Mono Couple becomes Poly Couple

IME, there are quite a few positions I can't have sex in with overly big dicks.

As for growing accustomed to something larger and then going back to something smaller... This has only been an issue when the smaller was really that much smaller (than even average). The work around...anal. Honestly, going from that much larger to average has been more like, "whooohooo, now I can do x, y, z again rather than simply have to focus on accommodating extra large."

But even as I write this it feels... incomplete as far as the story goes. Penises are not disembodied things, and I don't fuck a penis. I fuck a person. And it's all the things that that person brings with them that matters and makes the sex what it is; amazing or ho hum. The guy that can get right in my head is always going to be better than the guy with the biggest dick.

Also, I wouldn't be concerned about nerve endings and sensitivity. Feel free to pm me if you want more information on my personal experiences regarding this as I'd rather not share them to the forum.

Lastly, what good are you? Oh dude, I bet you're a whole lotta good. I'm sure you will be able to induce Spitfire's orgasms any way you choose. Just don't stop choosing to out of some misguided sense of inferiority.
 
So yesterday was a pretty good day. We had my daughter's birthday party. We invited a small number of children that she has regular contact with and staggered everyone throughout the day. I was quite proud of finding a way to make that work for her. Really most of the credit goes to Spitfire and chance. She plans, I enact.

Bashir came by with his daughter. That was nice. But I don't want to spend too much time here talking about mine or anybody else's kids.

I ran into one hiccup. One of the same, in fact, from the last time he came over.
My deck has two single chairs and a double seat. I sat in one of the singles so as not to over-occupy Spitfire. Bashir sat in the double. When Spitfire came out to sit, she sat next to Bashir rather than take the empty single. And there i was, feeling like I'd come in second in my own home again. She was incredibly loving to me and treated him like he was just a good friend but, there it was. Given a choice, she chose him.

Now I know it's not as serious as all that but do please understand that I'm discussing the base gut feelings I get in a situation like this. Big brain understands the overall relevance but little brain sees a deeper meaning and feels slighted. More over, slighted in my own territory. Not pleasant.

After things settled down and we were finally alone I had a chance to talk to Spitfire about it. I watched the understanding dawn in her eyes as I explained what her three options had been and what her choice meant to me. I think this time she really gets it.

She felt bad about ruining my day. I had to explain to her that while it bothered me it certainly did not ruin my day. I just wanted to make her aware of my feelings. That's a problem I find that we have while communicating; expressing the severity of our feelings. Because then I felt bad for even sharing it because it made her feel bad lol.

In all seriousness though, it was something I felt strongly enough to want it to stop. I'm comforted by the fact that she gets it now.

We hung out last night after we put the kids to bed and drank some sangria and watched a movie. Then we went to bed. I kicked the dog out of the bedroom and for the first time in a long time we got to have some good cuddling and some real leg room in bed. I think we need to rename the dog Cockblocker. He's such a momma's boy that he needs to lay right in between us every night. Well last night he got to sleep with my daughter instead and I enjoyed some quality closeness with my best friend.

I'm talking a lot to my good dude. A lot of SnapChat. Nothing really flirty but a lot of good conversation. I realized I'd kind of like to take it there and get a little flirty but I feel like a fool because I haven't even met the dude in person. Also, I don't totally understand the dynamic between him and his wife. That makes me a little nervous because I don't want to step on anyone's toes.

I'm realizing not everyone has a relationship like Spitfire and I. Her partner's dynamic does not seem to be the same and neither does the good dude's. I realize that everyone's different but I'm a little curious about how non-communicative everyone comes off as. Plus I'm only seeing one side of the equation and don't have enough data to form an accurate opinion. But that's an outsider's perspective and I really have no right to speculate on other couples interactions. Still, I wonder who these people are that I've become connected to and how they live.

I'm probably just too fucking nosey.

Evie-
Thanks for the kind words. Let me assure you that I'm almost certain I'm over it. Really, equating it to anal helped me out. I am a little curious though about something you said. Did you mean you take the big ones up the back? Bold choice if so. Honestly I'm a little scared to do that. Granted, the best spot is a little farther up the track but girth is a bit off putting. I like the idea that there's certain positions Spitfire will only be able to do with me, and we've got a lot of different positions we like. While we have a lot of things that are unique to our relationship I like that some things in the bedroom will remain just ours. That really does help me.

Well I've got to be going. I've been using this as an excuse to put off my abdominal workout. I've still got a thin layer of belly fat to burn off if I want to see any good definition in these bad boys.
 
Did you mean you take the big ones up the back?
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Haha, nah. The opposite. I've offered that to a smaller chap when I wasn't feeling...well...much at all really during PIV. But he was exceptionally small. I haven't dared go particularly large.
 
