KT's Blog

Oh MG-
you could keep yourself busy and entertained reading my threads! :)
if you ever get bored and need something to do-just go to my profile and click on stats, then click on "all posts started by LR".

Keep you on your toes for weeks!
 
Morningglory629 said:
When he told me about Kat's insecurities and fragile state, I understood and told him to go without incident.
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MG - not really accurate. I wouldn't say I was in a fragile state. I was hurt, angry, frustrated, worried, beat down, exhausted. This wasn't a little fight over insecurities. It was much more serious than I think you understand. And this wasn't another case of "Kat's having another meltdown I need to leave you to go deal with her." I seriously thought our marriage was over. That entire day, whether it be via texts or on the phone - I kept calm. I tried having a conversation with him. I was trying not to let this get blown up. I cried only a very little bit during the day. I told you how upset he was on the phone and what he did before hanging up on me. In fact - the text I sent you said "Call him. He needs you. I can't make him happy. I'm just making things worse. Too much damage has been done. He has lost all faith and trust in me and in our marriage. You are what he needs and wants. Please help him through this." I have never heard him sound the way he did on the phone that day. That's why I thought we were done. I tried talking to him later that evening and it also went no where. That is why it was important for us to talk that night. If anyone was fragile - it was him. He sounded like he was at a breaking point. And you know him....

Morningglory629 said:
....He is avery supportive and attentive husband to her, and a fabulously active dad to the kids.
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Absolutely!!! Without question! I feel very blessed to have him as my husband and my best friend! He is an incredible man, a great husband, and a fantastic Dad. None of my friends husbands would stay up until 2am making and painting a tortoise costume (very cool looking by the way - thanks babe!)

Morningglory629 said:
Like Maca he is a very manly man and prides himself on being the pillar. So I totally get that that is what Kat needed right then and there. So it was a no brainer when she was that upset for him to go to her.
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It's because he is a manly man that our phone conversation scared me. He never acts the way he was. It scared and worried me.

I feel like compersion is starting to manifest itself in our actions of respect and understanding of how each of us feels. You seemed upset last night when we were texting - so I told him that if he needed to go out with you after work that I understood. If it wasn't for our son needing that costume - he would have. He came to bed at 2:30 am and just gave me a kiss. Nothing else happened - we didn't even talk. I'm sorry you are going through a tough time - I hope you know you can talk to me anytime if you need to. :)

Kat
 
KatTails said:
You seemed upset last night when we were texting - so I told him that if he needed to go out with you after work that I understood.
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Neither of you shared this with me. I wish you had. Lots of things going on in my life and lots of mixed feelings about lots of decisions to be made. Thanks for asking about that this afternoon. It is nice to know you noticed today.:(
On a brighter note, glad to hear the costume turned out and that 2R finally got the sleep he needed. I hope he gets the rest he needs over the next couple of weeks. Enjoy the bbq and the amusement park. Sounds like a good weekend shaping up. Talk to you soon.

As far as last week...I think you are missing that I did realize you needed him more at that particular time. You are right I didn't realize it was more for his well-being. I thought it was your request. Either way I hope it helped!:) And I hope he reaches out on here a bit more.
 
ak2381 said:
Isn't it amazing how much each others blogs help us. I love this site.
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Yes it is AK! And I am grateful for making new friends with a different perspective of me than most! Something about someone knowing a usually hidden side of you that makes you seem closer! Thanks for being there my friend!:)
 
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Compersion rocks!!

I hope that I can keep up this feeling of compersion that I have right now. It's a good feeling - and I can see that the more you practice it, the more you feel it. :)

Morningglory and 2rings needed to talk some things over after work last and I was completely fine with it (other times it would bother me.) I was fine when I woke up at 2:00 am and realized he wasn't home yet. When I woke up again at 3:00 am and he still wasn't home, I was a tad concerned. When I woke up at 4:00 am and his truck was still not parked out front - I started to worry that something happened. I sent him a text and was relieved when he said he was on his way home. In the past - I would have woken up each time more hurt and pissed than the time before and I would have sent him a nasty, angry text. However - this time, I honestly felt hopeful that they were working things out and saw this as a good sign. There was no negative feelings at all. When he came to bed - I snuggled with him and enjoyed him being home. Other times - I would have been too hurt and I would have turned my back on him.

This may not seem like a huge thing - but for me, it is HUGE!! I feel very good about how I reacted last night. Compersion does make life easier!!

:)Kat:)
 
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Grats Kat.
I know those negative feelings all too well...

Well done being happy for them!
And for welcoming him with open arms. :)

Maybe there is hope...
 
