In the garden

I'm sorry he's back with Charli. Good for you for thinking about setting boundaries about his visit.

Best of luck with the local people!
I told Puck my new boundary and what I expect to happen (I want evidence that Charli can handle it when he goes out of town before I commit to international travel). He immediately said that was reasonably and sensible, then asked what that looked like. I said, go on trips with other people and make sure she can handle it. He said, "yeah, I can do that, I've been wanting to get away somewhere with Selene, and I have a trip planned with Renee in February, too". He said..."something's just nagging the back of my brain". I said, "that will be the unlikelihood that April will now happen because by the time you have truly gathered enough evidence, it will be too late to book tickets at an affordable price."

And as I type, we've been talking, we're going to talk again, but he's gone to cry out his disappointment of this consequence of his choice to continue to see Charli. He assures me that he gets it, that I'm not being unreasonable, but he's immediately feeling the acute loss of that opportunity to come and see my world. He knows that my other school holidays clash with his festivals. We haven't talked about 2025 yet. But there will 100% be a 2025. Fuck it, somehow, I'm moving to the US in 2025.
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So, that didn't end well. He took exception to me saying that he had an out and he didn't take it. He said he is big on second chances with new agreements. I said I don't have trust in the situation but I'm actually rooting for them in the big picture.
So, Puck and Charli are coming to new agreements, and I'm not committing to travel until I see the outcome. Their new agreements seem to be a slow breakup, but who actually knows.

I'm trying to get my life in order for my move to Hometown. I've put off visiting later this week as I've been feeling too pinched for time, and I'm not feeling very well as of last night. I'll try to pop into work later today and do the last of the horrible chores, well, start the last of them, anyway. Goodness knows I've got enough at home to keep me busy this morning. I've sent a couple of inquiries out for places looking for flatmates and both have responded already. One is just a stone's throw from work, the other, I'd still need the car. The close one is small and the other person seems a little precious but the apartment building has a gym, lap pool and sauna; the far away one I'd have to furnish but I'm pretty confident it would actually be a much more chill environment.

Coming back to this later, I'm feeling worse than I was earlier so I'm just going to focus on home things today and have another attempt at work-work tomorrow.
UK guy is a bust, which is such a shame because damn it was an amazing connection. But he couldn't follow through with something that should have been simple, and we just couldn't communicate about it effectively. I'm honestly really sad that we didn't meet at a better time of life.
It's been a while since I last had a conversation with Ayin. Last I heard he had a slipped disc and pneumonia, which sounded terrible in itself, but those diagnoses were updated - probably very soon after we last spoke. He let me know he's been on chemotherapy for 2 1/2 months (he turned 24 in that time) for stage 4 testicular cancer. He's very confident that the chemo will do the trick and he'll be driving again by February, and he's said he'd like to come visit me in Hometown. Hell Yes.
I had dinner with Gabe tonight. It was...a new beginning.

He's currently seeing someone and we talked about relationship structures and commitments. I promised I wouldn't do anything inappropriate while was seeing her. He said he wouldn't feel right about any overlap. He admitted he didn't think they would last his return to NZ next year. In my ideal world, we'd become fwb, but I also would love to just be his friend if there are more nights like this ahead. He's a great dinner buddy.
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I hosted a new possible comet (courtesy of Feeld) the night after I saw Gabe. I don't know what to call him yet but we had a pretty amazing time. It's the first time in a long time I've got to be intimate with a new person and although we didn't have actual sex, we were both pretty damn satisfied.

I'm house/cat sitting at Nova's for a while, and today I haven't left the house. It's been cathartic being so completely alone. I wish there were places around here that I wanted to go, alone, but I'm not a fan of this particular countryside. I haven't found a really happy place around here.

I was talking with Mike yesterday, I think he needed it more than I did.

It's stupidly hot here. Yesterday got up to 30°C (104°F) but today has been a smidge cooler at 28°C which is a blessed relief as Nova's house doesn't have aircon. Tomorrow is supposed to be all of 19°C so go figure.

