Hello everyone we’re new :0)

NCTriadLove

NCTriadLove

New member
Hi
We are Jay & myself Lisa. We are 46 him & myself 44. We live in NC. We have been married 20+ years. We are very interested in a closed poly triad LTR situation as I’m very bisexual my entire life. Jay is straight & is supporting me with my need & desire for female companionship being brought into our marriage. We desire a bisexual woman. But anyways thank you for letting us speak a little about ourselves. Please ask questions & of course we’ll answer.
 
Greetings Lisa and Jay,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like a triad would be a wonderful thing for you, and it is awesome that your husband is being so supportive. Your profile says you are from Mooresville, I looked it up in Wikipedia and I guess a lot of NASCAR drivers are from there. My metamour is a huge NASCAR fan, so I reckon that he would find that pretty cool. We love dogs and cats too, and have one of each.

How did you come to hear about poly?
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Hi 👋🏻
Well I’ve known about polyamorous relationships my entire life because when I was in 11th grade in high school to the age of 22 I was in a polyamorous relationship with another woman and a man. It was great it was fun we all enjoyed it but I moved away which is why it stopped. But I’ve been married over 20 years now to my husband. We met when I had just turned 25. He’s heard about polyamory and triads on and off his whole life but now he wants to do this with me because I’ve been bisexual my entire life. On a whole different topic we’re not into race cars . We like hockey a lot. We’re more of the reading and writing books and playing video games and board games and going to amusement parks and museums and historical places and we really love horror movies and pretty much anything that has to do with horror & Halloween theme. Thank you for contacting us.
 
Not in your area but I (47 bi-poly-female) and my husband (49 hetero-polyfriendly-male), married 25+ years started out in a similar situation many moons ago. Someone, at some point, is going to point out that you are Unicorn-Hunting and direct you to this article (so it might as well be me...) - https://davidlnoble.livejournal.com/176039.html

So, the real issue is - if he is supportive of "supporting me with my need & desire for female companionship" then why does said female NEED to be "brought into our marriage"? Your marriage is between the two of you - no one else made any commitments there., you can't retroactively "vow someone in" to agreements you made to each other. You're bi - how many times have you been equally attracted to a woman AND her male partner? (i.e. have YOU even been the Unicorn?) Genuine advice - date separately: YOU date people you are attracted to - lez/bi-women and str8/bi-men (?). HE dates who he is attracted to - str*/bi-women (?). Those people may overlap - or not.
 
Hi Lisa,

Well my metamour is a hockey nut too, so he would still be excited about that. It sounds like you have a lot of cool interests. I like things with a Halloween theme, Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's nice to get to know you!

Namaste,
Kevin T.
 
I am curious why you want your ideal triad to be closed? If you find a bi poly woman who is interested in dating both of you together, she might already have other partners of her own, or she might WANT other partners of her own. Maybe someone she could legally marry, etc.

I get from your point of view, you are only seeking ONE additional partner, so you might imagine a closed triad, but from the point of view of your potential dates, you are already setting the terms for someone you haven't even met yet.

For me, asking for immediate exclusivity (wanting to be "closed") would be a red flag even for monogamous dating, doubly so for polyamorous dating. With couples seeking a triad, in particular, being closed benefits the couple, but doesn't necessarily benefit the "third."

But I don't mean to be overly negative. Many couples start out seeking exactly what you want. It is very common and understandable.

Just some food for thought.
 
We’re not compromising on being with someone who wants to sleep around and be with someone else. We are very firm in the situation that we do not want to be with someone who’s going to be wanting to date other people and sleep around with other people. Especially since we don’t swing and we don’t swap and we don’t do one night stands
 
JaneQSmythe said:
Not in your area but I (47 bi-poly-female) and my husband (49 hetero-polyfriendly-male), married 25+ years started out in a similar situation many moons ago. Someone, at some point, is going to point out that you are Unicorn-Hunting and direct you to this article (so it might as well be me...) - https://davidlnoble.livejournal.com/176039.html

So, the real issue is - if he is supportive of "supporting me with my need & desire for female companionship" then why does said female NEED to be "brought into our marriage"? Your marriage is between the two of you - no one else made any commitments there., you can't retroactively "vow someone in" to agreements you made to each other. You're bi - how many times have you been equally attracted to a woman AND her male partner? (i.e. have YOU even been the Unicorn?) Genuine advice - date separately: YOU date people you are attracted to - lez/bi-women and str8/bi-men (?). HE dates who he is attracted to - str*/bi-women (?). Those people may overlap - or not.
Click to expand...
My husband doesn’t wish to date anyone on his own by hisself. Not even individually.
 
Your hypothetical partner would not necessarily be wanting to "sleep around," "swing," have casual sex or do one night stands. She might be polyamorous and want another partner she doesn't have to be expected to share with their spouse. We are just trying to point out that you are building a small box for your dream girl, your hot bi babe. What would be in it for her, to be closed into a triad with a couple that has been together decades and is married?

Will she be expected to sleep with both of you every time she visits? Or could she have dates/sex with each of you separately? Would you and Jay be able to have sex one on one with just each other (as always) when she isn't there? Is that fair and equal, if she can't do the same?

What if she starts out into both of you, but after a few weeks or months, she realizes it's only working out with one of you? Say you and she fall in love, but she's not that into Jay after the newness wears off? Do you dump her and break both your hearts? The chances she will be equally attracted to you both from Day 1 are pretty much nil. You could get lucky and finally find someone who fits into this box, but it could take many years.

