharing a bed with my partner, and don't want that to change with two. But I know a lot on here don't like the realities of that for sleeping. My thought is getting a king-sized bed. But I do want input. My main reason (as I said) is simply the general intimacy of sharing a bed, but I also like this for sex reasons. Obviously there's no problem with any two of us having relations. It doesn't always have to be a threesome, but I worry with separate rooms it could lead to more jealousy, like, why are those two picking each other more often, etc., and having to discuss/plan if we want to be all active together (which I anticipate being the most common sexual act anyway!). Whereas, sharing a bed, I feel that would mean everyone knows what's going on, has the choice/ability to join in, and can help with jealousy. Sharing a bedroom would also mean Sam and I could have our own separate offices, since we work remotely.
~ We want to largely share finances, with each person getting a certain percentage of their own earnings to go to them to either save or spend, and the rest being collective. Anyone see real problems with this?
~ Are we better to have a BIG master bathroom suite we can share, or a house with more bathrooms? I like the idea of not having one or two of us have to go to the other end of the house to "our" bathroom, but three in the space of one bathroom seems like a lot. Thoughts on how people approach this? We have some budget for remodeling. I suppose we could put in multiple shower heads, or a second toilet or second or third sink? Or is that not really necessary? Thoughts?
~ We plan to use the term wife and husband, and while we won't advertise we are a threesome out and about, we aren't going to go to great lengths to hide our identity either. Two of us working from home should help. But we currently live in a SUPER liberal neighborhood in a SUPER liberal city. We are moving somewhere that leans left, but is a bit more normie America. Separately, most family is either being moderately supportive OR distancing themselves from us. We don't have many people in between. Do other people run into a lot of problems out and about, if people can't figure out who the "couple" is?
~ We do think we want to have a child or two someday. How do people handle that? Thoughts?
It's all obviously very complicated, and I've done a fair bit of research (and thinking) on all of this, but I'd love to hear any and all things from people with experience.
Please don't try to make it into a debate about me being religious/a virgin, or about us not being poly. We (truly) aren't judging y'all, so I'd appreciate it if you don't judge us for being a slightly different brand of poly.
I'm an only child. My dad has passed, and my mom is supportive. The first thing she said after hugging me when I told her was a joke-- "It's a three-salary economy these days." lol