Tomorrow, I might have some spoons to do stuff, but today I actually napped in the afternoon, after a whole night's sleep. I usually can't sleep in an afternoon unless I'm sick, but today I just slept because I was relaxed. I'm confident that I will be ready to go back to work again next year, which is a biiiiig call.
I got Puck a Shakti Mat (not an affiliate link but here's the website for those who want to know about it) for a birthday/Christmas present (he's a December birthday) and he's reported that it does absolutely remarkable things for his anxiety. Like, he's mind blown about how effective it is. I haven't gotten to actually speak with him since his in-laws have been in town, which is both understandable and frustrating. From what I gather, they are staying at the house, and Renee isn't out as poly to them so, yeah...

I didn't sleep so well last night, courtesy of both stupid temperatures and a bit too much wine. Today could be a good day to go dry again for a while, lose some weight, sleep better, save money etc. god knows I've packed on the pounds this last few weeks since holidays began and Xmas=an overabundance of chocolate.

This time last year, I was getting on a plane. I'm really unhappy that that isn't happening this year, in either direction. Let's see what 2024 yields, but until the Charli situation has some resolution, and finances are stronger, it's not likely.
Wow, it's impressive to get that glowing report from Puck about the Shakti mat, and the reviews on the site seem great. I experience a lot of chronic body pain, and so does Pixi, plus she suffers from a lot of anxiety. Her meds and vape only do so much. I might need to look into this.
Men are so funny about pain. Puck said he can do 120 seconds on the "bed of nails" before it's too much. I encouraged him to stick it out until the actual endorphin rush happens and all the pain goes away. I described the few ways I've gotten there, and he told me about one of his play sessions with a former sub where she got there and how amazing it was to see it happen (and be the reason for it). I doubt he'll be able to stick it out though. (Update: we've literally just spoken and he told me that earlier today he did a full 20 minutes and found at the least a trance state to process it - I'm so proud of him!)

Adam and I had a day in the nearest little city yesterday. It was fun and we had a really great Malaysian lunch. We basically only have a few days left to spend quality time together because I'll be moving soon, much sooner than I thought since I secured a place yesterday (paid bond - I need to do the contract today). I'm actually house/pet sitting for Nova at the moment so when I'm ready to get this day underway I'll head home and later, we'll go to the movies (3pm for Wonka). Aquaman tomorrow lol.
It's Tuesday, it's time to get my A into G and start to prepare for my move. Today, I'm going to sort boxes so I just take one "best box" of teaching resources. Okay, maybe two, we'll see. It's tricky to know what you're going to want; teachers tend to hoard stuff but use a few basics over and over again. Perhaps after 5 years I can narrow down what I actually use. I'm going to need music to motivate me through this sorting out. At least this year I don't have my own classroom so I'm not going to feel the need to populate a space with games and posters and so on. I do need to get some refillable whiteboard markers since I have sooooo much refill ink, if I can just find

Adam is working and will be the rest of the week (he does 6 days on, 3 days off at the moment and his three days off coming up he's going away anyway). Puck is not back at work until tomorrow but we also have a long call scheduled, too, since it's a rather significant day for us after my visit there last year. I'm not sure when he's going to get back here this year and that's upsetting. I was saying to him last night that I know the rhythm of his year now and it just doesn't fit with mine - I have to take holidays when they are scheduled and he's in the middle of festivals for both July and October. My first holidays - April - well, I've drawn a boundary around him managing Charli so her behaviour doesn't negatively impact us, again, and it's highly unlikely that she'll be okay by then - and of course then there's the financial issue of the tickets; prices are silly now and I need to save up so much to make anything at all possible. I still have yet to see quite what living in Hometown is going to cost me each fortnight (pay period) so budgeting is largely guesswork right now and hopefully I've overestimated.

I'm so very tired still today despite a very decent sleep; not the kind of tired that I'd be able to have a nap (I tried that yesterday and it sucks not being able to lose consciousness), just the kind that will make me feel horrid all day as I try to get stuff done.