It's interesting you see the solution to a cooling off in the marital bedroom to be a cancellation of the in-house sanctuary/no sex rule. Couldn’t making this change have much much larger unintended consequences for BA and very few for Spitfire?
I don't know. What consequences do you imagine?
GET OVER IT so you can distract yourself enough to NOT notice or NOT care that displacement in the bedroom is occurring. I’m not sure that’s a great plan.
I had to reread the thread. It sounds like there are only 2 bedrooms in Arrow's house, one for the parents and one for the 2 daughters. Maybe there is no family room, either. Just a living room, kitchen and 2 bedrooms, plus a garage? If this 2 parents/2 kids household has a roomy mini van or SUV, sex could be had in the vehicle in the garage. Hey, I've done that plenty when I was newly poly and my kids were still living with me. It's not ideal, but it's better than nothing. I used to meet one of my first bfs in my van in the parking lot of a seldom-used wooded park. The lot was big, my van had smoked windows, and we were below the sight line of anyone who was briefly getting out of their car to go hiking.
Honestly, I am just trying to help. Maybe it's because I have a high sex drive, and I'm not a passionate gamer. But I'd be moving mountains to figure out how to have sex weekly with my lover. I'd do it out outdoors, in a van, in a tent, indoors in the bathroom/shower. I'd send Spitfire and the kids out for an hour or two and have sex in the living room. Throw a sheet on the floor or the couch.
Luckily my current partner and I have got the compersion thing down, so if either of us wants to host a partner here, we just think it's cute, and feel good that our partner is having fun and being appreciated.
Arrow says that part of his territoriality stems from a college experience of living with too many roommates in too small of a flat. I assume college is now some time well in his past. Sometimes we cling to outmoded feelings too long, which do not reflect current realities. We can revisit those feelings, feel them, and move on. That's life-- growth and change. Going outside the box is always scary, but always beneficial! It's not easy, and I'm 65 and I still struggle with going outside the box, but I gently chide myself out of the fear and do it anyway, and become a fuller more experienced, more skillful person every time.
HOWEVER, maybe this is a situation where things don’t have to be fair and equal. Perhaps because of the circumstances surrounding the individual partners, a deal could be cut that would allow him to entertain Jason, and Spitfire and Kirk could remain off premises for a reasonable amount of time.
I agree. Spitfire and Kirk could take the girls out to some kid-friendly place, and allow Arrow and Jason some private time. I assume Kirk does host Spitfire at his place for sex dates, so I'd be negotiating what to do since Jason can't host, and hotels are way too expensive.
I'd also look into getting a bigger house! When Pixie and I were house shopping, we got a very small ranch home, with 3 smallish bedrooms. The "master" has a tiny en suite bathroom (no shower) but the sink is great for private post-sex cleanup without needing to go down the hall. And our house has a fully renovated basement/family room, so Pixi can bring her beverage/weed down there when I have someone over, and entertain herself with TV or her PC and games happily for an hour or 2. A bf and I can then have the entire upstairs to ourselves, and even fuck in the kitchen, living room, hall bath shower if we want. It's just practical for poly, to have these options, I think.