I've started seeing a therapist who in many ways is very open-minded and I've felt the couple of sessions we've had have been really positive.
However today he said words to the effect of 'studies show most polyamorous people have an anxious avoidant attachment style'...
Now I am very secure with my NP, my ex-boyfriend (the Surfer) is avoidant (& acknowledges it), he made me anxious but when I re-read my journal recently I saw I struggled with let my guard down all the way through our NRE stage.
When I finally did, I became anxious and he became the avoidant one. He's not someone who identifies as being poly but he's got a trauma bond with his ex which I think displays anxious tendencies from his side.
Now I don't agree with the psych's generalisation of polyamorous people as I think most avoidant attachers would be incapable of the emotional depth and communication it takes for a successful polyamorous lifestyle. But I do recognise I seem to demonstrate 3 different attachment styles depending on the dynamic/partner.
Anyway I was wondering how y'all self-identify, I've decided I'll go back to the therapist and debate him a little on the topic. I pointed out NP and I are approaching 3 decades, and our relationship in its old form had run its course.
A few days back, NP who is happy not looking for anyone new in his life said to me (tongue in cheek) 'I should be enough for you' and then we both burst out laughing. I told this to the therapy and it made him laugh so I think he gets it, just been reading the wrong journals...
However today he said words to the effect of 'studies show most polyamorous people have an anxious avoidant attachment style'...
Now I am very secure with my NP, my ex-boyfriend (the Surfer) is avoidant (& acknowledges it), he made me anxious but when I re-read my journal recently I saw I struggled with let my guard down all the way through our NRE stage.
When I finally did, I became anxious and he became the avoidant one. He's not someone who identifies as being poly but he's got a trauma bond with his ex which I think displays anxious tendencies from his side.
Now I don't agree with the psych's generalisation of polyamorous people as I think most avoidant attachers would be incapable of the emotional depth and communication it takes for a successful polyamorous lifestyle. But I do recognise I seem to demonstrate 3 different attachment styles depending on the dynamic/partner.
Anyway I was wondering how y'all self-identify, I've decided I'll go back to the therapist and debate him a little on the topic. I pointed out NP and I are approaching 3 decades, and our relationship in its old form had run its course.
A few days back, NP who is happy not looking for anyone new in his life said to me (tongue in cheek) 'I should be enough for you' and then we both burst out laughing. I told this to the therapy and it made him laugh so I think he gets it, just been reading the wrong journals...