Female Self Confidence

starlight1

starlight1

Active member
So I do a lot more lurking on boards and writing in my own journal than participating. But I came across something really awesome recently online that pertained to a) women, b) self image, and c) sexual empowerment. And since we talk a lot about gender, identities etc. I thought I shared what I found out. Oh and also as an artist myself, and other artists on the board, I thought there might be another interest in this from the artistic view point. :D

Just FYI, this link is NSFW.

Without further ado: The great wall of Vaginas

I can't even tell you how much coming across this today helped me feel better about my own vagina. I've been SO insecure about it lately...but actually it's quite beautifully unique.
 
Hi starlight1,

Thanks for sharing that link, it brought a lot of sex-positive material to the forefront.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I never really think about what my private parts look like. I honestly never have even tried to take a look at them in a mirror. I guess it isn't something that bothers me - no one has ever complained about the view! Still, I found this interesting. :)
 
... I think I've seen this.

If so, yes, I agree. It's quite nice and very positive.

I typed a longer response, then realized that it did not sound very positive and I don't want to "be that guy" (girl, whatever) today so I'm not going to say what I was thinking. Also, I don't want to feed the gremlins of negative self-talk. Not for my own sake, nor anyone else.

May we all learn to love what we have.
 
To me it was like looking at ghosts of Christmas past. I was putting names with castings.

I was surprised by the number of piercings. Nothing like a little bling make things look attractive :D. So do you think the women that had the bling are unhappy with the way they look down there and dressing it up so to speak or are extremely confident and happy and want the added attention and focus ???
 
dingedheart said:
To me it was like looking at ghosts of Christmas past. I was putting names with castings.

I was surprised by the number of piercings. Nothing like a little bling make things look attractive :D. So do you think the women that had the bling are unhappy with the way they look down there and dressing it up so to speak or are extremely confident and happy and want the added attention and focus ???
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No idea. Though I can say that as someone who also hates my feet, cultivating a love of fun socks has really helped. So perhaps it makes a difference for some women.
 
And similarly I can say that I like my boob with a nipple piercing more after I had it pierced than I did before. So yeah, that is definitely an impact it can have on some people. But I'm sure there are also people who already like the body part they are planning on piercing, and they do it just to make it even prettier.
 
I dunno - I have a huge knee-jerk aversion to all things metal, so I would never put any near my lady-parts, even if I disliked the look of them! I wear a ton of bangles and bracelets, but I don't do so because I hate my arms.
 
Bluebird said:
I dunno - I have a huge knee-jerk aversion to all things metal, so I would never put any near my lady-parts, even if I disliked the look of them! I wear a ton of bangles and bracelets, but I don't do so because I hate my arms.
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Think my feeling on this is more the sense of doing some alteration or adornment of something to improve your own liking of it. I can definitely say that when I got my tattoos, I could not stop looking at them. And I still love them, ten years later, love how the lines flow down my ribs.

I'm not mad about piercings either, except for my earlobes, because I have some pretty neat earrings. But the kind of jewelry people use for body piercings, doesn't tend to do much for me...
 
I'm pierced and it actually wasn't for the look, tho I do love the way it looks. I got a VCH piercing for the added pleasure it gives me. Like I said though, I like the look and think it is hot.
 
@Dinged, Daily mail is now being banned as a cititation on Wikipedia. I'm not sure how accurate or played up this article is.

Speaking of more art, here's a mock of the daily mail. ;)

The Daily Mail Song

Yeah plastic surgery..very controversial. The only part in this I agreed on was for health purposes- I mean, nothing sucks more when labia gets trapped between panties and jeans. But it certainly isn't common occurrence for me to warrant surgery.

@stumbling How does it give more pleasure? I've never met anyone that I know of who had theirs pierced. I had kids and I still feel squeamish at the thought of a piercing there.

@Good point bluebird, I wouldn't adorn down there because I dislike it. I saw your bangle collection :D Very impressive. I'm all about the scarves..but not because I hate my neck!
I know women in my ex's rocky's circle who actually tried to lighten their vagina too, they wanted it to look more white. I was really horrified by this :(

@Mya, yeah it can be an Acquired taste to like a piercing, like coffee. Eventually you find you love it when you thought earlier- no way.
 
starlight1 said:
@Dinged, Daily mail is now being banned as a cititation on Wikipedia. I'm not sure how accurate or played up this article is.

