I'm used to long distance relationships. I used to go away for up to 8 months of the year. I could see how it would work for mono/mono and poly/poly, but I don't think it would work for a mono/poly relationship.
I can imagine someone who has something else taking up most of their time could be fine with a relationship where they don't need to feel like they're neglecting their partner, because someone else is there for them too.
Very good point! I guess I get caught up in my own belief that no mono could ever be truly comfortable with thier partner bringing new lovers into thier life and the distance would make the unknown unbearable.
I would like to point out I do believe long distance has its strengths. It does force you to rethink how relationships grow and how communication works.
You need to communicate well. Lets say someone is having a bad day, if you are local you can cuddle, hug and help them better, or back away if need be. With a long distance your level of emotional awareness is almost more acute. You HAVE to understand the person more deeply than a regular relationship and pick up on nuances you can normally ignore when in person. If you lack this raw (and oh boy do I mean raw) honesty than I think LD becomes even more difficult. I will say aggressive honesty is required too. If one side is turtling the other side has to come out looking for answers. It takes a little more work in some ways, but is really rewarding.
Ari
I would like to point out I do believe long distance has its strengths. It does force you to rethink how relationships grow and how communication works.
You need to communicate well. Lets say someone is having a bad day, if you are local you can cuddle, hug and help them better, or back away if need be. With a long distance your level of emotional awareness is almost more acute. You HAVE to understand the person more deeply than a regular relationship and pick up on nuances you can normally ignore when in person. If you lack this raw (and oh boy do I mean raw) honesty than I think LD becomes even more difficult. I will say aggressive honesty is required too. If one side is turtling the other side has to come out looking for answers. It takes a little more work in some ways, but is really rewarding.
Changing your understanding of core growth for a long distance relationship. The usual methods of building a relationship are thrown up in the air and left to fall in odd places. NRE for example is put on hold, or quelled until there are times when you can release it. Dating is retooled to become something different (not more or less, but different), intimacy becomes retooled. It really requires every aspect of your standard relationship to be fluid. If there is any rigidity in how a relationship is thought of, then you are building boundaries that won't bend, they will simply break.
Regardless of distance, true love can thrive in an LDR. I truly believe that. I am in love with SuperJast and right in the middle of a fantastic loving LD relationship now. However it does require both sides to be on board. If one side can't work with the "new" relationship structure, then the relationship can never work. Poly is an "alternative" romantic style, well long distance relationships are simply an alternative relationship style.
Sorry MBG I knwo this doesn't apply directly to your question and is off topic, but it came to me and the thread title does apply. Anyone searching for long distance relationship advice may find this useful...
Ari
I am currently talking to a woman in Langley - 2 hours away. Definately NOT long distance, but longer distance than I'd like. However she's really nice, and we get along really well So I'm willing to see where it goes
I think it is very funny how we judge distance by hours. My cousin used to make fun of me for it, but then he lives out in the sticks of WA.
Maybe this is why LDR's don't work for me.
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RP, that pretty much sums up my take as well - it feels like such an important dimension is (or several dimensions are) missing when I can't physically be with someone.I just realized [...] that I am an incredibly tactile and visual person. I don't do well keeping on line friends because I find it hard to not be able to touch them, smell them and see them. With time my contact fades and I don't know how to keep it going.