Irony Is Dead

Bluebird

Well-known member
I’m not sure what state you are in, but being polyamorous is usually a disqualification for an adoption through the state. I would definitely lead with that, before you get too far into the home study process. They might be willing to let you take the parenting classes and get through it, but then will never choose you for a child. All 3 of my kids were adopted as older children out of the foster care system, and the minute we made public that we were a poly family, the workers stopped calling.
 

Ostrich

Active member
I’m not sure what state you are in, but being polyamorous is usually a disqualification for an adoption through the state. I would definitely lead with that, before you get too far into the home study process. They might be willing to let you take the parenting classes and get through it, but then will never choose you for a child. All 3 of my kids were adopted as older children out of the foster care system, and the minute we made public that we were a poly family, the workers stopped calling.
BB, we have suspended any poly activity for now and the foreseeable future. DAG is not actively looking for any new relationships right now and honestly, I am not looking for anything new either. The new guy came out of the blue, but I only want a friendship with him. Thank you for the info though. I figured any open poly discussion with adoption representatives would negatively affect our adoption application.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
BB, we have suspended any poly activity for now and the foreseeable future. DAG is not actively looking for any new relationships right now and honestly, I am not looking for anything new either. The new guy came out of the blue, but I only want a friendship with him. Thank you for the info though. I figured any open poly discussion with adoption representatives would negatively affect our adoption application.
It will, sadly. We had MULTIPLE social workers from many states contacting us to match their older available children with us. At one point, DarkKnight and I had TEN folders in front of us to choose from. We are experienced successful adoptive parents of older special needs kids. One agency had me give a speech and appear on the news. All of that, and then total and complete silence when we updated our study to list me as polyamorous. It was sad. However, there was zero chance that I could be open and foster/adopt without the agency knowing. The background check is considerable, and obviously any kids placed with us would know what’s up. Apparently being polyamorous negates everything else though. :(
 

Ostrich

Active member
It will, sadly. We had MULTIPLE social workers from many states contacting us to match their older available children with us. At one point, DarkKnight and I had TEN folders in front of us to choose from. We are experienced successful adoptive parents of older special needs kids. One agency had me give a speech and appear on the news. All of that, and then total and complete silence when we updated our study to list me as polyamorous. It was sad. However, there was zero chance that I could be open and foster/adopt without the agency knowing. The background check is considerable, and obviously any kids placed with us would know what’s up. Apparently being polyamorous negates everything else though. :(
I expect the home study to trip us up, if we fess up to being poly, no matter how short lived. Congrats on having successful adoptions! I am sure you were heartbroken with the offers stopped. My heart goes out to you!
 
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Bluebird

Well-known member
I expect the home study to trip us up, if DAG fesses up to being poly. Congrats on having successful adoptions! I am sure you were heartbroken with the offers stopped. My heart goes out to you!
It wasn’t so bad. We were actively pursued to adopt again, and we felt our family would be okay with stopping at three kids. Anything else was going to be a bonus, so we were fine. I was sad for the children that we could have parented, as most probably stayed in care.

The home study is very invasive. Classes and the study with background can take about 9 months to complete. I’m not sure it is something that would be easy to not mention. I personally felt like being upfront was better than having it come out later and getting blacklisted for a failure to disclose. Depends on your state, and your county, and your particular worker. Realize that even LGBT+ is an issue still in many places. Polyamory is just too out there, unfortunately. Our worker was sympathetic, but he was realistic and truthful about it.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
That seems like a sudden change, from seriously considering Teach as a third in a triad, and/or that other guy you went on a date with.

If you are now considering adopting kids over practicing poly, your needs from this board will change quite a bit. It sucks, to be sure, but poly is so new and it just isn't understood by the public at large, yet. I would say you could go back to being poly when the kid/kids are grown, but you're already 58, so this sounds like a lifetime commitment.
 

Ostrich

Active member
That seems like a sudden change, from seriously considering Teach as a third in a triad, and/or that other guy you went on a date with.

If you are now considering adopting kids over practicing poly, your needs from this board will change quite a bit. It sucks, to be sure, but poly is so new and it just isn't understood by the public at large, yet. I would say you could go back to being poly when the kid/kids are grown, but you're already 58, so this sounds like a lifetime commitment.
Mags, not that I have confirmation, but in recent actions by Teach, he seems more intent on finding a relationship for himself than trying to seriously connect with DAG and I. He and DAG still have a strong emotional connection, but the contact between Teach and I has diminished somewhat. Plus, Teach seems to have a new love interest every month, so that signals to me that he's not that serious about pursuing anything with us. He has not approached me to discuss it further. The way DAG and I left it, the proverbial ball is in Teach's court. I'll wait and see what he does next.

As for the other guy, I have him in the friend zone. He could be a good, close friend, but I have no plans to have him as a romantic interest. I am just not up for it. He has a fiance, but I do not know what type of relationship they have. Again, this is a budding friendship with no plans for romance.

Not that you asked, but I will put this out there anyway. One of the reasons DAG and I got married was to have a kid (or three). It wasn't a priority for DAG until the past three or four months (we've been married for 5 1/2 years). Obviously, he needed to get a few things out of his system before fully committing to adopting a kid. There's still a lot to do regarding adoption. Yes, I will be ancient by the time kids leave home, but hey, I sowed my oats way ahead of getting married, so I'm fine for now. DAG has not expressed a need for him to practice poly, but that's today. No telling what tomorrow will bring.
 
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