Speaking of more art, here's a mock of the daily mail. ;)

The Daily Mail Song

Yeah plastic surgery..very controversial. The only part in this I agreed on was for health purposes- I mean, nothing sucks more when labia gets trapped between panties and jeans. But it certainly isn't common occurrence for me to warrant surgery.

@stumbling How does it give more pleasure? I've never met anyone that I know of who had theirs pierced. I had kids and I still feel squeamish at the thought of a piercing there.

@Good point bluebird, I wouldn't adorn down there because I dislike it. I saw your bangle collection :D Very impressive. I'm all about the scarves..but not because I hate my neck!
I know women in my ex's rocky's circle who actually tried to lighten their vagina too, they wanted it to look more white. I was really horrified by this :(

@Mya, yeah it can be an Acquired taste to like a piercing, like coffee. Eventually you find you love it when you thought earlier- no way.
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Starlight I must confess I read the headline and posted the article I didn't actually read it until now when you raised the question.

So are you saying the story is fake news or do you think this was a big ad for this guy ??? Or the writers going in and having some whispering done for free.

The numbers don't seem off the charts crazy. He does 100 per yr.
 
dingedheart said:
Starlight I must confess I read the headline and posted the article I didn't actually read it until now when you raised the question.

So are you saying the story is fake news or do you think this was a big ad for this guy ??? Or the writers going in and having some whispering done for free.

The numbers don't seem off the charts crazy. He does 100 per yr.
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By Hannahfluke:
The Daily Mail is on par with the National Enquirer in terms of the type of newspaper it is. It's tabloid journalism.
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Ok so two things,

1) Tabloid yes, journalism no. It's not journalism is the information from the Daily mail has been actually fabricated.

2)In response to Dinged, It may be that he did this for click bait to his site. Or perhaps the age group of those who read the daily mail are young women who haven't yet figured out what mail they want to read, their political or individual opinions yet, and so are also susceptible to friends opinions about boob size and vagina-plasty. And so it's a marketing technique.

3) There's many other things it could be but as a business person myself that's the educated leap I'd take. I'd say, ok I want to market to women between the ages of 16-25 who are single, or at least not married, and who care about their appearance- and the daily mail may have been a good place to start.

One example of many of the lies from the Daily Mail:

George Clooney gets an apology from the Daily that admits the Daily Mail was wrong. And he rebuttals the apology further because of religious discrimination against his fiancé in original Daily Mail article that was false.
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/feb/08/wikipedia-bans-daily-mail-as-unreliable-source-for-website

So to take the conversation back to the original posting...

I think its an amazing piece of artwork and I'm considering getting it printed and put up in my home for every woman who comes over to see. Maybe in the toilet. :D

Since the blog title is about women's self esteem too, I Was wondering how you all fare in poly when poly is not necessary to compare, and yet in this case comparison helped me feel better about myself because I saw we were more similar than different. And it's also detrimental for me at least at times to be compared to anyone else in a poly situation.

How do you women make the shift from mono thinking (compare and compete with other women) to poly (To accepting and integrating and communicating with other women?) I know this isn't a strictly poly-problem, as in it occurs outside of polyamory. But..it's something that isn't quite jealousy, but, is about I think, for me anyway, self-esteem.
 
And to not hijack Ravenscroft blog on female orgasms/sensory/clit/musings.


Trigger warning explicit talk of the nature of female anatomy, sex and orgasms below.

I am posting a link to some of the vagina related fun I've been perusing on the internet for the last month. In particular my Reddit response to a girl asking if it's normal to pulse when you orgasm, and if multiple orgasms are possible.

As I learn about my own sexuality, and ability to be sexual I realised maybe I need to be having this dialogue with other women, because, I don't want to hold the keys to the mystery of orgasm and feeling good about my sexual life. In all the other areas of my life I feel like a mess. Besides Art and Sex. But I know Art, and I know sex. I am not saying I know loads of tricks, but I know what works for me and how to articulate that to guy in a sexual situation. (and I specifically refer to guys in this as I don't have enough practice with women, to feel as confident yet, and also, the nature of the anatomy being different I kind of come into assumptions with sex with other women that they might know a bit more? Which I know could be totally wrong, but I struggled for the longest time even acknowledging I had a vagina, none the less talking about it, I used to *never* let a guy go down on me. My ex husband didn't the entire 5 years we were together!)