But we are all just restating what the article linked above clearly states. We get couples wanting to "add a third" here several times a week, and I almost always recommend that article. It is very helpful, and could save you, Jay and your dating prospects much frustration and pain.

I am glad you had a lovely teenager/early 20s thing, but people have different priorities later in life.
 
We understand what you are saying but we are not willing to back down on the necessities of our marriage and our lives. We do not want someone who is going to go date other people and sleep around with other people. I know that sounds crazy and I know it sounds like we are unicorn hunters which is far from the truth but still we are not compromising I’m letting a third person in the relationship who’s gonna want to sleep around with other people who are not staying within the confines of our three person relationship. And everyone can hate me for saying that but my husband does not want to be with someone who is going to also be dating and sleeping with other people who are not in our triad. I do not want to sleep with or be with someone who is going to be dating and or having sex with people who are not in our triad. But yes I do hear what you were saying and I’m taking your opinions into consideration . But this is our life and we’re not about to go Lucy goosey and let whoever be in our relationship and everyone date everyone and sex around with everyone when that is not the type of people we are. We’re not gonna settle for someone who just wants to date us individually or together and then go off dating some other people and having sex with them as well. That’s not gonna work for us because there are unwanted pregnancies in the world and there are diseases in the world and some of those diseases you can’t come back from no matter how much you want to believe. We are not going to compromise our feelings and beliefs about intimacy and relationships. I am bisexual my husband a straight and I don’t think it’s difficult to find a bisexual woman yes it’s difficult now because we’re starting out but anything is possible
 
We are willing to hold out for the right person. Also we’re not foolish and we know we could be going about this all wrong but please believe we know that we are foolish but we can only go by what we feel and what we think is best.
 
NCTriadLove said:
We understand what you are saying but we are not willing to back down on the necessities of our marriage and our lives. We do not want someone who is going to go date other people and sleep around with other people. I know that sounds crazy and I know it sounds like we are unicorn hunters which is far from the truth but still we are not compromising I’m letting a third person in the relationship who’s gonna want to sleep around with other people who are not staying within the confines of our three person relationship. And everyone can hate me for saying that but my husband does not want to be with someone who is going to also be dating and sleeping with other people who are not in our triad. I do not want to sleep with or be with someone who is going to be dating and or having sex with people who are not in our triad. But yes I do hear what you were saying and I’m taking your opinions into consideration . But this is our life and we’re not about to go Lucy goosey and let whoever be in our relationship and everyone date everyone and sex around with everyone when that is not the type of people we are. We’re not gonna settle for someone who just wants to date us individually or together and then go off dating some other people and having sex with them as well. That’s not gonna work for us because there are unwanted pregnancies in the world and there are diseases in the world and some of those diseases you can’t come back from no matter how much you want to believe. We are not going to compromise our feelings and beliefs about intimacy and relationships. I am bisexual my husband a straight and I don’t think it’s difficult to find a bisexual woman yes it’s difficult now because we’re starting out but anything is possible
Click to expand...
May I ask a hypothetical question? What f after a dalliance with you and hubby, the girl is only interested in a sexual relationship with you each separately?
 
SarahD said:
May I ask a hypothetical question? What f after a dalliance with you and hubby, the girl is only interested in a sexual relationship with you each separately?
Click to expand...
Then we separate because I’m not leaving my husband. I would never stay with them just because they only like me. Sounds cold but it’s their life to live. Jay isn’t fine with only one of us having someone. Especially since he doesn’t want his own individual person to be with. I know we both would be hurt but I would never stay with someone who only wants me or him. Our marriage will always stay in tact but I would definitely let the woman go if she only desires me. Jay says the same thing too. He would let them go because he doesn’t want his own woman to himself. Best believe we know we sound crazy. But that’s why questions are welcome.
 
Also they wouldn’t just get sex from either of us. We’re looking for friendship to LTR marriage live together life together. So they’re not getting sex right away and we must build on friendship and getting to know each other first before any of that what happened or living together
 
NCTriadLove said:
But that’s why questions are welcome.
Click to expand...


I have a question. In your profile, on the "About" tab, under "Contact", you have listed a Twitter profile: Jessieweasley.

When I visit that Twitter page, the owner of that Twitter account looks and writes nothing like the woman in the profile picture of NCTriadLove. https://twitter.com/Jessieweasley.

Could you please clear things up for all of us, Lisa?
 
NCTriadLove said:
Then we separate because I’m not leaving my husband. I would never stay with them just because they only like me. Sounds cold but it’s their life to live. Jay isn’t fine with only one of us having someone. Especially since he doesn’t want his own individual person to be with. I know we both would be hurt but I would never stay with someone who only wants me or him. Our marriage will always stay in tact but I would definitely let the woman go if she only desires me. Jay says the same thing too. He would let them go because he doesn’t want his own woman to himself. Best believe we know we sound crazy. But that’s why questions are welcome.
Click to expand...
The absolute bare minimum of people required to form a relationship is two. If In the vast majority of forever and always the bare minimum of two can not always see eye to eye or satisfy every bit of everything each needs, how astronomically rare would it be that more then two would ever be able to fully fulfill all the needs of each?

Why would a partner loving/spending time with/having sex with/ eating food with in a ENM a relationship equal “leaving” or breaking up with another partner?
 
Again, we are not talking about your hypothetical third "sleeping around," we are talking about a polyamorous woman who may have a steady, serious partner of her own, in addition to the two of you.

If you aren't willing to consider that possibility, you aren't ready to be polyamorous.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top