Blowjobs

[Elie]

I know the title is crude but I cant dance around the issue I am having... Blowjobs. I don't know if it is okay to talk about this here or if I need to censor the details. If so, let me know, and I will edit out the gritty details.

Ok, where do I start? My husband and I got in an argument and things were said that cannot be unsaid and I do not know how to feel, how to proceed, or if this is normal...

Many years ago, when my husband and I started dating, I bragged about loving to give my ex blowjobs, and it caused some friction, through which I learned a thing or two about oversharing with my husband. I did, at the time, try to respond in kind by giving my husband blowjobs, as well. But there is just one little thing-- his semen just plain tastes awful. It literally gags me when he finishes in my mouth. That is not an exaggeration. It triggers my gag reflex and sometimes I vomit. So, over the years, we have stopped doing it and I think he feels rejected by it, or jealous of my ex. I'm not sure. We don't talk about it anymore.

Recently we were speaking carelessly and he let slip that his gf doesn't like to have sex late at night, but "always" gives him a blowjob before bed because it helps him sleep. I was literally shocked, and blurted out something about how gagging before bed must make it harder for her to sleep. Anyway, it blew up because he was offended and defensive. Apparently, this woman just loves going down on him and likes the way he tastes. Apparently, if he could spend every night with her, that would be just perfect for him, because she blows him nightly, and he just sleeps so well at night with her.

Am I just out of touch here? I thought blowjobs were more of a special occasion thing, like okay, it's your birthday, big boy! Are daily blowjobs a thing? Is he lying? Is this about me, and our oral sex issues? Is she really giving him blowjobs every single night they are together? I do not know what to make of this or how to feel.

 

[MoPoly]

Perhaps focus less on what is ‘normal’ and more on the issue of how you two are communicating. Human sexuality is endlessly varied and there will be people who don’t share the same sense of taste or smell; some who really enjoy doing one thing and some who don’t, the same going for blowjobs.

Only your husband and his GF will know ‘the truth’ about what goes on between them and not anyone on this forum. And it is probably not in your best interest to focus on their sex life but, more constructively, to focus on why this has become a flashpoint between you and your husband. The things you don’t discuss, the things left unsaid, the ‘careless’ talk, oversharing… gently exploring what is behind the scenes may help you both to repair and deepen your relationship and avoid more hurt feelings.

 

[ref2018]

You can give blowjobs and just have them not cum in your mouth. You do know that, right?

 

[Bobbi]

I love blowjobs but yeah, semen makes me gag. I learned to spit. I discuss this with partners and ask if they have a preference where. Other options are finish with a hand once they start orgasming. Some love it spit back on them others keep a towel nearby or I'll hit the bathroom sink where I can rinse and swish to clean my mouth out fast.

 

[Magdlyn]

Am I just out of touch here? I thought blowjobs were more of a special occasion thing, like okay, it's your birthday, big boy!

Nope.

Are daily blowjobs a thing?

Sure, for some people.

Is he lying?

I doubt it.

Is this about me, and our oral sex issues?

It is about you singular and you plural, yeah.

Is she really giving him blowjobs every single night they are together?

In my opinion, that's not really your business. I'd consider that oversharing. We are all allowed to have our sexual preferences.

I do not know what to make of this or how to feel.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi Elie,

To simplify, it looks like you and your husband have an incompatibility in the blowjob area. You don't like how he tastes, but his girlfriend does like it. I don't know whether she's giving him head every night they're together, but I can believe that she is doing it more often than you would want to, and I guess that's the point. But I don't think you should have to feel bad about it, you should never have to do something to which you don't consent. I think your husband could do a better job of focusing on the good things you bring to the relationship, you don't have to be identical to his girlfriend in order to be a worthwhile person.

How often is it normal for a man to receive head? I don't personally know the answer to that question, but my guess is that it varies a lot from one couple to the next. For instance I reckon that not all men place the same value on blowjobs. Some men probably value intercourse more highly, and some men probably value hand jobs more highly. Personally, I have found that a hand job is a lot more stimulating than a blowjob, but that's me, every man is different. Anyway, it seems to me that your husband is trying to say hurtful things to you, such as comparing you unfavorably to his girlfriend. There's no need for him to do that to you.

