"My petals are bruised but I'm still a flower"

What a wonderful weekend with Ned!!
-- We did STI testing together last week, and all clear.
-- He stayed overnight Friday and Saturday night.
-- On Friday night he did some nice therapeutic spanking. I was entering a bad pain crisis and the impact play did the job and I feel better now. And, we bonded over it. :)
-- We went to lunch with two friends of his from out of town.
-- We played a board game with his father and father's girlfriend. I love that he is folding me into his family. and they have been very welcoming and warm.

Not sure when we will have intercourse, still taking it slow and enjoying getting to know each other on an emotional level. He brings out the joy and laughter in me and it's wonderful.

Sid and I will see each other on Weds evening for a date. We had a wonderful date last week of Indian food and kissing and making out and cuddling.

I am about to head over to Traveler's home for the night. It will be good to get him caught up on things. He is a cheerleader and loves to hear of my success and joy. He has the most wonderful pillow talk and holding. Since we are not physically intimate beyond a certain point I will be able to catch up on sleep. ha!
 
Big learning week!!!!

Ned and I have had some tension this week, but having now worked it out, we are stronger than before and have both grown.

Ned has two other partners who are married to each other. I will call them Sun and Moon. While Sun is very warm, welcoming, and open, Moon is more closed off and suffers from severe anxiety and is neurodivergent. Moon is Ned's first poly partner, they are now 6 years together. Moon was married when they and Ned got together. Moon's husband had several rules about their interactions. He used the Primary/Secondary model of poly. Moon and their husband eventually divorced. Moon continues to practice the more hierarchical model of polyamory. Moon and Sun have been best friends since high school. They fell in love and married each other, with Ned being the officiator!

My preferred model is to at least be friendly with my metamours. Have a meeting here and there just to say hello, have open channels via text or calling to discuss anything and call meetings when needed. This is not Moon's style at all. It is Sun's style, however.

The tension would have been there anyway between Moon and I, but it has been made worse by the fact that on the very day of my first date with Ned, Moon and Sun decided they were going to move to another country, as soon as they are able to make it happen. Although the move will be best for them when listing pros and cons, everyone is grieving this loss of proximity.

Two issues have come up with Moon---
First is that Ned indicated that Moon takes awhile to get used to the idea of him dating/sleeping with another partner. Add to that, our shared BDSM kink. Moon takes awhile to get used to him doing BDSM activities with another partner.

Second is Moon is apparently jealous and resentful of me that after the move, I will have Ned while they won't. Ned admits this is irrational, but people's feelings are their feelings.

We have tried to arrange an intro meeting twice between Ned, me, and Sun and Moon Both times they have cancelled. Now it seems that Moon doesn't really want to meet me at all. Which makes me sad, but that's their choice. I also found out that Ned's former partner of 1.5 years, which just ended a couple of months ago due to that partner moving, never met Moon, either.

Furthermore, Moon was wanting Ned and I to wait on intimacy and BDSM activities until they had a chance to get used to the idea. I told Ned that this was a huge problem for me, and that after STI safety was addressed, when we decided to consummate and what activities we did or did not do was only our decision and our business. I pointed out to him that I have never asked, and he has never shared, how many times he and Moon and Sun had intercourse during their nights together, what BDSM activities took place, etc. Because it's none of my business. He saw my point.

He has now spoken to Moon about this, and we are free to move forward according to our own schedule and desires.


While Ned has been poly for many years, and in a successful Throuple as well as some other relationships, he clearly has room to grow, as do we all. I'm proud of myself for speaking up, stating my desires and boundaries, and for the loving conversation Ned and I had to reach a new point of trust and closeness.

-----------------------
Sun and I have started texting each other. I sent them the following and it was received with a heart emoji.

Good morning Sun! Ned and I had a deep conversation yesterday about poly relationships in general and our situations in particular. I have great compassion and compersion for both you and Moon. I can only imagine a little bit how stressful the impending move must be, the changes, the grief, the unknowns, the current political situation in this country, and everything else. I want to be as supportive as possible to Ned as he processes all of this, as well as you and Moon in whatever way I can be.

It is always my hope that I can be friends with my metamours, but even if that's not possible I am still friends in my heart.

There are different styles and flavors of polyamory, and Ned and I discussed them more at length last evening. Mine is very much to be open, friendly, and supportive of my metamours, but relationship anarchy, not hierarchy. However I also naturally try not to disrupt the patterns in an established dynamic, while still maintaining my own rights, boundaries, privacy, and autonomy.

