charlie_jumper
New member
Hello i`m Charlie,
i`m from Austria 32 Years old since 12 years in a relationship and we have a 7 year old daughter.
I had always trouble with love. I didn`t wanted to have the same relationship issues with love that i saw in my family, friends or on the street.
So was hard working to not get fall in love with someone and i avoided people as much as possible.
Surely i felt in love as a teenager, we didn`t get close enough to have a relationship. it was a bit of an childish "first love" feeling but not serious and i avoided that we get closer (i wished we had got closer) - she and her Family moved away when she was 14 as i was 15 i got telled that she died because an overdose.
I was traumatized and never wanted to fall in Love, i sweared it to me.
In my circle of friends there are some girls i was very interrested in and they were my "heart people", people that are so close that i had the feeling i could fall in love emediatly after a bit of body and mind contact, so they were tabu to me.
Than i had a friend (Katrin) out of that circle of friends that i felt very very close, i lived in her home "on and off" (couchsurfing) and almost nothing happened, no kisses, nothing.
I felt very bad about it and it teared me appart, but we were very different people with totaly different ideas of life. I was very happy that i could avoid something seriously, but as odd as i was i seemed to be her closesd friend and more to her than her circle of friends that i didn`t fit.
I felt deeply in "pre-love" i would decribe it, was very difficult for me.....
Than as i was 21 i met my "wife".
We felt in Love, it seems that i felt in love a bit more than her.
She had a similar lifeexperiences than me, the same troubles in life, but she always had "partners".
In the first 2 years we weren`t a couple but it was somewhat of an "on off" relationship, because i was denied because of her Family and her (in my eyes also an narcisstic) ex-boyfriend (we call him Randy) and her circle of friends.
in the first 4 years she "cheated" me with about 15 people, i telled how i feel about love and that i think that if you fall in love with someone, you can`t get let that go as easily....
I told her that if she sees an ex-boyfriend of her after a few months, weeks or years, love will be as strong as before - that felt logical.
But i had very hard times if we got partying and she tried to deny to know me to get anyone else, she rant at me, pushed me away and seriously told people "that i have nothing to do with her"....
That got my heart broken many times...
In "off times" our relationships she had a "boyfriend" for 2 months that she cheated with me and some other guy.
That "boyfiriend" was officially introduced to her family, a thing that never happened to me at this point.
In that "off times" i had some girls at home after partying (i`m not a party people) and we came closer, but i felt very bad after. Itried to fall in love, but mostly i felt very odd and not good, because wanted to be with someone very close.
In a Time i felt very down i was at my close firends (Katrin) House and she wasn`t at home.
I felt very close and attracted to her Mother as well (she was about the same Age as my "wife" is now"), we got closer and had an "on off relationship" only for Sex, Drugs, Cuddeling and deep talks.
It felt very very good, but i felt very very very bad because of her daughter that i had deep feelings for.....
I got back with my "wife" and the Relationship i hat felt appart, i tried to avoid contact.
In the next years we had to take care of the ex-Boyfriend of my wife (Randy), she cheated with him regularly, he stoled her and mine Heroin od asked if he could take some, asked about money, he ranted about her behind her Back, called her ugly, called her a Slut.
But he was down with Life and the only thing he had was her.
I didn`t had a chance to say a word against him because he was like a holy angel to her....
After 4 Years of an insatable relationship, she got away from him and ranted over him, she said he was toxic and yaddayadda (the same old stuff) as in the Time i met her.
That was the Time i moved into my current Flat and i partyied with that one close friend (Katrin) that stayed a few weeks at my place because she didn`t felt very good because of her ex-Boyfriend and gereal troubles in her life.
On the last evening we got very close a few times that evening and i falled deeply in love, be did brake a barrier that we never should had brake....
I felt soooooo bad i was down and had really really bad "lovesickness" i thought it was a big mistake and in advantageof my wife, we broke up all of our Contact.
I deleted and blocked the Number and felt very very sick - after some Time she hated me deeply i think.
Then my current "wife" moved to my Home, we got clean (no drugs) and 2015 we got a daughter.
We were a happy Family for the most time and only had the usual up and downs.
Since about 2 years or so, she got Therapy because of her abusive narcisstic Mother and some other bad things that happened to her in her Childhood (i had therapy about 3 Times also) and came to the decision that she is a Poly, are able to fall in love with other people and want to have a girlfirend too.