The way you acted when I got home was a complete change from other times when I've stayed out late with MG, and it was soooo nice! For me, it sets the tone for the rest of our weekend. Which, other times, would be wasted bickering for at least the first day. It is nice to start out in a good place.
 
KatTails said:
I hope that I can keep up this feeling of compersion that I have right now. It's a good feeling - and I can see that the more you practice it, the more you feel it. :)

Morningglory and 2rings needed to talk some things over after work last and I was completely fine with it (other times it would bother me.) I was fine when I woke up at 2:00 am and realized he wasn't home yet. When I woke up again at 3:00 am and he still wasn't home, I was a tad concerned. When I woke up at 4:00 am and his truck was still not parked out front - I started to worry that something happened. I sent him a text and was relieved when he said he was on his way home. In the past - I would have woken up each time more hurt and pissed than the time before and I would have sent him a nasty, angry text. However - this time, I honestly felt hopeful that they were working things out and saw this as a good sign. There was no negative feelings at all. When he came to bed - I snuggled with him and enjoyed him being home. Other times - I would have been too hurt and I would have turned my back on him.

This may not seem like a huge thing - but for me, it is HUGE!! I feel very good about how I reacted last night. Compersion does make life easier!!

:)Kat:)
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Way to go Kat! You are doing awesome! I would have been worried sick! Although if I had known ahead of time he was going to be with J I would have just assumed he had fallen asleep with her and would be home as soon as he woke up. I don't think I would have been furious. Maybe a little uncomfortable but I would have been ok as soon as he said he loved me and held me the rest of the sleeping hours. I am so happy for you and your progress!
 
Wow, what a journey you've been taking!

I'm glad to see that things are getting a bit better and I know how hard it is when you struggle to figure out what to do and feel like you aren't getting anywhere (and your partner is frustrated too).

In reading your blog, a lot of your struggles resonated with me because I went through much of the same in my triad, feeling insecure and worried without a real definable reason for it. My insecurities and fears definitely got the better of me, to the detriment of my first triad. But I learned a lot about myself int hat time period about how I react and how my actions are perceived.

What I found works best for me when I begin to feel insecure is to start with, "No! I'm not doing this to myself this time! I will not continue to have thoughts that make me feel like less of a person!" It doesn't always work, but it gets easier to do over time. I had to learn how to let go of making myself miserable with all the what ifs and what could be and making assumptions about how my partner and our other partner were feeling at the time.

I had to train myself to be really aware of how I was talking to myself internally and how I was conveying those same feelings to others around me. I had to stop little comments that I'd make that would put myself down and be passive aggressive about my feelings.

The important thing is to train yourself to see your value. To tell yourself that you are worthy of love and have much to offer (because otherwise, why is this amazing person you are with still trying to work things out?). And be honest with yourself about how you are feeling and if you need help.
And when you feel like you make a step forward, acknowledge and celebrate it! It is something to be proud of because you worked hard to get to it.

We all make mistakes on our journey to grow and change and it's ok as long as we learn from them and move on.

I don't know what you are doing to accept and be happy with the situation but I hope that my advice helps even the slightest. I had to realize this was the life I chose to live and if I was going to continue I had to accept things as they were, that it's going to hurt sometimes and it'll get better.

Anyway, I look forward to reading more and I sincerely hope that you can find a way to have happiness and put the tears behind you!
 
What a busy, fun-filled, strange weekend it's been!

2rings - thanks for a great weekend! It was a nice change of pace!

MG - thanks for a fun night out! Sorry I had to cut the evening short! Looking forward to next time!

Angeliepie - hi and welcome to the boards.

It HAS been a crazy journey! I have experienced the highest highs and lowest lows over this past year. There were times that I didn't want to live anymore because I was in so much pain. The love of my husband and my love for him and our children pulled me through those painful times. I have cried more in this past year than Ive cried in my whole life combined. We still have ups and downs - but they are farther apart and not as severe as before.

Thank you for all of your suggestions! When I have doubts, insecurity, angst, jealousy - I now am able, for the most part, to talk myself out of them. It's not easy - my husband and therapist always tell me that my mind is my own worst enemy. I'm having some of those feelings right now - and I'm talking myself down - but it does take time. My feelings right now aren't as strong as they have been - but I do have some things weighing on my mind. Nothing major - just some small things. I'm sure by tonight I'll have them worked out. I'm trying not to over react because I am exhausted and don't want my emotions to come out strongly due to lack of sleep and sensitive feelings.

Like you - I'm going through a lot of self-analyzing and introspection to figure out where the heart of my issues are. Thanks again!