Please feel free to reach out to talk, meet, or share ideas. I welcome the friendship and support the love.
 
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Yesterday Ned asked me to write a list of expectations for our relationship as we build it. Here's what I came up with.

Expectations: Minimum things that would cause me anxiety if not met.
Note: I will never expect from you what I am not willing to do for you in return.

Please. . .

– Provide safety, including emotional safety
– Be honest
– Be emotionally available
– Honor your commitments and promises
– Let me know changes to a schedule or plan as soon as possible so I can adjust (children, emergencies).
– Don’t make decisions that affect me without my input or consent
– Be kind, even in conflict.
– Be in regular contact, even minimally (emoji or a few words), a couple of times a day.
– Let me know what’s going on in your life so I can support you and be understanding
 
Weds night date with Sid was wonderful. We went to dinner, walked a bit, made out against a palm tree near an artificial lake with a fountain in the middle of it. Went home and did some online shopping together for a sexy blouse to wear on our next date. :)

Thursday night with Ned was also wonderful. He stayed overnight and we cuddled and made out and talked and ate fruit and ice cream.

The big breakthrough is that I talked on the phone with Moon today! Sun was there, and Ned was there with both of them. It was a brief call, but I think it went well.

Traveler is still out of town.

Blue and I talk weekly, text daily, and are both frustrated that we don't life closer. I know we would not be taking it slow! ;-)

I am so thankful that every morning and every evening I get and give good morning and good evening texts to my partners. And I get to see some of them, and I care for and love them all, and they love me.
 
Traveler is back in town Last night we met at a restaurant, he shared about his trip, and he got introduced to my child. It went very well! He spent the night cuddling and I woke up feeling so refreshed and cozy inside.

Today is big! Moon and I are going to meet for coffee after I get off work!! They are warming up to the idea of us all getting along. When Ned and I first started dating he warned me that Moon is not someone who is normally interested in meeting other partners. They never met Ned's previous partner of 1.5 years, who moved away. This meeting is in part because Ned wants to invite me to family Thanksgiving! I was thinking I was going to be alone for the holiday, as my adult children are in other states and spending it with their partners, and two of my local partners are not about about their poly practices. But, Ned is very out. And he has offered me a seat at his family table, along with Sun and Moon.

Then tonight Sid and I will go night hiking.

Tomorrow Ned will come over for a date night/overnight/impact play session.

And then I leave town on Saturday to visit one of my adult children for a few days.
 
Oh my goodness! I'm so happy!
Yesterday I met Moon after work at a coffee shop. It was a bit awkward for us both for the first half hour but then we really started to make friends. They are really nice, and they explained their past history on why they felt trepidation about me entering Ned's life. They are Neuro divergent like I am and take some time to get used to things, and have their own fears. I told them my own background, my desire to have open conversations to share concerns, issues, or just to stay in touch. I reassured them that I am an experienced poly person, and that I try to be respectful of my metamours. I then checked in with them and asked if there were any concerns right now, and if the pacing of the relationship between Ned and I was okay with them. They said they felt a lot better about things.

Ned invited me to Thanksgiving dinner! I was not sure I was going to sit at anyone's table this year, with not much family of my own, my other partners busy with their families (the other ones are not "out"), and my two adult children are spending it with their own partners' families. But Ned is very open to his family/friends, so next week I am invited to sit at the table. It will be Ned, his *three* partners, his children, his ex wife, and his parents. For me this is a dream come true. I have accepted that poly often means being hidden, but it's not my preference.
 
So Thanksgiving was ugly and beautiful. And it shows why poly works for some of us. I have a background of severe trauma, and struggle with my emotions sometimes. Yesterday I had a C-PTSD emotional storm, triggered by the holidays and some other stuff. I was really hurting. I even temporarily deactivated my FB page which is my way of soft disappearing myself.
I had been invited to Thanksgiving by one partner but I was not feeling well enough to face the crowd.
My three partners knew I was hurting but didn't know how badly, and I didn't want to bother them on Thanksgiving. Finally I did reach out by text.
Traveler is a cuddle partner, he left Thanksgiving early to drive back home so I could go to his house and he held me while I cried and got through the storm.
Ned called me while I was with Traveler, and on speakerphone the two men talked to each other and to me, and further calmed me down.
Sid was having a romantic weekend with his wife, but he checked in with me via text a few times, and even texted Ned(the newer one) to tell him a few things about me and my emotional storms.
I was feeling so bad at the beginning of this weekend, my own family is awful, and I was feeling very lonely and depressed about my childhood trauma, etc. And in the end I felt loved, held, and was able to put myself back together thanks to the team effort of my poly posse.
I am not sure I will ever be able to have a single partner fulfill all of my needs-- I'm a bit too much, and I accept this. So poly works for me, and others in similar situations.
 