Sympathy and regards,
Kevin T.

 

[bampirevat]

Hi Elie,

Blowjobs might be an everyday thing, but don't have to be. Your husband weaponized his girlfriend during your argument and it's not fair to either of you. It seems you and your husband are incompatible in this area, but maybe he can cum on your hand or on your body instead? I also absolutely hate the taste of semen, but my partner enjoys finishing on my body. Maybe that might be a good alternative for you and your husband.

I hope you will figure it out soon.
Bee x

 

[dingedheart]

Ok, where do I start? My husband and I got in an argument and things were said that cannot be unsaid and I do not know how to feel, how to proceed, or if this is normal...

I love a good blow job argument. Sorry, just sayin.

Many years ago, when my husband and I started dating, I bragged about loving to give my ex blowjobs, and it caused some friction, through which I learned a thing or two about oversharing with my husband. I did, at the time, try to respond in kind by giving my husband blowjobs, as well. But there is just one little thing-- his semen just plain tastes awful. It literally gags me when he finishes in my mouth. That is not an exaggeration. It triggers my gag reflex and sometimes I vomit. So, over the years, we have stopped doing it and I think he feels rejected by it, or jealous of my ex. I'm not sure. We don't talk about it anymore.

And this gag reaction is only specific to your husband, NOT any other partners or lovers? Seems odd, or there might be a medical root cause. Has that ever been looked at?

Recently we were speaking carelessly and he let slip that his gf doesn't like to have sex late at night, but "always" gives him a blowjob before bed because it helps him sleep. I was literally shocked, and blurted out something about how gagging before bed must make it harder for her to sleep. Anyway, it blew up because he was offended and defensive. Apparently, this woman just loves going down on him and likes the way he tastes. Apparently, if he could spend every night with her, that would be just perfect for him, because she blows him nightly, and he just sleeps so well at night with her.

I think blurting out that remark you AND your assumptions that every or all women will or would gag on his semen is the crux of this problem.

Am I just out of touch here? I thought blowjobs were more of a special occasion thing, like okay, it's your birthday, big boy! Are daily blowjobs a thing? Is he lying? Is this about me, and our oral sex issues? Is she really giving him blowjobs every single night they are together? I do not know what to make of this or how to feel.

I’m confused. You bragged on the front end of the relationship about LOVING to give blowjobs, and now you think it’s just for special occasions?
Yes, daily blowjobs could be a thing. In fact, I’m on a campaign to make blowjobs great again. I think it’s a great idea and I’m all for it. Sign me up.

Is he lying? Probably not. What’s the time split or date frequency? Does he spend 2-4 nights a week with her?

Is this about me and our oral sex issues?

Isn’t it really your oral sex issue specific to him?

Who or what was the driver for you guys to open the marriage? Some sexual mismatch or drive mismatch?

If she is actually giving him a blowjob every single night, or multiple blowjobs during a session (not uncommon), why wouldn’t you consider everyone involved as lucky? He’s getting oral pleasure, she’s got some immunity to disgusting semen, and enjoys giving head, AND you never have to have his dick near your mouth. Win win win… Feel lucky.

 

[ref2018]

The OP was worried about the husband's girlfriend's extremely tight vagina three years ago. The oversharing is strong with this one.

 

[LaminarFlow]

This is all way TMI. How about you and husband have your own sex dance, and husband and GF have their own? You have your preferences, moves and flow, and they have theirs? There's no need to compare.

Personally, I love to do blow jobs, but also tell my partners to finish elsewhere, because I don't like the taste of semen. They also don't mind finishing off themselves. It's not a shame to either like it or not like it, just a preference.

 

[dingedheart]

The OP was worried about the husband's girlfriend's extremely tight vagina three years ago. The oversharing is strong with this one.

Worried how? Like it would be an issue for him and the gf? Maybe that’s why she likes giving head so much.

Or are you saying there are some physical or age-related insecurities at play, and now gf is running for North American Blow Job Queen? Again, I’ll go back to asking whose idea and/or what were the reasons for opening the relationship. To me, with the TMI/oversharing, it is sounding like someone is saying, "OK, fine. You wanted this, you made the rules, now deal with the consequences."

