Hello,
For context, we opened our relationship over a year ago. We're not in a rush or anything, and taking things slowly so we can learn at our own pace. While I had 2 one-off dates and a long distance relationship, my husband has had no success. I suspect there are two reasons: it’s more difficult for a partnered man to find another woman willing to date, and he has put way less time and effort into dating.
For the past 4 months I’ve been in a new relationship, closer to home, and it’s going well. We meet 2 to 3 times a month. Sometimes overnight, sometimes for an evening at the theatre, it depends. These dates are planned around our lives, so it’s smooth and not disruptive.
Seeing that it’s going well, my husband told me he’s feeling envious of my current relationship and is feeling left out/not involved. While I understand those feelings can happen and are normal, what I can’t understand is that he’s been feeling this way for the past 1.5 months, to the point he’s moody nearly every day. For instance, I’m meeting my date in two weeks and he’s already started to feel moody about it.
In the past, he has expressed wanting to try a threesome and I’d be happy to try too, when we find the right person and the energy is there. But it’s unlikely to happen with my current relationship. We talked about it. It's something he was hoping for, but knew from the beginning it was unlikely to happen. I say unlikely because we know that circumstances and people can change. Opening up our relationship was to first experience on our own and explore our attraction to people, as well as different forms of intimacy (building up to poly, rather than open).
So I guess there’s a bit of that, and having had no success in online dating. Overall disappointment, perhaps? I said he needed to be patient and focus on his online dating.
Besides that, we make sure to spend quality time together. We plan lunches. We talk about his feelings. When I see him moody, I initiate the talk to understand what is going on. I express my love and commitment to him. I’m sharing articles/books; supporting him in updating his online dating profile; and trying other avenues. I’m trying different things to lift him up because I’m having difficulties pinpointing the core of the issue. Is it jealousy, envy, insecurity?
I'm not sure what else we can do. Does it just needs more time? It feels like I’m getting the benefits of a polyamorous lifestyle and he’s being left behind. I’d like him to put more effort into it, rather than being moody and complaining.
For context, we opened our relationship over a year ago. We're not in a rush or anything, and taking things slowly so we can learn at our own pace. While I had 2 one-off dates and a long distance relationship, my husband has had no success. I suspect there are two reasons: it’s more difficult for a partnered man to find another woman willing to date, and he has put way less time and effort into dating.
For the past 4 months I’ve been in a new relationship, closer to home, and it’s going well. We meet 2 to 3 times a month. Sometimes overnight, sometimes for an evening at the theatre, it depends. These dates are planned around our lives, so it’s smooth and not disruptive.
Seeing that it’s going well, my husband told me he’s feeling envious of my current relationship and is feeling left out/not involved. While I understand those feelings can happen and are normal, what I can’t understand is that he’s been feeling this way for the past 1.5 months, to the point he’s moody nearly every day. For instance, I’m meeting my date in two weeks and he’s already started to feel moody about it.
In the past, he has expressed wanting to try a threesome and I’d be happy to try too, when we find the right person and the energy is there. But it’s unlikely to happen with my current relationship. We talked about it. It's something he was hoping for, but knew from the beginning it was unlikely to happen. I say unlikely because we know that circumstances and people can change. Opening up our relationship was to first experience on our own and explore our attraction to people, as well as different forms of intimacy (building up to poly, rather than open).
So I guess there’s a bit of that, and having had no success in online dating. Overall disappointment, perhaps? I said he needed to be patient and focus on his online dating.
Besides that, we make sure to spend quality time together. We plan lunches. We talk about his feelings. When I see him moody, I initiate the talk to understand what is going on. I express my love and commitment to him. I’m sharing articles/books; supporting him in updating his online dating profile; and trying other avenues. I’m trying different things to lift him up because I’m having difficulties pinpointing the core of the issue. Is it jealousy, envy, insecurity?
I'm not sure what else we can do. Does it just needs more time? It feels like I’m getting the benefits of a polyamorous lifestyle and he’s being left behind. I’d like him to put more effort into it, rather than being moody and complaining.
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I get a lot out of reading polyamory books and listening to podcasts. Doing this together would help with some of our discussion and would be a good resource when needed.