This entry is about NATO-- Not Attached To Outcome
Ned and I formed a very strong intense bond, which has sustained for several weeks. However I'm getting whiplash around the changes in his life. I keep needing to adjust my expectations and our projected goals, or what he calls "prime projections." As someone with a trauma background and abandonment issues, this has been very hard for me, but I am stepping up to the challenge. Also as an autistic person.

Ideally in my world I would love to say, "We met, we are very very well matched on many levels (the least of which is sexual), and we see each other becoming each other's main primary partners if this continues. Yay!" This is what was said between us. In my differently wired brain this is all very logical and beautiful.
*Main or primary partner is not used here to determine hierarchy or relationship rights or importance, but rather the amount of life/time we hope to share with each other.

But . . . life is messy. Literally on my first date with Ned he had just found out that his two partners (they make a throuple) were moving out of country "soon" at an 85% chance. Then after the election they decided it was going to be "as soon as possible." Then it was going to be "at the end of January." We discussed that he was going to spend a lot more time with them since they were moving soon and they were a priority. And after they moved we would spend a lot more time together again. I agreed and was supportive, even though it was kinda going through dopamine withdrawals for me.

So while he was adjusting to all this, I was trying to be supportive, even as we were trying to develop our own new relationship and enjoy that ride. He provided reassurances that I was still a priority for him--- which I believe-- but I know that I am at the bottom of a list of priorities. At the top are his kids (and should be), his job, his aging parents, his other partners, and then me. But his talk is that I'm very important-- he just can't show it right now with quality time or emotional energy. Also Moon is having some health issues that he is spending a lot of time supporting both physically and worrying about her.

Then last night, which he had to cancel due to work and we missed our night, he was able to come over for an hour to cuddle and he broke the news that his partners are not moving after all! At least not for a year! So now I have to adjust again??

I am about to come unglued. This is hard for me to adjust, as an autistic person who has been through severe trauma.

I am learning to lean on my other partners. Traveler especially, he's just chill, calm, sensible. He told me to have NATO. Enjoy it for what it is. Let it shake down and settle into a pattern. It's beyond my control. What I can control is how I think about it, how I react, and to just be patient.

Definite opportunity to grow.

Traveler is the best. We have managed to be together a couple of times this week. He's now off on another trip. I'll miss him. And even though I see him the least (not counting Blue) I feel that our relationship is the most stable. And we don't even have sex. I had the long talk with him about the situation with Ned, and he introduced me to NATO and encouraged me to consider this.

Sid and I had a wonderful date on Weds. Sensual play, dinner, a walk. We are counting down the days to consummation which will also be fluid bonding. He got tested this week for STI's.

Blue and I text daily and send each other love, and video calls weekly as we are able.
 
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And here we go again.
Ned and I have parted ways. He admits he was too polysaturated.
He says I'm being too rigid in my desire to have him not shuffle our days around/cancel dates at the last minute.
He is not willing to pin down and reserve and prioritize time for us each week.
He admits he practices hierarchical polyamory, which I told him from the beginning I did not do.
And, being that I'm at the bottom of his priority ladder, that's why I was getting canceled/shuffled so much.
Being that he was into BDSM/impact play, he admitted he may not be able to provide aftercare if I needed it.
And, now that his partners are not moving after all, he doesn't think he has time to develop a full relationship with me.
He's a good man, just not a good partner for me.

I am sad but relieved. It was stressful. I know I am worth more than that. Lessons learned.
 
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I'm glad you honoured your own needs and boundaries early.
 