Reading Evie's responses reminded me of my wife. She once dated a guy with 12 inches. I thought, "OMG, how am I going to follow THAT?" It turned out she wasn't very satisfied because he was too big. She wouldn't let him all the way in. She enjoyed being pounded hard and he couldn't do that. I also thought about what it would be like to have to use only half my penis, which sounds like it would suck. That was the last time I ever worried about penis size. We were a good fit, which is why the sex was so awesome in the first place.
 
I woke up at 1:30 in the morning. My eyes were still heavy with sleep but my mind was wide awake. I felt very empty. I looked over at Spitfire sleeping soundly, her hand stretched out and open near my pillow.

I took it and held it for about half an hour just watching her sleep and whispering things to her. It's something I like to do while she's sleeping sometimes. I tell her how beautiful she is and what a great wife and mother she is. I let her know that her hard work is appreciated. I don't know if it registers with her but I like the thought that her dreams are reinforced by my praise and support.

Tonight it made me feel lonely. I just want to feel wanted.

Lately Spitfire wants a lot of alone time. I get that we are separate people but, I don't want to be alone. And it's not like anyone is clamoring to spend time with me.

I'm probably just too in my own head because I woke up in the middle of the night and proceeded to lay there in silence too long.

Well enough of my pity party. The good dude agreed to meet up with me. Our last attempt kind of flopped due to some family stuff. This time, I'm way more hopeful. He's picked the perfect spot to meet up too. A comic shop that sells a ton of other nerd shit. That's my favorite shit! That guy is awesome.

Here's hoping I can finally suss out where this is going. I'm worried I've invested myself too much in this. It's entirely possible. Perhaps I have an unlimited supply of hope that things will work out well and not end in a dumpster fire. Perhaps not.

I suddenly find myself really craving a wintergreen mint. Fucking weird. I should probably try and go back to sleep. It's like 3:30.

I should probably come up with a name for the good dude at this point. Whether or not what we have becomes a real relationship, I imagine he'll at least be a good poly buddy. We can hang out with someone who gets what it's like instead of spending all of our personal time alone or at home.

What happened to going back to bed? I went off on another quick tangent and then proceeded to proof read everything. Now I see that last paragraph drifted way off point. 15 minutes later...I'm actually going to bed. Stay classy!
 
So it only took you about 3 days to get over feeling competitive about penis size, and worrying about the consequences. You seemed to be afraid it would take longer. That's good.

Seating arrangements can be tricky... in the early days they can seem to symbolize rank of importance. But this can also be worked through, with taking turns, etc., until you're all so comfortable it doesn't even matter, or if you do want to be closer, you can just say so, and no one gets upset.

The key is, it's not a competition. Everyone has needs and desires. It's not tit for tat, "He got X, so now I should get X!" You learn to focus on just what you want and need, and not what he has, or gets.
 
So it was a big weekend for poly in the house. Spitfire finally met up with the first guy she started talking to online. Not really as an active dating thing but more of a hanging out as friends thing. I shall call him Picard as he's a handsome older gentleman who seems to have his shit together. Then things with Bashir took a nose dive. I don't want to speak too much on that.

Most importantly I got to hang out with the good dude. I dub him "Barry" because he's real smart and I love how fast he talks.

We met up to get some coffee. He and I chatted for a bit. Mostly about my work due to the fact that he used to work for the same company as I do now. I got a real good vibe from him. I was super worried he'd be a creeper vibe kind of guy but he was really cool and chill.

Afterwards we went and checked out a comic shop and I got to nerd out hard. We went back and forth over one franchise or another and I got to flex my comic book knowledge to a willing recipient. That shit makes my day! I didn't really find any comics I was looking for but I did get a couple of figurines of some of my favorite characters, to include the one I use as my profile pic on this site. It was a good score.

So afterwards we went out to eat and we just sat there chatting about all the things. That's when I noticed how fast he was talking. It was great! That gave me permission to talk as fast as I like. I just steadily increased the speed of our conversation until I was at a point where I was talking as fast as I like to talk. That felt really good.

Eventually it became unreasonable to sit there any longer so we paid our bills and left. He tried to pay for mine though I insisted on separate checks. I'm kind of obsessed with balance. It seemed very unbalanced to let the one guy pay for both our meals. Spitfire says that means he likes me.

Anyway, after we paid our checks we wound up just sitting in the parking lot for hours talking. We talked about our spouses, poly, religion, science, technology, being bi. It was nice to be able to sit there and talk to a guy about everything like that. I didn't have to avoid or omit anything. I was so happy. It was such a stimulating conversation!

One thing did happen though. A man approached us asking to use one of our phones. As a rule, I never let strangers use my phone. There's too much vulnerable data on it. Rather than just say no, I lied and said my battery was dead.