That's all. And I'm hoping that by sharing that I help someone else.

I think perhaps if we all knew ourselves a bit better down below maybe we'd be a bit more confident in our sense of self reliance and efficacy. So that's what I'm hoping with this post. If it seems ranty or not applicable feel free to disregard.:eek:



Ok so here's some fun facts that a lot of women don't know about themselves. So this is going to be lengthy and I'll put in bulletin points:

These I speak from my own personal experience, and any scientific information I will link the best I can.

1) Women can have many many many different types of erogenous zones that lead to actual orgasm. These may or may not be part of the vagina. This includes the breast orgasm.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jill-di-donato/breast-orgasm_b_1871581.html

For my own personal experiences of outside vaginal orgasm is: Breast orgasm, anal orgasm, kissing orgasm, sympathetic orgasm (Where I orgasm by watching my partner orgasm), and also being told "to cum".

2)Women's erogenous zones can change over time. I didn't start with erogenous breasts at 18, that developed over time as I changed over time.

3) The clit is actually shaped like this: http://www.museumofsex.com/the-internal-clitoris/ and covers a huge erogenous area in side and AROUND the vagina- it ALSO swells up when you're in a state of arousal, not just the outside "glans" but the "legs" that go around the vaginal canal too.

4)If that article wasn't awesome enough for you, women can and do orgasm from the spot at the back of your Vagina, just in and around the cervix opening. For some people that's behind, some its above, some like a general clockwork motion. For me I even like it on the cervix opening its self.

You're probably asking yourself at this point; can you just answer my question? Am I normal? Is it ok? And my answer is below so no worries. :)

5) Different O's for all occasions: There's loads of types of orgasms for whatever you're feeling like, if you're with the right partner, and willing to learn and explore... and its something I personally found that can be learnt over time.

For me staying in the moment and listening to my body (like yoga but for sex) and trying things out with toys on my own, as well as commenting on what your partner does, and what you like or don't like can lead to many many different types of orgasms.

It's very normal to have "elevator" like orgasms, so like riding up and down the elevator, you can reach different peaks and highs depending on what works for you. Or what you're in the mood for.

It's simply a matter of learning your own unique combination of different erogenous areas. It's also the intensity of the pressure on those zones, and staying present in your body to really enjoy and be ok with the dishes not being done!

Sometimes I'm totally clinical afterwards and rank the orgasms on a scale, from 1-10, or go into a sexual situation knowing I was No orgasm, or clit orgasm, etc. It's very empowering because then I can ask for what I want because I know how my body works and how to ask for what I want :) And guys find it really hot- generally speaking.

All these things helps me to "release" with sex. Most of the time anything less than an 8 -level is Coming. (On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being a mini-cum, and 10 being a multiple orgasm) I call anything above and 8 orgasming, with "multiple orgasm" at the top.

One last note, as you're exploring all the beautiful things your body can do, with and without your partner(s), keep in mind that you CAN (may or may not happen) squirt. This is anecdotally possible even if not agreed on in science.
so lay down a towel if you're trying for the big multiple O. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_ejaculation
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Last but not least a fun ted talk on orgasms in general.
 
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My poly experience helped me feel more confident, but I was not approaching it strictly as a straight woman, even though Fire and I didn't get it on very much, we were definitely relationshipping together as far as I saw it. I loved her, still love her, will probably ALWAYS love her.

So I was not jealous. And that helped. Because Fire is in many ways one of several "ideals" of female beauty that I compare myself to and would otherwise fall short... But she a.) Has tons of body image issues and insecurities herself, which drops my jaw because holy fucksticks, she is AMAZING and gorgeous... and b.) She complimented my appearance many times in ways that were meaningful to me because they were specific and detailed. I'm sorry but men suck at this in my experience. I have men tell me I am "hot" or "pretty" or "beautiful" and they never go into detail. Fire would actually tell me that she thought it was funny that I say I don't have enough curves, because I totally have curves, or if I bemoaned the coloration of my lady parts, she would laughingly explain that's totally normal for women who have had babies, and there is nothing wrong with that, and I'm beautiful. She works in medicine, so she has seen plenty of bodies. So I'm like really...? You...you think?