Kynde said:
And here we go again.
Ned and I have parted ways. He admits he was too polysaturated.
He says I'm being too rigid in my desire to have him not shuffle our days around/cancel dates at the last minute.
He is not willing to pin down and reserve and prioritize time for us each week.
He admits he practices hierarchical polyamory, which I told him from the beginning I did not do.
And, being that I'm at the bottom of his priority ladder, that's why I was getting canceled/shuffled so much.
Being that he was into BDSM/impact play, he admitted he may not be able to provide aftercare if I needed it.
And, now that his partners are not moving after all, he doesn't think he has time to develop a full relationship with me.
He's a good man, just not a good partner for me.

I am sad but relieved. It was stressful. I know I am worth more than that. Lessons learned.
Click to expand...
All good reasons to break up! Yikes! Sorry it didn't work out, Kynde.
 
On Wednesday Ned came over for a final meeting to talk about what happened, and to try to part peacefully with greater understanding. Sid sat silently and observed. I cried a lot. Ned was very arrogant. He never apologized for his part in anything. He kept talking over me after asking me to answer a question. His true colors came out. He likes to portray himself as a "nice guy" but in the end he was not nice at all. I'm glad we parted ways. I'm glad I didn't invest more time/energy into him. Sid validated my sentiments-- not just because he loves me, but he's another man and could see that Ned was trying to be controlling and arrogant.

On Thursday I went to Sid and his wife's home and used their hot tub. I'm having severe muscle aches due to tension and my chronic health condition. Sid was unable to use the hot tub due to just being waxed. His wife was watching TV, but greeted me easily and warmly as I came in. I soaked and floated on my back under the moonlight. It was wonderful. I slept very well.

Then last night, Saturday, under the full moon, 8 years after our last encounter, Sid and I fluid bonded. It was beautiful.

Traveler is traveling right now. He sends me photos as his way to say hello. I look forward to cuddle time on Tuesday.

I am talking to two men I have found on a dating site. I have to sift through many "likes" and messages. It's overwhelming for a woman. I found several who were not good, who, as soon as we started chatting would abruptly turn sexual or send me a pic of their privates. These two are both good. One is quite a bit younger than me at age 36, but has his :poop: together. He is shy but nice so far. The other one is older than me, 60. Also appears to have his :poop: together. I have talk and texted with them both. I only have room for one more partner right now, and I am looking for a full time partner. We shall see where it goes, if anywhere. I am happy where I am at the moment. Very blessed. Very content. Very fulfilled.
 
I made it through Christmas. I had both adult children and my young child, all of us together. It was mostly very wonderful, but one of the adults tends to get dramatic at times. We had to walk on eggshells a little bit but we all made it through. Good memories and love.

I have deleted my dating profile on the dating app, and have decided to take a break from meeting anyone else. I have a couple of connections I will see through to the end-- until we figure out we are not compatible. I would love to find someone available to eventually be a NP but it's just not happening right now. And it's exhausting to keep meeting people and then realize they are not a good match. The last guy who I just barely was texting-- I did a background check and found 57 criminal records!!! This is why I do background checks right away!!!

I am still talking to the younger man who has his "stuff" together-- but I think he is scared about the great connection we seemed to have made. We had a very wonderful first date with lots in common. Then I invited him for a non-sexual cuddle session, and we truly have wonderful chemistry and both enjoyed it--- and then the next day he freaked out and said we needed to take things slow, and he wants to not come back to the house again for a few weeks! And just do traditional dating! And since then he's texting less and less. So, that's probably that. I won't chase people. That door will remain open for now.

The older gentleman and I have not met yet due to holidays and family. We are having friendly sporadic conversation but mostly about nutrition and fitness. And he's older enough that I am not sure he's cut out for a partner with a young child.

My curent partners and I are doing very well. Traveler has been traveling and with his family for the holidays but we stay in touch via text. He had a difficult dating experience recently that triggered him. He told me the bad experience made him appreciate what we had, and he wants to try to spend more time with me if I would like that too. I would. He asked me to go on a weekend trip next month and I accepted. :) Usually his trips are business related, or he will do a pleasure trip that's crammed full of everything he can see, and redeye flights, etc. He said "you will die" on most of his trips and I agreed! But this trip is for pleasure and slower paced.

Sid and I have also deepened our already deep connection. I feel so grateful for two stable partners.

Blue and I have been touch and go lately, we have both been busy, but we manage to text every 2-3 days.
 
