This comment just made me curious. Is it really a turn-on sexually to have people kiss your shoes? I mean, I could understand it as a playful, power trip sort of fun game, but I know for sure I wouldn't feel any sort of arousal from someone kissing or licking my shoe. Or is sexual arousal not what D/s is all about?
I think that there are people who get turned on by having power over someone. It may not be the act in itself that is the turn on, but rather the ability to have someone do something that they may not normally do, or that is outside the conventions of what is thought of as "normal" sexual interaction. (I could never ask someone to kiss my boots without bursting out in a fit of giggling. )
I find it hard to believe, but maybe it's just because I am not turned on by that. I recently handcuffed and blindfolded my new beau while I kissed and licked him all over, but I was turned on physically by his reaction/enjoyment, not the blindfold or cuffs. Does my question make sense?
This is what it's usually all about. I personally believe that BONAFIDE fetishes are relatively rare. A lot of people might THINK they have a "fetish" when what they really have is an enjoyment for using certain types of props. Someone with an ACTUAL FETISH can't even GET aroused without their special fetish-object(s) being present:
However, that's the only way the guy can cum, and we were feeling sorry for him because of that.
BDSM is all about the sub, and what the sub is turned on by. The sub sets the boundaries, the Dom is the one who makes the scene happen. The Dom is usually gratified by giving the sub what the sub wants, even though the "scene" may play out looking as though the opposite is really what's happening.
So yes, there is a "reason" why the Dom likes Domming: because they LIKE DOMMING.
Do you like laughing? Why? There's GOTTA be a REASON.
Of course the Dom/me likes it too. Unless she's just in it for the money as a pro. Even then, I think most pro Dommes love their work.
However, I know lots of kinky people who apparently can engage in their favorite kinks without getting overtly aroused, or feeling the need to have an orgasm. Just doing the kinky activity seems to be enough. Lots of play parties are arranged with a boundary of no fluids being ejected.
Getting a good flogging has nothing to do with sex for me. It has everything to do with a therapeutic release. I don't find pain physically exciting. I find it emotionally healing. It's a way to deal with my feelings of guilt from past mistakes because I don't have another outlet. That's not to say sexual activity is not part of our play at times, but that's where bondage comes into play. Bondage is for excitement. Pain is for therapy. That's how it works for me.
Yes, a domina gets something out of it too. It can be akin to flirting. When a person flirts with you, or pays you a compliment, you can be intrigued, flattered, appreciative. You might even be aroused over a suggestion from the right person. It is quite a similar feeling when you first have someone show a form of submission. All those feelings can happen, depending on the person offering. If a relationship starts developing, you move from flattery, to it being a sign of respect, or of being obeyed.
I know for me, I can enjoy when the grocery boys call me Ma'am, or when someone bows down and kisses my hand.
Much like anything else, it also depends on 'who' is offering themselves, and what you feel their angle is.
As a sub, I can tell you that it generates endorphins in the brain, so I'd feel buzzed as though I had an orgasm without actually having one the way people ordinarily experience them.
I know for me, I am in a very BDSM headspace. I hadn't planned on posting on the forum again, but saw BDSM. What can I say? I am sucker for some abusive fucking.
That is cool! I don't get that, which probably explains why I have a hard time watching some of the more sharp pinching forms of BDSM. I enjoy heavy impact, but can't even watch people getting their nipples pinched LOL!
Getting a good flogging has nothing to do with sex for me. It has everything to do with a theraputic release. I don't find pain physically exciting. I find it emotionally healing. It's a way to deal with my feelings of guilt from past mistakes because I don't have another outlet.
That's interesting, and something that never occurred to me. So, do you think that someday when you will have healed and resolved those issues, and let go of your guilt, you won't be into pain anymore? That is the goal, right? To resolve and get past those feelings?
That is cool! I don't get that which probably explains why I have a hard time watching some of the more sharp pinching forms of BDSM. I enjoy heavy impact but can't even watch people getting thier nipples pinched LOL!
Different types of sensation works for different people. Some days I can take a lot without working up to it and barely feel anything, other times, a little smack on the butt stings and doesn't feel good at all.
