My wife and I has had a healthy ethical poly relationship for 13 years. Filled with support, great communication, established boundaries, etc. Pride our love for each other and other all bases on ethical character.
Recently she fell in love with her new partner. Supported them and celebrated thrm.through thier journey. Set up poly calendar for balance, true compersion of thier love and journey and time together.
One of our mutual agreements between all of us is condom use between them until we all go and get comprehensive STI screenings together and transparency of results, like my wife and I did for one another and with others.
When her boyfriend got a vasectomy i regularly checked in to ask if things was about to change in safe sex habits or has. I was reassured no on both. Last night she broke down and confessed that she broke the bounderies and it's eating her up inside. That for the past 6 months they have been having sex without a condom and fluid bonding every since. She aknowledged she put me at risk and wants to earn my trust back and do what ever it takes. She also confessed her and her boyfriend kept checking in with each other, to see how they were each feeling about not telling me and continued for the whole 6 months until a STI scare this week when I had to sniff out the truth.
We set up poly therapist today. Understandably I'm deeply hurt, upset, and questioning why this level of deception would happen when we have such an open healthy supportive poly relationship.
Do you feel it's unreasonable to ask her what she would do, or how she would handle it if the tables were turned on such deception, lies, agreed established ethical bounderies being crossed?
As we repair this, is it unreasonable to ask them to take a pause on seeing one another as they both violated the agreements and willingly conspired in doing so?
Recently she fell in love with her new partner. Supported them and celebrated thrm.through thier journey. Set up poly calendar for balance, true compersion of thier love and journey and time together.
One of our mutual agreements between all of us is condom use between them until we all go and get comprehensive STI screenings together and transparency of results, like my wife and I did for one another and with others.
When her boyfriend got a vasectomy i regularly checked in to ask if things was about to change in safe sex habits or has. I was reassured no on both. Last night she broke down and confessed that she broke the bounderies and it's eating her up inside. That for the past 6 months they have been having sex without a condom and fluid bonding every since. She aknowledged she put me at risk and wants to earn my trust back and do what ever it takes. She also confessed her and her boyfriend kept checking in with each other, to see how they were each feeling about not telling me and continued for the whole 6 months until a STI scare this week when I had to sniff out the truth.
We set up poly therapist today. Understandably I'm deeply hurt, upset, and questioning why this level of deception would happen when we have such an open healthy supportive poly relationship.
Do you feel it's unreasonable to ask her what she would do, or how she would handle it if the tables were turned on such deception, lies, agreed established ethical bounderies being crossed?
As we repair this, is it unreasonable to ask them to take a pause on seeing one another as they both violated the agreements and willingly conspired in doing so?