Meeting in hotels who pays?

OrangePants333

New member
Hi all, just seeing some advice on my situation. My wifes regular generally meets up in a hotel room for the night, were he pays for.

It’s his birthday coming up and they have decided to go spend the night in a hotel room like they always do. However, because it was a last minute idea and it’s his birthday she feels like she should pay for all/half the room.

It would be okay but at the start of it all she said she would never pay for rooms and let him sort it out. Being single his more financially able to afford it as opposed of having four kids to deal with.

I kind of thinking of letting her decided what she wants to do but am I wrong in questioning this? Thanks.
 

icesong

Member
Would {whatever the cost of the hotel is} be a reasonable birthday present cost for ya'll, if it wasn't a hotel room? If yes, I'd call it an exception that makes sense, even if it is a little bit against the original plan the two of you had.
 

OrangePants333

New member
Hi thank you for your replay. I would think the cost is far more then I’ll be willing to pay considering she only met this now regular less then two months ago. Plus she has already decided a birthday present on top of paying for the room.
 

GalaGirl

Active member
I don't think it is wrong.

Dating money has to come out of somewhere. And you still gotta pay the power and phone and all that at home. Which is why over here there's his allowance, my allowance, the house fixed bills (ex: mortgage, car payment, things that are the same amount each month), and the house flex (ex: grocery, which is not always the same amount).

Whatever personal things we do comes out of personal. Whether he wants to blow it all on music and me going out with friends? Neither of of us fusses how personal gets spent. And nobody is touching house fixed or house flex so the household is not bumping into problems.

It would be okay but at the start of it all she said she would never pay for rooms and let him sort it out.

That would be different than me. If I was your wife, I would have been paying my half out of my personal account all along. Or taking turns with the BF paying from my personal acct.

Galagirl
 

icesong

Member
That would be different than me. If I was your wife, I would have been paying my half out of my personal account all along. Or taking turns with the BF paying from my personal acct.

I'd agree in situations where a partner has roughly the same amount of disposable income I do; OTOH if a partner can afford things I can't and wanted to treat me? Or wanted to pay for a hotel for privacy when my budget means we should come back to my place? I'm not going to say no but I'm not going to pay for half of something I can't afford.
 

GalaGirl

Active member
I'd agree in situations where a partner has roughly the same amount of disposable income I do; OTOH if a partner can afford things I can't and wanted to treat me? Or wanted to pay for a hotel for privacy when my budget means we should come back to my place? I'm not going to say no but I'm not going to pay for half of something I can't afford.

Sure. To me that's something to work out between wife and her BF at that point. Like if she does 30% and he does 70% or 40%-60% or whatever because he makes more.

The point is that the (wife + husband) home bills aren't messed up because she's spending bill money money dating over there in (wife + BF) space instead of paying bills first. That's not right either esp when there are also kids to care for.

So OrangePants333, talk to wife about how you all want to handle money. You sound like you are fine with wife dating, you just don't want her dating activities dinging the house bills/kid bills.

Galagirl
 
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MeeraReed

Member
It actually seems rude for your wife to make her boyfriend pay for the hotel every time. It's not his problem or his fault that you have four kids.

But, if you and your wife are overwhelmed with four kids and household bills, maybe now is not a good time for poly dating to be happening at all. Are you unhappy with the poly arrangement? Was it more your wife's idea than yours? Would you feel exactly the same if she wanted the same amount of money for a hotel room for a girls' night out with her platonic friends?

If the problem is really just the money, does your wife have any of her own "fun money" or personal money that she can use without dipping into the household money?
 

OrangePants333

New member
Since they been seeing each other he has just paid for the rooms. Wasn’t any big deal. He was the one to offer it. Wife is just feeling bad that he does pay for it all so now wants to contribute to it. We all worked it out just wanted to see what the community thought of it.

we have always had the notion if we wanted to see others we can. But because of my on going health issues is was more likely she would go and explore. I was the one who encouraged her to find a bf as my kidney issues has always affected performance. So I am perfectly happy with the arrangement we have.
 

