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MrKnoll

New member
Hi everyone, awesome forum!

My name is Chris and my wife is Nic, we've been together for 14 years, married 9 years. I've always joked about being with other women and stuff and that has always fallen on deaf ears. Normal relationship stuff.

After nearly two decades of showing no interest my wife slowly started falling for a female coworker. She has no real interest in sex with her (maybe down the road or here and there) but wants an emotional girlfriend type relationship with her. I encouraged her to try and she would often involve me in their plans. I also started to fall for her. We would fantasize together about this third individual. Our relationship became stronger and our love grew.

Finally, after endless conversations. My wife approached her coworker to basically be in a relationship with both of us but a physical relationship with me.

Her coworker said that she couldn't handle the sharing aspect. 😭

Clearly we are heart broken.

Turns out we are a polyamorous couple looking to form a triad with a unicorn. We didn't know any of those words 24 hours ago lol.

And here we go I guess ...
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
Fair enough. The coworker said didn't want to deal with a triad and the sharing aspect.

Did she say anything about being willing to date one or the other? Cuz I didn't read a clear "No to all models" in your post. Just the part about "no triad." And since you are both new maybe you didn't think to ask for clarification? Whether or not it is totally done with this person...

You might consider dating separately. A triad is like 3 V's all stacked up -- one of the hardest models.

Could think about articulating "the messy people" you don't want you or your partner to date. Your parents, siblings, boss, best friend, roomie... Coworkers might be on that list

Because if you date your coworker or your partner's coworker and it goes wahoonie? Then one of you still have to work with them... awkward, right?

And perhaps some reading. There's many more, but some starting places.



HTH!
Galagirl
 
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IvanTrentBrown

New member
Welcome MrKnoll!

I recently was in a relationship that ended as well.
I was with a married woman for almost 2 years. But her husband and I really were not on speaking terms by the end of it.
Hope you have better luck with your next encounter.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Greetings MrKnoll,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Sorry to hear about your recent rejection by the coworker. Alas, poly is not for everyone. I hope you still find the unicorn triad you're looking for. If there's any way we can help, just let us know.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 

MrKnoll

New member
Fair enough. The coworker said didn't want to deal with a triad and the sharing aspect.

Did she say anything about being willing to date one or the other? Cuz I didn't read a clear "No to all models" in your post. Just the part about "no triad." And since you are both new maybe you didn't think to ask for clarification? Whether or not it is totally done with this person...

You might consider dating separately. A triad is like 3 V's all stacked up -- one of the hardest models.

Could think about articulating "the messy people" you don't want you or your partner to date. Your parents, siblings, boss, best friend, roomie... Coworkers might be on that list

Because if you date your coworker or your partner's coworker and it goes wahoonie? Then one of you still have to work with them... awkward, right?

And perhaps some reading. There's many more, but some starting places.



HTH!
Galagirl
Thanks for the resources. We'll be reading through these!

We're not interested in dating independently but are starting to look for a new person.

That's a good idea on the list. I know there are a few people she would want on there lol.
 

MrKnoll

New member
Welcome MrKnoll!

I recently was in a relationship that ended as well.
I was with a married woman for almost 2 years. But her husband and I really were not on speaking terms by the end of it.
Hope you have better luck with your next encounter.
Sorry to hear that but you got that experience, 2 years is a good run
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Thanks for the resources. We'll be reading through these!

We're not interested in dating independently but are starting to look for a new person.

That's a good idea on the list. I know there are a few people she would want on there lol.
I want to give you a heads-up that so many married couples (or long term partners), where the man is straight and the woman is bi or bi-curious, come into poly assuming they will find a hot bi babe who will love and desire both of them equally. In your case, if your wife is drawn to women emotionally and maybe romantically, but barely or not sexually, it still sounds like unicorn hunting.

There are many pitfalls to this kind of prescription for a triad relationship. Here is a very detailed article about it.

 
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