Yesterday I realized I had not been alone with either local partner since 12/17 and 12/18, respectively. And I've not talked in a video call to my LD partner for the same period of time. The local ones have families who don't know they are poly, and certainly don't know I exist. This doesn't make me less important, but it does make all of us have breaks. It's unfortunate that our society doesn't accept our lifestyle. This is the kinda sucky part of Solo poly. On the other hand, it made the holidays much simpler! Tonight Traveler is coming over. Weds it will be Sid, then Thursday Travler again (right before he leaves for another trip).
 
I had been seeing a potential new partner who said he was interested in a full relationship (meaning looking to settle down with someone full time, NP etc.) eventually. But . . . I think he had some attachment issues. Every time we would get together and have a great time, as expressed by us both, he would then back wayyyyy off. It was like the closeness and getting the "feels" scared him too much. Very hot and cold. We were never fully intimate but we did do some nice making out and kissing, as well as talking and some simple dates like driving around and hanging out. During our time together he kept saying he really really liked me, and we had similar goals, etc. He also was on the road for travel and we had some video chats, where I would go to bed all warm and fuzzy and the next morning he would act distant. It was very confusing. The last two things he did were to basically cancel on me at the last minute.

The first time was last Saturday. He was busy and I assumed we would not have time to see each other, but I said I was available if he had time. He said, "I will make the time, you are important to me." We set a 2PM coffee date, and then at 137 PM he texted me and said he couldn't after all, he was too busy. He had done this before, so I was annoyed. I asked if we could talk on the phone. He didn't reply back for 3 hours. When he did, he said he had just woken up from a nap!!! So, he was so busy he took a nap after cancelling?? So I then asked if we could talk that evening and we did by phone. He apologized, said I was important and he would do better.

The very next day he was working, so I sent him some small talk texts and he replied back similarly. Then that afternoon he said my texts sounded cold and distant and he was concerned and wanted to talk when he got off work. We set a time to talk that evening. Then 30 minutes before the call he said actually he was going to dinner with his partner, and he was not sure when he would be able to talk that evening. I said I was going to bed by 9 so it would have to be before that. He then said "Let's just be friends" and basically broke up with me by text!!

In my own head and heart I was pulling way back anyway and he was on notice, basically, that I was about done with being canceled on. And I was going to talk to him about that, but he broke up with me instead. I am glad I had my feelings in check, and I don't feel bad or hurt or sad at all.

That lack of feelings both concerns me and is a good thing. I usually go all in very quickly with my feelings, which blinds me to potential problems. On the other hand, I don't like being so reserved and guarded and a bit detached. But . . the detachment allows me to give things the test of time, and let the feelings out slowly as the relationship proves itself.
 
I wanted to make a separate entry for an old boyriend who has come back around recently. Right after my divorce close to 2 years ago, I met Jay (not real name). We had a very strong connection and lots in common. We saw each other frequently and provided mutual comfort, friendship, and intimacy. Both of us have a history of childhood trauma and failed relationships. We understood each other. I was very raw and easily triggered back then. He could be grouchy at times. Not abusive, just grouchy. We had a couple of arguments and during one of them I cut and run. I shut down and just pushed him away. He respected my distancing. I was not poly with him, but had shared that I was poly at times. He sweetly sent me a couple of cards around the holiday times, and occasionally checked in with me, but by then I was back into poly. During this time I was also healing and doing therapy for the trauma.

Well . . . a couple of weeks ago we once again started texting after he sent me a Christmas card. We caught up. We met for coffee, and we hugged, and we both started crying and embraced for the longest embrace ever. I had shut off my feelings but they opened back up again in his embrace. Not sexual feelings, although the attractions is still there. Just safety and hugs and warmth.

I told him I'm back into poly and have two partners. He said that's okay, do whatever you want to make yourself happy and complete. He wants to date me again. My new M.O. is take it slow. He came over for a couple of hours and some cuddles and hot chocolate, and again I brought up poly. He said once again he's fine with it and supports me.

So my heart and mind are open, but I'm once again giving this the test of time. Especailly as he is not poly.


Sid and Traveler are still very much in my life as much as possible given our schedules and lives. It would be nice to have a full partner again. Which is what Jay wants. Let's see.
 
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I wonder if he's had therapy too, so he will be less "grouchy" and argumentative.
 
It has been a great weekend. Just peaceful and full of love and harmony, finished projects around the house, time with my partners, time with my kiddo, time with nature. I feel so satisfied.