OrangePants333

New member
Bit off topic but are there any apps or recommend sites in finding new partners? Wife’s been using tinder for awhile now but wants to see if there are specific poly apps.
thanks
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Hi OrangePants,

There is a specifically poly dating site at http://www.polymatchmaker.com/ ... and https://www.okcupid.com/ is poly-friendly and has a lot more activity. I don't know if these sites have phone apps, but they might.

It sounds like you worked out the question of hotel costs. Like she will pay half for the room plus get him a birthday gift. That sounds reasonable.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 

OrangePants333

New member
Hi Kevin, yeah we worked it all out. Thanks to everyone in pitching in their thoughts. Really helped.

Being all so new at this it’s great to find a place to openly talk to like minded people. ill take a look at the sites. Much appreciated. Thanks.
 

dingedheart

Active member
While it appears I’m late to this thread and it sounds like the issue has resolved and settled I have 2 different thoughts on this that might help others facing such circumstance.

If one had to put a cost or price on the op’s wifes outside sex life dollar cost averaging could be helpful. Total up the number of encounters or better yet the number of orgasms divide by this one time hotel cost.

The debate on paying a fair share. It might be he finds this ” arrangement “ cheaper and safer with little or less risk of serious entanglement which makes it worth it to him. ” Dating “ dating can be expensive and with mixed end results ...hookers or escorts have varying costs and most locals here in the USA are illegal and he’d run the risk of being caught up in some vice sting.
 

Evie

Active member
You have gone too far, dingedheart. Your crappy replies to so many threads are wearisome most of the time, but this level of disparaging OP's or OPs wife's agreements is simply out of line. You are not funny. You are not clever. And I'm sure that I'm not alone in saying you are not welcome to post this nonsense here.
 

dingedheart

Active member
You have gone too far, dingedheart. Your crappy replies to so many threads are wearisome most of the time, but this level of disparaging OP's or OPs wife's agreements is simply out of line. You are not funny. You are not clever. And I'm sure that I'm not alone in saying you are not welcome to post this nonsense here.

WOW ...I’m more than a little surprised by your comment. o_O First of all I didnt intentionally try to disparage the op or the op’s wife agreement because I don’t have any issues with any of the agreements as little as we know of them. It seems from what was posted that the op was told In the beginning Or expressed his concern on the cost of hotel overnight dates and the ” agreement “ was forged from that. Im quite sure YOU of all people know the direct costs and the hidden cost of having multiple romantic relationships ie poly. And with several months or what ever it is for the op and his wife they too are becoming more aware of those costs. I wasnt trying to be clever or funny but trying to give the op an alternative view on how to frame it in his mind.

I few yrs back I thought/ we thought buying a big boat ( not crazy but 35 ft cuddly ) to scoot around on Lake Michigan would be fun. And it was. Back then the waiting list for slips was 2-3 yrs ....which meant you had to know ( bribe ) someone which could be as much or double the slip price. OK you pay the 5000.00 for the season....you got this good size camper on the water with twin Merc engines that love to burn gas....a tank of marine blend gas is marine 300.00. When I first got the boat I was on it / working on it or fixing / improving it all the time....kids were little and we’d sleepovers on it and weekend cruises all the time. Kids get older and start playing soccer and novelty wears off a little it ends up we go on the boat 5-8 times in the season. Dollar cost average on that ends up being somewhere in 1500-2500 dollar a trip range.....and it’s a wasting asset sitting in water Wasting faster than most things. The point being the first few yrs the number of hrs of collective enjoyment on the boat and the water brought those costs way down or inline with having a summer home or taking a summer vacation. BUT Again if you starting adding up all costs ...ie Winter storage, sling lift / crane haul out, winterizing, shrinkwrap or inside storage, insurance, marine maintenance, etc etc etc....I remember the little refrigerator going out on it 1000.00 bucks...poof gone you better not care about the money or have a clever way of writing it off ....or use the hell out of it those are the choices.