 

[ref2018]

Worried how ?? Like it would be an issue for he and the gf ? Maybe that’s why she likes giving head so much.

OR are you saying there’s some physical or age related insecurities at play and now add gf is running for North American blow job queen. AGAIN I’ll go back to who’s idea and or what was the reasons for opening the relationship. To me with the TMI / over share it is sounding like someone saying ok fine you wanted this you made the rules now deal with the consequences.

You can read the OPs post history and draw your own conclusions/theories.

 

[dingedheart]

This is all way TMI.

I can’t and won’t disagree with that. However, if you’re easily hurt, don’t go down those roads, and at the end of the day, don’t be shocked or hurt by the perceived truth of preference.

How about you and husband have your own sex dance, and husband and GF have their own? You have your preferences, moves and flow, and they have theirs? There's no need to compare.

EVERYONE compares and has their own internal list inside their heads, and if pressed in the right company, they’ll share. It’s just human nature. I’ve done this little experiment with a group of ladies after several rounds of truth serum were ingested. They can and will rate on any scale you select every lover they ever had, with specific details dick size, oral skills, whatever, right up to their current partners or husbands and how often they “have to" fake orgasm. In the right party atmosphere, they’ll compare and contrast whatever you want. IMO, comparisons are going to happen. You can pretend they don’t, and play mental games to avoid it, but I think it’s a set-up for a bigger letdown when reality slaps you.

Personally, I love to do blow jobs, but also tell my partners to finish elsewhere, because I don't like the taste of semen. They also don't mind finishing off themselves. It's not a shame to either like it or not like it, just a preference.

Unfortunately the OP has made it specific and personal, and not universal, as you have.

What’s it taste like to you? I’ve been told mine like tastes like salty goo (I didn’t know goo had a taste, but whatever) and or/salty mushroom oyster.

There’s probably a huge disconnect between those who perform blow jobs to completion, those who actually “like“ the actual taste, and secondly those who actually swallow. These are all nuanced things.

 

[dingedheart]

You can read the OPs post history and draw your own conclusions/theories.

If I have time, I will. Thanks.

Edit: Wow, I’m pissed. I did see/had a chance to participate in her vagina-size thread. That looked like fun.

Her thread “I changed my mind on poly"-- I even participated on that way back when and forgot the answers to some of the questions I asked here. She pushed to open the relationship because of a mismatch in sex drives. He was reluctant and struggled with the transition, and in some heated argument she told him how or why her bf was a better lover than he ever was.

https://polyamory.com/threads/i-changed-my-mind-about-poly.144983/ to get a better picture of their history.

 

[LaminarFlow]

I can’t and won’t disagree with that. However, if you’re easily hurt, don’t go down those roads, and at the end of the day, don’t be shocked or hurt by the perceived truth of preference.

It's one thing to discuss things in good faith instead of bringing old-skeleton resentment.

EVERYONE compares and has their own internal list inside their heads, and if pressed in the right company they’ll share/ It’s just human nature. I’ve done this little experiment with a group of ladies after several rounds of truth serum were ingested. They can and will rate on any scale you select every lover they ever had, with specific details dick size, oral skills, whatever, right up to their current partners or husbands and how often they "have to“ fake orgasm. In the right party atmosphere, they’ll compare and contrast whatever you want. IMO, comparisons are going to happen. You can pretend they don’t, and play mental games to avoid it, but I think it’s a set-up for a bigger letdown when reality slaps you.

Yes, everyone compares. That doesn't mean you have to say it out loud. Keep it to yourself, unless your company wants to discuss it openly, in good faith, as well. Otherwise, learn to read the room.

With two partners I compare. With my other partner I don't discuss those things at all. Very simple.

The OP might be projecting her own past behaviour onto her husband. And they should work on their communication.

Unfortunately, the OP has made it specific and personal, and not universal as you have. What’s it taste like to you? I’ve been told mine tastes like salty goo (I didn’t know goo had a taste, but whatever) and/or salty mushroom oyster.

Everyone tastes different.
Some make it personal, some universal. Does it really matter? The point is how you go about it.