Weds night was amazing. I had *both* Sid and Traveler over for some sensual fun and bonding. We are all straight, so the attention was (lucky me) all on me. However the two men bonded over their mutual interest in body positive workshops and retreats, and they may be attending one together in the future along with Sid's wife. I am not interested in such things-- not because it doesn't sound fun-- but because it's too "peoplely" for me with 50 or so people all touching and interacting day and night in various workshops and events, for 5 days.

Weds and Thursday Jay and I got STI tested. The county health department has all but HSV for $20 for all of it, and then the HSV is separate. We had a "date" on Thursday at the county health department. Then we spent the night cuddling and holding each other and pillow talk. Friday night we got the results back and all was good, so we re- fluided bonded (since we had been when we were dating 1.5 years ago). Of course I informed Sid of this plan to fluid bond again pending test results, ahead of time. There was no need to inform Traveler ahead of time, since we don't engage in oral or penetrative sex at all. I will inform him next time we see each other.

It was a very special night with Jay. It's been very easy to re-open this relationship since we never really had major problems before, other than we were both needing to do some personal work and healing. I can't believe my luck in us being able to reconnect. There is no NRE this time. Just comfort and reconnection. I did talk with him more about my polyamory and he reassured me he's fine with it, supportive, and wants me to be happy. He also shared that there were a couple times in his life that he had mulitple partners, all openly, although not long-term relationships. He understands that different people serve different needs.

On Saturday Sid came for an overnight which was wonderful. He brought whole coffee beans and his hand grinder and French press for the morning.

Today (Sunday) Jay came over for a few hours, we went shopping and ran some errands together, had lunch at my house and he left. He works the next days. He's a first responder and has long shifts. The advantage is he also has a nice stretch of days off for the rest of the week. Just by coincidence, my usual week days with Traveler and Sid both fall on the days when Jay is working! Sid also will do every other Saturday night as time permits.

And in the last bit of news Traveler and I are cancelling our Catalina Island vacation next weekend, due to the terrible fires in LA. We have made plans for a staycation instead, and just one night and two days. We will try again for another vacation down the road. He's good at finding travel deals.
 

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Magdlyn said:
I wonder if he's had therapy too, so he will be less "grouchy" and argumentative.
Click to expand...
He has indeed had therapy, and is willing to get more if needed as we go forward. As have I. :)
 
I had a wonderful poly week! Jay and I have spent a lot of time together and again we are both marveling at how easy it is to just continue where we left off a year and a half ago. He is still supportive and accepting of my poly partners, but I think he's trying to figure out how to handle it. It's a bit awkward for him but I don't sense jealousy or anything like that. Time will tell.

Last night Traveler and I went to a fancy cocktail bar and then an adjoining dance club to people watch. It was my very first time at both a cocktail lounge and a dance club. It was nice going with him and having him navigate it for me. I almost never drink but I got a single low volume cocktail to try and I enjoyed it, and I made it last 3 hours sip by sip. We watched people at the dance club trying to flirt and hook up and some get rejected. We made friends with a fellow people watcher, a lovely 23 year old who was there keeping her 21 year old friend safe on her birthday. We also watched two Movies-- one last evening before going out, and one this morning.

I sent some photos of just myself to Jay while at the cocktail lounge, and a photo of my drink. He responded with some heart emojis. I asked him later how he felt about me sending some photos of myself or things from my date, and he said he liked that and appreciated that I was thinking of him. Traveler also doesn't mind that I send brief messages and photos to my other partners during dates, as well as brief goodnight texts.

Traveler and I checked in again about the status of our relationship, and how I'm starting to look at Jay as being a potential primary if things continue to go well for some time. Traveler and I remain cuddle buddies, as we are able to see each other. He shared that he has met another lady and he is spending more time with her, and she might be a good fit for a more primary partner (within his limits of being solo). I am very happy for him, supportive of a developing relationship, and will give up or shuffle our days around to fit his needs-- as he will with me. We made plans to have another fun night out sometime.

Sid was sick this week so we canceled our date, but I did bring him some homemade soup and blew him kisses at his front door. His wife was thankful I did that, as she was on a business trip while he was under the weather. I'm hoping to see him again this week.

Blue--- I think we are fading out as I had predicted. Long distance is hard. We had a nice run of it, with sexy video calls, friendship, support. But he's taking some time for himself. And I am simplifying. We remain firtly friends but no longer have the daily texting we had maintained over the past several months. And that's okay. We are both at peace about it.
 
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