"My petals are bruised but I'm still a flower"

What a wonderful weekend with Ned!!
-- We did STI testing together last week, and all clear.
-- He stayed overnight Friday and Saturday night.
-- On Friday night he did some nice therapeutic spanking. I was entering a bad pain crisis and the impact play did the job and I feel better now. And, we bonded over it. :)
-- We went to lunch with two friends of his from out of town.
-- We played a board game with his father and father's girlfriend. I love that he is folding me into his family. and they have been very welcoming and warm.

Not sure when we will have intercourse, still taking it slow and enjoying getting to know each other on an emotional level. He brings out the joy and laughter in me and it's wonderful.

Sid and I will see each other on Weds evening for a date. We had a wonderful date last week of Indian food and kissing and making out and cuddling.

I am about to head over to Traveler's home for the night. It will be good to get him caught up on things. He is a cheerleader and loves to hear of my success and joy. He has the most wonderful pillow talk and holding. Since we are not physically intimate beyond a certain point I will be able to catch up on sleep. ha!
 
Big learning week!!!!

Ned and I have had some tension this week, but having now worked it out, we are stronger than before and have both grown.

Ned has two other partners who are married to each other. I will call them Sun and Moon. While Sun is very warm, welcoming, and open, Moon is more closed off and suffers from severe anxiety and is neurodivergent. Moon is Ned's first poly partner, they are now 6 years together. Moon was married when they and Ned got together. Moon's husband had several rules about their interactions. He used the Primary/Secondary model of poly. Moon and their husband eventually divorced. Moon continues to practice the more hierarchical model of polyamory. Moon and Sun have been best friends since high school. They fell in love and married each other, with Ned being the officiator!

My preferred model is to at least be friendly with my metamours. Have a meeting here and there just to say hello, have open channels via text or calling to discuss anything and call meetings when needed. This is not Moon's style at all. It is Sun's style, however.

The tension would have been there anyway between Moon and I, but it has been made worse by the fact that on the very day of my first date with Ned, Moon and Sun decided they were going to move to another country, as soon as they are able to make it happen. Although the move will be best for them when listing pros and cons, everyone is grieving this loss of proximity.

Two issues have come up with Moon---
First is that Ned indicated that Moon takes awhile to get used to the idea of him dating/sleeping with another partner. Add to that, our shared BDSM kink. Moon takes awhile to get used to him doing BDSM activities with another partner.

Second is Moon is apparently jealous and resentful of me that after the move, I will have Ned while they won't. Ned admits this is irrational, but people's feelings are their feelings.

We have tried to arrange an intro meeting twice between Ned, me, and Sun and Moon Both times they have cancelled. Now it seems that Moon doesn't really want to meet me at all. Which makes me sad, but that's their choice. I also found out that Ned's former partner of 1.5 years, which just ended a couple of months ago due to that partner moving, never met Moon, either.

Furthermore, Moon was wanting Ned and I to wait on intimacy and BDSM activities until they had a chance to get used to the idea. I told Ned that this was a huge problem for me, and that after STI safety was addressed, when we decided to consummate and what activities we did or did not do was only our decision and our business. I pointed out to him that I have never asked, and he has never shared, how many times he and Moon and Sun had intercourse during their nights together, what BDSM activities took place, etc. Because it's none of my business. He saw my point.

He has now spoken to Moon about this, and we are free to move forward according to our own schedule and desires.


While Ned has been poly for many years, and in a successful Throuple as well as some other relationships, he clearly has room to grow, as do we all. I'm proud of myself for speaking up, stating my desires and boundaries, and for the loving conversation Ned and I had to reach a new point of trust and closeness.

-----------------------
Sun and I have started texting each other. I sent them the following and it was received with a heart emoji.

Good morning Sun! Ned and I had a deep conversation yesterday about poly relationships in general and our situations in particular. I have great compassion and compersion for both you and Moon. I can only imagine a little bit how stressful the impending move must be, the changes, the grief, the unknowns, the current political situation in this country, and everything else. I want to be as supportive as possible to Ned as he processes all of this, as well as you and Moon in whatever way I can be.

It is always my hope that I can be friends with my metamours, but even if that's not possible I am still friends in my heart.

There are different styles and flavors of polyamory, and Ned and I discussed them more at length last evening. Mine is very much to be open, friendly, and supportive of my metamours, but relationship anarchy, not hierarchy. However I also naturally try not to disrupt the patterns in an established dynamic, while still maintaining my own rights, boundaries, privacy, and autonomy.

Please feel free to reach out to talk, meet, or share ideas. I welcome the friendship and support the love.
 