There’s probably a huge disconnect between those who perform blow jobs to completion, and those who actually "like“ the taste, and secondly, those who actually swallow. These are all nuanced things.

Both the OP and husband need to work on their communication skills. It sounds like they got lost in translation down the line about this issue.

 

[LaminarFlow]

Wow, I’m pissed. I did see/have a chance to participate in her vagina size thread. That looked like fun.

Her thread “I changed my mind on poly“ I even participated on way back when, and forgot the answers to some of the questions I asked here. She pushed to open the relationship because of a mismatch in sex drives. He was reluctant and struggled with the transition, and in some heated argument she told him how or why her bf was a better lover than he ever was.

https://polyamory.com/threads/i-changed-my-mind-about-poly.144983/

Ahhhhhhhhhh, okay. I wonder if that was the same GF as in this thread.

Could it be that the OP doesn't truly like being in a poly relationship, and has some resentment towards her husband and his GF about opening up, and is taking it out them?

 

[ref2018]

https://polyamory.com/threads/i-changed-my-mind-about-poly.144983/ To get a better picture of their history

Husband told her to get a job because he doesn't want to pay for her boyfriend's weed and their vacations. GTFO

The husband's girlfriend is a "bimbo" but her pothead boyfriend who doesn't work can't be a "loser" because he's better in the sack.

This shit ain't real.

 

[dingedheart]

It's one thing to discuss things in good faith instead of bringing old-skeleton resentment.

I think one or both of them, when things get a little heated or triggered, don’t mind exchanging low blows. It’s their pattern.

Yes, everyone compares. That doesn't mean you have to say it out loud. Keep it to yourself, unless your company wants to discuss it openly, in good faith, as well. Otherwise, learn to read the room.

I think those lessons are still being learned with the OP and her husband. This whole conversation may have started off/kicked off super-innocently by how he sleeps better with his gf. He overshares the thing about blow jobs (maybe not so innocently throwing a soft punch, knowing her disgust for that ), she gets triggered and throws a snarky come back about gagging and throwing up at bedtime, which leads him to explain further and correct the record.

With two partners I compare. With my other partner I don't discuss those things at all. Very simple.

Yes, everyone has to make their own mistakes. My point is, when you sign up for this relationship dynamic a lot of this stuff comes with the territory. Facts are going to be facts. Don't ask questions if you can’t handle the honest truth.

The OP might be projecting her own past behaviour onto her husband. And they should work on their communication.

After reading her two of her other threads, I’d say trading punches is their communication style.

Everyone tastes different.
Some make it personal, some universal. Does it really matter?

OK, there’s NO universal taste for you, but you are in the universal it tastes bad, correct?

I’m guessing if everyone tastes different, and we’re going off a large or larger sample size, then the individual himself changes in taste by diet and exercise and how frequently said fluid is released.

Clearly, in this context it matters, because “bragging“ about that with past bfs, and/or current bf, and then refusing to do the same with her husband breeds a different kind of resentment. I don’t know if there are different kinds or levels of resentment based on rejection but it's personal.

The point is how you go about it.


Both the OP and husband need to work on their communication skills. It sounds like they got lost in translation down the line about this issue.

I don’t think anything got lost in translation. He either couldn’t control his flow good enough, or he selfishly popped one too many shots into her mouth, which killed it for him. A simple tap or vocal cue can announce delivery.

 

[dingedheart]

Husband told her to get a job because he doesn't want to pay for her boyfriend's weed and their vacations. GTFO

The husband's girlfriend is a "bimbo" but her pothead boyfriend who doesn't work can't be a "loser" because he's better in the sack.

This shit ain't real.

Yes …the whole vacation debate was interesting. AND bimbo = younger better body …and later we find out tighter vagina that likes giving head. If that’s the redefinition I’m in I dated a gymnast in college and I swear she could crush walnuts with her vag and if it’s an option I’d like that feature in my bimbo

 

[ref2018]

I dated a gymnast in college and I swear she could crush walnuts with her vag and if it’s an option I’d like that feature in my bimbo

I have heard that there are people who exist and can do things like this, but I've never met any of them. So I'll just have to believe you until I see any evidence that you're lying.