Bustamove42086
New member
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years. We originally met on a dating app a couple years earlier, when he and his ex girlfriend were looking for a third to join them. I had no experience but was intrigued and talked to them about it for a while. I ended up getting back with my ex, so I was never a third with them. A year or two later we were both single and ended up getting together and now here we are. Side note: it was the and is the best sex of my life from night one.. I’d never cum like that in my life! It was awesome. Anyway..
We started looking for another female to join us a couple weeks after we got together. I’d never done it, but i was feeling adventurous and sexy and maybe since I’d just met him it was easy not to worry about jealousy etc. we had two threesomes that summer, with different girls. I enjoyed the dynamic, and I didn’t feel jealous at all. He made me feel like he wanted me more, and the women wanted me, it was hot.
We’ve had a few since then. During the first year, I unintentionally caught him having side conversations with the other woman a few times and he claimed it was nothing but refused to show me what they said. I would have been okay with him talking to her if he wasn’t so shady about me seeing the convo. It’s happened a few times since. And not to be a scorekeeper, but i give him full access to my phone to read convos if he’s not a part of them. I’m excited to share it all with him, I thought that was the point?
There have been other small things I’d like to talk to him about before we go into the experience with someone new. for example, I became the third wheel during one encounter and he didn’t even notice when I left the hotel room. It took 20 minutes or more for him to text asking where I went.
I understand that these things happen and don’t blame him for them. The problem I have is that if I try to bring any of this up, he immediately gets into a shitty mood (becomes defensive, asks me why I bring up stuff from the past “when we weren’t even really dating”, tells me i always want to be negative about everything, and storms off and says “I don’t want to even do it, if it’s gonna cause this much stress!”)
I end up apologizing, cuz it sucks being gaslighted and I don’t want to fight with him. And now I feel like we can’t have any sort of convo about boundaries, expectations, etc for the future (he’s definitely try got the itch, it’s all he wants to talk about-bringing in a third).
Am I the asshole, and how do I express this to him without him setting him off? it’s tough because this is all private and I can’t really talk it through with anyone but him. So I end up overthinking and internalizing it. Any advice or just confirmation I’m not crazy appreciated
We started looking for another female to join us a couple weeks after we got together. I’d never done it, but i was feeling adventurous and sexy and maybe since I’d just met him it was easy not to worry about jealousy etc. we had two threesomes that summer, with different girls. I enjoyed the dynamic, and I didn’t feel jealous at all. He made me feel like he wanted me more, and the women wanted me, it was hot.
We’ve had a few since then. During the first year, I unintentionally caught him having side conversations with the other woman a few times and he claimed it was nothing but refused to show me what they said. I would have been okay with him talking to her if he wasn’t so shady about me seeing the convo. It’s happened a few times since. And not to be a scorekeeper, but i give him full access to my phone to read convos if he’s not a part of them. I’m excited to share it all with him, I thought that was the point?
There have been other small things I’d like to talk to him about before we go into the experience with someone new. for example, I became the third wheel during one encounter and he didn’t even notice when I left the hotel room. It took 20 minutes or more for him to text asking where I went.
I understand that these things happen and don’t blame him for them. The problem I have is that if I try to bring any of this up, he immediately gets into a shitty mood (becomes defensive, asks me why I bring up stuff from the past “when we weren’t even really dating”, tells me i always want to be negative about everything, and storms off and says “I don’t want to even do it, if it’s gonna cause this much stress!”)
I end up apologizing, cuz it sucks being gaslighted and I don’t want to fight with him. And now I feel like we can’t have any sort of convo about boundaries, expectations, etc for the future (he’s definitely try got the itch, it’s all he wants to talk about-bringing in a third).
Am I the asshole, and how do I express this to him without him setting him off? it’s tough because this is all private and I can’t really talk it through with anyone but him. So I end up overthinking and internalizing it. Any advice or just confirmation I’m not crazy appreciated