I told her hat i had talks about that and that i had told her that i think all people have a tendence to be Poly if they are not super relegios and whatnot...
I told her that i feel the same and that if i had the chance to fall in love, i would love to get an girlfriend too. Baut on the other Side i always tried to avoid to fall in love.
If i fall in love i would give everything and i have serious doubts that i could be a good father or partner if i had a Girlfiriend that i care about.
If she would need me, i couln`t be there for my Family, also i would want to spend time with her and do Holidays and Weekends with her.
Also i would need to be there, not only in good times, i need to be ther also in bad times.
That would be very timeconsuming......
Also there ist that "honeymooning phase" where i would want to spend time with her as much as possible....
I think it would be very hard and as i hard as i wish to have a Girlfriend, i`m trained to avoid that situation, because Love also means trouble for me....
Also i`m very clumsy and can`t get a Girlfirend as easy, I`m overweight and an "Ex-polydrugaddict" i`m not a partypeople and i do not want a Girl from my circle of friends...
My Girlfiriend thinks that it would be easy, that she yould be there for me and the Family 100%, that she could sepperate her relationship with an other Girl, that i would be her Husband #1 for ever and ever and that i`m number one top priority, even if the other loved one has a hard Time (illness, death, lovetrouble,....)....
I think that that is hard Work and often not very easy.
I think if something happens, something happens, but if you force it, it will not bring benefits.
I have the feeling that she is texting with other people and will try to force to get other Prople into her life.
I really do not know how to deal with that situation.
On the one side i think i would get along with a Girlfriend of my wife if i did know her and would be a part of her life and meet some other people and friends.
If my Wife would deny me and i did not be a friend of her Girlfriend, i would have a seroius problem....
Also i would wish i would have the same, i wish i would have a Girlfriend to.
A Girl that i could talk about my troubles, share the Bed with and spend Time toghter....
I could not stand the thought that she has someone, coulnd`t be there for me if i need her and that i have noone...
Maybe that is selfish or jelous, but i think i couldn`t get along with that situation....
So now it is enough and i hope it was an understandable introduction.
My English is very bad.
i`m from Austria 32 Years old since 12 years in a relationship and we have a 7 year old daughter.
I had always trouble with love. I didn`t wanted to have the same relationship issues with love that i saw in my family, friends or on the street.
So was hard working to not get fall in love with someone and i avoided people as much as possible.
Surely i felt in love as a teenager, we didn`t get close enough to have a relationship. it was a bit of an childish "first love" feeling but not serious and i avoided that we get closer (i wished we had got closer) - she and her Family moved away when she was 14 as i was 15 i got telled that she died because an overdose.
I was traumatized and never wanted to fall in Love, i sweared it to me.
In my circle of friends there are some girls i was very interrested in and they were my "heart people", people that are so close that i had the feeling i could fall in love emediatly after a bit of body and mind contact, so they were tabu to me.
Than i had a friend (Katrin) out of that circle of friends that i felt very very close, i lived in her home "on and off" (couchsurfing) and almost nothing happened, no kisses, nothing.
I felt very bad about it and it teared me appart, but we were very different people with totaly different ideas of life. I was very happy that i could avoid something seriously, but as odd as i was i seemed to be her closesd friend and more to her than her circle of friends that i didn`t fit.
I felt deeply in "pre-love" i would decribe it, was very difficult for me.....
Than as i was 21 i met my "wife".
We felt in Love, it seems that i felt in love a bit more than her.
She had a similar lifeexperiences than me, the same troubles in life, but she always had "partners".
In the first 2 years we weren`t a couple but it was somewhat of an "on off" relationship, because i was denied because of her Family and her (in my eyes also an narcisstic) ex-boyfriend (we call him Randy) and her circle of friends.
in the first 4 years she "cheated" me with about 15 people, i telled how i feel about love and that i think that if you fall in love with someone, you can`t get let that go as easily....
I told her that if she sees an ex-boyfriend of her after a few months, weeks or years, love will be as strong as before - that felt logical.
But i had very hard times if we got partying and she tried to deny to know me to get anyone else, she rant at me, pushed me away and seriously told people "that i have nothing to do with her"....
That got my heart broken many times...