Truth be told, I don't "do" S&M in the sack THAT much. It's more of a day-to-day thing, primarily spanking. My husband smacks my butt whenever he sees me bend over. Sometimes it leads to more; usually it doesn't because we are in the middle of doing other things, and the spanking is just a fun way of connecting that DOES NOT HAVE TO LEAD TO ORGASM EVERY TIME! lol
That's interesting, and something that never occurred to me. So, do you think that someday when you will have healed and resolved those issues, and let go of your guilt, you won't be into pain anymore? That is the goal, right? To resolve and get past those feelings?
There might be a time when those emotions are overcome, but that is not expected, honestly. I think I would still enjoy the flogging because I have always been involved with activities involving getting hit. The way Redpepper uses a flog definitely fills that need. The thumping of a heavy flog radiates through my body and makes me feel stronger as it breaks me down. I think there will always be a place for that.
My husband smacks my butt whenever he sees me bend over. Sometimes it leads to more; usually it doesn't because we are in the middle of doing other things, and the spanking is just a fun way of connecting that DOES NOT HAVE TO LEAD TO ORGASM EVERY TIME! lol
But, see, that doesn't even sound like BDSM to me. That just sounds like the normal playful interactions a couple engages in day-to-day. Lots of people give each other a fun smack on the butt when one of them's bending over; it doesn't mean they're into BDSM.
But, see, that doesn't even sound like BDSM to me. That just sounds like the normal playful interactions a couple engages in day-to-day. Lots of people give each other a fun smack on the butt when one of them's bending over; it doesn't mean they're into BDSM.
I'm into "major" spankings too (spanked with different objects and/or until purple welts appear, I think that qualifies as BDSM even if no one else here agrees), and other things. I was just giving an example of how it can be incorporated into a life without having to drop everything and have an orgasm every time.
But, see, that doesn't even sound like BDSM to me. That just sounds like the normal playful interactions a couple engages in day-to-day. Lots of people give each other a fun smack on the butt when one of them's bending over; it doesn't mean they're into BDSM.
BDSM isn't all about sex for everyone. For me it's about the power exchange, and you can't "see" that from an external standpoint. The smack on the butt might be normal interaction for some people, but I know when my husband does it to demonstrate his dominance, and I can tell the difference when he's just doing it for fun.
If I've learned one thing, it's that BDSM means different things for EVERYONE.
I like to break my subs down until they are completely in my control. Then I build them back up with love, respect, absolute awe and complete devotion to their need to belong to me. Them licking my shoes is a sign of that belonging and devotion to me. The better a job they do, the more respect they get. There is nothing that angers me more than a half ass job because a sub doesn't get it or isn't into it. There is really no point and it makes me feel that they don't respect my dominance over them.
As for Mono... you do get hard, baby. We have not got to a point where we have put that to use, as there are many issues that are more important to get through first, and they don't relate to your sexual desire. Perhaps that is a project to work on sometime.
I think that there is room for both sexual play and not in a scene. I have a subbie that I talk to all the time online. He knows I am not available for sexual play and he respects that and gets that fulfilled elsewhere. I have not played with him due to other avenues to travel right now, but should we ever meet up, I would have to end the scene if he is not able to redirect into something less sexual. I would have to communicate at length about what he hopes to get out of a scene with me, and what I would get out of it, also.
This has probably been gone over a dozen times but still, I struggle. I have mostly no intellectual beef with BDSM; it's the emotional side I don't get.
I mean, I'm a devout Christian who loves bunnies and butterfly prints, wears mostly pink and works with people with intellectual disabilities. I giggle a lot and believe strongly in both feminism and pacifism as worthwhile causes. But, though it goes against everything I believe in and everything I think I am and want to represent, I really do like hurting people who like to be hurt.
Dominance is something that is valued and looked up to in our society. However, sadism is something that is almost never associated with anything positive or constructive. I can't shake the notion that I must not be alright in the head, or that this dark side of me somehow negates everything bright and positive I am and strive for.
Is anyone else seriously disturbed with themselves?
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