Is masturbation sex?

Is masturbation sex?

  • I'm a woman and I vote yes

    Votes: 28 24.1%
  • I'm a woman and I vote no

    Votes: 28 24.1%
  • I'm a man and I voted yes

    Votes: 16 13.8%
  • I'm a man and I vote no

    Votes: 25 21.6%
  • I'm gender-variant and I vote yes

    Votes: 1 0.9%
  • I'm gender-variant and I vote no

    Votes: 1 0.9%
  • Magical brownies

    Votes: 17 14.7%

  • Total voters
    116
  • Poll closed .
Sort of off topic but due to the fact that I haven't had a lot of sex in the past year with an actual person I find that my body is out of practice with reaching orgasm without toys (being that I use them when I'm alone) and then I worry about it which just makes things take even longer. So for the next little while I'm putting the toys away and I'm going to relearn how to have sex with myself without them ;). (sorry for the tmi for all those out there who I know in person).
 
That's an interesting problem to find yourself with, Derby, and an interesting solution. It always feels a little off-kilter when you start having sex with another after a drought, in my experience.

And my experience with this phenomenon is considerable! I'll keep it short since it this is definitely off topic, but my sex life has very much been feast or famine, mostly due to my bipolar disorder I think. On one end of the pole, my libido and attractiveness are very low, and on the other end they are very high, especially if it's a sustained high or low.

So when I'm approaching a feast time, I find I'm continually conflicted. Casual sex seems unattractive in that, I'm usually not excited about it, and I'm a bit nervous that it might not be very good sex, mostly due to my own rustiness. Sex with someone I'm really into emotionally is also problematic: I'm very much wanting that sex, but uncomfortable about giving a bad first impression sexually, again due to rust.

And the option that works best for me, sex with someone I'm into, but not really that into, seems unfair to my new sex partner and leaves me feeling like an asshole. I feel like I'm getting someone else's hopes up, when I know inside myself, I'll be moving on shortly.

Well, I guess that wasn't too short after all. :eek:

Maybe this subject of restarting your sex life with others after a long time being sexually alone (or mostly alone) merits its own thread.


Anotherbo :)
 
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You get rusty after a sex drought?

*gets lube*

*maybe WD40*
 
Tim Man: Oil can. Oil can!
 
Sort of off topic but due to the fact that I haven't had a lot of sex in the past year with an actual person I find that my body is out of practice with reaching orgasm without toys (being that I use them when I'm alone) and then I worry about it which just makes things take even longer. So for the next little while I'm putting the toys away and I'm going to relearn how to have sex with myself without them ;). (sorry for the tmi for all those out there who I know in person).

I honestly can't climax without toys when by myself, but with my partner(s), I can get off 3/4 the time (I can be a toughy, I'll admit). I personally think it's more the worry that is causing an issue than the actual toys. ;) If I'm distracted or worrying about something during sex, I can't get off. If I'm focused on how awesome my partner is (not just sexual performance, but also how they are acting, coming on to me, etc.), then I am usually good to go.

And if it helps any, I worked at an "adult bookstore" for two years and own a thing or two, as well as use those things on average twice a day, every day.

Not saying it's bad to relearn to go it purely alone, just saying you should just relax a bit! :D

Sorry to support the off-topic post... :eek:
 
OK, so by a small margin, survey says, masturbation is not sex, because sex has to involve 2 individuals.

I'm tempted to be snarky and say, if you're masturbating and it doesn't feel like sex to you, you must be doing it wrong.

Sarkyness asside I'm with Darby, validin and raise (etc).

I have masterbated for as long as i can remember, I am fortunate and was never abused however I masterbated way, way before I knew what sex is. The earliest fantasies I used for masterbation were entirely non "sexy." It was purely a physical relief, relaxation, pleasure. It was only as i reached ouberty I became aware it had anything to do with sex. TBH I wondered if my early masterbation has fed into my being asexy, but I don't think so as not wanking never made me more liable to fancy anyone. Only poly has realy conected me with my sexuality. It's odd masterbating was never "sexy" for me before (even though I increasingly used erotica/porn) and although like you Magdelen I would have a solo session because I prefer it to casual sex, I still wouldn't have considered it sex per say, because my emotions were not involved, just pleasure/deep relaxation. I think I stand by sex being "intercourse" and agree with raise that it doesn't have to include genitals. (mebs thats just an asexy perspective) the "sexiest" experiences of my life so far have not been sex. We'll see if this changes, cheers for the food for thought :eek:) x
 
I agree with:
bimblynim said:
It was purely a physical relief, relaxation, pleasure. It was only as i reached ouberty I became aware it had anything to do with sex.

I didn't full-on masturbate as a child, but I did rub on stuff a lot and it was well-before knowing what sex was. It was just a release I wanted, then as I learned about sex and erotica out there, that got incorporated. Definitely not an emotional thing, as sex is for me.

Now if were talking about mutual masturbation, that's a little different. ;) I'd start putting that in the sex category and all the other sexual things between two people. If you're emotionally involved and physically/sexually enjoying it, then it's sex.
 
Hmm, I recently read about masturbation being like sneezing, as some people experience it. Like there's physically an orgasm, but not the rush of pleasure.

Does this happen to any of you?

I occasionally have a similar thing happen, that I've heard described as a "missed orgasm". But for me it can happen during sex or masturbation, with about the same infrequency.

If this did happen regularly to me while masturbating, it would be hard to consider it sex.
 
I think for some men, the orgasm itself can be a letdown. I have heard this more frequently from circed men, btw. Intact men tend to have more intense full body orgasms.

I guess if you have a sort of meh orgasm, you mightve been masturbating or having sex quite frequently? Doesnt taking a day or 2 off result in stronger Os? Rhetorical question, not directed at you, anotherbo.
 
I have "meh" orgams more frequently with masturbation than sex... but not really very often even then, though I certainly find that the more I have of either the chance of a "meh" orgasm increases.
 
Yes vote

I've been taking an informal poll of this irl and would like your thoughts. Please post why you voted yes or no.

Thanks!

As a shrink who also had training during residency in sexual issues, one teacher thought of masturbation as making love to ones-self. It also is the most reliable form of pleasuring physically. So I would argue a yes, it still counts. (unless you are one of those peeps who needs to count notches on your bed post - it does not count as a conquest).
 
More thoughts

By the way, though I am really well educated about Jewish law, I am far from a traditionalist (best described attitude would be God is great and the rest is politics and bunk when it comes to organized religions), in a lot of ways. I think masturbation, whether one considers it sex or not is a great way to get relief if an emotionally appropriate partner is not available. For me emotionally appropriate is indeed a longer term partner, but for other people their personal definition of emotionally appropriate may vary greatly.
Onanism as strictly defined and restricted in the Bible anyway has nothing to do with masturbation, it is specifically a then extant type of pagan fertility ritual or perhaps even the biblical character was a worshiper of a Cybele like deity, so instead of interpreting things overly broadly which a lot of homophobic and sex phobic people have, I tend to interpret biblical restrictions narrowly.
That is by the way why I pointed out how narrow the actual Biblical restrictions are, because a lot of people turn to the Bible to justify their homophobia, and actually, there is nothing in the Bible to justify this. Not to mention the Bible has a great homosexual/?bisexual relationship between David and Jonathan.
 
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