I know you all don't know me but I never lie. About anything. Ever. Never ever (with the exception of Santa/ the tooth fairy, and misdirects on surprises etc...). And little things like that are the most important thing to not lie about. I don't know where it came from but it's had me shook for the last two days. Is this who I am now? I don't think so. The thing about a lie is that you can't just take it back. It's always out there, even after you've confessed it. It makes me feel gross. Not only that, I did it in front of Barry and I'm super ashamed about it. I never should have let that guy walk away without fessing up.

Nothing I can do about it now.

Well, the rest of the night went real well. We agreed we definitely want to hang out again. Still don't know if he's attracted to me. I figure I should just come out and ask him but I'm enjoying the hell out of what we have now so I figure I'll just see where it takes me.

And that's the news. Stay classy.
 
Not a comics person but the choice of Flash/Barry a a nickname for Dude amuses me. Here’s hoping for your sake he’s not too fast... :D
 
So all that fuss about Bashir's 3rd leg and now he's history already! See, that's the thing about dating, initial compatibility only rarely translates into long term compatibility. So I think it's good not to get too invested right away, if possible.

Your date with Barry sounds wonderful. Just to talk to a sympatico person is so great. I hope it keeps going in the direction you want.
 
So it's been a slow going couple of days. Spitfire's been really down about ending things with Bashir. She's got full confidence in her decision but she really liked the guy. If she hadn't then she never would have... you know.

I don't know how to help her. I'm doing my best to be supportive and available, but she's got to grieve.

I wish there was something I could do for her. I feel guilty checking in with her because I don't want to bring it up but I do want to know where she's at and what I can do. It's tough.

Still chatting with Barry. We're both pretty busy on the weekdays but we get the SnapChats in. The Snaps? The Chats? Whatever.

I'm really tired lately. Think I'm getting a little burned out myself. Woke up before dawn this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. I probably need to get back to working out but I tweaked something in my shoulder the other day and I've been letting it rest and heal. Maybe I should diversify and go for a run instead of the calisthenics. I'm probably just being lazy.

Magdlyn:
The guy certainly was not around as long as I'd expected but he left one hell of an impact. I'm not looking forward to Spitfire's future breakups.
Not really sure what direction I want things to go in with Barry. I'm kind of content where we're at. It's nice to have a friend that gets it.

Icesong:
LOL you've cracked my code.
 
I discovered Tinder yesterday. I realize now that OK Cupid was a total dead zone. I pulled 60 likes in the first 6 hours. That was a huge ego boost! I'm talking to a new guy who seems pretty cool. He's not poly but we'll see how it goes. Things with Barry have been real chill. We need to hang out again soon. I kind of am really looking forward to it.

Spitfire had kind of a negative reaction when she saw I was looking at both males and females on there. She says she's cool with it but I can tell it still digs at her pretty hardcore. I haven't been matching with any of them and I think I'm gonna continue to hold off on that. There will come a point when the only way out is through, but I don't think she's ready for that just yet. I want her to be happy.

Discovered a new hobby. I've gotten really into painting miniatures for D&D. Requires a lot of time and concentration so maybe it'll help keep me occupied the next time Spitfire's gone. She's really only talking to Picard right now so I think it's going to be a while.

I feel bad that the breakup with Bashir hurt her so deeply, but I'm kind of glad he's gone. She showed me some of his texts and the dude was basically gaslighting the shit out of her at the end. She's probably better off without him while gets his shit together.

And that's it. Nothing else really new or exciting going on.
 
Every so often I think about getting back into mini painting - I did it in college. And then I realize I have too many hobbies already and need to put some back, not add more ...
 
Met a couple of guys on Tinder. One is in a poly relationship but seems to have some emotional baggage attached. Figure I'll look into that more. Another guy, fucking hot, is down to meet up and get to know one another. Seems pretty promising. The last guy seemed into it and decided he wasn't up for dating a dude with a wife and he bailed. That's fair. I'm really getting the feeling that people don't take the time to read a profile before they swipe. Quite a few guys were like "sorry, didn't realize you were married." I totally get it but it's getting a little old.

Anyway... Spitfire's doing pretty good. She needs a vacation. That's for sure. We're planning for her to get away and get some alone time. I hope this time it helps. It seems like she gets away a lot more than she realizes. Took a whole day to herself to go visit a plant nursery the other week. A week later "I haven't had any time to myself to just relax in months!" GRRRRRRRRRR. If we're going by that scale, I haven't had time to myself like that in years. I'm pretty sure I need to start expressing my need for time like that as well. I don't doubt that she needs it but holy fuck I could use some too.

I'm getting pretty burnt out. I don't know why. I feel like I need a nap all the damn time. Might go take one right now.
 
