Hello! I'm new to the poly world, and I want a better understanding of this situation. You see, I've known for a while that for me to get the sense of fulfillment from a relationship, there would have to be more than one. It's odd though, as I never even thought about labeling it. I am a wholly confused 29 year old lesbian (not confused about the lesbian part) who doesn't understand the difference between all of these labels. I am just someone who wants, no Needs, to be taught about this new thing that may define me.
Hi! (From a confused individual)
- Thread starter JennaS
- Start date
Greetings JennaS,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
We have a Glossary and Definitions thread, you might want to check it out, it will give you a better understanding of some of the labels. If there are any terms that aren't covered in that thread, please don't hesitate to mention them and ask. Any questions you have about polyamory, just post them and we will do our best to answer. It's good to have you with us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
Notes:
There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!
Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.
Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.
If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.
Welcome aboard!
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
We have a Glossary and Definitions thread, you might want to check it out, it will give you a better understanding of some of the labels. If there are any terms that aren't covered in that thread, please don't hesitate to mention them and ask. Any questions you have about polyamory, just post them and we will do our best to answer. It's good to have you with us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
Notes:
There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!
Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.
Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.
If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.
Welcome aboard!
Hi,
I'm glad you came here to learn about this world of polyamory.
I will point out that in your post you said "fulfillment from a relationship, there would have to be more than one." This wording seems confused. I would suggest thinking about that differently, right off the bat.
"For me to feel fulfilled romantically/sexually, I think I need more than one partner. I believe I am capable of desiring and loving more than one person at a time."
My point is, there is not "a (one) relationship." Each relationship is its own unique thing. You are dating Jill. You are dating Jane. Jill and Jane may not know each other. But you feel fulfilled from dating both, individually. Jane on Wednesday. Jill on Saturday.
If you are thinking that there has to be "a" relationship for it to be poly, a triad of you, Jane and Jill, where there are only dates and sex between all 3 of you every time, think again. Triads are more rare than you think. They are hard to balance. Often a triad may start out seemingly well, only for one partner to lose interest in one of the other partners. Say you and Jill and Jane are all dating each other. But you lose interest in Jane, while Jane and Jill do not lose interest in each other. So now, you are just dating Jill, while Jill is dating you and Jane, and Jane is still dating you and Jill. You go from a triad to 2 V-shapes.
Even in a triad, there are 3 Vs:
You+Jill
You+Jane
Jane+Jill
plus
all 3 together.
Each dyad needs its own time and space to grow. Even if you all get along great in the same space, sometimes each dyad needs it own space for a date and/or sex. It's unnatural to force the threeway togetherness 24/7/365.
OK. That's one topic in polyamory many people have problems with, make mistakes, suffer, get jealous, etc.
What about the million other topics involved in successful ethical non-monogamy? Feel free to read "What's new" here. And I'd recommend getting a copy of the book Opening Up, and reading it thoroughly, for a very comprehensive coverage, all in one place, of the many things you will face dating as a poly person.
A triad is just one way of doing polyamory. One of the harder ways, generally, but there are those who make it work.
You could be in a closed triad/group relationship, but that doesn't mean that everyone in the group has to be romantic or sexual with each other. Different dynamics develop between the different dyads. And yes, you can all agree to not date others, until that agreement has run it's course and needs renegotiation.
You could be in a closed triad/group relationship, but that doesn't mean that everyone in the group has to be romantic or sexual with each other. Different dynamics develop between the different dyads. And yes, you can all agree to not date others, until that agreement has run it's course and needs renegotiation.
No, a triad can be one kind of polyamory. But it is fairly uncommon. More common is for an individual (you) to be open to dating more than one person, both of them as individuals (you date Jill and Jane, but they don't date each other).
For example, I myself have a gf (Pixi) and a bf (Aries), but they do not date each other. Pixi has a bf too (Malachi), but he is not my bf. I live in a house I share with Pixi. Malachi has his own place. On Friday, Pixi goes to Malachi's house and Aries comes here to my house. He leaves late Sunday night and goes back to his place. My gf Pixi comes home from Malachi's house on Monday or Tuesday. Sometimes I drop by Aries's place for a quickie during the week, but he has several housemates and not much privacy.
Aries is also dating another woman, Cora, but he sees her more infrequently. Once or twice a month he will spend Friday night at her place, and then maybe come to my place after work on Monday to make up for our lost time.
Pixi and I go on vacations together for a week or two at a time, a couple times a year, without our bfs. (That's kinda nice, to get away from the testosterone lol) More rarely, Pixi and Malachi will go away together for a long weekend. I haven't gone on vacation with Aries yet, but we've only been dating a year.
I have hung out with Malachi over the years. I especially started going to hang out with him and Pixi at his place for dinner during the pandemic, when we were limiting our social interactions with others. Pixi has met Aries here at our place a few times, when we have hung out, or had dinner together. Malachi and Aries have only met twice, so far.
Bluebird (who blogs here in the journal section) is married to one guy. She also has 2 bfs. One of her bfs lives with her and her husband. The other guy lives in his own place. None of these guys date each other. They are casual friends. Sometimes Bluebird will even go on a vacation with 2 of her guys. They never have group sex, just one-on-one sex. In her house, each person has their own bedroom, and Bluebird alternates whom she sleeps with.
Polyamory can be adapted in many ways to suit the needs and desires of the members of each poly network.
An "open relationship" is any adult relationship that is not monogamous. That is the big umbrella term. Swinging is another kind of Open relationship. Technically, a triad can be Open, in that each member is free to also date others outside of the triad. A triad can also be Closed, wherein just the three of them date, and agree to not see any others. A V, where one person is dating 2 others (and those 2 are not dating each other) can also be considered Closed, if those 3 agree to just see each other and not try to date anyone else, or Open, if they all wish to also be able to date others.
Read Opening Up! It will all become clear.