Kat
 
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Kat,
I am so glad you are making such progress and that you and MG are getting along. I will post more later! Good Luck!
 
Thanks Mohegan!

We did have a nice weekend last week - but as always with us, things of course went down hill slightly. Not with MG and I but with her and
2rings. They have since worked it out - but now I am left with feelings of uncertainty and angst. Does this feeling ever go away? When they were fighting - I felt HUGE amount of concern and empathy for them both. I hated that they were fighting and I tried to intervene - as much as I can with those two. After reading some of the things MG wrote on other threads - my heart ached for her and the pain she was feeling. I just wanted them both to stop hurting. So now they aren't hurting - but I am - secretly. Doubts, jealousies, insecurities - - - I thought I was done with all of that. I know these feelings will go away - they always do - - - but right now they are here and they hurt. I don't want to talk to 2rings or MG - though I know its the right thing to do. I'm tired of there being issues. I don't want to turn the small things that are concerning me into big things - especially because I know eventually they will go away. I just HATE feeling this way!!!!! I am trying to focus on other things today - a sick child, laundry, bills, cleaning etc - but I can't seem to get this feeling out of my heart and mind. FRUSTRATING!!!!
 
Awwww I am sorry you feel that way. I thought your weekend was going well. Lots of family and couple stuff between you and 2R. Posting= not so secret! But it is still kinda cute that you think that it is. You know I read everything you write silly! If you want me to let you work on your feelings on your own that's ok but if you need to talk to me or I need to be aware of some behavior of mine that is bothering you then do not hesitate to call.
The issue last week was mostly about 2R and I having a bit of a "power struggle" and also the lack of a real definition of what each of us is to one another. You know I think he has just as many insecurities about me as you do. I think he is struggling with just how poly he is. He has his own jealousy and is working through letting go of not being in control of every aspect of our relationship. He wants me to give into alot of his "decisions" but I am struggling with my very independent nature and letting that happen. I am very hesitant to be 100% vulnerable (as I mentioned in previous posts) but I am getting there and I am learning to trust a bit more. It is very strange to be in my position as an "outsider" to your dynamic. The argument wasn't just about me supporting you in your decisions on your family issue, but also in my willingness to point out some things he needs to work on and being adamant about him changing some behaviors in dealing with you and me. I have a hard time witnessing some of that and though I probably shouldn't get involved I feel if you and I are in a relationship that is exactly what I need to do. However, though it was a bit rough at the onset it ended up being an ok ending to our issues. His confidence gets a bit shaken but I think that is more growing pains than real distrust of where we are going. He and I love eachother, he loves you as he always has if not more because of your generosity, and I am very fond of you and actually feeling pretty good about our friendship. I hope this helps. If not, and there is something else please call me.:)
 
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Hey there.
Sorry I haven't checked in. DH and I have both been down with the stomach flu so checking the computer was the last thing on the mind. After a round of that I think I can tackle any problem, lol. Still getting my strength back.

Anyway, KT how are you doing now? Still frustrated. I know it is hard but hang in there. Its never fun seeing people you care about struggle. I just wanted to check in on you and MG and 2R. Hope things are going well.
 
Thanks for your concern. From my perspective, it's just the same old shit. The frustrating cycle of a big fight with MG, followed by a brief moment of understanding and harmony for all, followed by KT backsliding into misery. I try to remain positive, but it's hard to do that when you know that the next bit of drama is just around the bend.
 
2rings said:
Thanks for your concern. From my perspective, it's just the same old shit. The frustrating cycle of a big fight with MG, followed by a brief moment of understanding and harmony for all, followed by KT backsliding into misery. I try to remain positive, but it's hard to do that when you know that the next bit of drama is just around the bend.
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This is all worth it? I hate to be an asshole, but what you just wrote sounds like an example of co-dependency to me. Lots of painful drama followed by the "brief" high of "understanding and harmony"... kind of like banging one's head against the wall in order to remind oneself of how good it feels when you stop.

And it also sounds like KT feels better about herself when 2R and MG fight because then she can "be there" for him. Then, when things are "better" between 2R and MG, KT becomes miserable again.
 
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2rings said:
Thanks for your concern. From my perspective, it's just the same old shit. The frustrating cycle of a big fight with MG, followed by a brief moment of understanding and harmony for all, followed by KT backsliding into misery. I try to remain positive, but it's hard to do that when you know that the next bit of drama is just around the bend.
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How is the intensity though? It seems like the peaks and valleys are subsiding and meeting the middle a bit more. They also appear to be communicating better, at least online. Sometimes it s just a bunch of baby steps :)
 
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