So I’ll be as brief about this as I can. I meet my now wife when I was 18. She was my first love although I’d had various none mono relationships previous to this. I have always told her I don’t believe in monogamy & that it’s something I have to work at. I have had attraction/small crushes on people over the years but managed to keep myself in check as I know monogamy is important to her & I love her very deeply.
About 2 years ago we went through a series of horrendous events which included me losing my mum. The person I loved most on the planet. 8 weeks later my son was born & suddenly I had to jump into parenthood rather than deal with my feelings.
Anyway fast forward a year and I started to develop what I thought was just a crush on another women. A very close friend. We have a lot in common & get on extremely well. I done everything I could to distance myself when I found my feelings where growing and tried to refocus myself back to my wife but this time I couldn’t do it. I didn’t tell my wife about my feelings which in hindsight I should have but being a idiot I was hoping it was just a crush and would disappear with time so there was no point in upsetting her when it would go away!
Unfortunately I was very wrong. And one day my friend came onto me. Admitted that she also had a “crush” on me too. & something in my head just went boom! And I lost all ability to stop myself. So we had a very brief (3- days) affair before I came clean and told my wife as I’m not good with lying or guilt for that matter again not something that comes naturally to me.
Obviously my wife was more than upset but I have made it very clear that I still very much love her. I never set out to hurt her I was just hurting myself & in a vulnerable place where I allowed myself to fall for this other person where normally I would of stopped it.
My wife has forgiven me for lying/cheating. However it’s more complicated than that as I’m in love with this women. Really in love with her. I’m also really in love with my wife. I have promised my wife I wouldn’t see her which I’ve stuck too but I feel as though my heart is fucking breaking.
I have communicated this to my wife on several occasions that I’m in love with this person and I’m in love with my wife.
I feel like I’m currently in hell and don’t know what to do. I’ve been with my wife 15 years! She is the air I breathe and the blood in my body! I would never leave her. However the thought of not having this other person in my life too is killing me. Am I just a cheat or completely fucked up? I feel I’m hurting my wife by saying I love this women but then I feel if I don’t express my feelings that would be lying! So devil and the deep blue!
Me and my wife are now going to therapy and it is helping but I still feel I’m missing this part of me.
About 2 years ago we went through a series of horrendous events which included me losing my mum. The person I loved most on the planet. 8 weeks later my son was born & suddenly I had to jump into parenthood rather than deal with my feelings.
Anyway fast forward a year and I started to develop what I thought was just a crush on another women. A very close friend. We have a lot in common & get on extremely well. I done everything I could to distance myself when I found my feelings where growing and tried to refocus myself back to my wife but this time I couldn’t do it. I didn’t tell my wife about my feelings which in hindsight I should have but being a idiot I was hoping it was just a crush and would disappear with time so there was no point in upsetting her when it would go away!
Unfortunately I was very wrong. And one day my friend came onto me. Admitted that she also had a “crush” on me too. & something in my head just went boom! And I lost all ability to stop myself. So we had a very brief (3- days) affair before I came clean and told my wife as I’m not good with lying or guilt for that matter again not something that comes naturally to me.
Obviously my wife was more than upset but I have made it very clear that I still very much love her. I never set out to hurt her I was just hurting myself & in a vulnerable place where I allowed myself to fall for this other person where normally I would of stopped it.
My wife has forgiven me for lying/cheating. However it’s more complicated than that as I’m in love with this women. Really in love with her. I’m also really in love with my wife. I have promised my wife I wouldn’t see her which I’ve stuck too but I feel as though my heart is fucking breaking.
I have communicated this to my wife on several occasions that I’m in love with this person and I’m in love with my wife.
I feel like I’m currently in hell and don’t know what to do. I’ve been with my wife 15 years! She is the air I breathe and the blood in my body! I would never leave her. However the thought of not having this other person in my life too is killing me. Am I just a cheat or completely fucked up? I feel I’m hurting my wife by saying I love this women but then I feel if I don’t express my feelings that would be lying! So devil and the deep blue!
Me and my wife are now going to therapy and it is helping but I still feel I’m missing this part of me.