ezbeinGZ23
New member
Apologies for the lengthy post, but I feel the back story helps to understand our unique situation.
So my fiancée and I have been together 8 years ,roughly the same as the couple were dating (who have been married 5 years) We have very little experience with Poly relationships I’ve had a bit in a previous, but short lived (1yr) primary relationship and I encouraged my fiancé to date a female coworker a few years back that she had feelings for and it eventually turned into a throuple that turned a little messy, but overall ended amicably aside from creating some minor trust issues her and I have worked through.
Anyways about 8 months ago her and I hooked up with our married friends who have been Poly basically their entire relationship. It happened a few more times with the 4 of us over the next couple weeks, but my gf(now) and I started developing deeper feelings for each other pretty quickly and tried dating.
It turned into a dynamic right away where my fiancée wasn’t comfortable (mostly cause of past triggers and she wasn’t ready to take that step with my partner’s husband) so we called it quits for the next 5 months and just remained friends, but talked about the possibility of us all dating each other and eventually decided we were all on the same page and now we’ve been together about 3 months.
It’s been absolutely incredible!! There is so much love and trust and communication in every direction that it’s better than a dream.
One rule has been that if the “primary” couples are fighting the secondaries allow space(this has yet to be an issue as there’s been no riff or arguments to speak of). The other one is my gf can’t spend the night at our house while my fiancée is outta town same would go the other way, but I run a farm so can only vacation in the winter. It’s fine with all parties if we stay at the other couples house as it’s something they are more accustomed to.
So far for the past 3 months everything’s really excellent and comfortable. We all discuss everyone’s feelings individually and as a group as we move forward and all of our relationships are stronger than ever. We’ve all been friends for even longer than the primaries have been together and it just feels right. Are we crazy for thinking this could actually work?
I tried asking for success stories or guidance on the Poly group on Reddit, everyone was surprisingly harsh and judgmental and essentially said we’re all stupid and doomed. It doesn’t feel that way to any of us though as we’ve discussed a lot of pitfalls and what ifs, like what it looks like if one couple decides to end it and the progression of thing. We all love each other and trust one another to a point it seems hard to imagine it ending without being amicable or if it did with one couple I can’t imagine anyone involved preventing the other parties from being happy together.
Are there any success stories for quads out there? Cause it seems like I can only find people who say it will never work in poly groups thus far. Sick of people saying that we should just casually swing when we all value the emotional connections and Poly side of this more than we ever could just having casual sex.
(Also when I say success I’m not saying together forever necessarily. Even a quad like this that ended and everyone remained friends or the primaries remained married and it didn’t get too terribly messy I would consider those successes as well.)
For what it’s worth this is a MFMF quad and we’re all age 28-32 so we’ve literally all been close friends pretty much our whole adult lives.
So my fiancée and I have been together 8 years ,roughly the same as the couple were dating (who have been married 5 years) We have very little experience with Poly relationships I’ve had a bit in a previous, but short lived (1yr) primary relationship and I encouraged my fiancé to date a female coworker a few years back that she had feelings for and it eventually turned into a throuple that turned a little messy, but overall ended amicably aside from creating some minor trust issues her and I have worked through.
Anyways about 8 months ago her and I hooked up with our married friends who have been Poly basically their entire relationship. It happened a few more times with the 4 of us over the next couple weeks, but my gf(now) and I started developing deeper feelings for each other pretty quickly and tried dating.
It turned into a dynamic right away where my fiancée wasn’t comfortable (mostly cause of past triggers and she wasn’t ready to take that step with my partner’s husband) so we called it quits for the next 5 months and just remained friends, but talked about the possibility of us all dating each other and eventually decided we were all on the same page and now we’ve been together about 3 months.
It’s been absolutely incredible!! There is so much love and trust and communication in every direction that it’s better than a dream.
One rule has been that if the “primary” couples are fighting the secondaries allow space(this has yet to be an issue as there’s been no riff or arguments to speak of). The other one is my gf can’t spend the night at our house while my fiancée is outta town same would go the other way, but I run a farm so can only vacation in the winter. It’s fine with all parties if we stay at the other couples house as it’s something they are more accustomed to.
So far for the past 3 months everything’s really excellent and comfortable. We all discuss everyone’s feelings individually and as a group as we move forward and all of our relationships are stronger than ever. We’ve all been friends for even longer than the primaries have been together and it just feels right. Are we crazy for thinking this could actually work?
I tried asking for success stories or guidance on the Poly group on Reddit, everyone was surprisingly harsh and judgmental and essentially said we’re all stupid and doomed. It doesn’t feel that way to any of us though as we’ve discussed a lot of pitfalls and what ifs, like what it looks like if one couple decides to end it and the progression of thing. We all love each other and trust one another to a point it seems hard to imagine it ending without being amicable or if it did with one couple I can’t imagine anyone involved preventing the other parties from being happy together.
Are there any success stories for quads out there? Cause it seems like I can only find people who say it will never work in poly groups thus far. Sick of people saying that we should just casually swing when we all value the emotional connections and Poly side of this more than we ever could just having casual sex.
(Also when I say success I’m not saying together forever necessarily. Even a quad like this that ended and everyone remained friends or the primaries remained married and it didn’t get too terribly messy I would consider those successes as well.)
For what it’s worth this is a MFMF quad and we’re all age 28-32 so we’ve literally all been close friends pretty much our whole adult lives.
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