Welcome.
I'm not entirely clear on what you mean. Could you please be willing to clarify?
What are your current relationship agreements?
- Is this monogamous/closed, and then he's taking up with people secretly? Cheating on agreements?
- Is this like mono-poly and then you are thinking about changing agreements to include poly on your side?
- Is this already poly on both sides, just that you've never used the option on your side? And then on his side he's not open enough about sharing basic sex health info so you can give informed consent/look after your sex health?
- Something else?
And frankly if he is having sex with other people I want to as well.
I'm not into double standards. I think people could do either open on both sides, or closed on both sides.
Because if open on both sides? Then it's the PERSON'S choice to exercise the option or not. And not like they don't even get the option at all because they agreed to "Open for me but not for you" stuff.
I never understand why people agree to do that kind of double standard.
But not sure I'd that is a good reason for becoming poly and also want to know the struggles and successes with the lifestyle.
Do you want to explore polyamory? You are prepared to not just have multiple relationships yourself but be ok with your partner(s) having them too? All you need is "I want to explore polyamory." It may or may not be for you in the end but if you find it appealing and want to try? You try.
I'm not a fan of jumping in blind though. You could read books like "Opening Up" or "Polysecure." You could listen to podcasts
like the multiamory ones.
You could read articles like the
most skipped step, or
poly hell and
how to f**k up a poly relationship to learn about pitfalls. Anita Wagner's old site
can be reached on wayback machine.
You could work with a counselor experienced in non-monogamy to prepare. YMMV, but there is
https://www.polyfriendly.org/
Polyamory is not the "bandaid" for couples having problems, getting bored with each other, dead bedroom, cheating, etc. Poly also has a way of shining a light on all the cracks that were already there -- like if a long term couple has slid into bad habits with each other like taking each other for granted, sliding into a rut, etc.
There's also discovering that you and a partner might both want polyamory, but how you each practice it? Is not compatible.
So I suggest you tread with caution and take the time to really think on things and not just jump in blind.