As for my other point..( The guy being happy Paying the hotel tab ). I employ several young single men who are buff good looking firefighters when theyre not working for me and fortunately or unfortunately they and their buddies use the tinder dating site and they have shared their personal stories and philosophy over a few beers. So my comment wasn’t something I made up as cute or clever. REAL Stuff in the Real World.


p.s. You inspire me to post more not less 😘
 

Magdlyn

Active member
If one had to put a cost or price on the OP's wife's outside sex life, dollar-cost averaging could be helpful. Total up the number of encounters, or better yet, the number of orgasms, and divide that by this one-time hotel cost.

It might be he finds this arrangement cheaper and safer, with little or less risk of serious entanglement, which makes it worth it to him. ”Dating“ dating can be expensive and have mixed end results. Hookers or escorts have varying costs, and most locals here in the USA are illegal, and he’d run the risk of being caught up in a vice sting.

The insult is, you are assuming Orangepant's wife's bf is only in this for sex. You suggest he would be so crass as to average out his cost per orgasm, or to compare the cost of his dates with his gf to the expense of fucking a prostitute. Don't you see how gross this is?

This is a board for polyAMORY. It's not about deciding between casual hookups as opposed to paying for the services of sex workers.

And your boat analogy was long-winded and unnecessary.
 
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dingedheart

Active member
The insult is, you are assuming Orangepant's wife's bf is only in this for sex. You suggest he would be so crass as to average out his cost per orgasm, or to compare the cost of his dates with his gf to the expense of fucking a prostitute. Don't you see how gross this is?

This is a board for polyAMORY. It's not about deciding between casual hookups as opposed to paying for the services of sex workers.

And your boat analogy was long-winded and unnecessary.

sorry but NO my original idea and post was only concerning orangepants wife “ happiness / enjoyment “ and the limited one time cost......and spreading that cost across many encounters or many orgasms. And depending on the situation or activity level it could end up being as little as a starbucks coffee to the general orangepants fund. Again ...from the details provided by the op it’s implied upon embarking down this road that finances are either very commingled or coming out of money his earnings. And thus the main argument put forth was to divide the general pool of funds Into 3 seperate accounts to create the mental bridge to remove the idea that household money is going for her sexual gratification. My idea is to just admit or embrace the sex part and by paying the one time hotel bill or a 1/2 is a small price spread over a long time horizon. In essence orragepants isn’t providing money for one night of pleasure but lots and lots and lots pleasure and memories spread across whatever time line. Is that really a bad way to look at this ???



2nd point: ANOTHER hard fact or truth. There are reasons for wanting to actively date married women either from a cheating prospective and or poly prospective And unfortunately it’s not always about love and respect.. The young men mentioned in my prior post find it assuming or fun to frequent bars that seem to attract older women for girls nights out.....divorced or women that have not problems cheating on their husbands or BFs.

MY point was a counter argument to the suggestion ( disparaging comment ) the OP‘s wifes was freeloading off the Bf.

I myself opted for a poly married women because I was not interested in relationship escalator Of marriage. AND I WASNT saying or assuming that the BF was doing any specific calculations just that whatever math he does in his head must make sense or is worth it otherwise he wouldn’t do it. HOW’s this for a short winded example. BF works for his father and has a corporate credit card that nobody questions. He’s secretly very wealth and dates married poly women to not get burned in divorce court like his 2 older brothers.


P.S. thank you for the critique on the boat analogy ....give my love to pixie :)
 
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OrangePants333

New member
Appreciate all comments and opinions thanks. Not a fended at all with the comments like hearing many different opinions. That’s why I join to get difference ideas and out takes on a situation. Once again thank you all. The situation has been fixed and all members are happy.
 
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