That is my hope. In the past, I’ve craved some form of intimacy, so I’ve asked for cuddles in bed that are just cuddles and won’t progress beyond that. But that didn’t happen either. I would never have broken that pledge, and I’m sure she knows that, but in that case, sex was only off the table for those occasions, not altogether. I don’t know if she just didn’t want the intimacy either, or she feared that she would somehow accidentally send out signals that I would interpret as saying she wanted more, or she feared that she would in some way be leading me on, or frustrating me more.It’s amazing how taking sex off the table when one partner wants it and the other doesn’t can free you both up. You’ll no longer feel rejected and unloved in that way and she will no longer feel the stress around it.
It will also free you up to have a more intimate relationship as now you both will know that sex isnt going to happen so touching, cuddling and making out along with other intimate acts become enjoyable instead of something to fear.
Knowing a partner is going to want more makes the unwanting partner stop it all at the beginning. The stress of things possibly going too far and having to shut it down is stark. Its easier to just not go there. Ending that part of the relationship can be very healthy. Some time exploring more intimacy with her might also make her feel more secure in a poly type relationship.
Anyway, I do hope that if we take sex permanently off the table, she will be more relaxed, and I will be less frustrated, not always thinking “Is tonight the night?” only to be disappointed 364 days of the year.
I hope, too, that she realises that saying, "No sex with me, and no sex with anyone else either," is an unfair burden to put on me, and more immediately fatal to our marriage than embracing some form of ENM, even if she is worried about the emotional intimacy of polyamory.