BrokenArrow said:
Met a couple of guys on Tinder. ...Quite a few guys were like "sorry, didn't realize you were married." I totally get it but it's getting a little old.
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Is poly a thing on Tinder? Wondering if people there even know to look for it? Is Tinder a photo-driven app, as opposed to something like OKCupid, on which the profile would be more prominent? I dunno, just asking if the app format and focus might be the issue.
 
OKCupid is pretty Tinderized now, in terms of being focused on pictures not profiles. It's pretty useless. I hate it. No idea how to meet anyone new now!

Reread your last few posts. With all the fuss/advice about penis size, I forgot that you yourself are bi and exploring dating guys.
 
So yeah, shit's been going on pretty steadily. Went out with a guy from Tinder. Went a little further than I wish it had.

The dude definitely was not as hot as he was in his Tinder profile so I'm getting the feeling that may be the norm on there. We met up and chatted for a few hours. Things kind of gravitated to making out which flowed into a bit of oral. Now don't misunderstand me. I knew what I was about but I really regret moving so fast.

I get the impression the dude now expects me to just be some sort of fuck buddy and that's not really what I'm looking for. Also, I'm not really proud of myself for moving so quickly. I normally like to take my time and figure out what people are about, who they are, are they safe. Really just went in there guns blazing this time and I'm a bit ashamed. The more I've interacted with this guy since then the more I get that feeling. I'm supposed to meet him again tonight for coffee and I think I'll wait till then to make a decision on the matter one way or another.

Spitfire was thoroughly unimpressed with me about it when I told her that night. She apologized to me in the morning for being so harsh and judging me by her standards (she's demisexual). But she had a solid point, though, and I acknowledged that. I think part of me was trying to play catch up with her, kind of even out our experiences, and another part of me just wanted to get that part out of the way, and yet another part of me just missed the taste of dick (it's been almost a decade) and wanted to have a go at it.

Reading this, it's easy to see the problem. I walked into this based on my relationship with Spitfire and what I wanted, not based on starting a new relationship with him. That's something I really have to work on and look out for. I didn't really give him a fair shake but I think as a person I'm not really into him.

I deleted my Tinder and OK Cupid apps. I realized that I really appreciate and enjoy what I've got going on with Barry enough that I'd rather focus on that and Spitfire than anything new. I was very distracted trying to keep up with 4 conversations on my phone and 1 in my house. Bit off a little more than I could chew. I find that my conversations with Barry are always more on even footing. In fact, he and his wife are going to come out here and hang out with us soon so we can all get to know each other. I'm really looking forward to that.
 
Had Barry and his wife over last night. They were wonderful company! We talked and played games and I cooked a dinner that everyone seemed to enjoy. In my opinion the caprese kind of sucked (mozzarella will never be the same after 3 years in Italy) but the rest was a fairly tasty meal. It was just a good time with new good friends. I'm super relieved.

This morning though...
Spitfire has been having nightmares the past few weeks. Yelling angrily and whimpering in her sleep. She told me this morning she's been having nightmares about me being with other women. She's worried enough about it to consider pulling the plug on this whole thing. I'm really not at a place with Barry yet that I think either he or I would be devastated by this and I think we could continue to be good friends. But Spitfire...
Things with her and Picard heated up a bit. Nothing too extreme but enough to send my feelings for a loop for a few hours. Can she really be content breaking things off with him?

We've found ourselves in a fairly unfair predicament. I admit that if the prospect of dating women were removed from the table permanently I would be pissed and harbor that resentment for a long time. On the reverse side if she gives up on being poly, then what was all this for? Then she would be the one being suppressed and I promise you, the aptly named Spitfire does not self censor any sort of resentment she may be feeling. She hasn't made a decision one way or the other. All I can do is promise to support her. It's kind of a rough morning for me.
 
I’ve known other people who had nightmares about a thing _before_ it happened but once it _did_ and the world didn’t end, they could get better. Just a thought.
 
Some people welcome change. But many people fear it. However, stepping outside your comfort zone is what gives life its richness. And often, choosing to change can seem scary, but once you do it, it's wonderful! Don't give up Barry and don't just give up because she's a bit scared. It's too soon to just give in and give up!
 
Back to not being able to sleep. Spitfire is camping with a friend and I'm just awake and stewing. I kept myself busy painting all night but then when I went to bed everything just hit me.

So we decided to stick with it. The plan to move forward is find a woman we can date together and see if that will help. I came up with that plan when I was just throwing things out there but it's not really a plan at all. First, finding a female that would be willing to date us both is such a niche market. Pair that with how incredibly picky Spitfire is about women and you have yourself a continuation of the original model under a different name. I've already given up on this plan. Let's just call it was it is. I can't date women.
 
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