This is an interesting topic because there are so many variables in every individual’s life, and when you multiply those variables by the number of people in a relationship the result is an exponential growth of chaos to deal with. lol
Career goals and ambitions alone for some individuals might be so high they cannot function in a relationship at all... So I see life as an equation of priorities.
I moved to the same State as did you to attend grad school! So we have that in common
. Poly during grad school for me involved a classmate, we shared study time together and travel for our academic program. And that was enough for her, the rest of my time was spent with Bird, it worked. Clear expectations and overlap with school made that a relatively low stress dynamic.
As I continue to grow into a poly lifestyle, I look at relationships a bit differently. Dating has become a recent interest and I think a lot about how someone fits into my life, what overlap exists if any, and what time I have available to share, and can I realistically honor that…
I am rarely idle, and therefore making space for someone comes at the expense of some other interest. Around the time I met Daisy I was also gaining momentum on a side hustle that I was passionate about. Something had to give….
A few years ago, I felt like I was drowning in my relationships… What helped me was communicating my needs and enforcing those boundaries, that meant trusting my partners to handle themselves. I don’t put out every fire and I’m not a qualified therapist, I make that clear and I have to maintain that boundary. As a hinge it is my responsibility to avoid getting swallowed up by everyone else’s “stuff”.
Now that we live together I have overlap in my favor… With the kitchen table arrangement quality time does not all have to be segregated, *some quality time can be simultaneous, *some intimacy can be simultaneous, and *some family time can be simultaneous. Daisy and I work from home, so some intimacy can overlap with work hours ect…. The point is, I can breathe again!