Your h is making the assumption that any woman he likes and want to date, and maybe fall in love with would also like, love and want to full-on date you. This goes far beyond a few sexual threesome dates. You're talking about long term compatibility between three people. You like her, she likes you. H likes her, she likes h. You and H stay in love too, despite the ups and downs of "adding a third" into your new relationship.
I want to be perfectly plain here. Triads that begin as a PRESCRIPTION for the new person to be REQUIRED to like, desire and maybe love both partners equally is so rare. I can not think of one instance ever in my experience with newly open mono couples on this board for over a decade, where this actually happened. That is why a woman of this type is called a "unicorn." She is a mythological creature that does not exist.
It's good that your h says he'd consent to you dating a man or a woman on your own. It's fine if he imagines he will find a woman who will love and desire and be long term compatible with both himself and you. It's not fine if he promises that, even if he finds this unicorn, he would never ever possibly love her as much as you. And he won't find her.
Triads do exist. But the only long term ones come from a place where one partner in a couple starts dating another person individually, and then that person eventually comes to like, desire, love and turn out to be long-term compatible with the other partner. You can't force a person to love 2 members of a couple equally. Each dyad will develop at its own pace.
And the new person may not want to share a home with her new couple. And one or the other or both of the original couple may not want to actually live with the third newer person.
Please read this and get your unicorn hunting H to read it too.
This article is a long, technical discussion of what being a "Unicorn Hunter" means, what's wrong with it, and how people in such a situation can try to avoid the negative stereotypes associated with such behavior and get the things that they are ultimately looking for. It is written in a…
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