Nonmonagamum
New member
For context’s sake: I have been in a nesting relationship with my anchor partner for 16 years. We’ve been married for 13 of those years. I identified as poly about 6 years ago, while he is staunchly monogamous, but has been as supportive as possible of my other relationships as we’ve learned and grown into this new phase of relationship together.
My sexual attraction to my husband has diminished over the course of our relationship, and perhaps more notably so over the last 2-3 years. While sex with him is never “bad”, I just don’t feel a drive to initiate it and don’t feel enthusiastic about the suggestion of it. This has long been a sticking point for us, as he often expresses his attraction and desire to be sexual with me, and I struggle to respond in even a mildly positive fashion. It’s a terribly uncomfortable situation, which we have discussed many times over, and I can’t conceive of a way to overcome.
This is exacerbated for my husband by the fact that I have been involved with another partner for about 16months; we see each other regularly once a week for an evening/sleepover. While the specifics of this “other” relationship are not discussed between my husband and I, he understands that it does involve a strong physical attraction and is actively sexual.
I just don’t know how to manage the situation with my husband. I love him dearly, respect him very much, we parent well together and enjoy a wonderful family/social circle together. But he obviously wants more from me and has expressed he’s not interested in a platonic relationship between us. That just makes me feel guilt and shame and a sense that no matter how else I demonstrate my love and care for him, the sexual aspect of our relationship (or lack thereof) will continue to weigh on us and ultimately cause our relationship to fracture irrevocably.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Any suggestions or words of wisdom?
My sexual attraction to my husband has diminished over the course of our relationship, and perhaps more notably so over the last 2-3 years. While sex with him is never “bad”, I just don’t feel a drive to initiate it and don’t feel enthusiastic about the suggestion of it. This has long been a sticking point for us, as he often expresses his attraction and desire to be sexual with me, and I struggle to respond in even a mildly positive fashion. It’s a terribly uncomfortable situation, which we have discussed many times over, and I can’t conceive of a way to overcome.
This is exacerbated for my husband by the fact that I have been involved with another partner for about 16months; we see each other regularly once a week for an evening/sleepover. While the specifics of this “other” relationship are not discussed between my husband and I, he understands that it does involve a strong physical attraction and is actively sexual.
I just don’t know how to manage the situation with my husband. I love him dearly, respect him very much, we parent well together and enjoy a wonderful family/social circle together. But he obviously wants more from me and has expressed he’s not interested in a platonic relationship between us. That just makes me feel guilt and shame and a sense that no matter how else I demonstrate my love and care for him, the sexual aspect of our relationship (or lack thereof) will continue to weigh on us and ultimately cause our relationship to fracture irrevocably.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Any suggestions or words of wisdom?