Another thing that has helped me has been being on fetlife. Because so much of the "porn" (or erotica or whatever) that you see there is posted by users, and is "amateur" in nature, you see ALL KINDS of bodies. And to see a woman who is similar to me in some way I find fault with, but then to see so many "Loves" and comments of people who find her appealing, I'm like well...maybe my contempt for my imperfections is misplaced. Perhaps it is ok that I don't have big boobs or a "picture perfect purse" that is small and neat and light and pink, forever free of course of stubble or wrinkles, like a linear work of art. Funny, I am not afraid of grey hairs, or lines around my eyes...but somehow I expect other parts of me to retain the appearance of youth? And of course there is all mixed up in that, the fact that when I HAD those youthful bodily assets to bestow, I foolishly gave them to someone who did not treat me well. Maybe a lot of my negative feelings about my body are tied to that simple regret, that I can never roll back the clock or remake my choices.

But...seeing something that looks like what I WISH I looked like, and having my partner agree that it is lovely, still gives me a sinking feeling of despair right in my heart. "You like that. I can never be that. I wish I could. I'm so sorry. Thanks for settling for what I have, that I can share with you." Despair. That is a bad feeling. I think, if I can ever reach the point where we can look at a "perfect" female body, and I can accept that he likes that, but he also likes me, and I'm not LESS...then I will have "made it" to where I want to be. Someday maybe.
 
I can relate to a lot of what you've written, Spork. The only woman I've ever loved, Snow, had a really awesome body. Beautiful, gorgeous body. She'd given birth twice but still maintained a beautiful body. If anything, having given birth probably increased her appeal because it added curves. She was a former ballerina and had the lean, sculpted tone that ballerinas have. I have a nice figure, am reasonably attractive, and look young for my age. I look good in clothes but not so great out of them. My abdomen is a roadmap of stretch marks and surgical scars from multiple surgeries. I have cellulite and my legs aren't toned...though I'm working on that. I have small breasts. I always have some anxiety about my body when I'm with someone for the first time. Even more so with women than men. I never felt self conscious or unattractive with Snow. Even when she was just dating Blue, and I met her the first time...or the first time we had a threesome. She had a beautiful spirit to match her beautiful body.

Spork said:
But...seeing something that looks like what I WISH I looked like, and having my partner agree that it is lovely, still gives me a sinking feeling of despair right in my heart. "You like that. I can never be that. I wish I could. I'm so sorry. Thanks for settling for what I have, that I can share with you." Despair. That is a bad feeling. I think, if I can ever reach the point where we can look at a "perfect" female body, and I can accept that he likes that, but he also likes me, and I'm not LESS...then I will have "made it" to where I want to be. Someday maybe.
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I'm still working on this. I felt like I'd made great strides, but I think my breakup with Blue set me back a bit. Azure also has a gorgeous body. But, because of the nature of our issues, and because I knew that Blue preferred her over me, her body was intimidating to me. Therapy is helping. I've resolved to not date until I've made more progress on this issue. Self confidence makes us more attractive, regardless of what our bodies look like.
 
Plastic surgery is ok if not abused, that is what I always say. Some people are obsessed with idea of perfection, they can't notice how ridiculous they seem with insatiable intention to be flawless. But in some cases plastic surgery is a real solution for people eager to look better, hard not to agree with this.
 
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Since this post has been bumped and it's been a while, I'll say... I still feel pretty much like I did before, about my body.

Surgery will never be an option for me. There will never come a time where my wish to have a body I don't have is cause for be to spend a small fortune; I have far too many things that are so much more important to me to put my money into. I am very aware of my own mortality. I get to live a span of years here, my time is limited and therefore too the money I am compensated for it. It is (to me personally) a sickening waste to put it into a shell that will one day be buried or cremated, beyond trying to keep myself healthy.

I'd rather spend my money on a lovely home, a trip somewhere beautiful, or 100 other things.

I am tempted sometimes, and perhaps one day might as a cathartic exercise, to make an art piece that exaggerates or illustrates all of the flaws I perceive about myself so that others might understand what I see when I think of me, or look at me. A grotesquerie of a self portrait thing. I mean, I'm really into monsters and weird art, so this would be a very "me" thing to do.
 
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