jjnkns8033
New member
I appreciate the opportunity to post here. I am in a 25+ year monogamous relationship with my wife, M, who has been an amazing wife and mother to two grown kids. I know my wife is strongly mono. Meanwhile, I have on occasion thought about poly but it’s been just a passing thought until now
Through a weekly social outing with my family, I met an amazing woman, C, for whom I’ve developed a strong physical and emotional attraction (NRE type feelings). The attraction to C is similar to how I felt when I met my wife which makes sense as M and C are a lot alike. It’s totally weird to feel in love with two people at once. I am also confident that C likes me. I haven’t discussed my feelings with her, but she just acts so wonderfully awkwardly around me in a way that’s different than she acts with anyone else.
To be up front, C is not a good choice for trying out poly. While I wish I could date her, C is currently going through a separation, and I don’t want to get in the middle. Also, C has become a good friend to my wife and daughters, and I’ve never discussed poly with my wife before
So, I have two dilemmas. First, I do want C to know that she is awesome, should be confident in herself, and will find a way to land on her own two feet one way or another. Is that possible? What, if anything, would be acceptable to say to her? Would it make her feel empowered, uncomfortable, or something else? Obviously, I am walking up to the line here, but how close can I go without crossing over? I have told my wife that I like C a lot just not in a romantic way so I have some flexibility here.
Second, any advice on where to go from here on my personal journey? My wife has previously stated that the worst thing she can imagine is my being physical with someone else. However, she was surprisingly accepting of my admitting that I like C and want the best for her. So, maybe I can open the door to at least allow strong friendships with the opposite sex as a first step. For what it’s worth, I have always been able to channel outside sexual energy from flirting and fantasies toward my wife. In fact, since meeting C, M and I have been having the best sex we’ve had in a while.
The situation has also made me assess M and my relationship and realize that we have set our own identities aside while raising the kids with almost no time spent outside the family besides work. I read on here a post about disentanglement and may need to work on that first and then revisit this topic again in six months or so.
Anyway, thanks for listening to my story. If nothing else comes of it, at least if feels good to write it all down.
Through a weekly social outing with my family, I met an amazing woman, C, for whom I’ve developed a strong physical and emotional attraction (NRE type feelings). The attraction to C is similar to how I felt when I met my wife which makes sense as M and C are a lot alike. It’s totally weird to feel in love with two people at once. I am also confident that C likes me. I haven’t discussed my feelings with her, but she just acts so wonderfully awkwardly around me in a way that’s different than she acts with anyone else.
To be up front, C is not a good choice for trying out poly. While I wish I could date her, C is currently going through a separation, and I don’t want to get in the middle. Also, C has become a good friend to my wife and daughters, and I’ve never discussed poly with my wife before
So, I have two dilemmas. First, I do want C to know that she is awesome, should be confident in herself, and will find a way to land on her own two feet one way or another. Is that possible? What, if anything, would be acceptable to say to her? Would it make her feel empowered, uncomfortable, or something else? Obviously, I am walking up to the line here, but how close can I go without crossing over? I have told my wife that I like C a lot just not in a romantic way so I have some flexibility here.
Second, any advice on where to go from here on my personal journey? My wife has previously stated that the worst thing she can imagine is my being physical with someone else. However, she was surprisingly accepting of my admitting that I like C and want the best for her. So, maybe I can open the door to at least allow strong friendships with the opposite sex as a first step. For what it’s worth, I have always been able to channel outside sexual energy from flirting and fantasies toward my wife. In fact, since meeting C, M and I have been having the best sex we’ve had in a while.
The situation has also made me assess M and my relationship and realize that we have set our own identities aside while raising the kids with almost no time spent outside the family besides work. I read on here a post about disentanglement and may need to work on that first and then revisit this topic again in six months or so.
Anyway, thanks for listening to my story. If nothing else comes of it, at least if feels good to write it all down.