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Yesterday Ned asked me to write a list of expectations for our relationship as we build it. Here's what I came up with.

Expectations: Minimum things that would cause me anxiety if not met.
Note: I will never expect from you what I am not willing to do for you in return.

Please. . .

– Provide safety, including emotional safety
– Be honest
– Be emotionally available
– Honor your commitments and promises
– Let me know changes to a schedule or plan as soon as possible so I can adjust (children, emergencies).
– Don’t make decisions that affect me without my input or consent
– Be kind, even in conflict.
– Be in regular contact, even minimally (emoji or a few words), a couple of times a day.
– Let me know what’s going on in your life so I can support you and be understanding
 
Weds night date with Sid was wonderful. We went to dinner, walked a bit, made out against a palm tree near an artificial lake with a fountain in the middle of it. Went home and did some online shopping together for a sexy blouse to wear on our next date. :)

Thursday night with Ned was also wonderful. He stayed overnight and we cuddled and made out and talked and ate fruit and ice cream.

The big breakthrough is that I talked on the phone with Moon today! Sun was there, and Ned was there with both of them. It was a brief call, but I think it went well.

Traveler is still out of town.

Blue and I talk weekly, text daily, and are both frustrated that we don't life closer. I know we would not be taking it slow! ;-)

I am so thankful that every morning and every evening I get and give good morning and good evening texts to my partners. And I get to see some of them, and I care for and love them all, and they love me.
 
Traveler is back in town Last night we met at a restaurant, he shared about his trip, and he got introduced to my child. It went very well! He spent the night cuddling and I woke up feeling so refreshed and cozy inside.

Today is big! Moon and I are going to meet for coffee after I get off work!! They are warming up to the idea of us all getting along. When Ned and I first started dating he warned me that Moon is not someone who is normally interested in meeting other partners. They never met Ned's previous partner of 1.5 years, who moved away. This meeting is in part because Ned wants to invite me to family Thanksgiving! I was thinking I was going to be alone for the holiday, as my adult children are in other states and spending it with their partners, and two of my local partners are not about about their poly practices. But, Ned is very out. And he has offered me a seat at his family table, along with Sun and Moon.

Then tonight Sid and I will go night hiking.

Tomorrow Ned will come over for a date night/overnight/impact play session.

And then I leave town on Saturday to visit one of my adult children for a few days.
 
Oh my goodness! I'm so happy!
Yesterday I met Moon after work at a coffee shop. It was a bit awkward for us both for the first half hour but then we really started to make friends. They are really nice, and they explained their past history on why they felt trepidation about me entering Ned's life. They are Neuro divergent like I am and take some time to get used to things, and have their own fears. I told them my own background, my desire to have open conversations to share concerns, issues, or just to stay in touch. I reassured them that I am an experienced poly person, and that I try to be respectful of my metamours. I then checked in with them and asked if there were any concerns right now, and if the pacing of the relationship between Ned and I was okay with them. They said they felt a lot better about things.

Ned invited me to Thanksgiving dinner! I was not sure I was going to sit at anyone's table this year, with not much family of my own, my other partners busy with their families (the other ones are not "out"), and my two adult children are spending it with their own partners' families. But Ned is very open to his family/friends, so next week I am invited to sit at the table. It will be Ned, his *three* partners, his children, his ex wife, and his parents. For me this is a dream come true. I have accepted that poly often means being hidden, but it's not my preference.
 
So Thanksgiving was ugly and beautiful. And it shows why poly works for some of us. I have a background of severe trauma, and struggle with my emotions sometimes. Yesterday I had a C-PTSD emotional storm, triggered by the holidays and some other stuff. I was really hurting. I even temporarily deactivated my FB page which is my way of soft disappearing myself.
I had been invited to Thanksgiving by one partner but I was not feeling well enough to face the crowd.
My three partners knew I was hurting but didn't know how badly, and I didn't want to bother them on Thanksgiving. Finally I did reach out by text.
Traveler is a cuddle partner, he left Thanksgiving early to drive back home so I could go to his house and he held me while I cried and got through the storm.
Ned called me while I was with Traveler, and on speakerphone the two men talked to each other and to me, and further calmed me down.
Sid was having a romantic weekend with his wife, but he checked in with me via text a few times, and even texted Ned(the newer one) to tell him a few things about me and my emotional storms.
I was feeling so bad at the beginning of this weekend, my own family is awful, and I was feeling very lonely and depressed about my childhood trauma, etc. And in the end I felt loved, held, and was able to put myself back together thanks to the team effort of my poly posse.
I am not sure I will ever be able to have a single partner fulfill all of my needs-- I'm a bit too much, and I accept this. So poly works for me, and others in similar situations.
 
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