In "off times" our relationships she had a "boyfriend" for 2 months that she cheated with me and some other guy.
That "boyfiriend" was officially introduced to her family, a thing that never happened to me at this point.
In that "off times" i had some girls at home after partying (i`m not a party people) and we came closer, but i felt very bad after. Itried to fall in love, but mostly i felt very odd and not good, because wanted to be with someone very close.
In a Time i felt very down i was at my close firends (Katrin) House and she wasn`t at home.
I felt very close and attracted to her Mother as well (she was about the same Age as my "wife" is now"), we got closer and had an "on off relationship" only for Sex, Drugs, Cuddeling and deep talks.
It felt very very good, but i felt very very very bad because of her daughter that i had deep feelings for.....
I got back with my "wife" and the Relationship i hat felt appart, i tried to avoid contact.
In the next years we had to take care of the ex-Boyfriend of my wife (Randy), she cheated with him regularly, he stoled her and mine Heroin od asked if he could take some, asked about money, he ranted about her behind her Back, called her ugly, called her a Slut.
But he was down with Life and the only thing he had was her.
I didn`t had a chance to say a word against him because he was like a holy angel to her....
After 4 Years of an insatable relationship, she got away from him and ranted over him, she said he was toxic and yaddayadda (the same old stuff) as in the Time i met her.
That was the Time i moved into my current Flat and i partyied with that one close friend (Katrin) that stayed a few weeks at my place because she didn`t felt very good because of her ex-Boyfriend and gereal troubles in her life.
On the last evening we got very close a few times that evening and i falled deeply in love, be did brake a barrier that we never should had brake....
I felt soooooo bad i was down and had really really bad "lovesickness" i thought it was a big mistake and in advantageof my wife, we broke up all of our Contact.
I deleted and blocked the Number and felt very very sick - after some Time she hated me deeply i think.
Then my current "wife" moved to my Home, we got clean (no drugs) and 2015 we got a daughter.
We were a happy Family for the most time and only had the usual up and downs.
Since about 2 years or so, she got Therapy because of her abusive narcisstic Mother and some other bad things that happened to her in her Childhood (i had therapy about 3 Times also) and came to the decision that she is a Poly, are able to fall in love with other people and want to have a girlfirend too.
I told her hat i had talks about that and that i had told her that i think all people have a tendence to be Poly if they are not super relegios and whatnot...
I told her that i feel the same and that if i had the chance to fall in love, i would love to get an girlfriend too. Baut on the other Side i always tried to avoid to fall in love.
If i fall in love i would give everything and i have serious doubts that i could be a good father or partner if i had a Girlfiriend that i care about.
If she would need me, i couln`t be there for my Family, also i would want to spend time with her and do Holidays and Weekends with her.
Also i would need to be there, not only in good times, i need to be ther also in bad times.
That would be very timeconsuming......
Also there ist that "honeymooning phase" where i would want to spend time with her as much as possible....
I think it would be very hard and as i hard as i wish to have a Girlfriend, i`m trained to avoid that situation, because Love also means trouble for me....
Also i`m very clumsy and can`t get a Girlfirend as easy, I`m overweight and an "Ex-polydrugaddict" i`m not a partypeople and i do not want a Girl from my circle of friends...
My Girlfiriend thinks that it would be easy, that she yould be there for me and the Family 100%, that she could sepperate her relationship with an other Girl, that i would be her Husband #1 for ever and ever and that i`m number one top priority, even if the other loved one has a hard Time (illness, death, lovetrouble,....)....
I think that that is hard Work and often not very easy.
I think if something happens, something happens, but if you force it, it will not bring benefits.
I have the feeling that she is texting with other people and will try to force to get other Prople into her life.
I really do not know how to deal with that situation.
On the one side i think i would get along with a Girlfriend of my wife if i did know her and would be a part of her life and meet some other people and friends.
If my Wife would deny me and i did not be a friend of her Girlfriend, i would have a seroius problem....
Also i would wish i would have the same, i wish i would have a Girlfriend to.
A Girl that i could talk about my troubles, share the Bed with and spend Time toghter....
I could not stand the thought that she has someone, coulnd`t be there for me if i need her and that i have noone...
Maybe that is selfish or jelous, but i think i couldn`t get along with that situation....
So now it is enough and i hope it was an understandable introduction.
My English is very bad.